It's In My DNA
by AssbuttInTheImpala
Summary: Dean Winchester is a musician in a band with his brother Sam that is finally getting noticed. Castiel Novak is on the edge of life and living on his brother's couch when he's dragged out to a bar where he stumbles across a certain guitarist with a beautiful voice with a face to match
1. The Story

Dean Winchester was living the life. He was on top of the world. His band's music finally got noticed and his brother was right there by his side to enjoy the ride with him but right now, he was happy to just be playing the songs he and his brother had written at The Roadhouse.

Dean's life didn't start as great as it is now. His mother, Mary, died in a house fire when he was only four years old and his little brother, Sam, was just a baby. Dean carried him out under his father's orders and told to protect him. He never did stop protecting his little brother. After that night, their life flipped 180. His father, John, was no longer the Dad who was always there to pick them up when they fell, someone to teach them to throw a baseball around in the park, someone who was proud of them when they came home from school with a good grade. Not once had Dean heard the words "I'm proud of you son" uttered from the lips of his father. No, that was left to their make-shift father, Bobby, when their real father slumped into a drunken lifestyle when Dean was eight leaving Dean fending for him and his brother.

When Bobby came around, a long-time family friend, to check up on the boys on Dean's eighth birthday, what he found shook him to his bones. John was passed out in a pool of vomit on the bathroom floor while Dean was trying to organise a meal for little Sam. On his own birthday, instead of getting to be a kid and enjoy a family meal and eat cake, he had to replace his mother's job of looking after his little brother and his drunken father. At that moment, Bobby took the boys to his own home in South Dakota leaving John a note that said;

**Get off the booze. Sort out your life. Then come for the boys.**

Sixteen years later, they still haven't heard from him.

-  
Castiel Novak was miserable. He was in a dead end job working in his father's company whom he never saw. It had been six months since he had last laid eyes on his father and that was only because his mother had died. The day after the funeral, he was gone again. Some grief he showed. Castiel had no idea as to how his mother had survived without her husband. The love that she felt for him was shown through everything she did and Castiel could never quite understand how she had put up his absence when she was so clearly heartbroken that he was no longer around. Castiel guess he filled the space.

That funeral was the first time in ten years he had seen his father. The only contact his father made with Castiel was through his uncle Zachariah who, yep you guessed it, was a complete "bag of dicks" as described by his brother, Gabriel. If it wasn't for Gabriel, Castiel would've given up long ago.

When Castiel's mother died, the only person who truly understood him was gone. There was no one there to pick up the pieces of his grief, no one to cook his favourite meal with a huge grin that could fill up a room with joy. He was lost. He had no motivation to live anymore. He was so close to tumbling over the precipice but the moment his brother came back into his life after leaving five years prior, his heart had a new reason to keep beating. His miserable life was taking a step towards greener pastures and all because his trickster of a brother came to him, pulled him into a crushing hug and told him "Hold on Castiel. Just hold on. I'm here for you brother. I won't let you go." Castiel broke down on his older brother's shoulder and sobbed until he could cry no more.

In that moment, he found he was no longer alone; he had someone who could pull him out of this rut he called a life and drag him into a lifestyle that he wanted for himself. The only problem was; he had no idea what he wanted. One thing he did know, he no longer wanted to work for his asshole of an uncle.

And that is how Castiel ended up living on his brother's couch with nothing but the clothes on his back.

"Come on Cassie, I'm not letting you sit on this couch a moment longer." Gabriel declared after a week of Castiel doing nothing but sit on the couch a wallow in his sorrows. He only moved to go to the bathroom or to gather food from the kitchen.

Gabriel grabbed Castiel's forearm, pulled him off the couch and dragged him to the bathroom. "You are going to shower, shave, and change your clothes. I didn't go out and spend money on buying new clothes for you to just sit and rot in the ones you already had on. I've set out some nice clothes for you in there" Gabriel pointed towards the bathroom "Once you're done we're going out for dinner. Now go" Gabriel shoved Castiel gently into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Castiel let out a sigh. There was no point arguing. Gabriel would never take no for an answer and he didn't put it passed his brother to physically manhandle Castiel into showering. It was time to put his past behind him and start taking steps towards his new life. Gabriel was trying to help him, and if he continued to push him away, well he would push him away. Gabriel was a persistent little bugger but even he had his limit and Castiel figured he wasn't far away from it. So he did what he was told. He took his time showering, removed all the dirt and grime from the last week of self-pity before he shaved the growing beard and changed into the clothes his brother had laid out. He emerged from the bathroom wearing snug fitting black jeans and a blue button down that matched his eyes.

Gabriel greeted his brother with a grin "Wow, see, don't you feel better already?"

Castiel couldn't help but reply with a small, barely there smile where his lips curled at the edges ever so slightly "I guess so. Thank you, Gabriel. I don't know what I would do without you"

"Hey, no need to thank me bro. I'm your brother, of course I'm going to look out for you. I know the past has been hard on you and I'm sorry I wasn't there but I'm here now and I'm not going to sink that low again." Gabriel smiled a reassuring smile at his younger brother. "So you ready to go?"

"Yes, I believe so. Where are we going?" Castiel queried.

"The Roadhouse. I hear they make a killer burger" Gabriel replied with a grin

Dean was sat on the couch of his shared apartment with Sam, strumming his guitar and writing notes into his song pad as he played with an idea that had been persistently playing around his head for the last few years. He had tried over and over to get this particular idea out of his head and into words to form the last part of the song but for some reason, every time he played it over, it just sounded wrong. Sam had offered to help him many a time but he always sent him away with the same line "This is something I need to write myself" and Sam understood that. He had never disclosed to his little brother what it was that he was trying to write out but Sam knew it was something close to his heart and needed to be written.

The lyrics began to form in his mind as he dug up the feelings he had towards his father and how after sixteen years, he still hadn't come to find them. He wasn't angry, not anymore, he was hurt and he just wanted his Dad to come back. With their mother's death, they hadn't just lost their mother, they lost their father at a time when they so dearly needed the strong hold of their father's embrace to just tell them that it's going to be ok. He's there for them but no. He turned to the drink and left them to fend for themselves. Dean sometimes wondered how they would have turned out if Bobby hadn't have shown up that day. Would they be where they are now? Or would they still be struggling to find food to eat? Dean shuddered at the thought as he wrote lyrics on to the paper and then sat back closed his eyes as he strummed his guitar and sang out the words softly into the empty room.

"_I have heard that winter's cold  
Will give way to summer's warmth  
Oh no, like salt in the snow  
I'm melted and left all alone  
On the side of the road_

_And I will wait for you to come again  
And I can't pretend like I'm confident  
And I can't pretend like it makes much sense  
When it doesn't_"

Dean opened his eyes and smiled. He'd finally had a break through. It sounded exactly as he wanted it to. The words spoke of his want of his father to return to him and the hurt that he's felt through the long period of his father's absence.

He played it through once more before he closed his notepad and stood up from the couch. He placed his guitar back into his case, closed it and took it over to the corner where they kept their many guitars.

Dean walked through to the kitchen and saw Sam sitting at the table with a bowl of lettuce in front of him. Dean grimaced at the sight "Dude, how can you eat that rabbit food? Seriously, it's gross"

Sam looked up from his bowl to look at Dean with his 'we-are-not-doing-this-again' bitch face before he replied "There's nothing wrong with it. It's called looking after your body. Maybe you should follow my example, you're getting a little pudgy round the mid-rift there Dean"

Dean glanced down at his stomach with a frown as he ran his hands over himself before he looked back up at Sam "There's nothing wrong with my mid-rift thank you very much" Dean moved over towards the refrigerator to rummage through for some _real _food.

"Whatever you say Dean" Sam said dismissively "So," Sam began changing the topic "We need to go over the set list for tonight."

"Mm, that we do" Dean agreed as he eyed out left over lasagne from the night before. He removed the plastic lid and walked to the microwave to nuke it before he leant against the counter to look over at Sam as the microwave hummed. "I think I might do a solo tonight. Just a little acoustic song I've been working on at the end of the gig if that's cool with you?"

Sam beamed at him "Yeah man, course that's cool with me. Is it the one you've been working on for a while now? The one you haven't let me hear?"

Dean glanced down at his feet suddenly embarrassed by his brother's eagerness. He rubbed the back of his neck as he replied "Yeah, yeah it is. I don't think it's quite ready yet but I think I just want to play it to our regulars and see what they think of it. They're quite good with their feedback"

The microwave dinged to signal Dean's lasagne was done heating up. He opened the door and grabbed the plastic container before he sat down opposite Sam at the table who had grabbed a pen and paper to write down the set list.

They spent the next 20 minutes deciding on what songs they were going to play that night before moving to get ready. It was their first gig for a month and Dean was a little nervous especially seeing he was going to reveal a new song which he was going to sing by himself. Sure it was only The Roadhouse but he knew the regulars there and they knew him. They may not know his exact backstory but they would know enough that this song was close to his heart.

With that final thought on his mind, he got into his black jeans and black button down and headed to the living room to collect his and Sam's gear to take to The Roadhouse.

"I'll meet you out front Sammy" Dean called out "Don't take too long with your hair or we'll be pushed for time to set up." He opened the door of their apartment before he picked up the two guitars and headed out the door. He made his way down the hall to the elevator pushing the button and waiting for the doors to open. He stepped inside and pushing the 'B' button to make his way to the car park where his beloved Impala was parked.

The elevator dinged and he stepped out seeing his baby in perfect condition shining under the fluorescent lights of the basement car park. Dean moved round the back to open the trunk and placed the guitars carefully inside before sliding into the driver's side. He put the keys in the ignition and turned hearing the motor start with a purr. It never ceased to put a smile on his face. It was the only thing they had that was their Dad's. Bobby had taken it with him when he picked Sam and Dean up on that night not trusting John to look after it. When Dean had turned 16 and had got his permit, Bobby handed over the keys. It was the second best day in Dean's life right after the day he received his first guitar.

Dean put the Impala in gear before he drove up the ramp out of the car park to the street where thankfully Sam was stood waiting. He slowed to a stop as Sam jumped in the passenger side before he put his foot down and speed off to The Roadhouse.

* * *

**A/N The song is 'Salt in the Snow' by The Classic Crime**


	2. Roadhouse Meals

Castiel entered the bar slowly behind Gabriel reluctant to be anywhere but the safety of Gabriel's couch. He looked around wearily and took in the sight of the bar. It seemed friendly enough. There was a stage down the far end of the bar where a few men were setting up guitars and microphones obviously there was going to be a show later Castiel thought to himself. There were several tables scattered throughout the space with a sizeable area up the front of the stage cleared for people to admire the band up close and to dance if they played that kind of music Castiel guessed. Along the back end of the bar, as far away from the stage as you could get, were a few booths. Castiel headed in that direction as he wanted to be as far away from people as he could get. Castiel looked over his shoulder to see if Gabriel was following but failed to see him. He stopped and turned eyeing around the bar for his brother. He finally spied him stood by the bar talking to a petit blonde woman. Typical, Castiel goes out for dinner with his brother who only ditches him to talk to some woman. Perfect.

Castiel turned on his heel and headed over to the booth. He was out now, may as well eat something plus his ride home was now perched at the bar trying to flirt his way into some woman's pants. He sat down on the cushion and slid into the back of the booth so he could look out and see his brother who was still flirting with the blonde woman and the other patrons in the bar. Castiel scowled and picked up the menu from the table to choose what to eat. He eyed the menu for a good five minutes before he heard footsteps approach his booth. He looked up to see Gabriel walking back with slumped shoulders. Castiel smirked as he spoke "Struck out did we?"

Gabriel scowled at him before he replied "She'll come around. You just wait"

Castiel shook his head at his brother's persistence. He put the menu down and slid it over to Gabriel who picked it up and glanced over the menu. Castiel took the opportunity to have another look around the bar. There weren't that many people in but he guessed it was still early. He looked down at his watch and saw it was only 6.30. He took another glance over at the stage and wondered what time the band would perform and what type of music genre they were. It didn't seem to Castiel to be the type of place that played dance music. Country maybe? Rock? Castiel shook his head at his thoughts. Not like he cared anyway. He just wanted to eat and then leave.

Castiel let out a heavy sigh earning a look from his brother. "What?" Castiel asked when his brother wouldn't quit giving him the 'are-you-kidding-me-right-now' look as if he could tell exactly what Castiel was thinking.

"Nothing bro, let's just enjoy the meal" Gabriel said before he looked back down at the menu.

The same blonde woman walked over to the booth as Gabriel put the menu down. She greeted them with a genuine grin "What can I get you guys?"

Castiel glanced at the blonde and looked at her name tag 'Jo'. "Uh I'll take a beer and the cheeseburger with bacon" Castiel said with a forced smile

"Sure. Any request on beer or just what's on tap?" Jo replied as she looked Castiel up and down taking him in. Castiel wasn't an idiot, he knew he was attractive, he'd been told it quite a lot and Jo was a beautiful woman. But he was gay, always had been and always would be.

"What's on tap will be fine" Castiel answered. He didn't really bother with beer types, most of it tasted the same anyway and if he was being honest, he just wanted to drown his sorrows. It didn't matter on the beer type.

"And what about you short-stuff?" Jo asked as she turned to Gabriel

Castiel snickered at the nickname which earned a punch in the arm. "I'll take the same and also can we get 4 shots of tequila. My brother here has had a hard week"

"Sure" Jo replied "Is that all?"

"For now" Gabriel replied with a wink

Castiel scoffed at Gabriel's flirtation as Jo walked off.

"Alright bro here's what's going to happen," Gabriel started as he turned to Castiel and grabbed his shoulder "We're going to get you a few drinks in you so that stick up your ass is a little bit looser and then we are going to find you a nice guy to go home with so that stick is replaced by something better if you know what I mean" Gabriel said with a wiggle of his eyebrows

Castiel scowled at his brother "Gabriel, I do not need to get with random people as you do. I would rather be alone right now and sort my life out first"

"Sort your life out? Come on Cassie, you got to start living. When was the last time you got laid?"

Castiel blushed and looked down at his hands in his lap too embarrassed by how long it had been. He just hadn't had the time. He was always at work and if he wasn't at work he was too tired to cook himself a meal let alone go out and pick someone up. Castiel wasn't the picking up random people kind of guy anyway. He liked sex with someone to be meaningful, to actually have a connection with someone on an emotional basis before being intimate. Call him old-fashioned but sex meant something to him. "Eight months" he mumbled under his breath.

"Wait, can you say that again? It sounded like you said _eight_ months" Gabriel asked as he leaned closer so he could hear Castiel talk.

"I did say eight months" Castiel whispered.

"_Eight_ months?!" Gabriel shouted out "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Shut the fuck up Gabriel!" Castiel quickly glanced around the bar seeing if anyone had noticed Gabriel's proclamation. "I'd rather not have the entire bar know how long it's been" Fortunately those that had looked over didn't seem to know what they were talking about and returned to their own conversations.

Gabriel shook his head at his brother unable to understand how his own brother had gone eight whole months without being laid. That was an eternity for Gabriel. The most amount of time Gabriel had gone without sex was eight days and that was when he was sixteen and had only just lost the big V. "Sorry bro. It's just quite a shock you know. In that case, we are definitely getting you laid tonight. No exceptions" Gabriel said just as Jo returned with their drinks. Jo placed the drinks down on the table with a smile which Castiel returned half-heartedly. "Thanks Darl'" Gabriel said as Jo turned and left. Gabriel watched her go with a desire in his eyes that Castiel never wanted to see again.

-  
Dean was sat with Sam and their drummer, Ash, in the staff only area at the back of the bar enjoying a couple of pre-gig drinks. It was a ritual of theirs. Before every gig, big or small, they'd sit out the back and enjoy a whiskey together. Dean downed the last sip of his whiskey loving the burn it left in the back of his throat. Sit him down with a bottle of whiskey and good company, and he was happy. Dean placed the glass back on the table and glanced over at Sam and Ash in deep conversation about the set list for tonight. Dean's thoughts strayed to his solo performance he was going to do at the end of the gig. Sure he'd done solo gigs before but never anything so personal and in front of a semi-large crowd. The Roadhouse was bringing in the numbers now and with their band's recognition by a label, the numbers were pushing higher every time they did a gig.

Just last week, they had been in LA talking to a record label that was looking to sign them on a twelve month contract. They would get the use of their recording studio to record their debut album as well as a studio apartment each. Dean would no longer have to share the small apartment with Sam even though it was great to be living with him, they were getting older now and the small apartment just wasn't going to occupy them for much longer especially with the height Sam was now. They were always stepping on each other's toes. If either of them wanted to bring someone home then they would have to warn the other in advance because those paper thin walls didn't drown anything out.

The only problem was; it was in LA. That's a long way to go for a contract. They had a life here. They had their friends who had helped them get to where they are now and of course Bobby was here. He had given them so much. He had been the reason Dean and Sam weren't living God knows where barely scraping through life not knowing where their next meal was going to come from. But this was an opportunity they were not going to pass up. It was their big break. It was 12 months not a lifetime and they can always go back and visit their friends and Bobby in their spare time.

Jo walked through the door which threw Dean out of his thoughts. Jo was like a sister to him. They'd grown up together. When Dean was fourteen, Jo was ten, she made it quite clear that she had a crush on Dean. Dean being the gentleman that he is, let her down gently 'friend-zoning' her to her dismay but it was for the best. Since then, they had been best-friends and never Jo eventually moved on from her crush. Dean looked up and smiled "Hey Jo" when Jo didn't return his smile he knew something was wrong "What's up? Something wrong?"

Jo sighed "Just some asshole out there who won't take no for an answer."

Dean's hand twisted tightly around the empty glass of whiskey on the table. He knew Jo could look after herself; she did have Ellen for a mother. Ellen was strong headed and definitely took no shit from nobody. You'd think twice before you pissed off a Harvelle. This fact didn't stop Dean's protective instincts. He always protected his family. "You need help sending the message?"

Jo smiled at Dean "Nah, I can handle it. Thanks though."

Dean's grip loosened on the glass just a little still not comfortable with the fact that some douche was harassing his best friend. "Alright, but if you can't, you come straight to me and I'll deal with the dick. Got it?"

Jo nodded in agreement before she picked up the empty glasses. "The guy with the asshole however, looks right up your alley."

Dean raised his eyebrows "Oh really? And why would he be my type?"

"Hmm let me think," Jo started "Tall, not as tall as you though I don't think, black I-just-had-sex hair, lean body but definitely some muscle on him like a swimmer or runner would have oh and the best part, the bluest eyes you've ever seen. Trust me Dean, he's your type. You should find him after the show if he's still around." She ended with a wink

"Yeah maybe" Dean replied indecisively. He hadn't been with a guy in a while. Sure he'd had a few one night stands but most of them had been women. This guy did sound like his type however. Maybe Dean would look into it if he was still around when he'd finished his set. Dean had got to the stage where he wanted an actual relationship rather that a string of one night stands. So maybe it wasn't the greatest idea to try pick this guy up. Picking up someone in a bar only screamed one thing – I want to get laid.

"What time do you guys go on? The bar's filling up. Looking like a decent crowd tonight." Jo asked which snapped Dean out of his thoughts

"We're going on at eight. Not long now." Dean replied a little nervous but nothing he couldn't handle. He glanced down at his watch to see it was 7.30. Definitely not long now. Their set list would probably take an hour to get through which left Dean about half an hour to do his part of the gig. Ten minutes for getting set-up and 20 for a couple of songs. Dean took a deep breath and headed out to the stage. Time to get started.

-  
Castiel sat in the booth with his brother with a bit of a buzz after swallowing down his fifth tequila shot. He always had a high tolerance for alcohol. His brother however, did not and was into his 'I-flirt-with-everything-that-has-legs' stage of drunkenness. If Castiel was being honest with himself, he envied his brother. He had no care in the world. He upped and left the family five years ago and didn't look back. He didn't even show any remorse other than the fact that he left Castiel all alone. Gabriel was Castiel's lifeline. His escape from his miserable life but then Gabriel was gone. He'd left and Castiel was left with no one but his mother. Castiel wished he had the strength to follow Gabriel but he just couldn't do that to his mother but now, she was gone too and he had no one. But Gabriel had comeback and Castiel had his lifeline back. He hated how dependent he was on everyone that got close to him but he couldn't help it. It was just who he was.

The bar was packed now and Gabriel kept annoyingly tapping Castiel on the shoulder and pointing to some guy in the bar and wiggled his eyebrows. Castiel didn't know if Gabriel had a very serious case of beer goggles or just genuinely didn't know Castiel's type or maybe he just wanted to mess with him because every guy he pointed to was over 40 with a beer belly. It was more than likely the latter. After the umpteenth guy Castiel had to turn away due to Gabriel calling them over, apologising profusely for his drunk brother. Gabriel could call him a stuck up prude all he liked, he was not going home with some stranger from a bar. That was until he saw the band emerge on the stage.


	3. Salt In The Snow

Three figures appeared on the stage as black silhouettes in the dark. They took their places as the lights started to glow. The band started to play and Castiel could do nothing but stare at the man stood on the stage strumming his electric guitar in front of a microphone. The cords sounded somewhat familiar but he couldn't place where he had heard them before until the man started to sing the lyrics. And god his voice, Castiel was entranced. He couldn't look away. The man's voice was something Castiel could listen to for the rest of his life. His voice was low but could hit a note if needed.

Castiel didn't know how long he stared but he couldn't get enough of the man. He was tall, taller than Castiel but not by much, sun kissed skin with broad muscles that made him look strong. Very strong. He was wearing a pair of black jeans that weren't tight but tight enough to show he had bow legs but to Castiel this wasn't a let-down if anything, it made him more attracted to the man.

He was brought out of his trance by a strong shove to his shoulder. Castiel turned to see who the culprit was and of course it was Gabriel. Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows at Castiel and Castiel just scowled in return before his brother spoke "Guess you found someone to take home then?"

Castiel scowled again before he replied "I do not wish to have a 'quick lay' as you would put it. I actually like to have an emotional relationship first before anything physical."

"Prude" Gabriel replied

"I am not a prude!" Castiel replied angrily before he stepped out of the booth and towards the bar to get another drink. He loved his brother but sometimes he just wanted to punch him in the face.

The bar had filled up while they had been eating so the trip was not as easy as it had been earlier. He fought his way through before he found Jo serving drinks. He indicated at her for two more beers before he turned and leant his elbow on the bar to ogle at the man on the stage further.

Once again he got caught up in watching the man. The way he carried himself on the stage, showed he was absolutely in love with what he was doing. The gentleness of which he handled the guitar in his hands with showed the amount of care he had for the inanimate object. However, the guitar was obviously far from new. Castiel was no expert but the guitar was worn like it had a millions of stories behind it as to how it got into that state and Castiel couldn't help but let his mind _want _to hear those stories and especially from the man himself.

"You like what you see?" Castiel was startled out of his thoughts by Jo speaking to him, drinks in hand.

Castiel blushed and looked down at the drinks before he took them in hand and returned to his booth without reply. He was _not _going to talk to the bartender about the man on stage. He was definitely not someone like that. No, he would sit and listen to the band play their songs and if the singer happened to come out for a drink after, well then he would approach the man himself and maybe, just maybe start a conversation. In the meantime however, he was going to enjoy the music and the view.

-  
The set list had gone well, great actually. The crowd had loved it and had been dancing down the front as they sang their songs. Dean couldn't see further than the first row of tables due to the lighting but the reception they got when they finished was more than enough to show that their home crowd loved having them back.

Now came the nerve-racking part – his solo performance. Dean took a deep breath and resumed to the stage with a stool in hand and acoustic guitar in the other. There was a light round-of-applause as he returned and took a seat in the middle of the stage. The spotlight shone down on him and the crowd went silent.

"Hey guys," He started hesitantly coming out a little shakier than he would've liked "Uh… I've got something a little special for you tonight" There were a couple of cat calls from the crowd which made him laugh "Nothing like that, nothing like that" he chuckled out "But, what I do have is a couple of songs I've been working on for the last few months and I would like to play them for you tonight. Sound good?"

There were a few 'hell-yeahs' shouted out which made him smile. The locals always knew how to calm his nerves even if they didn't know it.

"Alrighty then. Let's get started"

Dean placed his hands on the cords before he started to strum the strings. He closed his eyes and let the audience drain out so he was sat on his couch, relaxed and without anyone there to judge his song writing. As he finished the intro cords he started to sing

"_I feel my wings have broken in your hands  
I feel the words unspoken inside  
And, they pull you under  
And, I will give you anything you want, oh  
You are all I wanted  
All my dreams are fallen down  
Crawlin' around and around and around_

Somebody save me  
Let your warm hands break right through it  
Somebody save me  
I don't care how you do it, just stay, stay  
C'mon, I've been waiting for you"

He let himself be lost in the lyrics. His nerves were gone. No longer thinking of the judgement of the patrons in the bar, just himself singing a song so close to his heart that he no longer had to think of what it meant to himself but if there was someone out there hearing his lyrics and getting the strength from the song that he drew for himself. If he could help just one person, that was all he needed.

Before he knew it, the song was over and he was applauded by the patrons. His heart swelled at the applause as well as a few whistles.

"Thank you, thank you. You guys are awesome." He said with a huge grin on his face "I've got one more for you guys and then I'm done. If you want, I'll be at the bar afterwards, buy me a drink would ya?" He said with a wink

There was a quiet chuckle around the bar before it went silent again and Dean started the cords for the song he had only finished that morning.

-  
Castiel sat in the booth with Gabriel in complete awe of the grace of which Dean sang with. His fingers moved across the guitar fret with practice ease as he closed his eyes and sung the lyrics to his final song.

"_Give me wings, give me peace  
These are the things that I need  
I'm tormented, broken, and shamed  
Are you listening?_

And give me shelter from the storm  
I know it's a lot to ask for considering how recent I've piled the dirt on your name

Are you listening?  
Are you listening?

I have heard that winter's cold will give way to summers warmth  
Oh no! Like salt in the snow,  
I'm melted and left all alone on the side of the road"

Castiel listened to the lyrics and searched for their meaning and what they meant to the man on the stage. He needed to get to know this man and soon.

The song finished with a huge round of applause from the crowd that brought a huge grin to the face of the singer. Castiel couldn't help but feel the need to always see that smile and be the reason why it was there. Castiel shook away his thoughts. He knew nothing of this man other than what he had poured out through his songs and he was already picturing himself with him? No, he was not going to get attached so easily and fall fast and hard for a man he hardly knew.

The crowd gradually dissipated from the bar with the entertainment finished for the night. Castiel glanced down at his watch to see it was after 10. The band had been playing for a few hours and he hadn't even noticed the passage of time. He glanced over to his brother who was now splayed out along the seat, asleep. Great now he needed to deal with his brother who apparently couldn't handle his alcohol like he used to.

Castiel rolled his eyes at his brother. The one night he actually found someone he wanted to talk to, Gabriel had managed to pass out forcing him to take care of his buffoon of a brother. Castiel downed the rest of his beer and made a move to stand before he realised he really needed to go to the bathroom. He threw a sparing glance at his brother and wondered if he would be alright where he was while Castiel hurried to relieve himself. Well if something did happen it's his own fault for not being able to handle his liquor better.

He dashed to the bathroom, passing the bar quickly but didn't miss the smirk from Jo. He blushed and ducked his head and kept moving. It was easier to move now due to the fact most of the people had vacated the premises. Obviously, the main attraction here was the band. Castiel made his way inside and relieved himself in the urinal before he washed his hands and made his way back into the bar.

As he passed the bar, he spared a glance to the patrons who were sat at the bar with a glass of whisky before he noticed the singer nursing a glass in conversation with Jo. His breath caught as Jo glanced up and caught Castiel's eye and smirked again before she looked back down to the singer in front of her. And oh god was he turning around? Yes, he was turning around and now looking at Castiel and locked his green eyes on Castiel's blue. Castiel immediately ducked his head and all but ran back to where his brother was still asleep.

Since when was he such a chicken shit? He brushed the thought away before he shook his brother's shoulder in an attempt to wake him up before Castiel himself felt a light tap to his shoulder. Castiel froze before he slowly turned his head. His breath caught for the second time in as many minutes as the singer stood behind him with a huge grin on his face and a hand outstretched.

-  
Dean walked off the stage with a grin on his face to be greeted by a hug from Sam. He had to lift his chin to avoid being smacked in the face with his Sasquatch for a brother's shoulder. He welcomed the embrace and hugged him back never afraid to show his brother affection.

Sam stepped back again and grinned at his brother "You were great Dean. They songs were amazing. We should really put them on the album."

"Thanks Sammy," Dean replied "Means a lot. The locals seemed to like them too"

His brother smiled again before he stepped to his side and slid an arm around Dean's shoulders "Come on let's go get a drink" Sam stopped for a moment to call over to Ash "Hey, Ash you coming? Drink time"

"Hellz-yeah I'm coming" Ash yelled in reply as he stood to his feet from the table he was sitting at and headed out the door towards the bar.

The brothers followed Ash's lead and took a seat in front of the bar as they waited for Jo to finish with the customer before she moved over to serve them. Dean took the opportunity to glance around the bar to see if he could spot this mystery man that Jo had mentioned earlier but failed to see anyone that matched the description. All he saw was an unfamiliar man passed out in a booth down the back, other than that it was just the usual locals. He turned back to the bar to find Jo stood in front of him.

"So where's this guy you mentioned? He headed off I take it?" Dean asked trying not to sound disappointed that he didn't at least get to lay eyes on this guy that was apparently 'his type'.

Jo glanced around the floor trying to spot the blue-eyed man "He was here a minute ago. Saw him eyeing you up as you were on stage. He's definitely into you. You should go for it."

"Is that right?" Dean said matter of factly "So where is he now then?" He turned and took his chances of spotting him with another glance around the bar but once again came up short.

"Well," Jo began pointing over Dean's shoulder. Dean turned to follow her indication as Jo kept talking "That's the guy he came in with that wouldn't stop hitting on me. So if he's still here I'm guessing your man is too. He seems shy though. When he came over earlier and I saw him eyeing you up I tried talking to him but he just blushed and ran off with his drinks"

Dean chuckled he did tend to have that effect on people. "Hmm maybe he's in the men's room then?" Dean decided against going and finding out if this mystery man was indeed in the rest room. That just seemed a little creepy. Instead he decided to enjoy his whiskey and talk to his friends.

Jo talked about what some patrons had thought about their set list that night when she stopped talking and smirked at someone behind Dean's shoulder before she looked back down at Dean and indicated with her eyes in the direction she had smirked. Dean took that look as a 'he's-standing-right-there' look and swivelled on his stool to take in the man before him.

Jo wasn't lying when she said he was his type because _fuck _this guy was gorgeous and his blue eyes were definitely something Dean could study further because as soon as their eyes locked, the blue ones were gone again and the man was headed off towards the back of the bar. Dean didn't waste a second as he stood up and followed the man over to where he was trying to wake up his unconscious friend. Dean hesitated for the first time since he left his stool before he quickly darted his hand out and tapped the blue-eyed man on the shoulder startling him.

"Hey I'm Dean. Need a hand with this guy?"

-  
Castiel stood dumfounded for a moment before he snapped out of his frozen form and replied to the man – _Dean - _before him "Uh actually I was just going to put him in a cab and head home for the night" Castiel really didn't want to leave especially seeing Dean was now stood before him actually speaking to him. Damn his brother and his inability to hold his liquor. "Thank you for the offer, but he's not very heavy. I can handle him on my own"

Castiel turned back to his brother and expected Dean to walk away. He would have to come back another night – without his brother – and see Dean again. When he didn't hear footsteps headed away from him, he peered over his shoulder to see Dean still stood there looking at his feet nervously. Dean must have sensed Castiel's eyes on him because he snapped his head up and locked his green eyes with Castiel's blue before he spoke "Uh… Actually, we have a bed out back if you want to put him there to sleep it off for a bit and then uhm, us two could have a drink together?" As he finished speaking, Dean lowered his gaze suddenly interested in his boots again with a nervous hand rubbing the back of his neck.

Castiel stood in thought for a moment. Dean wanted to have a drink with him; he had even offered to house his brother for a bit. "Uh OK, sounds nice." Castiel blurted out without thinking any further.

Dean's head snapped up again once he heard Castiel's reply with a smile on his face. "Awesome, uh let me give you a hand with this guy then."

Dean stepped forward and pulled Gabriel to his feet and put one of Gabriel's arms over his shoulders while Castiel moved to the other side and did the same. Dean pointed to a door not far from the booth to indicate where the bed was situated. They moved slowly through the bar with Gabriel muttering incoherently the whole way before Dean kicked the door open and guided the trio through. There was a single bed on the far side of the room perfect for Gabriel to sleep for a bit.

They flung Gabriel's loose body onto the bed none-too-gently before Dean grabbed the dustpan from the corner and placed it next to the bed. Dean stood up again and turned to face Castiel with a grin.

"So, how about that drink?"

* * *

**A/N First Song is 'Save Me' by Remy Zero. Second is 'Salt In The Snow' by The Classic Crime**


	4. Preparation

Dean led the way out to the bar and took a seat at one of the tables. He indicated to Jo to bring over a couple of whiskeys. Blue-eyes took a seat opposite him and smiled hesitantly at Dean who couldn't help but smile back.

"So you never did tell me your name" Dean started

Castiel cleared his throat and replied "Uh it's Castiel"

Dean grinned in reply to the unique name "So Cas, what brings you out to The Roadhouse? Don't think I've ever seen you round here before"

Castiel thought about what he was going to say before he replied. He didn't want to tell Dean his entire life story, that might just dampen the mood a little bit so instead he told a partial truth "Uh I just moved into town and living with my brother who decided to drag me out for a night out" Castiel glanced down at his hands before he looked back up to Dean again "Little did I know, he can't handle his liquor anymore"

Dean chuckled and grinned at Castiel which made Castiel's heart flutter. He put that smile there and couldn't help but smile in return.

Jo came over with their drinks and planted them on the table in front of them before she gave Castiel a wink "Here you go boys"

"Thanks Jo" Dean said as she walked away.

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments before Castiel decided to enquire about Dean's music "I really liked your set tonight, especially your solo songs. How long have you been a band?"

Dean blushed and looked down at his glass "Uh thanks." Dean looked back up to Castiel before he answered the second half of his question "Well me and Sammy, my brother, the sasquatch" Dean pointed over his shoulder the tall man who Castiel recognised as the bass guitarist sitting at the bar with a blonde woman "Have jammed together ever since I was about ten or so. He was a natural. Picked up a guitar and was amazing in no time at all." Dean's eyes lit up as he talked about his brother. Castiel couldn't help but smile at how close Dean and his brother seemed to be by the way Dean talked about him. "I was writing songs since I was about twelve or so just stupid little things but I loved it. I met Ash at school in music class and we were best friends straight away so it was a no brainer to start a band with him and Sammy."

Castiel smiled at Dean as he told his story on how their band got together. He couldn't help but feel jealous of Dean. He seemed to have a great life and an amazing talent with great friends. Castiel had no one other than his brother. "Sounds great" Castiel replied before taking a sip of his whiskey. Even after all the alcohol he'd drunk that night, he still didn't feel much effect from it. His tolerance had always been quite high.

"Yeah, it's not a bad way to start a career. So what about you? What do you do?" Dean queried

Castiel hesitated for a moment before replying "Uh actually I'm between jobs at the moment. I just left my previous job. It just wasn't for me and I'm still trying to decide what I actually want to do." Castiel smiled a small smile at Dean trying to fight off the memory that he'd just walked out on his family.

"Oh right" Dean said awkwardly and looked down at his drink "Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out" Dean lifted his eyes again and looked into Castiel's seeing the pain the blue-eyed man felt. There was more to that story but the man was holding out on him. Dean couldn't help but feel like he really wanted to get to know the enigma that was the man in front of him.

They talked for what seemed like only minutes about everything and nothing before Castiel picked up his whiskey and downed the rest of the drink. He saw Dean do the same out the bottom of his glass. Castiel placed the glass back on the table and sneaked a glance at his watch and saw it was getting close to midnight.

Dean cleared his throat causing Castiel to glance up at him "How about another drink?"

Castiel paused for a moment before he decided he probably should be headed home. Dean was a great guy and he didn't want to move too fast too soon. It had been a while since he'd actually had a relationship after all. "Uhm actually, I think it's time I went home. It's getting quite late…"

"Oh, right, yeah of course" Dean replied saddened. He'd hoped that he and Castiel could talk for a little longer but obviously Castiel just wasn't as into him as he thought he was.

Castiel sensed Dean's disappointment so decided that he should ask for his number so they could meet up again somewhere where his brother wasn't passed out in the backroom. "I did have a nice time talking to you Dean. Maybe we could do it again soon? Preferably when my brother hasn't had too much to drink"

Dean let out a chuckle at Castiel's joke about his brother as a sense of relief came over him at the fact that Castiel actually wanted to meet up again. Maybe this could actually go somewhere. "Yeah Cas, that sounds great."

Castiel couldn't help but smile at the fact Dean actually wanted to meet him again. "Great," Castiel beamed "Let me give you my number and you can give me a ring when you want to do this again" Castiel reached over to the napkin stand and grabbed one before he pulled out a pen from his jeans pocket. He carefully wrote out his number before he slid it across the table to Dean who took it with a smile.

"I'll uh, I'll definitely do that" Dean replied with a smirk looking down at the napkin.

Castiel blushed and ducked his head before he stood up from the stool and headed to the back room to collect his brother. His brother awoke this time and followed Castiel outside where they hollered down a taxi and headed home. It was the first time in a long while that Castiel was genuinely happy he could only hope Dean would pick up the phone and ring him soon.

-  
Dean awoke the next morning eager to ring Castiel. He hadn't stopped thinking about the man since he left the bar very late last night - or early that morning however you want to look at it - and couldn't resist asking if the man wanted to have dinner with him that night. There was just something about the man that drew him in. He was funny without meaning to be; conservative but seemed eager to meet again so Dean didn't hesitate as he picked the napkin out of his discarded jeans on the floor, pulled out his cell phone and the same time and dialled the number.

The phone rang so many times Dean was sure he'd rung too early. Just as he was about to hang up, the ringing stopped to be greeted with a "Hello?"

Dean internally groaned at the sound of Castiel's low gravelly voice "Hey uh Cas? It's Dean"

"Dean!" Castiel exclaimed excitedly and Dean couldn't help but grin. Castiel definitely wanted to see him again.

Dean hesitated nervously before he told Castiel what he rang for "I was wondering," Dean began his voice steadier than he had expected "If you wanted to go out to dinner with me tonight?" He said it so fast he was sure Castiel wouldn't have understood a word he'd said.

There was a moments silence before Castiel replied "What time?"

Dean's grin was wider than it had been in years

-  
Castiel awoke the next morning to the sound of retching coming from the toilet. He groaned as he rolled off the couch and wandered along the hallway to the bathroom to find his brother on the floor with his head in the toilet bowl looking extremely hungover. He couldn't help but chuckle at his brother's unease.

Gabriel groaned and looked up at his brother. His eyes were bloodshot and watery from vomiting along with bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. Gabriel raised his hand and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he spoke "I hate you and your high alcohol tolerance" He rested his arm on the toilet seat and placed his head down closing his eyes.

"Not my fault you don't know when enough is enough" Castiel teased before he let out a sigh. It was his turn to look after his brother even if this pain was self-inflicted. He left the doorway and headed back down the hall to the kitchen to grab a large glass from the overhead cabinet and filled it with water. He wandered back down the hall to the bathroom, stepped inside and opened the mirror cabinet to fetch some aspirin for his brother. He shook two out of the bottle before he handed the glass and the pills over to his brother sprawled over the toilet.

"Thanks Castiel" Gabriel murmured before he swallowed the pills and downed the entire glass.

"Are you going to be okay? Or do you want me to give you a hand to get back to bed?" Castiel asked from the doorway

Gabriel placed the glass on the basin cabinet before he looked up at his brother "I should be fine" he replied as he placed both hands on each side of the toilet seat to brace himself before he slowly moved to his feet. He wobbled a little and his legs shook with lack of food in his body but he managed to get to his feet and head towards the exit. He paused in front of Castiel "Thanks bro" he said with a grin.

Castiel cringed at the smell that came from his brother's mouth "At least warn me before speaking within smelling region. You go get some rest; I'll cook you some breakfast"

Gabriel moved out the doorway and down towards his bedroom "You're the best Cassie" he called over his shoulder before he entered the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Castiel sighed again and turned to head back to the kitchen to start on some breakfast. He opened the fridge and peered inside; he found some eggs, bacon, and milk. He pulled them all out and placed them on the bench before he went to find the rest of the ingredients to make some pancakes. He had to bend down he fished out a bowl and two frying pans from the cabinet below him and placed them all on the bench.

Ten minutes later his pancake mix was perfect and the bacon and eggs sizzled away as he heated up the second frying pan to start the pancakes. He'd mixed in a generous amount of chocolate chips knowing Gabriel had a rather sweet tooth and it might help a bit with his hangover. He was about to pour in the first pancake when he heard his phone going off from the couch. He dashed over as fast as he could and picked it up. When he glanced down at the screen to see who was calling him didn't help as it was a number he didn't recognise. He pressed his finger on the screen to accept the call before hesitantly putting the phone to his ear. He really hoped it wasn't Zachariah calling to give him an earful.

"Hello?" He asked hesitantly

-  
At six o'clock that evening, Dean paced his room with a selection of clothes laid out on his bed –wearing nothing but a towel after his recent shower - not knowing what to wear. He wanted to look smart but not look like he was looking for a hook-up. He wanted this thing with Castiel to go somewhere that wasn't just the bedroom. Sam had obviously sensed Dean's dilemma or maybe he just heard Dean pacing around and came to investigate because he was now stood in the doorway with a smug look on his face.

Dean stopped his movement when he noticed Sam stood there "Shut up!" he shouted at him

Sam raised his hands in defence "I didn't say anything"

"No but you were thinking it!" Dean replied "So you can either leave or help me choose something to wear for my date tonight"

Sam walked over to the bed and eyed the clothes Dean had laid out. "Is it a formal or casual thing that you're doing on this date?" Sam queried

Dean paused for a moment as he thought of the place he had asked Castiel too "We're going to that Italian place that we sometimes go to so you decide"

Sam turned his attention back to the clothes and picked up a nice pair of black jeans that didn't have any rips in them and a plain, dark grey button down and thrust them into Dean's arms.

"Wear those" he then wandered over to Dean's dresser and opened the second drawer down which contained all of his tee shirts. Sam waded through the selection before he pulled out a plain white shirt and threw it at Dean. "That too" Sam then glanced over to the shoes that were in the bottom of Dean's closet "Wear those black loafers you wore to LA last week and that should do"

Dean looked down at the clothes in his hands and then to the shoes in his closet before he looked back to Sam in bewilderment. "Uhh thanks Sam"

"No worries Dean" Sam smiled at his older brother before he headed to the door and leaving Dean to put the rest of his clothes away.

-  
Castiel was a different story all together. He knew exactly what to wear. Dean had told him to dress smart but casual as the restaurant they were going to wasn't the fanciest place in town but still a place you needed a reservation for. He was giddy with nerves and excitement as he stepped out of the shower at half past six. Dean would be there at seven to pick him up and take him out. Castiel picked up his black slacks and put them on over his boxers before he put on the white button down he had laid out. He topped his ensemble off with a blue tie that matched his eyes.

Once he was done dressing, he eyed himself in the mirror. He liked the way he looked and hoped Dean felt the same. He folded his towel and placed back on the towel rail to dry before he fixed his hair in the mirror. He knew it was a lost cause as soon as the water dried, it would go back to looking like he'd just got out of bed so he just decided to run his hand through it and try and have it stick up all in one direction.

He sprayed on some cologne before he headed out of the bathroom and down the hall to wear his shoes were. He picked out his black dress shoes and sat on the couch to put them on. When he was done, he relaxed into the couch sneaking a glance at his watch and seeing he had about ten minutes until Dean would arrive. If he thought he was nervous before, he was a complete nervous wreck now. His knee bobbed up and down in anxious wait as he watched as the hands on his watch inch closer and closer to seven.

Gabriel appeared from his bedroom seemingly recovered from the night before with a bag of candy. "Ready for your date?" he asked

"Yeah, just a little nervous. Haven't been out with anyone in a while…" Castiel trailed off

Gabriel walked over to the couch and plonked himself down next to his brother and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder "You'll do great. Just be you. You look fantastic – better than I've seen you in weeks actually so just enjoy it and see where it goes"

Castiel smiled at his brother "Thanks Gabe"

"No problem kiddo. Go get some ass" Gabriel teased before he stood up and headed back to his bedroom.

Castiel cringed at his brother's comment before shouting to his back "Did you really need to ruin the moment by saying that?"

Gabriel stopped in his tracks and turned to face his brother again "Hmm" Gabriel hummed in thought "Yep I think I did" Just as Gabriel said that, there was a knock at the door "And that's my cue. Go get him tiger"

Castiel turned his head to face the door before he got to his feet. He took the few steps to the door and placed his hand on the door knob. He took a deep breath as he turned the knob and opened the door to see Dean stood there wide eyed as he took in Castiel before him. Dean eyed him up with - Castiel doing the same with Dean – before they locked their eyes together.

Dean's face broke into a huge grin before he spoke "Looking good Cas. You ready to go?"

Castiel took in the sight of Dean before him in a grey button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top couple of buttons undone to reveal a white tee shirt. Castiel smiled shyly back for he replied "Yes I am. Let's go" before he stepped forward and shut the door behind him.


	5. Here In Your Eyes

Dean's palms were sweaty as he stood outside the door of what was Castiel's apartment. He just couldn't shake the nerves that had been present ever since he'd left his own apartment. Dean took a deep breath and slowly released it as he raised his hand to knock on the door four times in quick succession. He heard the shuffle of feet behind the door before it was opened and Castiel stood before him. Dean caught his breath as he stared at the man before him. Damn he knew how to wash up.

"Looking good Cas. You ready to go?"

Dean tried not to smirk as Castiel eyed him up. Castiel finally locked his eyes with Dean before he smiled just that small smile that Dean had learned to love in the short time they had gotten to know each other the previous night.

"Yes I am. Let's go" Castiel replied as he stepped forward into the hallway.

Dean took a step back so he wasn't crowding the man before Castiel stood beside him and they made their way down the hall to the elevator. They stepped inside and Dean stepped forward and pressed the button before he glanced over to Castiel who was looking at him. Castiel blushed as Dean caught him and Dean couldn't help but find the colour in his cheeks absolutely adorable. Dean just smirked in reply not minding that Castiel obviously liked what he saw.

The elevator came to a halt and the two men stepped out into the lobby before Dean opened the door to the street for Castiel to step through. The shy man softly spoke a 'thank you' with an equally soft smile as he stepped passed Dean and onto the sidewalk.

Dean followed him out and stood next to him as headed in the direction of where he parked the Impala "Uh I couldn't find a park so I had to park down the block" Dean pointed in the direction with his right hand before dropping his hand down back to his side "It's not that far down"

Castiel just nodded in understanding as he matched Dean's strides down the street. They walked in silence for no longer than a minute before Dean couldn't handle it anymore. His nerves had taken over and it seemed just so awkward when they weren't talking. Why couldn't he just talk to this man? He was usually so smooth with his dates that he had them swooning over him before they'd even sat down for dinner. But with Castiel it was completely different. His confidence was shot to pieces by this blue eyed man who'd come to the bar he happened to be performing in and had taken a liking to him and when they had got to talking, Dean found that he actually liked this guy. Maybe that was it? He actually liked this person and not just for his looks. Finally Dean was snapped out of his thoughts as they approached the Impala.

"This is my baby" Dean said as he pointed to the Impala which was his most treasured possession followed closely by his guitar. Dean watched Castiel admire the car and could tell this man had absolutely no idea how great this car was. He would have to fix that but not tonight. Dean fished his keys out of his pocket as he stepped forward to unlock the passenger side door for Castiel. Being the gentleman that he is, he opened the door for Castiel to sit inside before he closed it carefully behind him. Dean ran round the front of the car to the driver's side and climbed inside. He glanced over at Castiel to see that he looked as nervous as Dean did. The man was glancing down at his hands in his lap as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. Dean decided enough was enough and decided to break the awkward tension before it ruined their date.

"Is it just me, or is it really awkward right now?" Dean began slightly louder than he had intended to and startled an unsuspecting Castiel. Castiel quickly glanced up to Dean with what Dean could only describe as the brightest smile he'd ever seen.

Castiel let out a breath before he spoke "God, it's not just me then?"

Dean let out a chuckle and shook his head "Definitely not just you. I don't even know why I'm so nervous. We got along fine at the bar last night I don't see why tonight should be any different."

Castiel nodded in agreement and Dean took the opportunity to expand further "Look let's just do what we did last night, have some fun and see where it goes. No pressure or anything. If it doesn't work it doesn't work but just so you know Cas, I like you and I really want to get to know you better."

Castiel smiled at Dean's confession "I feel the same way Dean" and Dean couldn't help but blush.

"Well then," Dean spoke as he tried to keep his excitement at bay "Let's enjoy tonight then"

Dean put the keys in the ignition and started the impala with a purr before he pulled away from the kerb with the sounds of Led Zeppelin softly sounding from the speakers. As he pulled out, a small smile spread across his lips as the nerves dissipated and all that was left was the excitement of Castiel's confession that he liked him back.

-  
Castiel sat in the impala with a smile on his face as Dean drove them both to their destination. His nerves were long since gone ever since they had talked it through as soon as they were in the Impala. Castiel was so grateful that Dean had said something about it being awkward because there was no way Castiel was going to bring it up. But all was well, they had both admitted to liking each other and Castiel couldn't wait to see where this was headed.

Right now, it was headed to an Italian restaurant. Dean had parked the Impala and they walked side by side towards the restaurant. Castiel had never been out for dinner since he had arrived in the town other than the night out last night. He was rather excited to be spending his first real outing with Dean.

As they approached the restaurant, Dean once again opened the door for Castiel. He'd been doing it all night and Castiel couldn't help but feel all warm inside at the gesture. Dean was being the perfect gentleman. They walked in to be greeted by the Matrie D who sent them a warm smile. Dean told him his name and they were soon guided to their table.

The establishment had a balcony out the back which overlooked the park and seeing it was still August, it was perfect. It wasn't quite dark enough yet to see the stars but if they were around long enough, they would have the most perfect view of it all. Dean pulled out Castiel's chair for him to sit in before he sat down in his own seat.

Castiel turned to see the waitress beaming at him and Castiel couldn't help but blush and duck his head to look at the menu. Castiel heard Dean chuckle from across the table and he glanced up to smile going even redder when he got a grin in return.

"Good evening gentleman, my name is Ava and I will be your waitress this evening. Can I get you gentleman anything to drink?" The waitress asked still smiling.

"Uh I'll take a Stella please" Dean said "Unless you want a bottle of wine Cas?"

Castiel shook his head in reply "No thank you, I'll take a Stella too" Castiel hated the taste of wine. He avoided it like the plaque. He could drink pretty much every other type of alcohol but wine just tasted absolutely disgusting to him unless of course he was drunk; then he didn't care what he drank. However, with his high alcohol tolerance, Castiel was seldom drunk therefore, wine hardly passed his lips.

"Two Stella. Would you like to order now or would you like me to take your order when I come back with your drinks?" she asked

"My date's never been here before so we'll place our order when you come back" Dean spoke for Castiel which he was grateful for as he was still a little embarrassed from earlier not knowing why he was actually embarrassed from being caught with Dean being a gentleman to him.

Castiel glanced over the menu to decide what to order before he landed on a smoked salmon dish that he wanted. He glanced up to Dean to catch him staring at him. Castiel blushed and ducked his head noticing Dean hadn't looked away from him.

"You're adorable when you blush. Did you know that?" Dean stated.

The comment made Castiel's cheeks a darker shade of scarlet before he looked up to see Dean still staring at him with a glint in his eye that wasn't lust. No it was admiration. Castiel gave a shy smile at Dean with a slow shake of his head to answer Dean's question.

"Well you are" Dean replied "So, have you decided what you want to order?"

Castiel nodded his head before he answered "Yes, I thought I'd try the salmon pasta dish. Yourself?"

"Sounds nice. I'm going traditional; spaghetti bolognaise for me" Dean grinned

As if she'd realised they were ready, their waitress showed with their drinks on a tray. She placed both glasses down in front of the two men before she placed the still partially full bottle next to each glass. She then turned to Dean as she spoke "Are you gentleman ready to order?" she asked

"Cas?" Dean said with a small smile as an invitation for Castiel to place his order

"Uh yes I'll have the smoked salmon pasta please" Castiel said with a smile. He'd since gotten over the slight embarrassment he experienced earlier knowing it was completely irrational.

"And I'll have the spaghetti bolognaise please" Dean added

"Great choices gentleman. I will be back with your order shortly. If you need anything, don't be afraid to call me over" she said with a smile and with that, she turned on her heel and left towards the kitchen to place their orders.

-  
The two men slipped into easy conversation over their meals talking about their brothers but that was as far as it went. Dean had no intention of talking about the issues with his real father or the death of his mother. Castiel seemed to be having the same intention only talking about his brother and no one else. Dean wondered if Castiel was in the same position as himself with a haunted past and didn't want to bring all his baggage to the first date.

Soon the conversation changed to Dean and his music. Dean loved to talk about it, it was his life and he was going places with it and he just couldn't hide his excitement of what would be coming in a few months from now. Dean couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as he realised he would be leaving in three months for LA to work on their album. He still hadn't released that fact to Castiel but there was no point in doing so yet, right? They have only known each other 24 hours there's no point telling Castiel he was moving to LA in three months when he didn't even know if this was even going to go anywhere. So Dean sat tight on that little piece of information and instead told Castiel everything else about his music. What instruments he played, what music inspired him, what his favourite song to perform was. It was fun but Dean couldn't help but feel he was only talking about himself and instead tried to find out more about Castiel.

"So what about you, you thought anymore on what you want to do?" Dean asked after he took a mouthful of his bolognaise. He's damn happy he decided to go with the traditional dish because damn this was good.

Castiel hesitated for a moment he swallowed his mouthful before he answered "I'm not too sure yet. All I know is I do not want to be an accountant. It is incredibly boring and I have no passion to do it anymore"

"Oh, so that's what you were doing before you moved here?" Dean asked

Castiel nodded in agreement "Yes, I was working for my father's company but my Uncle was my boss and I just couldn't take it anymore so I left. I'm not sure what I want to do just yet but I'm sure it will come to me"

Dean could tell there was more to that story from the way Castiel closed up but he didn't want to pry so he left it. If Castiel wanted Dean to know he would tell him.

"I'm sure it will" Dean replied with a warm smile earning a smile in return.

He took the last mouthful of his dish before he placed his fork on the plate and leant back in his chair. He watched as Castiel wrapped his chapped lips around his fork to take a mouthful of the pasta in what Dean would assume was a teasing motion if it weren't for Castiel's eyes being downcast and not looking at Dean but as it was, Dean still couldn't help but feel a little turned on as he watched Castiel eat. Before he was caught, he dragged his eyes away and instead looked out towards the park, the sun was about to set and the park was picture perfect.

"Hey Cas, when you're finished do you want to go for a walk in the park?" Dean asked with a smile

Dean watched as Castiel placed his fork down on the plate in front of him and looked up to Dean with a smile "I'd love to" Castiel replied

"Great, are you finished? I call for the check" at Castiel's nod Dean waved their waitress over and asked for the check before he paid for the meal and left a generous tip for their kind waitress.

As they walked out of the restaurant, Castiel spoke up "Thank you for the meal Dean. It was wonderful"

Dean beamed at his date relieved that he liked the restaurant "You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it"

They walked in direction of the park entrance and took the path that was lidded with street lamps that started to glow with the sunlight fading. They walked in comfortable silence before Dean had the urge to hold hands with his date. Dean sucked in a breath and sought out Castiel's hand next to his and entwined their fingers together. Dean felt Castiel tense as their hands linked before he felt the man relax again and squeeze his hand. Dean took the light squeeze as a sign that it was okay and turned to look at Castiel to see him staring at Dean with a smile on his face that had his eyes crinkling and Dean couldn't help but smile back.

-  
They hadn't said a word to each other the whole walk through the park but it hadn't been awkward as it was at the start of their evening. No, to Castiel this was companionable silence. The type of silence that you experience with friends or loved ones and it's just right. There's no need to ruin the moment with talking because the silence is perfect. You can just bask in the moment that is you and the person you're with and for some reason that's what that moment was with Dean. It was perfect.

When Dean's hand entwined with Castiel's, he froze, not because he didn't want to hold hands with Dean, but because he realised that he wanted to be with Dean. To experience moments just like they were now as often as they could where they could just spend time with one another and not have to worry about the outside world. When Castiel relaxed himself again he knew Dean would be thinking he was freaking out on him so he gave a squeeze to the hand in his and smiled at the man beside him who he couldn't wait to spend more moments with.

They walked hand in hand in silence all the way to the middle of the park where a band rotunda was located. Dean caught Castiel's eye before he pulled Castiel towards the rotunda.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Castiel asked with a chuckle

Dean didn't answer as he pulled Castiel up the steps into the rotunda. Dean finally stopped once they were stood in the middle of the floor and turned to face Castiel with a grin.

"Dance with me?" Dean asked with a softness to his voice that Castiel couldn't say no to.

Castiel bit his lip and nodded at Dean before he found the words to speak "But there's no music"

And as if Dean had read his mind, he started to sing. Dean pulled Castiel into his arms and wrapped his hands around Castiel's waist which left Castiel to put his arms around Dean's neck. Dean's perfect voice filled the air around them as Castiel followed Dean's lead while they danced around the rotunda.

"_I want to teach you  
How to stand on your feet  
As I'm here right beside you  
With this heart on your sleeve  
So come won't you tell me  
All your deepest desires  
As a world that is lonely  
There's a child in need_

And it's here in your eyes  
It's here in your eyes, tonight  
And I'm lost in desire  
I'm caught in your fire, tonight  
And it's here in your eyes

_It's here in your eyes_"

The moment was perfect. Dean was perfect and for the first time in a while, Castiel was happy. He had forgotten everything else that was going on in his mess of a life for those few moments as Dean sang to him and his forest green eyes stared in to his as if Castiel was the only person in the world and nothing else mattered. Before Castiel could register what was going on, Dean's lips were locked with his and the night reached perfection.

* * *

**A/N The song is 'Here In Your Eyes' by New Empire**


	6. Doing The Horizontal

Dean was lost in the moment as he sang and danced with Castiel and next thing he knew, leant in and planted his lips against Castiel's. Castiel's chapped lips were rough against his own and Dean couldn't help but want more. He pulled Castiel incredibly closer by his hips while sliding in tongue slowly across Castiel's bottom lip seeking for permission to enter. And when the man gave in and opened his mouth, Dean couldn't stop himself. Castiel tasted incredible and Dean just _needed _more of that taste that was all Castiel. That sweet taste of the salmon he'd eaten for dinner but there was more. The more he explored Castiel's mouth with his tongue feeling every crook and cranny of the other man's mouth, the more he tasted something sweet like honey as well as something indescribable that was just Castiel.

God, the sounds Castiel was making as they moved their tongues in a dance just like their bodies had just moments earlier were truly pornographic. The keens in the back of his throat while Dean's tongue explored turned Dean on to no end. Dean felt one of Castiel's hands move from around his neck to the small of his back to pull him in closer so their bodies were pressed against each other while his other hand threaded through the hairs on the nape of his neck. With their bodies pressed together, Dean could feel Castiel's hardness against his thigh and there was no doubt Castiel would be able to feel Dean's equal desire. They needed to get out of here and to his apartment as soon as possible.

Reluctantly, Dean pulled back panting for air to fill his lungs again. He opened his eyes not knowing when he'd closed them, to see the flush on Castiel's cheeks and his plump red lips, kiss swollen and if Dean hadn't been impossibly hard or ready, that image alone would peak his interest. Dean tried to find his voice after he regained his somewhat steady breaths seeing Castiel with the same problem. Finally his he found his words as Castiel opened his eyes seeing them glazed over with lust.

"How 'bout we take this back to my place?" The grin he got in reply was all the confirmation Dean needed.

-  
They were barely able to keep their hands off each other the entire way back but as they itched closer to Dean's apartment, Castiel's nerves grew. He hadn't been with anyone in a long time – eight months to be exact. He had the right to be nervous but the excitement of what was about to happen won out and he let himself be wrapped in the moment which was him and Dean and nothing else mattered.

When they reached Dean's apartment, Dean hastily unlocked the door and dragged Castiel inside by his hand like he had to the band rotunda earlier except this time, Castiel knew exactly what Dean wanted. They were barely inside the door before Castiel is slammed back against the door as Dean devoured his lips with passion. Castiel can't help but moan into Dean's mouth as he _needed _more of Dean. Everything Dean was just so empowering; his smell, his taste and God that tongue; the things that tongue could do were just sinful. Castiel was just putty in Dean's hands ever since the band rotunda when Dean's tongue had sought out permission to enter Castiel's mouth.

And as soon as Dean's mouth had landed on his, it was gone but before Castiel had time to ask why Dean had stopped his exploration he was on his knees undoing Castiel's belt to his slacks. Dean fumbled for a moment with shaky hands before he finally removed Castiel's belt and threw it over his shoulder into the room forgotten. The anticipation of what was to come had Castiel weak at the knees. Dean must have sensed Castiel's predicament as a warm hand gripped Castiel's hip as the other made work with undoing Castiel's slacks. Said slacks were now pooled around his ankles and Dean looked up and locked eyes with Castiel with a wicked grin on his face before he leant forward and mouthed Castiel's erection through his boxers. Castiel's hips bucked forward involuntary before Dean's hands held his hips in place as his thumbs slipped under the waistband of his boxers.

"_Dean…_" Castiel keened "Fuck your mouth" He moaned unable to keep the noise down. Castiel's head fell back against the door as Dean pulled his boxers down which sprang his erection free to the cool air. Castiel hissed at the released tension looking down just in time to see Dean wrap his lips around the head of his cock and slid down as far as he could. It took everything within Castiel to not just come then as the tight wet heat of Dean's mouth enclosed over his dick. Castiel moved one of his hands that were pressed against the door to brace him upright and carded it through Dean's hair and pulled lightly at the short tusks of hair that slid between his fingers which earned a soft groan from the man on his knees. The sensation sent shocks up Castiel's spine as the man swallowed around him trying to send Castiel over the edge into bliss. Castiel however didn't want the night to be over just yet, he didn't want to let go just yet but the way Dean sucked him down made it harder than ever to no just blow his load down Dean's throat.

Castiel felt the wet heat disappear as he heard a distant wet pop before he realised Dean had shifted back slightly away. Castiel looked down to see Dean staring up at him with wide, lust blown eyes "Just let go baby" Dean spoke voice raspy from having a dick down his throat.

Castiel shook his head before being able to find his words "I-I don't want to" he stuttered his breathing so rough it was hard to get the words out "Don't want to finish this so soon"

Dean let out a small laugh an honest to God laugh "Don't worry sweetheart, tonight is far from over" Dean spoke softly before he slid his tongue up the underside of Castiel's member. Dean slid his mouth back over the head and hollowed his checks as he sucked hard trying to pull Castiel over the edge. Castiel's head fell with a thud back against the door again lost in the sensation. There was no going back now.

One of Dean's hands slid from Castiel's hips down to Castiel's balls to massage them lightly as Dean's head bobbed up and down the shaft. Castiel lost all train of thought any stubbornness he had to hold out on his orgasm was gone as he felt his balls tighten and the heat pool in the base of his spine. Castiel's hand in Dean's hair pulled tightly on the strands in warning as the feeling overpowered him and he blew his load down Dean's throat.

As he came back to himself, panting as if he had just run a marathon, he was vaguely aware of the fact he was now on the floor still leant against the door with Dean still grinning at him with lust blown eyes. Castiel grabbed Dean by the collar and pulled him forward to plant his lips on Dean's before he slid his tongue in tasting himself and groaned. He pulled back slightly to whisper across Dean's lips "That was fucking amazing" before he pulled him in again for another deep kiss.

Dean pulled his lips off Castiel's and moved to whisper in his ear "I'm not done with you yet" The words sent a shiver down Castiel's spine and if he hadn't just had a mind numbing orgasm, he'd be hard. "Come on," Dean continued before he stood to his feet and pulled Castiel with him "My room's this way"

Castiel pulled his boxers which were resting on his thighs back up to his hips before stepping out of his pants. He bent down to pick them up in his arms not seeing his belt in sight – that will have to wait till morning – he followed Dean down the hallway and stopped every so often for a grope and kiss before they finally found Dean's room.

-  
Dean just wanted to make Castiel feel good and for sure he'd already done that if the noises he made as he came down his throat were anything to go by. He wanted more of this man before him. He wanted everything he was willing to give and was willing to give everything and more back. He'd never felt this way so quickly for someone but there was just something about this man that was different. He was drawn to this blue-eyed enigma by something he just couldn't put words on. It was just there.

Dean pulled at Castiel's shirt trying to undo the buttons as quickly as he could with shaky hands because Castiel may be in a bliss of post-orgasm but he was still achingly hard and just needed to get this man spread out under him. Castiel worked at Dean's buttons while they kissed with as much passion and need as earlier which told Dean that Castiel wanted this as much as Dean did.

Shirts were shed, Dean's jeans followed soon after with the skill of Castiel's perfect fingers that Dean had only just noticed as they unzipped his jeans and couldn't help but groan at the thought of those hands wrapped around his cock. But that would have to wait for another time because right now he needed to get Cas underneath him.

Dean parted their kiss and pushed Castiel towards the bed. When the back of Castiel's knees hit the bed, Dean gave him that final push so he was flat out on the mattress looking up at Dean with wide eyes, spread for Dean to take. His body was perfect. Muscle in all the right areas, hip bones that jolted out and God those thighs were fucking amazing. Strong like a runner's and needed to feel them wrapped around his own body.

Dean made a move towards the bed before Castiel raised a hand and spoke "Dean, wait just two seconds" Castiel began quietly

Dean stood still on the spot. Was Castiel backing out? Had Dean read this all wrong? Surely Castiel wanted this just as much as Dean did or he wouldn't be here with lust blown eyes glazed over with need. No Castiel definitely wanted this, there was just something else in those eyes. Something deeper fear? Nerves?

"It's just…" Castiel spoke which brought Dean out of his thoughts "I haven't done this" Castiel said gesturing between them awkwardly with his hand "in a while" Castiel shifted his gaze away from anywhere but Dean, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

Dean lay down slowly over Castiel, the bed dipped down under his weight. He lightly laid his hand under Castiel's chin to bring his head around so they looked into each other's eyes. "Cas, sweetheart, I'm gonna take care of you okay? I promise" Dean reassured him with a sweet kiss to his lips before he dipped inside Castiel's mouth with more meaning that their other kisses they'd share. It wasn't as passionate or needy as the rest, it was sensual and caring. Dean tried to reassure Castiel with his mouth that he was going to take good care of him.

Dean pulled back for air with a small smile on his face "Okay?" Castiel nodded slowly and smiled in return. Dean leant in again to seal it with another small kiss before he moved down Castiel's jaw dragging his tongue as he went. He stopped at his collarbone, sucking hard; hard enough to leave a mark and Castiel wriggled beneath him with pleasure so Dean kept going, knowing Castiel was enjoying this. He pulled back slightly to soothe the angry read mark with his tongue before he kissed his way down Castiel's chest to his nipples to devour them with attention until they were red and sensitive.

Dean moved lower, to press soft gentle kisses on every one of Castiel's ribs as he slowly made his way down. By the way Castiel's breath hitched with every kiss, Dean knew Castiel was hard again. The way Castiel whispered Dean's name like a prayer, just urged him on further. He wanted Castiel to remember this night. He didn't want this to be a quick fuck. He wanted it to mean something. He wanted Castiel to want to come back again and if they just had a quick fuck, it meant nothing. This, what Dean was doing now, meant _everything_.

Dean finally reached Castiel's waistband to pull them down for the second time that night. He pulled as far as he could as Castiel wriggled them the rest of the way off before he pushed at Dean's own boxers giving the message that Castiel wanted Dean naked now too. Dean quickly obliged and pushed them down his legs to shake them off his feet and onto the floor forgotten.

Dean returned on top of Castiel to bring him in for another passionate kiss before he leant over to his bedside table and opened the top drawer and fished out the lube and condoms he had stored. He'd checked that evening before he'd left if he still had enough just in case of this exact situation. Dean came back to plant soft kisses to Castiel's lips before he leant down to nibble at his ear and whispered "You ready to feel good baby?"

Castiel nodded in reply and shivered at Dean's words making him smirk. "Please Dean" Castiel whispered his voice rough with need and lust. God this voice was amazing normally but in the middle of sex, it was fucking sinful.

Dean moved to his knees and positioned himself between Castiel's legs before he grabbed for the lube and spread it on his fingers. He wiggled his fingers to warm up the lube to make it as comfortable as possible for the man below him. Slowly, he leant down to capture Castiel's lips and distract him with a heated kiss as he slid one lubed up finger into the man's entrance slowly to the first knuckle. Castiel hissed at the sensation and pulled back and clenched around Dean's finger objecting to the intrusion.

"Shh sweetheart, it's okay. Relax baby, I'm going to go slow okay? Just relax" Dean comforted

Castiel nodded and slowly relaxed around Dean's finger. Dean slowly pulled his finger out before he slid back in meeting less resistance this time. He pushed in to the second knuckle before he removed it again. His finger thrust in and out and slowly gained pace and circled around the rim before he slid in a second.

Castiel was panting now with two fingers inside him stretching his tight hole. Dean groaned at the thought that soon his cock would be inside the tight heat of Castiel. Dean crooked his fingers searching for that special spot inside Castiel and knew the moment he found it. Castiel arched of the bed and screamed Dean's name along with "Fuck do that again. Please Dean" Dean obliged and by the time three fingers were within Castiel's hole, he was a writhing mess. Sweat dripped down his skin giving him sheen from the moonlight creeping through the curtains.

As Dean's fingers stretched and scissored Castiel's hole, he pressed hot kisses to the man's neck, chin, jaw, chest, any skin he could reach.

"Dean please, I'm ready" Castiel panted "Need you please"

Dean didn't need any more encouragement. He removed his fingers from Castiel and kissed him when he protested at the loss. He picked up the condom and opened it with his teeth abandoning the wrapper God knows where before he slid the condom over his cock and groaned at the contact. It was the first time he'd touched himself all night and fuck he was so hard. He spread the remaining lube over his shaft, rubbed a few times before he braced his hands either side of Castiel's head and leant down to place one more kiss to Castiel's lips before he lined himself up.

He grabbed the base of his cock and pushed his head to Castiel's stretched entrance before he slowly pushed inside slightly. He moved his hand back to where it was previously situated and leaned down so he was a whisper away from Castiel's lips.

"If you tell me to stop, I'll stop okay? All you have to do is tell me" Dean spoke calm and collected when all he wanted to do is shove his achingly hard dick inside the tight heat of Castiel's body. But no that's not what he wanted tonight. Castiel nodded in reply as Dean started to slowly press further inside.

Castiel hissed once again as Dean pressed in. Dean wasn't huge, but he was bigger than the three fingers he'd used to prep him with so he knew to go slow. Slowly, Dean inched his way in, kissing Castiel's neck as he tried to distract the man from the pain he was in as Dean sheathed himself inside. When finally Dean was fully sheathed with his balls pressed against Castiel's ass he stopped. He groaned at the tight heat his cock was encased in hardly being able to stop himself from thrusting in and out of the man.

Minutes, hours, days – Dean didn't know – passed before Castiel finally uttered the words that had Dean weak "Move. Please Dean, move"

Dean groaned as he pulled himself out slowly before he pushed back in faster than the first time but still an agonisingly slow pace. He started shallow with his thrusts, gaining speed before Castiel chanted Dean's name like a prayer to will the man to go faster, harder than he was. Dean obliged, and pulled almost all the way out before he slammed back inside which sheathed himself again. Castiel keened and arched of the bed giving Dean the sign he'd hit the man's prostate. He pulled out again repeating the action. Harder and harder he thrust until Castiel writhed beneath him and muttered incoherent words; Dean only caught the odd 'fuck' 'Dean' 'harder'.

Dean felt Castiel wrap his legs around Dean's waist and pulled him in as he thrust harder the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room. As Dean leant in, to kiss Castiel's throat and collarbone to suck on the mark from earlier, Castiel's hands gripped Dean's back and dragged his nails down knowing they'd leave marks. But Dean didn't care if anything it turned him on more. He thrust harder. He punished the man's prostate on every thrust until Castiel cried out "So close Dean. So fucking close… Nggggh"

Dean snaked a hand down between their two bodies to take hold of Castiel's member and stroked in time with his thrusts. Castiel was fucking up into his hand and lost his rhythm with Dean's thrusts. Within minutes of Dean taking hold of his cock he came all over Dean's hand and his stomach which painted himself with his cum. Dean watched in awe at the man as he came undone beneath him. This man was truly beautiful as he sprang into ecstasy.

Castiel clenched incredibly hard around Dean's cock as he came sent Dean into bliss. He screamed Castiel's name as he came and his load into the condom. He continued to thrust himself through it before he collapsed on top of Castiel in exhaustion.

As he came back to himself, Castiel's fingers carded through his sweat damp hair and whispered sweet nothings into his ear. Dean was content. He could stay like this, sheathed inside this man forever and not care. But he knew he couldn't and he didn't want the man to be uncomfortable. He pulled his softened member from the man and stood up on shaky legs to remove the condom and throw it in the trash before he walked to the bathroom to retrieve a damp wash cloth to clean up.

He returned and lay down next to his lover to wash the cum off his chest and cock before he did the same to himself. He threw the wash cloth to the floor and lay on his back to pull Castiel closer to him and to tuck him into his side with his head under his chin. He pressed a lazy kiss to the top of the man's head who hummed in content. They didn't need to say anything. The silence said everything it needed to. The two men drifted off into sleep relaxed and happy in each other's arms. The night was everything Dean had wanted and more. It was perfection.


	7. Waking Up

Castiel roused to the sweet sound of guitar chords being played in the silence of the room. He left his eyes closed and focused on listening to the music with a small smile spread across his lips. He dared himself to take a peek at what Dean was doing and hoped the man in question wasn't looking at him. Slowly, Castiel opened his sleep-ridden eyes to see Dean was indeed not looking at him. He was perched on the end of the bed with his acoustic guitar sitting in his lap as he slowly strummed cords - naked. His eyes were closed with his head tilted back just enough that it looked like he looked up to the ceiling. The way the early dawn sunlight peeped through the gap in the curtains and landed on Dean's tanned skin which made the man look even more beautiful if that was even possible.

Castiel couldn't look away just like he couldn't when he saw him at The Roadhouse. This man before him was so beautiful when he was absorbed in his music as if he's in his own world with nothing but him and his music. Castiel didn't recognise what Dean played but that didn't matter. Whatever it was, it caught Castiel up in the moment and he just enjoyed watching and listening to the man before him in wonder. How was he so lucky to come across this man?

It could have been hours, minutes, days and Castiel would never have been tired of the sight before him. But all songs come to an end, and unfortunately, that came too soon for Castiel's liking. Dean stopped strumming his guitar and opened his eyes slowly. Castiel thought about closing his eyes and pretending he was still asleep but thought better of it as Dean slowly turned his head to look at Castiel. Dean's lips turned up into a wide toothy grin at the sight of Castiel staring at him before he placed his guitar on the ground and crawled up the bed to hover over Castiel; their faces just inches away from one another.

"Morning Cas" Dean greeted

"Good morning Dean" Castiel replied and shifted his hands up to rest on Dean's hips to rub his thumbs slowly in a circular motion.

Dean leaned down to close the small gap between them and planted his lips against Castiel's. It was different to everything they shared last night. Last night was passionate and needy but this was nice, soft and tender. Wanting more, Dean licked his tongue along Castiel's bottom lip searching for entry which Castiel gave willingly. Castiel felt one of Dean's hands move to tangle itself in his hair while Castiel moved his hands to wrap around Dean's waist to pull him closer so their bodies were flush against each other from head to toe.

They relearned each other's mouths as if they hadn't done so for hours last night with little moans and gasps into one another. Castiel, suddenly aware of his own nakedness, decided to take advantage of their forms and bucked his hips which earned a groan from the larger man. Castiel smirked across their joined lips as he snaked his right hand between their bodies to grasp Dean's half-hard cock and slowly stroked it to full-hardness.

Dean parted their lips and let his head drop down onto Castiel's shoulder nuzzling into his neck and gasped. The warm breath Dean let out sent shivers down Castiel's back. It sent his blood south and his own cock grew in interest. Castiel released his hand from around Dean and wiggled himself beneath Dean's weight in an attempt to line up their groins. Dean realised what Castiel was trying to achieve, and helped by pushing himself up on his elbows and lined their hips together before he resumed his position with his head pressed into Castiel's neck.

They both gasped at the contact as their cocks lined up against each other. Slowly, Dean started to move his hips and whispered "Please Cas" into his neck. And who was Castiel to deny the man? He moved his hand back between their bodies and grasped both their groins to stroke them together as they groaned in unison. Dean's hips started to canter faster fucking into Castiel's hand causing further friction between them.

They rocked together gasping and moaning as they felt the heat pool as Castiel's hand sped faster to push them to completion. One of Dean's hands moved to once again tangle in Castiel's hair and tugged lightly which caused Castiel to cry out it pleasure. Castiel fell over the edge, his orgasm burst through him and coated their chests and his hand in cum. He distantly heard the sound of Dean's orgasm before he felt cum cover his hand and chest once again. Castiel continued to stroke them both through to milk the last of their orgasms before they were too sensitive to keep going.

Dean pressed small kisses into Castiel's neck as they came down from their highs which caused Castiel to squirm. Dean's hand released its grip from Castiel's hair as the musician once again hovered over him.

"Well, that was a great way to wake up" Dean said with a grin plastered on his face.

Castiel smiled in return before he moved one of his hands to tangle in the hair on the back of Dean's neck and pulled him down for another tender kiss.

Dean pulled himself away somewhat reluctantly and rolled himself onto his back away from Castiel. The warmth was missed so Castiel moved himself over and cuddled into Dean's side to lay an arm lazily across Dean's waist. As Castiel snuggled closer, Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel and rubbed his hand up and down his arm.

"Not that I don't like this," Dean started after a few minutes "But I need a shower and I'm starving"

Castiel hummed in agreement as he looked down at their chests and saw the evidence that yes, they were desperately in need of a shower.

"I suppose you're right. Especially after last night I could really go for some food" Castiel replied

Castiel could feel the vibrations as Dean chuckled beneath him before he spoke again "I would cook you breakfast, but uh we don't have any food"

Castiel let out a snort "Of course you don't. Well, we could go out for breakfast? Unless you have something to do today? I don't mind going home if you'd rather not hang out or whatever." Castiel rambled on. He knew he was rambling but he couldn't stop himself. He was nervous. What if Dean wanted space? Maybe he wasn't as in to this as he was? All his thoughts and worries were pushed aside with Dean's answer.

"Sounds good. I don't have anything to do till about 3 this afternoon. So we can spend the morning together. Unless _you _have something to do today?"

Castiel snorted again "Dean, I don't have job at the moment. I have absolutely nothing to do today"

"Oh yeah, forgot about that. Well, you go have a shower, and I'll tidy up a bit. I'll bring your clothes in for you when I find them all" He ended with a chuckle

Castiel groaned as he reluctantly removed himself from Dean's hold. He made a move to stand and saw his boxers within close proximity so he pulled them on just in case someone was home. He didn't think walking through Dean's apartment naked was a good idea as he didn't know if his brother was home or not.

He made a move to the door and realised he didn't know where the bathroom was. He turned back to Dean who was still laid down on the bed watching him. "Uh Dean, where's your bathroom?"

"First door on the left" he replied as he stood up and retrieved his own boxers. "I'll be in with your clothes in a minute"

-  
Half an hour later, they made their way down the street to the local diner. As they entered the diner, Dean spied a booth down the back where they could sit and have a bit of privacy. He grabbed Castiel's hand to pull him towards the free both before he sat down. Castiel moved away from Dean to sit on the other side but Dean wasn't having that. He tugged on Castiel's hand and pulled him into the bench seat to sit beside him.

"I don't want you sitting so far away" he whined with a pout on his face

Castiel couldn't hold back a laugh as he tipped his head back and let his laughter fill the air. He was gorgeous when he laughed. His smile was enough to make Dean smile in return but his laughter, it just made him unbelievably happy.

They ordered their breakfast content to just be next to each other in the booth before Castiel broke the silence

"What song were you playing this morning?" He asked "Is it something new or just an old one?" No demand to know in his tone just obvious curiosity and why wouldn't he be? Castiel was obviously interested in Dean's music so he was going to ask questions about it seeing it made Dean happy. But Dean didn't think he was quite ready to share what he had played that morning due to the fact it was inspired by the man who asked the question.

Dean had woken that morning inspired by the night's events. His mind was full with lyrics for a possible song about Cas and what he made Dean feel even after just one night together, Dean felt like he could write an entire song about what Cas made him feel. And being honest with himself? Dean was definitely not ready to share that with Castiel just yet. He didn't want to freak him out.

"Oh it was nothing. Just mucking round ya know?" Dean said as he tried to sound convincing. It must've worked because Castiel just shrugged.

"Well sounded pretty good" Castiel pushed his back into Dean's side as Dean put his arm around his shoulders.

"God I feel like a teenager doing this crap" Dean teased. Castiel giggled honest to God giggled in reply just as their food came.

They ate in silence as they fed each other parts of their meals that the other didn't have like they had been together for years not one night. As they finished up, Dean ordered another coffee for the both of them so they could sit and talk for a bit longer. Maybe even about what this was that they were doing. Dean had so many questions running around in his head that he needed to ask but was just too afraid to voice them. Luckily, Castiel asked first.

Castiel pushed his plate away as he sat up a little and turned to look Dean in the eye as he spoke "I know we've only been on one date and I know we haven't even known each other that long…" Castiel paused obviously nervous about what he was going to say next. Dean put his hand on Castiel's and entwined their fingers together and gave him a soft smile in encouragement to carry on what he was saying. "I just… I really like you Dean and I was wondering if…" Castiel stopped again this time for longer like he wasn't actually going to finish what he was saying. The silence was too long so Dean decided to try pry it out of him.

"Wondering what Cas?" There was no pushiness to his tone. He was simply curious if Castiel would ask what Dean wanted him to ask.

Castiel looked up at him with scared, nervous eyes. Dean tried to keep his smile to encourage him to speak as well as rubbing his thumb on the back of his palm.

"Look Dean, it's just been a long time since I've been with anyone like I told you last night and I totally understand if you don't want anything more than what's happened last night and today but I just… I really like you and I wanted to ask if you would be my boyfriend" Castiel spoke so fast Dean struggled to keep up with what he was being said. But he heard what he wanted to hear and lucky for him, Castiel actually asked because if he was honest with himself, he probably wouldn't have had the guts to do it.

Dean had been silent too long and Castiel's face started to break down in disappointment. Quickly Dean tried to rectify his mistake of stalling so long. "I really like you too Cas and I definitely want more than what happened last night and this morning. So of course I'll be your boyfriend. I wouldn't be in a booth pretty much cuddling with you in public if I didn't because trust me when I say this – Dean Winchester does not cuddle and if you breathe a word of this to anyone and I mean anyone I will destroy you." Dean tried to sound harsh on the last part but it obviously didn't work as Castiel's face broke into a grin and he laughed again. "I mean it Cas" Dean reinforced as he pointed a finger in Castiel's face but his act was soon let up and he laughed along with Castiel. Damn this man and his stupid adorable laugh.

As they both calmed down again Castiel settled back against Dean's side and sipped the coffee in front of him.

"No but seriously," Dean began "Don't tell anyone I cuddle; especially Sammy. I have a reputation to uphold."

-  
The two finally separated shortly after they left the diner with Dean saying he had to go meet his brother to sort out some stuff to do with the band. One car drive in the Impala and one long passionate kiss later, Castiel was reluctantly saying goodbye to Dean.

"I'll call you later" Dean promised with one more chaste kiss before Castiel finally made his way out of the car.

Castiel smiled through the wound down window unwilling to leave but knew he had to "I'll talk to you later then" he said with a grin before he turned and walked towards his brother's apartment building. Castiel heard the roar of the impala start up again and looked over his shoulder to see Dean still looking at him with a grin. Castiel continued to walk towards the building not looking back again as he heard the engine head off into the street.

Castiel couldn't wipe the grin off his face the whole elevator ride up to the apartment unable to stop his thoughts about how well things had gone with Dean. He tried to compose himself and school his emotions before he entered the apartment as he didn't want the third degree from Gabriel. He took out his key and opened the door with a sigh as he knew that the questions were always going to come whether he had a stoic expression or not. He had just spent an entire night out with Dean. It was obvious things had gone well between them.

As if on cue, as soon as Castiel was in the door, Gabriel entered the living room with a huge grin on his face like a Cheshire cat.

"Hey little bro" Gabriel greeted with a 'I-know-what-you-were-doing-last-night' look on his face.

"Hello Gabriel" Castiel replied with a stoic expression as he tried not to give anything away. He'd rather not disclose all the details of his and Dean's night together to his brother. Ever since they were young, Gabriel wanted to know every detail of Castiel's love life and he would never give up until he got the truth out of him. Unfortunately for Castiel, it went both ways. Gabriel would tell every aspect of his private life to Castiel whether he wanted to or not. On one occasion, Castiel was tied to a chair and forced to listen to Gabriel's encounter with some woman he saw in an ice cream store. He hadn't even talked to the woman but somehow, Gabriel seemed to know everything about this woman and didn't leave out a single detail for his younger brother.

So of course, Castiel's lack of facial expression didn't work and Gabriel pressed for answers as soon as Castiel moved to sit on the couch.

"So I guess the night went better than expected seeing you're only _just _walking through the door now" Gabriel provoked as he tried to get answers out of Castiel.

Castiel didn't buy into it. Not this time. He'd finally found someone he actually liked and he was _not _going to disclose more than he needed to his ever-curious brother. "Yes, it was a nice evening. Now please go away I'd like to have a nap." Castiel sighed as his brother didn't move from where he had sat down next to him.

"Oh no Cassie, you're not getting out of this that easy. You are going to tell me everything." Gabriel moved closer and poked Castiel in the side

Castiel moved away from his brother's insistent poking which started to hurt. "Gabriel!" Castiel protested angrily and sent him a fierce glare "Please just leave me alone. You don't need to know every aspect of my life. Just this once I'd like to keep this to myself and not have to tell you everything!" His voice was a lot harsher than he wanted it to be but it was the only way to deal with his insistent nuisance of a brother. The hurt on his brother's face was enough to make Castiel feel increasingly guilty for his raised voice. "Please," Castiel begged with a softer tone "Can you just leave it. I will tell you in my own time but right now I just want to see where this goes and not have to tell you everything that's going on when to be honest, right now, I don't know what's going on myself."

There was silence for a few minutes as Gabriel looked at the floor and appeared hurt that his brother didn't want to share with him. It was unlike his brother to be so quiet. Castiel reached a hand out and placed it around Gabriel's shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

"You're my brother, and I love you for everything you've done. I will tell you, I promise, but right now please, just let me go the fuck to sleep. I'm exhausted." Castiel reassured.

His brother snorted against his chest before he pulled back with a grin on his face "I bet you are" Castiel pushed his brother away with a scow and forced him off the couch so he could lie down. His brother stood up and left him to sleep. Just as Castiel closed his eyes, he heard his brother call out to him from down his bedroom. "I'm keeping you to your promise Castiel!" With a soft chuckle, Castiel surrendered to his exhaustion.


	8. DC or Marvel?

"Cassie, I'm going out tonight!" Gabriel announced one Wednesday evening as Castiel walked through the door.

Castiel had finally landed himself a job helping out down at the local bookstore selling and shelving books Monday to Friday. It was only his second day on the job but he really enjoyed it. He had always had a love for books and now he had a job where he could explore the realm of his fantasy books that he had adored when he was younger or the books that challenged his mind and set him on a different thought pattern to what he was used to. He loved all books so getting a job where he could be around them for most of the day was a great job for him.

Due to his new job, he hadn't seen Dean since he'd been dropped off after their night together. Of course, Dean had rung as he promised but it seemed Dean was busy with his brother or band practice which Castiel knew was important to Dean. Even though they had only spent a couple of days together, it was obvious to Castiel that Sam was number one in Dean's life and that was never going to change and Castiel was fine with that. He wouldn't come between Dean and Sam's relationship. So when Gabriel announced that he was going out tonight, it seemed like the perfect opportunity for Dean to come over and they could spend some time together and watch a movie or something.

"Oh?" Castiel replied as he closed the door behind him and removed his shoes

"Yep! Got a date with a hot woman named Kali" Gabriel replied rather enthusiastically "And don't wait up" he added with a wink.

Castiel chuckled at his brother's enthusiasm. Gabriel was never one to play down his chances.

"Well, have fun" Castiel replied with a soft smile to his brother and with that, Gabriel was gone headed out the door with a pat on Castiel's shoulder.

As soon as he was gone, Castiel plonked himself down on the couch, pulled out his cell and dialled Dean's number. After about the eighth ring, Dean finally answered the phone.

"Hey Cas, I was just about to call you" Dean answered

Castiel wasn't fooled "Uh huh I bet you were. Let me guess, you're playing video games again?" Every night so far, Dean had either rung extremely late at night or Castiel had rung him only to find that Dean had been caught up in his video game and had forgotten to call. Castiel didn't really mind that much, of course he wanted to talk to his boyfriend more but hey they were only new to this and if Castiel was honest with himself, he was a little jealous. Gabriel didn't own a gaming system surprisingly and Castiel didn't have the money to buy one but he had enjoyed them when he was younger playing on their old SEGA system.

"You caught me" Dean replied guiltily "Sorry, it's just this new COD game is really addictive"

Castiel chuckled at Dean trying to defend himself "It's fine Dean, I don't mind. I completely understand how you can get caught up in games and forget to ring your boyfriend" Castiel teased before Dean could retort he carried on with the reason he called "But if you're not doing anything productive this evening, Gabriel has gone out for the night and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie or something"

"Hmmmm" Dean hummed through the phone "Tough decision, video games or spending the evening with my boyfriend. I don't know Cas, this game is pretty awesome" Dean joked

"Pleeeeaseeee" Castiel begged "I'll even pick up an apple pie from the bakery on my way back from the video store"

"That's more like it" Dean replied "What time you want me?"

Castiel glanced down at his watch seeing it was just past five thirty. "Shall we say seven?" Castiel asked giving himself enough time to head to the store and maybe clean the apartment a little.

"Seven it is" Dean agreed "I'll bring a movie too so we can watch one of yours and one of mine"

Castiel laughed. Of course Dean would want to bring his own movie "If you must. I'll see you at seven"

-  
Dean took his time to decide on a movie from his vast collection. His were on one side of the bookcase and Sam's were on the other. Even though they were brothers, they were pretty different when it came to tastes in films. Sam, being the big girl that he is loves romantic comedies. Most of his half is just full of rom-coms with only a few documentaries and the odd action movie. It is insane how many movies he has that all have the same basic story line just different actors and actresses. Dean on the other hand, has his half full of action and horror films because he's manly like that.

Dean almost decided on a horror film but decided against it instead he chose a recent addition to his collection that he'd only seen twice. He hoped Castiel would have seen the two films before it as he put it on the table next to his keys and went to go get ready.

He'd had a long day helping out Bobby at the garage to earn some extra cash. Sure they had a new contract all set up for them but let's be honest, there isn't much money in the gigs they were currently doing and to keep them a float, Dean had to do some shifts at the garage while Sammy did some papers at the local college. Sam wanted to have something outside of the music just in case they didn't make it. Which Dean fully supported. He wanted Sam to have something to fall back on if things went belly up and the record deal didn't work out. Dean had the garage and Sam had his schooling.

Dean entered the bathroom to take a quick shower to get the grease out from under his fingernails and hopefully get rid of the smell of oil. Once he was satisfied he didn't reek of cars, he stepped out and got changed into his jeans and black t-shirt with a plaid over shirt on top. He checked himself in the mirror and decided his stubble was at his usual length and passed on shaving.

Dean writes a note for Sam for when he gets home from his class that he's gone over to Cas' and not to wait up for him before he grabbed the DVD and the keys to the impala and headed out the door.

He smiled the whole drive over. He hadn't seen Cas in a few days but he's been on his mind constantly. Everything is so new and it's a little scary for Dean but it's not a bad scary. He's excited to spend time with Cas and yeah okay he may have been a little caught up in his new video game and didn't ring him until late but at least he still rang each day.

When Dean didn't at the garage or play video games he played his music, wrote down his feelings towards Cas and tried to write him a song not that he'd disclose that information to anyone not even Sam and especially not Cas not till he was done anyway. Maybe even when he was done, he still wouldn't tell Cas. It would just be awkward.

Finally, Dean made it to Castiel's apartment after he stopped along the way to buy a six pack for them to share and celebrate Cas' new job he'd landed. Dean glanced down at his watch and saw it was just before seven as he knocked on the door.

He was greeted by a beaming Castiel who was donned in jeans and a white tee and looked damn gorgeous if Dean said so himself. Before he could speak, Dean was pulled in by his shirt with Castiel smashing their lips together in a heated kiss.

They parted breathless and light headed smiling for ear to ear.

"Damn Cas, missed me much?" Dean teased before he pulled Castiel back towards him for another kiss less heated but just as passionate.

Castiel pulled himself away from Dean and grabbed the beer from Dean's hand before he moved back into the apartment. Dean watched him go for a moment before he too moved inside and closed the door. Dean had a look around having never been in the apartment before. It was smaller than the one he shared with Sam knowing from what Cas had told him it was only a one bedroom place and Cas was on the couch.

Dean took a seat on said couch just as Castiel came back from the kitchen holding out a beer for Dean while he placed his own on the coffee table in front of them. Dean had a look at Castiel's other hand and saw the promised apple pie was in it. He smiled up at Cas who returned it.

"Love me some pie" Dean announced as Castiel plonked himself down next to him.

"I know" Cas replied with a smile as he passed Dean a fork and put the pie between them for them to share. "So what movie did you bring?"

Dean took a forkful of pie just as Castiel asked so instead of replying, he held up the case of the DVD to Castiel who snorted. Dean scrunched his face up at Cas' reaction. Dean swallowed the mouthful of pie quickly so he could talk.

"What's so funny about 'The Dark Knight Rises'?"

Castiel threw his head back and laughed before he reached towards the coffee table and picked up a DVD case and showed it to Dean. Dean took one glance at the case and scoffed.

"Avengers? Seriously? You're a Marvel fan? Wow and I thought I actually liked you" Dean joked which earned a playful shove to the shoulder from Cas.

"I can't believe you're a DC fan. Marvel is so much better!" Cas argued.

This was one argument Dean was determined not to lose. He'd grown up reading DC comics. He knew every single character and their stories. He knew most of the Marvel characters too but no way was Marvel better than DC. Come on, Batman is so much better than any Marvel character!

"You have got to be kidding me right now. DC has Superman! Superman Cas. The most super person in the entire world!"

Castiel scoffed "Uh huh. Marvel has Gods Dean. Come on Loki and Thor. Plus they're played by fucking gorgeous actors. Actually the entire cast of Avengers is gorgeous" Cas side tracked

Now was Dean's turn to scoff "No Cas, this is not an argument of who has the better looking cast this is an argument as to whether Marvel or DC is the better comic series."

Castiel shook his head as he took a swig from his beer. Dean took the opportunity in the break of the argument to take another bite of the delicious pie.

"I think this could be an argument that neither of us is going to back down from so maybe we should just agree to disagree." Castiel propositioned as he placed his beer back onto the coffee table.

Dean thought over Castiel's suggestion he really wanted to argue this more but he could tell there was no reasoning with this man. He had made up his mind just like Dean had but he couldn't help himself with wanting to know how far he could push the man.

"And what if I refuse?" Dean asked. He took a large swig of his beer and placed it on the table next to Castiel's. Dean picked up the pie and did the same thing he did with his beer so he could move closer to Cas and pushed him down on the couch and leant over him so that their faces were inches away from touching. "Hm?" Dean continued "What if I refuse?"

Cas seemed to be thinking it over for a moment before he answered "Well I was going to blow you later tonight but if you'd rather argue about comic book characters and ruin the mood I guess we can do that instead"

And damn does Cas fight dirty. How could Dean keep arguing now when there was the prospect of getting a blowjob from his boyfriend?

"But" Cas continued with a smirk on his face "Can we watch the movies first? I really want to watch Avengers"

And with that Dean 'DC forever' Winchester found himself on the couch with his boyfriend curled into his side watching the Avengers and although he would never admit it, the cast is pretty hot and he wouldn't mind watching it again.

-  
Castiel was a little distracted to say the least during the film. He wanted to know more about Dean and Dean wasn't talking. Castiel knew Dean enjoyed the movie a lot more than he was letting on because come on what person doesn't find Chris Evans in tights hot?

Castiel took a deep breath to calm himself before he initiated the conversation to a topic they had both avoided. He knew as soon as he asked the question, Dean was going to want to know the same thing about Castiel but Castiel was okay with that. He was ready to let Dean into his life and that would mean talking things through.

Castiel sat himself upright still pressed against Dean's side as to not arouse suspicion. He curled his hand around Dean's back lightly drawing patterns with his fingers across the small of his lovers back to calm him (or maybe himself) as he asked the question that had burned in the back of his mind since Dean had sung the song on Friday night at The Roadhouse.

"Dean," Castiel whispered as he looked at the side of Dean's face to search for recognition that he had heard Castiel speak to him. When there was none, Castiel spoke a little louder "Dean" This time Dean tore his eyes away from the screen to look at Castiel with a smile.

"Hm?" He asked "What's up?"

Castiel hesitated for a moment. Maybe he wasn't ready to ask all this. Maybe he should just wait till Dean brought it up. But he thought better of it, it was now or never. Castiel leant forward pressing a light tentative kiss to Dean's soft lips before he pulled back and smiled as he spoke

"Can you tell me about your family?" He posed it as a question so if Dean wasn't willing to talk about it he could just say no and Castiel would leave it at that but he also put a bit of a push behind his words as if to emphasise that he really would like to know about Dean's family.

Dean froze and stared back wide eyed at Castiel as if a deer caught in the headlights. To quickly reassure Dean he continued, "You don't have to," Castiel leant in and pressed another kiss to Dean's lips before he leant back enough to look him in the eye and continued "I just wanted to know more about you that's all" Castiel leant back and faced himself towards the television again before he slumped back into Dean's side and rested his head on Dean's chest. He felt a little defeated that Dean had reacted so badly but it's not like he hadn't expected it. Dean was obviously ignored the topic for a reason.

Castiel sighed against Dean's chest as he still drew patterns in the small of Dean's back but tried to focus on the movie. Of course it was at the moment where it was just about to end leaving them to awkwardly ignore that Castiel had ever bought the topic up.

Castiel made a move to stand up and eject the disc only to be held back by Dean. He turned his head looking back to Dean in confusion.

"I'll put your movie on now"

Dean let out a chuckle at that "Sheesh Cas," he began "Even I know that you wait for the end of the credits in a Marvel movie" and with that, Castiel was pulled back into Dean's side where he began to relax a little. At least Dean didn't hate him for bringing it up.

"Listen Dean–" Cas began only to be interrupted

"Cas, it's fine." Dean assured as he softly lifted Castiel's chin so he could look him in the eye "I get why you asked. Seriously I do. We've both been ignoring the topic of our families except for our brothers and I know I have a reason for that and I'm willing to bet you do to. I just don't know that I'm ready to share just yet."

Castiel nodded in understanding. Dean wasn't ready yet. Castiel just couldn't help but wonder would he ever be ready? Before Castiel could come to any speculations as to whether or not Dean would be ready, Dean continued to talk. He'd obviously seen the uneasiness on Castiel's face because his voice was soft and reassuring.

"I promise, as soon as I'm ready I will tell you everything" Dean leant down and pressed a long kiss to Castiel's forehead. Castiel closed his eyes at the touch and enjoyed the fact that Dean already knew how to comfort him even if he didn't know that was exactly what his mother used to do to calm him, it was nice to think that Dean knew. "Just give me time okay?" he whispered across Castiel's forehead.

Castiel nodded again feeling a lot better that Dean would eventually be ready and when he was he would come to him and tell him.

Just as Castiel was about to get up and put on Dean's DVD, Dean grabbed the remote and turned the TV off.

"How about we skip my movie?" Dean suggested with a cheeky grin on his face

Castiel smirked in reply "I think I like the way you think Winchester" He knew Dean was just distracting him with the prospect of sex but to be honest Castiel didn't care. Dean told him he'd come to him when he's ready and Castiel was going to stick by that and if Dean was going to give him an out of an awkward situation then he was sure as hell going to take it.

Castiel moved himself to straddle Dean's lap and placed his legs either side of Dean's thighs with his knees digging into the back of the couch. He brought his hands up to cup the back of Dean's neck as he leant in and mashed their lips together in a heated kiss not wasting anytime and slid his tongue into Dean's mouth.

Castiel's hips started to rock as Dean's hands slid under his shirt and up his back with feather light touches that tickled. Castiel smiled into the kiss the touches made him chuckle a little before Dean leant back slightly which broke the kiss.

"Ticklish huh?" Dean asked with a chuckle before he dove back into their kiss. Dean's hands moved down to grip Castiel's rear and rocked their hips together a little harder.

This time Castiel broke their kiss to whisper across Dean's lips "Guess it's time I made good on my promise I made earlier"

Castiel slunk off the couch onto his knees and pulled Dean's legs apart so he could sit between them keeping their eyes locked together. Castiel pushed his hands up Dean's thighs and gripped the waistband of his jeans before he undid the button with steady hands.

It didn't take long for Castiel to have Dean gasp his name over and over like a prayer as he bobbed his head down sinking as far as he could on the member without chocking. Dean's hands scraped along Castiel's scalp and caught the tusks of hair before he pulled slightly which caused Castiel to groan. Damn he loved having his hair pulled.

Before he knew it, Dean's cum hit the back of his throat and Castiel milked him of it all. As soon as he felt Dean's member soften, he pulled off with a wet pop sitting back on his haunches and grinned up at Dean who looked utterly blissed out.

"Come here" Dean whispered barely loud enough for Castiel to hear.

Castiel didn't hesitate and climbed back up into Dean's lap where he was assaulted with lazy kisses. Castiel pried himself away from Dean's mouth just for a moment to whisper across his lips.

"Stay?"

"Of course" Dean whispered back


	9. I'll Never Let You Go

Gabriel ran around the apartment in a panic state as he tried to locate Castiel's phone. Thankfully, Castiel had left it in his coat pocket which he had deposited on the couch before he had locked himself in the bathroom without a word. That was two hours ago and he still wouldn't speak to Gabriel. The only way Gabriel knew his brother hadn't done anything was the solid "Go away" that came in reply to the light knocking he placed on the door to see if his brother would talk to him.

As the phone rang, Gabriel continued in his panicked state pacing up and down the hallway as he wished the person to pick up their damn phone. When it went to answer machine, he hung up and called back again as fast as the stupid smartphone would let him. On the third try, finally there was an answer.

"Hey Cas-"

"It's not Castiel" Gabriel interrupted "I don't know what you did or if it was even you but get your ass over to this apartment right now or so help me I will kick your ass to next Sunday"

Gabriel breath was heavy by this stage. He was worried about his brother. He hadn't been this upset since– well Gabriel tries not to think about that. It still haunts him that his brother had sunk that low and he had no idea about it until it was almost too late. But now, now he had a chance to fix it before it got too far.

"You hear me Dean?" Gabriel asked angrily as he practically spat down the phone "Get your ass over here"

"Okay, okay. Calm down Gabriel. Just breathe. I'm on my way now. I'll be there in ten." Came the shaky reply before the unmistakeable sound of the call being ended.

He'd had Dean worried. That meant it wasn't Dean who had caused it and that only meant one thing. Gabriel just hoped he was wrong.

-  
Dean had a pretty good day. The customers at the garage had been great there were no snarky comments about Dean not knowing what the problem is because he's so young and is just 'white trash'. That disgraceful comment, thankfully, only ever happened once and Bobby had dealt with them straight away telling them where they could shove it. Dean's twenty-four years old for God's sake; he knows cars inside and out and had done since he was ten years old. If there's something wrong with your car Dean will know if not by the sound it makes from when it pulls up then by opening the hood he will definitely be able to tell you and know exactly how to fix it.

Even Bobby had been in a great mood which didn't happen all too often so Dean was going to enjoy it while it lasted. The man had even shouted Dean lunch. Now that never happened. Dean always had to buy or make his own and usually had to fork out to get Bobby lunch too. The man claimed he'd looked after Dean for 10 years the least he could do was buy him lunch now that he was out on his own. Dean didn't have the heart to tell him that most of the time when he went down the road to buy it, he got it from The Roadhouse where he didn't actually have to pay for it but Dean suspected Bobby already knew that. The man comes across as a hardass but once you wheedle your way into the man's heart, he's a big softy who always let's his family come first. And as he wisely states "Family don't end with blood".

Of course, after work Dean found himself at band practice and for once it actually went well. Sam didn't too annoyed with Ash and Dean's antics that he usually flipped his shit at. One time Sam had been so angry at Ash and Dean mucking around he left Ash's house and didn't turn up again until the next evening. Dean guesses that his new 'mellow' attitude has to do with a certain blonde by the name of Jessica Moore who Sam just does not shut up about. But Dean's happy for his little brother. Sam's happy therefore Dean is happy. Sam always comes first. Has always been that way and it always will and nobody can change that.

It had been a full five weeks since Dean and Castiel's first date and they hadn't had a single fight yet other than a small disagreement about DC or Marvel which couldn't really be claimed as a fight. They stayed at each other's apartments most nights mostly at Dean's due to the fact Cas slept on a sofa bed (also his brother was a snoopy asshole and never gave them time alone).

Dean still hadn't found the courage to divulge his family story to Castiel yet. He didn't know what exactly held him back from telling Castiel everything but there was just something. The thing was Dean also hadn't told Cas that he was moving to LA in a month. That was a conversation he avoided more than talking about his family. Dean knew exactly what held him back from telling Cas everything. It's just that he was too much of a coward to admit that he was scared that this actually turned into something incredibly serious. The last time Dean had been serious with someone was in high school and that hadn't exactly turned out great. So yeah Dean was scared but he was trying to fight through that, grow some balls, and tell Castiel everything.

Starting tomorrow.

Of course that plan was shattered to pieces when he received a panicked phone call from Cas' brother, Gabriel, accusing him of upsetting Castiel.

At the time, Dean was halfway through band practice. Of course, as they're a band and play music, Dean didn't hear the first couple of calls but when they had a mini-break in playing; Dean finally heard his phone ringing and picked it up to see Castiel's smiling face beaming at him. He wondered as to why his boyfriend had rung him as he knew Dean would be at practice and wouldn't ring him until later that night, he answered with a tinge of confusion to his voice. When he heard Gabriel's voice practically scream at him, his confusion deepened. It only turned to worry when Gabriel accused him of doing something wrong that had Gabriel angry at him and yell at him down the phone.

He hastily agreed to make his way over to Gabriel's apartment to see what was wrong. He told his brother and long-time friend he would ring them later and sorry for bailing but this was important. Something was up with Castiel and it had his brother pissed at Dean so he had to go.

True to his word, Dean made it to the apartment ten minutes later breaking at least six traffic violations on the way but Dean didn't care. What's another ticket?

Dean knocked loudly on the door and not a second later, the door flew open as Dean still held his fist in the air. As he dropped his hand back to his side, he noticed Gabriel's expression. His eyes were wide, blood shot and puffy as if he'd been crying and his skin was pale as if all the blood in his head was gone. The worried expression on Gabriel's face made Dean gulp. What the hell had happened to Cas that had Gabriel this worried?

"Gabriel, what the hell is going on? Where's Cas?" Dean asked while he tried to stay calm for Gabriel's sake but his voice betrayed him at the end as he said Cas' name.

Gabriel shook his head in reply as he dropped his gaze to look at his feet "He's in the bathroom" came the strangled, quiet reply "He won't talk to me or come out of there" Gabriel stepped aside as he spoke to let Dean enter the apartment and closed the door softly behind him. "I'm so worried Dean. I haven't seen him this low since… since… I found him last time" Gabriel choked out.

"Last time?" Dean asked confused.

Gabriel looked up to Dean at that point with shock across his face "He hasn't told you?" Dean shook his head in reply "Then I'm not saying anything more. Please," Gabriel begged "Just try and see if he will talk to you. I just hope he hasn't done anything stupid"

At those last words, Gabriel let his tears fall silently from his eyes. Dean grasped Gabriel by the shoulder frim but reassuring while he grabbed his chin and lifted his head so he could look him in the eye "Hey, I'm sure he's okay. He just needs some time to think. You go have a seat on the couch and I'll try talk to him okay?"

Gabriel nodded in reply before he slowly shuffled to the couch while he wiped the tears from his cheeks. When Gabriel took a seat on the couch, Dean took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through his nose as he headed for the bathroom not knowing what to expect.

Dean stood outside the bathroom door with a solemn look on his face. He pressed his forehead against the door trying to collect himself before he knocked softly on the door.

"Cas?" He called out softly "Cas, it's Dean"

There was no reply. Of course there wasn't. He's done something stupid hasn't he? He's done what Gabriel was talking about before; whatever that was. He was shaken from his thoughts as he heard the quiet shuffle off feet on tiles and then a shadow under the door.

"Cas, sweetheart, can you let me in? I'm worried about you" Dean asked as he tried to keep his voice calm for Castiel's sake.

There was a soft click as the door unlocked before the shadow moved away from the door presumably Castiel retreated back into the bathroom to let Dean enter. Dean let out a sigh of relief that his boyfriend hadn't done anything stupid and actually let Dean into the bathroom.

Dean slowly slid his hand down to the handle and shook the knob testing that the door was actually unlocked. To his relief Castiel had indeed unlocked the door. He slowly turned the knob and pushed the door enough so he could slip inside. He turned and faced the door as he closed it afraid to see what state Cas was in. In the end he decided he'd lock the door so Gabriel didn't barge in and do something stupid.

When he finally turned around what he saw broke his heart. His strong, independent Castiel was cowered in the corner with tear tracks down his face staring up at Dean with bloodshot, puffy eyes as if he'd cried for days not hours. The man shook where he was crouched in the corner which caused Dean to feel tears well up in his eyes that the man was in such pain.

Slowly, as he didn't want to scare him, Dean moved forward and crouched in front of Castiel not knowing what he could possibly say to help him. Of course, Castiel knew Dean had no idea what to do and told Dean what he wanted.

"Hold me Dean?" Castiel sobbed out his voice barely above a whisper.

Dean needed no further instruction. He knew exactly how to hold someone when they needed it. He sat himself on the floor with his back against the wall next to where Castiel was sat and pulled him into his lap so Castiel's head rested on Dean's shoulder. Dean wrapped his hands around Cas with one hand rested on the small of his back the other brushed through his hair as Castiel cried into his shirt.

"Shh darling I'm here now. It's okay. It's going to be okay" he repeated over and over as he tried to sooth his shaken boyfriend as he rubbed his back and pressed gentle kiss to the top of Cas' head. Dean just hoped that it would be enough.

-  
After what seemed like hours, Castiel finally calmed down enough to move back to look at Dean in the eye. Castiel didn't know how long he'd been in the bathroom nor how long Dean had been with him but he was grateful Gabriel had rung Dean to tell him to come over. He knew he had worried his brother to no end especially after what had almost happened last time Castiel had locked himself in a bathroom. But just like last time, Castiel had a legitimate reason for locking himself away from the world ignoring his brother. His uncle, Zachariah, had found him.

-  
Castiel looked at Dean but Dean could tell he was lost in his thoughts. His piercing blue eyes were vacant and glazed over not taking in the sight before him and it worried Dean.

"Cas?" He spoke softly as he tried not to startle the man

Slowly the man came back to himself, his eyes started to recognise Dean was sat in front of him but still his eyes were wide in thought.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dean tried with a gentle calming tone he didn't know he was capable of.

When Castiel slowly shook his head denying that he wanted to talk Dean couldn't help but feel a little torn apart that the man didn't feel he could confide in Dean. It must have shown in his expression as suddenly Castiel spoke to him, his voice croaky with the lack of speach and the excessive amounts of sobbing "Not here. Not on the floor."

Dean nodded that he understood as he still rubbed reassuring circles on Castiel's back. "Do you want to have a shower? Once you're cleaned up we can talk it over when you're ready"

Castiel slowly nodded his head as he replied "Can you go get me some clothes to change into and then come back? I don't want to be alone right now"

"Of course. I'll be right back" Dean gave Castiel a light kiss to his forehead before he's gently removed Castiel from his lap so they could stand.

Dean made his way out to where Castiel's clothes were and picked out a loose fitting shirt and sweatpants he knew Cas loved to laze around in. Surprisingly, Gabriel was nowhere to be seen. Dean guessed the man must have left the apartment to give them space but Dean knew how worried Gabriel must have been. They had been in the bathroom for Dean guessed to be hours without a word to the man.

He spied Castiel's phone sitting on the table and picked it up and scrolled for Gabriel's number before he dialled. It was probably best Dean told Gabriel what was going on even if Dean didn't know the details himself.

The man answered after only the third ring and demanded answers while he asked if Castiel was alright. Dean told him he knew nothing of the situation other than the fact that he hadn't done anything stupid. Gabriel let out a small breath of relief as Dean told him the somewhat good news before he informed Dean he would stay away from the apartment for the night and return tomorrow evening after work but Dean had to keep him informed of everything. Dean agreed to Gabriel's terms before he said goodbye and went to check on Castiel.

When he returned, he found Cas sat cross-legged in the bathtub with the shower running over his naked body while he stared at the blank wall tiles. The man didn't seem fazed by Dean's entrance so Dean took it as a sign to strip off his own clothing and joined Cas.

As soon as Dean was sat behind him with his legs extended each side of Castiel, he wrapped his hands around Castiel's waist and kissed the nape of his neck. Castiel immediately leant back into the touch and sighed as he moved his hands on top of Dean's.

Dean continued to place gentle kisses to every piece of Castiel's skin he could reach which helped the man relax in front of him and with the hot water running over their bodies, Cas was soon calm enough to lean his head back onto Dean's shoulder and turned his head to nuzzle into Dean's neck.

"Thank you Dean" Cas whispered into his neck and placed a gentle kiss.

Dean turned his head to look down at Cas and placed a gentle kiss to his lips before he pulled back to whisper "I'll never let you go" and all Dean could think as he whispered those words that the song that their band had sung for years finally had a true meaning to him.

-  
When the water went cold somewhat 30 minutes later, Dean and Castiel found themselves cuddled together in Gabriel's bed with Castiel's back pressed against Dean's chest as warm arms pulled him closer. Castiel felt secure, safe and dare he think loved. The worry of the day was gone with Dean pressed behind him with all his warmth radiating onto Castiel's body which made a small smile play across his lips.

It was late when Castiel finally broke his silence. The sun had long since gone down and with a glance at the clock on Gabriel's bedside table he saw that it was well after midnight. He'd been in the bathroom for over five hours lost in his thoughts as his depression came back at the sight of his uncle and the ugly, ugly words he had uttered to him.

He knew Dean wasn't asleep as every so often there was a soft peck of lips placed to the back of his neck, shoulder or into his hair. Dean was so patient with him. He hadn't demanded answers as to why Castiel had locked himself in the bathroom or why Castiel had cried for hours. Through it all Dean had held him, dried his tears and calmed him down. He knew Dean would have run so many thoughts through his mind about what had happened. Castiel needed to tell Dean everything, from the beginning.

Castiel slowly turned himself in Dean's arms so they were face to face. Dean's eyes were closed but as Castiel pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, his eyes opened to reveal his jade irises.

"I'm ready" Castiel said softly "Let me tell you everything"

-  
Castiel was having a normal day. He'd worked at the bookstore for four weeks now and he still loved every minute of it. The store wasn't very large so after his first week of work, the owner trusted him enough to work by himself. When days were slow, he could be found curled up in one of the bean bags near the back of the store with a book and cup of tea. It was great; he got paid to read books. Of course every time he heard the bell ring as someone entered the store, he abandoned the book and placed it back on its shelf to come back to later. Normally he would only ever read the used books as to not damage any new books. He did trust himself not to damage them too much but he just didn't want to risk it so he stuck to reading the used ones.

The selection of the used books was smaller than the new books but Castiel found that he liked to read used books. He liked to think up stories to go with how each book got into its current state and what the previous owner would have been like. He especially loved the ones that were well worn with the spine wrinkled from being opened to wide or the dog-eared pages even the ones that had parts underlined showing that the owner especially liked that quote. It just showed that people in the world loved books as much as Castiel did. Books are made to be loved, to be thrown around and shared. Books aren't meant to just sit on a shelf and look pretty. For Castiel, the more worn a book is, the better the book must be.

Castiel was curled up reading _'A Tale of Two Cities'_ by Charles Dickens, one of his favourite books, when the front door bell tinkled. He quickly closed his book and placed it back on the shelf near the back so he could easily find it again when the customer had left. He paced himself down the aisle of the bookshelves that were six shelves high till he could see the door. The customer was no longer stood by the door so he must be about the store someplace.

He headed in the direction of the far aisle as that was typically the aisle most people went down first for some reason once they entered the store. Sure enough, he found the customer half-way down the aisle with his back turned towards Castiel as he eyed the end shelves.

There was something familiar about the man. He was tall in stature with broad shoulders with grey hair but was balding at what Castiel guessed was a fast rate as the whole top of his head was bare. This man was definitely familiar to Castiel but as the man slowly turned around, it finally hit him who it was. It was his Uncle Zachariah with a shit-eating grin on his face as he faced Castiel.

"Hello Castiel. It's been a long time hasn't it?" Zachariah asked with a small smirk on his face.

Castiel was not up to this. He did not want his uncle in the store and he definitely did not want to talk to him about anything. He wanted him gone and never wanted to see him again. He was the reason why he hated himself for so long. Why he had blamed himself for his father leaving his mother alone.

"What do you want?" Castiel asked with anger to his tone.

"What no offer for tea? No light conversation to ease the mood?" the man asked as he stepped closer to Castiel.

Castiel stared him in the eyes as he narrowed his vision to express his displeasure of the man finding him again. His hands clenched at his side as he tried to refrain himself from lashing out at the man who ruined his life.

"What, do you want?" He asked again through clenched teeth as he strained to keep at least some composure.

"Fine, I see we aren't going to act civil" Zachariah continued to step closer as he spoke "I want you to come back and work at your father's company again" Zachariah came to a halt just a few steps away from Castiel and let his proposition hang in the air for Castiel to mull over.

Of course, Castiel didn't need to mull over anything. He would never go back to that company. Never work for his uncle again. He despised the manipulative man and he would never fall for one of his tricks again. This was going to be some elaborate plan for Castiel to return to work only to be blamed for every little thing that went wrong with the company because "he was the accountant so of course he should know every little thing that happens". Obviously, that wasn't true. As the accountant all he knew was the accounts. He only saw numbers not business plans or opportunities.

"I will _never _work there again. Now if you don't mind, kindly leave" Castiel gritted out

"Actually, you miserable little maggot," Zachariah spoke raising a finger "I do mind. You see, I know all about your little life here. How you're living with your delinquent of a brother and only started working here three weeks ago." Castiel stood in surprise at Zachariah's words. How long had he spied on him? And why did he spy him? What did he stand to gain by tailing him? "I also" Zachariah continued as he stepped even closer to Castiel so they were mere feet away from each other "Know all about your "relationship" he even used the air quotes the bastard "With a certain Dean Winchester."

Castiel's mouth fell open. How did this man know anything about Dean? Sure they hadn't exactly been discrete but what did his relationship with Dean have to do with anything? Zachariah had no clue Castiel was gay before. He had kept that close to his chest because he knew his family would flip out and try and "turn him straight". The only family that knew were his mother and of course Gabriel and that is how Castiel liked it. They were the only ones that never judged him and loved him for who he was.

"I never did pick you for a faggot" Castiel winced at Zachariah's words. They struck him to the heart. It didn't matter that he hated Zachariah; the words still held meaning and insulted him. This is what he feared, his family rejecting him due to his sexuality and this was the exact reason he had never told them. "Although," The man continued "You never did have any girlfriends. Surprised I didn't put two and two together sooner." The man shrugged

"Leave." Castiel ground out. When the man made no move to leave, Castiel yelled a little louder "Leave, before I make you"

Zachariah threw his head back and laughed "You? Make me leave? Don't make me laugh Castiel. We all know who would come out on top. Now, go back and pack your stuff. I'll pick you up in an hour"

Now was Castiel's turn to laugh "If you think I'm leaving with you, you've got another thing coming. What part of 'I will _never _work there again' do you not get? Now I will say this for the last time. Leave" Castiel's knuckles were clenched white at his side as he extended his hand closest to the door and pointed where he wanted the narcissistic asshole to go.

"Hear this Castiel," Zachariah was angry now at Castiel's defiance. He closed the gap between them so their faces were inches apart with his finger pointed at Castiel's face "If you reject this offer, if I walk out that door, I will never return to this place and you" he snarled "You will never return home. And if you do, you will lose everything and not just you, that little boy-toy of yours too. I will make sure that his band never makes it passed their gigs at that red-neck bar"

Castiel gaped at his uncle. Did he really have that much power? Was he really that high up in the corporate world that he had that much influence over the music industry? Castiel couldn't take the risk. He would never return to his home. He would never see the rest of his family again.

"Goodbye Zachariah" he muttered out.

"I see, you really are good for nothing" Zachariah spoke and without a moment's hesitation he was gone out the door and out of Castiel's life.

-  
"That asshole" Dean shouted out as Castiel finished telling Dean what had happened.

He'd told him everything. He'd told him about life before when his mother was alive. How even though he still worked under his uncle and was being blamed for his father's absence day in and day out his mother was still there to reassure him that it wasn't his fault. But when she died, she wasn't there to tell him that anymore. He told how he had taken all the words his uncle told him to heart; that he started to blame himself and how he had sunk into depression so fast he couldn't breathe.

"Dean," Castiel spoke, keeping himself calm and tried to calm down Dean's reaction to his words "It's fine. I don't need to go back. You know why?"

Slowly, Dean turned his head back to face Castiel. In his rage he had let Castiel go and rolled to his back to face the ceiling. His nostrils flared with rage. But at Castiel's calm expression his face relaxed a little.

"Why?"

"Because," Castiel whispered as he leant in to press their lips together in a chaste kiss "I have nothing left there. Everything I need is right here."

Castiel leant in again and planted their lips together. It wasn't heated or desperate but passionate and caring. He wanted to tell Dean just how much he meant to him. That he was all Castiel wanted.

When they parted, Dean was silent. He looked at Castiel with lust blown eyes and just a hint of fear.

"What's wrong?" Castiel asked as he placed a hand on Dean's check and rubbed it with his thumb slowly.

"I'm moving to LA." Castiel gaped in shock, wide eyed at Dean's confession. "Come with me. Live with me in LA"

"Okay" Castiel replied without hesitation. He wanted to be with Dean and if LA was where Dean was going to be, that's where Castiel would be.

-  
It was their last gig before they moved to LA. Dean was nervous to say the least but he was excited at the same time. He and Castiel were going to live together and Dean was going to record an album with his brother and his best friend. Life was definitely looking up for Dean Winchester.

They were on their last song of the night and Dean wanted to do something special. It was their last gig for a long while in their home town but the something special wasn't for the town, it was for Castiel. He wanted to tell the man exactly how he felt and he wanted to tell him through the song that had been on his mind ever since that night that he had broken down and told him everything.

Dean had in turn told Castiel everything about his family. About how his mother had died when he was four, how his father had uprooted their life and took them travelling around the country doing odd jobs living out of motels and getting by pay check to pay check. Dean told Castiel how his father had given up on life and had turned to the drink leaving Dean to practically raise Sam. How that's why, even now, that he always put Sam's needs before anyone else including himself. He retold the story of the night of his eighth birthday; how Bobby had taken the two young boys, adopted them as his own and raised them until Sam had turned eightneen and Dean decided they would move out.

Castiel had listened with the same awe that Dean believed he had when Castiel had told him everything and at that moment Dean knew. He knew he didn't want anyone else. He knew Castiel was it for him. He knew that his life was never going to be the same from that moment on.

The moment he finished his life-story Castiel had told him that everything that had happened to Dean and to himself didn't define who they were. They were just two lost souls who found each other and were now trying to put their lives back together, together.

Dean stepped up to the microphone that night, with a glint in his eye as he eyed the seat Castiel was sat in at the bar. He nursed a whiskey and talked with Jo during the break of song. Castiel's attention was brought back to Dean as soon as he spoke and those blue eyes looked at him with such admiration it made Dean warm inside.

"This next song," Dean began as he looked over at Castiel while he spoke "We wrote it a while ago. It's an old one that didn't have too much meaning to me when we first began performing it. A few weeks ago however, that changed. I hold it in a very different light and… well yeah." He finished dryly. "This one goes out to you Cas"

Castiel smiled up at Dean and that gave Dean all the encouragement he needed to start singing the song

"_Shadows fall and the darkness of night descends  
Concrete walls bring the road to an end  
I don't know which way  
Leads me back to you  
Every step that I take  
Brings your light into view_

You took so long for me to find  
Yeah  
Suddenly our worlds collide

I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go  
I've found you and now I know  
I'll never let you go"

-  
The band finished the song and they stepped to the front of the stage together to do one last bow for their hometown fans before they departed on their great adventure.

Finally, finally he was able to get to Cas. To tell him what he'd been holding back for a while now too scared to admit it. He hoped that Castiel felt the same. The way the man looked at him after he told him about his family Dean knew there was something there. He knew the man felt the same way. He just hoped he hadn't read it all wrong.

Castiel was stood before him with a huge grin on his face with tears in his eyes. Dean stepped forward and wiped the tears away with his thumbs before they fell. Dean pulled Castiel's face towards him and plastered their lips together in a needy, passionate kiss letting their tongues explore each other's mouths that they knew so well now but it was still just as satisfying as their first time.

Dean pulled back breathless and looked Castiel in the eye as he uttered the words he so desperately needed to let out.

"I love you Castiel Novak and I'm never letting you go"

Castiel let out a small laugh as he eyes welled up again.

"I love you too Dean Winchester"

* * *

**A/N The song is 'Never Let You Go' by Evermore**


	10. Life In a Sound Booth

Castiel arrived home from a long day at work to an empty apartment, surprise, surprise. He shrugged off his beige trench coat that Dean had given him for his birthday and hung it on the coat rack. Being in LA, there was no real need for a trench coat but it made Dean happy to see Castiel wear it and Castiel loved the coat so it was a win-win situation for him.

He sighed as he placed his keys into the bowl on the table next to the door; Dean isn't home. It doesn't come as much of a surprise as Dean's had spent most of his time working in the studio on his own thing for the past week. Their debut album was finished recording six months into them moving to LA with it set to be released in the next week and that was hard for Castiel and Dean. They barely saw each other and when they were together, Dean's mind was elsewhere. He often stopped halfway through a conversation to ring Sam with a new idea which left Castiel alone; again. Dean always made it up to him though. He left little surprises around the apartment for Castiel to find to let him know that Dean thought about him even if his actions said otherwise.

They fought, like every couple does; they weren't immune to that. However, their fights were never anything big. It usually started over something as menial as not turning the coffee machine off before leaving the apartment or Dean not cleaning the mirror after flossing his teeth. It was always stupid, meaningless arguments that never lead to anything other than sex. They had christened every room within the first week of moving into the apartment including the downstairs laundry room. Castiel's just glad that there's a lock on the door down there.

With the apartment paid for through Dean's contract, there was no real need for Castiel to get a job but he knew he would get bored and depressed if he just sat around all day waiting for Dean to come home. While he worked at the small bookstore back before they moved, Castiel knew he wanted to open his own store. The only issue was money. He knew he wouldn't be able to afford it right of the bat on his own so for the first three months of living in LA, Castiel found a bookstore to work at and saved money in hopes to eventually be able to rent his own store.

By month four, Castiel had almost got himself enough money to lease a small store not far from their apartment and his collection of books he started which filled the guest room – much to Dean's annoyance – was enough to start the store, when Gabriel rang. Castiel had kept in contact with his brother and rang him every other day plus Gabriel had helped them settle in to their apartment before he had to leave back to his job. His brother knew all about Castiel's plan and decided that he would fly out to LA for the weekend without telling him the reason. To make a long story short, Gabriel offered Castiel the rest of the money he needed for his store on the condition that he never mentioned it again and never tried to repay him. Castiel reluctantly accepted as he felt that his brother had already done enough for him but was soon apprehended by Gabriel who told him "I will never stop looking after you Cassie"

Within six months, Castiel and Dean's careers were in a great place, Castiel had his own store, the band's debut album was about to be released and if the success of their single that was released a few weeks earlier was anything to go by, the band was definitely going to succeed. The only thing that lacked was that they hadn't had an actual date in two months and with nothing more than a quick blowjob in the morning in a month they were both feeling the tension.

Castiel had had enough and picked up his phone to call Sam who would more than likely be at home with Jessica like Dean should be with Castiel. Sam seemed to have managed better with his personal life than Dean had. Of course, Castiel wasn't angry at Dean. How could he be? The band was Dean's life before Castiel and this was his dream. He just missed him and wanted at least some time for them to just be with each other without Dean having to rush off. Jess and Castiel had become pretty good friends with both their boyfriends lives pre-occupied with the band. They knew they were going to come second best for the moment with the new album being the bands baby. Castiel was pretty sure Dean had considered the Impala even second best to the album – scandal.

Sam finally picked up on the sixth ring

"Hey Cas, what's up?"

"Hello Sam. Are you still at the studio? Or is Dean there by himself?" Castiel greeted before he got straight to the point.

"I left him there about twenty minutes ago. He said he was going to do some stuff but yeah he's there by himself. Why what's up?" Sam questioned a hint of worry in his voice.

Castiel was quick to reassure him "Oh nothing, I was just going to go see him that's all and was wondering if you were going to be there or not"

"Why were you – oh wait no never mind" Sam stutters out and Castiel has to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. "I'm just going to hang up now"

"You do that Sam. Goodbye" Castiel says as he held back a chuckle

"Yeah, cya Cas"

As soon as Sam hangs up, Castiel grabbed his keys and trench coat and was out the door without a second thought.

-  
Dean loved LA his only regret? He doesn't get to see Cas enough. He hated being away from him for such long hours that when they do get time alone, they're usually too tired or have to get up early to do anything. Dean hated it but he knows that after he's done with his own project, he and Cas won't leave their bed for a week.

After a glance at the clock, Dean figured he'll leave in about twenty minutes. Sam left at least half an hour ago to go home to Jess and insisted Dean do the same and spend some time with Cas but Dean shook him off in favour of trying to finish up his project as fast as he can. He hasn't disclosed to anyone except Crowley, their now manager, what his secret project is but he knows Sam has probably guessed what he's doing. He isn't exactly discreet about it. He just hopes Cas doesn't find out.

He was sat on the stool, strumming his guitar in the studio with his headphones on, back to the sound booth lost in the world that is his music. He closes his eyes and tried to feel the music and let it flow through him and onto the paper like he has so many times before but for some reason just can't seem to do this time. Why are these emotions so hard to capture?

Warm arms enclosed around his waist and warm chapped lips pressed to the back of his neck startled him out of his daze but he knows straight away who they belong too and God how he's missed them. He leant back into the touch and smiled as he did so; slowly he placed his beloved guitar to the ground before things got out of hand. The arms around his waist moved up to his head and removed the headphones to discard them without nearly as much care as Dean did so with his guitar but before Dean can protest, there was a warm wet tongue inside his ear and warm words breathed inside

"Miss you so much baby" the low gravelly voice whispered "I think it's time we defiled the studio don't you?"

And how is Dean meant to say no to that? Turn down a good fucking from his amazing boyfriend in favour of trying to write a song he's failed to write for months? Hell no. Dean Winchester never turns down sex especially from his incredibly sexy, forgiving and amazingly patient boyfriend.

Dean twisted in his stool so he can face Cas and what he's greeted with turns him on to epic proportions. He wore the tan trench coat that Dean bought him for his birthday last November and nothing else.

"Fuck" is all Dean's able to get out before he got a lap full of Castiel and their lips are together for what feels like their first time in a heated kiss that's full of need, desperation and longing. Castiel's hands are everywhere; through his hair, up his shirt, before they pulled off his jeans as if the man has 6 pairs of hands and all of them are focused on Dean.

It's not long till Dean is matched to his boyfriend's attire wearing absolutely nothing and is sprawled on top of Cas on the floor where they unceremoniously fell when trying to rid Dean of his clothes. When the giggles stopped, it was straight back to what they both had craved for what felt like forever. That slide of skin on skin, the soft pants into each other's ears and the satisfaction of coming undone in the love of your life's arms is something they've wanted for so long they can't delay it any longer.

"Cas" Dean pants out as their hips grind against each other in increased rhythm wanting, _needing_ release "Cas, sweetheart, you got lube? Please tell me you brought lube"

Dean's hand was grabbed and guided behind Cas as he replied "Don't need it" and Dean knew exactly what he meant as his fingers were pressed into Castiel's entrance to find it already slicked and stretched.

Dean groaned at the thought of Castiel slicking himself up "Damn Cas. When did you do that?"

"Just before" Castiel replied "Out there. Watching you" Castiel pointed behind them to the sound booth which Dean had had his back turned to before.

"Fuck" was all Dean could get out as Castiel once again surprised him with his sexual endeavours and kissed him with animalistic passion. This man was definitely going to kill him. Without a second thought, Dean pulled them both to their feet and pressed Castiel up against the glass that saw out into the sound booth. He hooped his elbows under Castiel's legs and heaved him up. Castiel quickly got with the play, and wrapped his legs around Dean and arms round his shoulders as their lips meant once again.

Dean couldn't take the wait any longer; he needed to be inside Castiel _now_. Dean strategically altered his grip and moved his right hand to grip around Castiel's back as he held him in place as his left hand before he gripped his shaft and guided it to Cas' entrance. His arm and thighs shook at the weight but his adrenaline took over and only faltered a little as he heard the streak of Castiel's sweat slick skin across the sound proof glass.

Castiel's hands had moved to Dean's shoulders and gripped tight enough that Dean knew he would have bruises tomorrow like he always did after he and Cas went at it - if it wasn't rough, it wasn't fun. Slowly, Dean released his tight grip on Cas' back to let the man sink down onto his cock. As the warm, tight heat enclosed around Dean, he couldn't help but groan. It was like coming home. God how he has missed this; being with Castiel in every way he could.

Warm pants of breath were being pressed into his neck where Castiel nuzzled as he adjusted. When Dean felt the warm wetness of a tongue licking and teeth biting down, he knew he was allowed to move now. Dean's hands gripped each of Castiel's ass cheeks while he rocked onto his toes to push further inside. He lifted Cas up off his cock almost all the way before he let him sink down again as he pushed himself up to meet Cas and damn if that felt good.

Keens and groans filled the room as the pace increased unsure who was making the noise but neither seemed to care. This is what they needed. They needed to be together in every way for either to be happy.

The glass behind them started to fog with the heat from their joined bodies which caused the sound of Castiel's skin as it streaked across the glass become louder which was strangely erotic for Dean. He wanted to hear the noise more so he increased his pace and lifted and sunk Castiel down while he met the man with increased force. He wanted to reach his conclusion but was caught in between with wanting this to last. But that would have to be another time as Castiel's cock was hard and leaked profusely between their heated bodies and the heat pooled in Dean's spine, there was no way this was going to last much longer

"_Dean_" Castiel keened "Dean _please_ I – "

"Touch yourself Cas" Dean interrupted. As Dean held Castiel up as he bounced on his cock, he wouldn't be able to get Cas off himself like he desperately wanted to.

With a thud, Castiel's head lolled back onto the glass as his hand enclosed around his cock and pumped in time with Dean's thrusts. Dean moved his hands to Castiel's hips and pushed him into the glass holding him in place while he rocked on his feet to pump into Cas with increased power as he wanted to reach his end at the same time as Castiel. He knew that with the angle, he was hitting Castiel's bundle of nerves on every thrust and Castiel barely controlled his body with the pleasure. His hand started to falter and his mouth opened as his orgasm was ripped from him and spurted over his hand and stomach. Dean watched in awe as Castiel plummeted over the edge. The man was gorgeous like this and it was all for Dean. As Castiel clenched down, Dean hit the edge himself with a few more thrusts and followed over the precipice barely able to keep upright as he pumped into Castiel.

His lover went limp in his arms and collapsed onto Dean's torso while he panted into his neck as they both came down from their orgasms. Dean buckled under the weight as his limp muscles couldn't hold them both up anymore and they fell to the floor with a thud. Dean was way top out of it to care and Castiel didn't seem to have noticed.

When their breathing and heart rates finally evened out, Castiel leant up onto his hands and hovered over Dean with a huge smile on his face which Dean couldn't help but return as he surged up and locked his lips with Castiel's in a slow, lazy kiss.

"We are not waiting that long ever again" Castiel scowled as he parted from Dean. Dean chuckled at Castiel. He was unbelievably adorable when he scowled. "Why are you laughing?" Castiel questioned "It's been two fucking months since we've done anything more than a quick blow job or hand job"

Dean's smile faltered then. Cas was angry and Dean was quick to try and rectify that "I know honey, I'm so sorry. When the album comes out next week, I'll be done here and then I'm all yours. I promise"

"Promise?" Castiel asked with such innocence it was hard to believe they'd just fucked against a window in the studio.

Dean nodded in reply "Promise sweetheart" To assure Castiel he meant what he said, he locked their lips together and hoped that he could say with his tongue what he couldn't put into words. It seemed to work as when they parted, Castiel's smile was back in place as he slowly nestled back into Dean's chest.

"I love you Dean" Castiel mumbled into his chest

"I love you too Cas" Dean replied as he placed a kiss to the top of Castiel's head.

Dean reached over to grab Castiel's discarded trench coat to drape across their bodies before they fell asleep in each other's arms on the studio floor.

"Hey Cas" Dean asked somewhat lazily about to doze off when he got a soft 'hm' in reply, he knew Cas was about to doze of himself "Where are the rest of your clothes?"

"In the sound booth" came the reply

"Crowley's going to kill me when he finds out" Dean says aloud more to himself than to Cas.

"Well" Castiel replied as he lifted himself up again to look Dean in the eye "We just won't let him find out"

"And how do you suppose we do that? Your ass is imprinted on the window"

"And whose fault is that?" Castiel replied with a smirk "Come on" Castiel says as he made a move to stand to his feet "Let's head home. Then they won't know it was us"

Once he's on his feet, Castiel turned and headed to the door to the booth. Dean watched him as he goes and saw his cum drip from between Castiel's cheeks as his hips sway. Dean groaned at the sight. "Fuck Cas, you're so fucking gorgeous"

"I know" came the cheeky reply before he's out the door and Dean can see him pick up his clothes and slowly put them back on. Dean takes the motion to move and did the same himself.

Dean packed up his gear before they left. He put his guitar in its case and headphones back where they were supposed to be. He left the booth to find Castiel sat in the chair in front of the sound desk which had all the recordings Dean had done for his personal project on the computer screen. Dean cursed himself internally. Maybe Castiel hadn't noticed but that was a fat chance seeing the way Castiel now looked at Dean with confusion and question in his eyes as he wanted to know what Dean was doing.

"Dean," Castiel began "What are you working on?"

It was the first time Castiel had actually asked what Dean was doing at the studio. When the album was done and Dean told Castiel he was still going to work on something else, Castiel had said nothing more on the subject and didn't ask anything more of Dean and respected his space. That's another thing Dean loved about Castiel; he knew when to give Dean space.

"Uhm" Dean stuttered out not knowing how to answer "It's just, uhh it's nothing. Just forget about it" Dean finally got out before he turned off the computer screen and the sound desk. "Let's just go home" he finished as he plastered a hopefully reassuring smile on his face but Castiel saw right through it like he always did.

"Are you making your own album?"

Fuck. Now he had to tell Cas everything. There was no backing out now.

Dean let out a shaky breath "Yes"

"And it's about me isn't it?"

Fuck. Why did his boyfriend have to be so fucking smart?

"Yes" Dean replied once again as he felt his cheeks burn up as he blushed unable to look Castiel in the eye instead stared down at his boots where he still hadn't tied the laces.

Warm hands pressed into his cheeks which brought his head upwards. Castiel's eyes were filled with adoration and tears. This had Dean confused, why was Castiel crying? He thought that Castiel would be angry that Dean breached their privacy and let people know Castiel's story and hadn't asked Castiel if he was okay with it. Warm lips pressed against his in a slow loving kiss that told Dean so much more than he'd ever felt with Castiel before. Castiel was definitely okay with Dean writing this album.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he asked as they parted

Dean shrugged "I don't know. I just thought maybe you didn't want me to write about your life or something"

"You, Dean Winchester, are an absolute idiot. Do you know how I feel knowing that while you're in here your thinking about _me_? Writing about _me_? Singing about _me_?" When Dean shook his head Castiel continued "You make me feel like the most loved person in the world, Dean. I am humbled to think that you feel that you can write an album about me."

"So you're not angry?" Dean asked hesitantly which earned a chuckle from Castiel

"No of course not you Neanderthal. I love you. I could never be angry at you unless you don't clean the mirror after you floss one more time. Seriously Dean what the fuck do you eat?"

Dean shut him up with a kiss and a note to himself to always wash the mirror he definitely did not want Cas angry at him.

"Come on," Castiel said with a pull to Dean's hand "Let's go home"


	11. The Announcement

"Cas" Dean whined "Why do I have to wear this stupid thing"

Castiel emerged from the bathroom to inspect Dean's appearance and why he was complaining even though he already knew. It was the night of the album release party and they had a formal dinner before the party with all the executives that they had to sit through and formal meant black tie. When Castiel finally laid eyes on Dean he couldn't help but feel aroused, the man looked absolutely irresistible in the black tuxedo with white shirt and black bow tie.

"I don't understand why you don't like wearing this, Dean" Castiel said while he adjusted Dean's bow tie "You look amazing and if we didn't have to be out of here in half an hour," Castiel leant forward to claim Dean's lips in a heated kiss as he teased with his tongue before he pulled back again and laughed at Dean as he tried to follow him blindly "Then I'd definitely have my way with you but unfortunately I still need to get dressed" Castiel patted Dean's shoulder before he returned to the bathroom to finish.

"Fucking tease" Dean called after him which caused a chuckle from Castiel

Castiel left the bathroom after placing the cologne Dean loved on to find Dean sprawled on their bed reading one of his car magazines.

"Dean, get off the bed, you'll crinkle your tux" Castiel scorned

While Dean grumbled and wrestled himself off the bed, Castiel retrieved his own tuxedo from the wardrobe. It was similar to Dean's traditional tux except he decided to choose a black shirt and white bow tie. He just liked it better and if the reaction he received once he was dressed was anything to go by, Dean liked it too.

"Damn Cas, you look gorgeous" Dean said as he eyed him hungrily "Not that you don't normally" He hastily added

Castiel chuckled as he stepped forward to kiss him "Good save Winchester"

He smirked into the kiss as Dean attempted to deepen it. He allowed his boyfriend to continue before his hands wandered a little too low and stepped back as he placed his finger to Dean's pouted lips.

"No Dean. We have to go"

If at all possible, Dean's pout only increased as his shoulders slumped. Castiel quickly glanced at the clock; they had five minutes before they had to be downstairs to meet Ash, Jo, Sam, and Jess in the limo, there was definitely no time to do anything.

"Baby as much as I want to," Castiel sweet talked as he tried to remove the pout from Dean's face "We can't be late. These guys funded your album after all and if we turn up late and in a complete mess they'll know exactly _why_ we were late. So come on we have to go. I have a bag packed for us with clothes to get changed into for the party so we don't ruin the tuxedos"

"Geez Cas when did you turn into mother hen?" Dean joked.

Castiel scowled at Dean and instead of replying he picked up the bag and stormed out of the room. He tried to appear angry so Dean would have to try and make it up to him. It worked as, as soon as he reached the front door, he was pulled back and spun around to face Dean who had a look of worry on his face.

"I'm sorry sweetie I love you being all organised and shit. God knows if you didn't, I'd probably still be back in South Dakota"

"I don't doubt that" Castiel agreed

Dean smiled at him which caused Castiel to smile in return. Damn Winchester and his contagious smile.

"And just to prove how sorry I am" Dean continued as he stepped forward to whisper in Castiel's ear. His breath caused a shiver down his spine and the hairs on the back of his neck to rise "When we get home, we can do _whatever_ you want"

Without another word, Dean moved passed Castiel and out the door. Castiel couldn't help but smirk. He'd got the exact reaction he'd wanted.

-  
When they emerged in the lobby of their apartment building, Jess, Sam, Ash, and Jo were waiting for them. Dean eyed up the women before him and took in their appearance. They were absolutely stunning. Jess wore a short black dress with one shoulder and white shoes whereas Jo wore a strapless red dress with a sparkling silver belt around her waist and matching red shoes.

"Damn Jo, who knew you, could look so lady-like" Dean teased earning a punch to the shoulder from both Jo and Cas. "There's the Jo I know" he joked again and earned a laugh from Jo but it didn't seem to remove the glare from Cas' face. Dean sighed before he apologised. It was the only way that Cas would stop glaring at him "I'm kidding ladies. You look absolutely gorgeous. Seriously Sam, if you don't marry that girl soon someone else might snap her up. You too Ash."

Ash and Jo had only recently gotten together. They were inseparable ever since they had arrived in LA and eventually they fell into a relationship. No one was actually surprised it had happened. Everyone had known they had crushed on each other for years.

Sam replied with his classic bitch-face and Ash with a chuckle. Dean chanced a glance at Castiel to see the glare had been replaced by one of amusement as he tried to hold back a laugh which meant Dean was off the hook.

"Thank you Dean" Jess replied "You're not looking too bad yourself. Funny what a bar of soap and a razor can produce"

Everyone cracked up over Jess' joke which caused Dean to scowl in defeat and look down at his shoes which Cas had polished for him. Damn Cas was really too good for him. He did absolutely everything for Dean without even Dean needing to ask him. He did feel bad for insulting him earlier about the whole mother hen thing even though it was true. If it wasn't for Cas, Dean didn't think he would be where he was stood in the lobby of a high class apartment building waiting for a damn limo to show up to take them to a dinner and later their album launch party.

Cas was Dean's driving passion. He was the man behind Dean's music and just about every song he sang, he sang it for Cas. He didn't give a shit if the label or the fans liked his songs, if Cas liked it then that was enough for him. Cas was the only critic outside of his family Dean would listen to. As he looked over to his lover he saw his eyes crinkled and a huge smile across his face as he laughed – even if it was at Dean's expense – he couldn't help but smile.

Castiel must have felt Dean's gaze as he slowly turned to lock eyes with Dean his eyes filled with love and adoration. Dean reached out his hand and took hold of Castiel's and entwined their fingers together as he leant forward to place a soft kiss to the chapped lips of his partner.

"What was that for?" Cas asked with his head tilted to the side which he did every time he tried to figure out what Dean was saying and it was utterly adorable.

"For everything" Dean replied simply before he returned his attention to the rest of the party. He could still feel the blue eye gaze on him as he tried to figure it all out. They departed for the limo once it finally pulled up outside to enjoy their evening but first they had to get through dinner with management.

-  
"Evening boys" Crowley greeted them as they arrived at their table "And ladies you look ravishing" he took each of their hands and kissed them on the hand which caused them both to giggle and blush. Sam, Ash, and Dean rolled their eyes at each other as they took their seats next to each other.

"Play nice" Castiel whispered in Dean's ear as he seated himself down next to Dean "He's the reason you're here right now" He reminded Dean. He knew Dean didn't really like Crowley. For some reason, Dean had just felt there was something off about the guy like he had a hidden agenda. However, if he did, it had not been revealed yet as everything was as it should be with the album.

Castiel glanced around the table and noticed there were three spare seats at the table but before he could ask who they were for, Dean beat him to it.

"So who else is coming?" Dean asked as he gestured to the empty seats.

"Well," Crowley began before he cut himself off and stood up from the table "Why tell you when they've just arrived" The table occupants followed Crowley's gaze to see two men and a woman approach the table. The man at the front was tall and blonde and wore a black tux with a red tie followed by a similar height man who was lean in stature and wore a blue tie with his tux. They were lastly followed by a small brunette who wore a short, black dress that barely covered anything and matching black heels.

"Gentleman," Crowley addressed the table again "Meet Luce, Alistair, and Meg from Management. I'm sure you've heard a lot about them"

Sam was the first to stand and shook hands with the men and kissed Meg on the cheek as he said how much of a pleasure it was to meet them before he introduced them to Jess. Noticing that Dean was yet to move, Castiel kicked his foot under the table and sent him a glare which told him to get up and greet them. Dean smiled and did the same as Sam before he turned to Castiel and introduced him. Castiel stood and shook hands. Castiel noticed that Alistair was looking at Dean with a weird look. Dean seemed to shift his weight from foot to foot under the gaze. Thinking it was nothing more than the fact this Alistair person was just another homophobe, Castiel elected to ignore it. There was no point in making a scene. It was Dean's big night and making enemies with management was not exactly a good idea. Meg however, kept giving him weird looks as if she was picturing him naked which made him extremely uncomfortable. Meg must have sensed Castiel's predicament as she smirked and sent a wink his way before she took her seat at the table.

"So I know this is a big night for you boys," Crowley began once they were all seated and had given their food orders. The three from management had been oddly quiet. They had not said anything other than their greetings of hello and place their food orders which Castiel found unsettling. There was something about this trio that Castiel found worrying. They did not seem like nice people and judging by the looks they gave Castiel, they did not approve of his and Dean's relationship. As if to show them they had no control over him or Dean, Castiel entwined his fingers with Dean's which was rested on the table in plain sight for them to see. Dean squeezed his hand and turned his head to smile at Castiel. They were drawn away from each other's eyes as Crowley cleared his throat.

"As I was saying," Crowley reiterated as he glared at Castiel and Dean before his face relaxed again and he continued "I know this is a big night for you boys so I just wanted to congratulate you and tell you that the album has debuted at number three on the charts."

The joy that spread across Dean's face was indescribable. Castiel didn't think he'd ever seen Dean's grin that wide except for when Castiel agreed to move to LA with him. Castiel found he grinned as Dean turned to him and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Congratulations Dean" Castiel murmured across Dean's lips

"That's not the only news I have" Crowley continued everyone's gaze was on the small man again as he spoke "Management here have decided that with the success that the album is having when it hasn't even been released officially yet, you are going to go on an American wide tour while you've got them in the palm of your hand"

Everyone's jaw dropped as Crowley's words before Dean and Sam stood up and hugged each other with Ash joining in. Castiel watched with a huge grin on his face as the trio embraced and basked in their success even if they hadn't actually had success yet, a tour of the US was still a huge step for the small town band. Finally, the trio let go and returned to their seats where Castiel hugged Dean and kissed his cheek.

The table returned their attention to Crowley expecting details except this time it was Luce who spoke up. His voice soft and persuading as if this man knew exactly how to get things he wanted

"Tickets will go on sale two weeks after the official album release. The tour will start end of August and you will finish Mid-December"

Castiel was a little shocked to say the least. Three months without Dean in LA. It didn't seem like a long time but he knew when the time came, it was going to be agony. Since they had got together eight months ago they had barely spent more than a few days a part. Castiel had grown used to sharing his bed with the warm body that was Dean and even though Dean had spent so much time at the studio, they still saw each other.

"The tour will start here in LA and you will travel around ending up in San Francisco for your last show but we can discuss details later. Let's enjoy our meal and then go to the party" Luce finished with a grin

"How about a toast" Meg said with a grin on her face "To the success of this wonderful band" Everyone raised their drinks and chinked their vessels in the centre of the round table.

-  
Dean was on a high. Their band was finally going somewhere and that somewhere was on an America wide tour for three months. Sure it wasn't worldwide, not yet anyway, but the time will come if the tour is success and the album does well overseas then maybe one day it will be worldwide. But Dean wasn't thinking about all that right now. What he was really thinking about was why Cas was being so quiet. Cas had smiled, hugged and congratulated him but it didn't meet his eyes. For some reason there was just something off about Cas and he wanted to know what that was. Was Cas not happy for him? Dean was finally on the road to get what he had dreamed of ever since the moment he received his first guitar. He knew he was going to have to confront him about it but not tonight. Tonight was about Sam, Ash and himself and their success. He wasn't going to start any drama. He was going to enjoy himself and who knows maybe Cas would get over whatever brought him down.

They arrived at the venue after changing into clothes suitable to party in a little after 9pm. To say it was packed would be an understatement. There were so many people it was hard to move around. People patted Dean on the back and wished him luck with the album. Dean just smiled and thanked them not recognising any of the people especially with the dark with only dance lights to lighten the room.

Dean fought his way through the sweaty bodies as he dragged Cas along by the hand all the way to the bar where they ordered themselves a beer each. Cas seemed to have loosened up since they arrived and smiled at Dean with the joy meeting his eyes this time. Dean smiled in return and pulled Castiel in for a kiss to let everyone know that the man with the sex tousled hair and bright blue eyes in the black jeans that were tight enough to show off his ass and navy blue button down was taken.

When their drinks finally arrived, Dean dragged Cas off to the VIP area that had been set up for the band and management where they took a seat on the red leather seats next to Jo and Ash.

"Dean my man" Ash greeted as he pumped fists with him "Tell me you agree, these couches look like something from a porno" Dean and Castiel both cracked up laughing. "So you agree then?" Ash asked once they stopped laughing.

"I dunno man" Dean said "I guess they're just easy to clean seeing it's leather"

"Exactly why they look like something from a porno" Ash countered

"Ash drop it would you? Let's stop talking about porn and talk about the fact you guys are going on tour" Jo interjected

Dean felt Cas tense next to him. So there was something about the tour that Cas didn't like. Dean turned to Cas to see him staring over at Jo with a small smile across his lips. If he was tense over something, Dean was too slow to see it as whatever it was, was gone and replaced by the small smile if there was anything to see to start with.

"You want to dance?" Dean asked Cas. He didn't want to talk about the tour. He wanted to enjoy his night with Cas. It was their first night out in ages and he was going to enjoy it especially as management was paying for it all. Dean hated dancing and Cas knew this so when the 'are-you-seriously-asking-me-to-dance' look appeared on his face Dean chuckled and stood as he reached his hand out for Castiel to take hold.

As Castiel took Dean's hand and pulled himself up, Meg showed up with Alistair close behind. Dean didn't like the way Meg looked at Cas all night and gave him looks across the table as if she wanted to eat him alive. As for Alistair, the man gave him the creeps. Just saying something in greeting to the man, made Dean uncomfortable. He had stared at Dean all night as if he was just a piece of meat which he could control. He hadn't uttered a single word other than a 'hello' when they were first introduced and it made Dean nervous. He hoped after tonight, he wouldn't have to see the man again. If Dean pulled Cas a little faster to get away from the creeps, they didn't seem to notice but apparently Cas had noticed.

"Those two from management give me the creeps" Cas yelled into Dean's ear as they made their way to the dance floor. Dean nodded in agreement not bothering to turn around and agree. There was no point. With the volume of the music, they were never going to have a conversation. Instead he pulled on Castiel's hand until they found a space on the dance floor where they could actually move.

Dean turned to face Cas and placed his hands on his hips as he pulled him closer while Cas slipped his hands around Dean's neck. They started to grind their hips together to the beat before Cas claimed his lips in a heated kiss that was all tongue. It was sloppy and wet but filled with passion and need. Cas finally pulled back and dragged Dean's bottom lip between his teeth. Dean wanted more but as he leant in, Cas turned him around and pulled him in by his hips so his back was flush against Cas' chest. Even though they had been together for ten months, Dean was still surprised by the strength Cas had.

The beat of the music sped up as did Cas' hips as they ground down onto Dean's ass while Dean pushed himself back. Dean's hands rested on Castiel's which held his hips and held with just enough force that Dean knew not to move away – not that he wanted to. Cas' breath was hot on the nape of his neck which sent shivers down his spine before there was the unmistakeable feeling of wet lips pressing against his skin which moved round to his ear. Teeth pulled at Dean's ear and pulled into the wet heat of Cas' mouth but as fast as it was there, the heat was gone and all that was left was the warm breath that glided past his ear as Castiel spoke

"I'm feeling a little adventurous. How about we have a little fun?" His voice was low and gravelly and turned Dean on to no end.

Instead of answering, he pushed back into Cas' groin and felt the hardness pressed against his jean-clad ass which caused a groan to slip from their lips. Dean closed his eyes and rested his head back on Cas' shoulder while their hips ground against each other; his mouth parted and panted as lips sucked on his neck. The hand on his right hip rose up to grab the back of Cas' head to hold him in place as their hips continued their rhythm. Finally, Cas' free hand moved to drift lower to Dean's thigh and trailed the inside edge slowly which made its way higher until it brushed lightly against Dean's erection. He growled in annoyance at Cas' teasing before he moved his left hand down to push Cas' hand up into his crotch and ground his hips up into the hands.

Dean groaned at the sensation of having some of the tension released as Cas' hand began to work against his cock before it stopped and Dean found himself spun around again his eyes meeting lust-blow blue eyes. Castiel's lips were once again pressed against his own with their tongues entwining while Dean felt one of Cas' thighs slip between his own and Dean took the invitation to grind down while Cas did the same to Dean's.

It wasn't long before Dean found himself oh so close to the edge. He knew Cas wasn't far away either by the way the rhythm of their hips faltered when before it was in time with the beat of the house music pounded in their ears. He pressed harder into Cas' thigh as he searched for his release not caring they were in the middle of a club where people knew who he was. It's not like he cared and he guessed the people around them more than likely didn't give two fucks either.

Not being able to hold back any longer, Dean hit the edge and his hips stuttered and lips fell away from Castiel's as he came hard inside his jeans like a horny teenager but he was too out of it to care; there was only him and Cas and everything else was irrelevant. Dean finally opened his eyes in time to see Cas fall over the precipice. The man was beautiful. There were no other words to describe it. His head thrown back, blue eyes hidden behind closed lids and mouth parted in an 'o' formation as he panted.

As the man came back to himself, Dean felt a smile form across his lips as Cas opened his eyes to match his grin.

"I fucking love you" Dean panted into Castiel's ear. He was rewarded with one of Castiel's beautiful laughs where his eyes crinkled at the edges before Castiel bit down on his own lip and turned shy all of a sudden. "What is it?" Dean asked confused as to why the man was shy all of a sudden as they just dry humped each other in the middle of a club.

Castiel moved forward and wrapped his hands around Dean's neck as he whispered in his ear "Can we leave? I want to fuck"

Dean didn't need to think twice. He quickly nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket to message Sam that he and Cas were headed off and would take a taxi. He knew it probably would look bad that he left after they only arrived an hour ago but seriously Dean was not about to turn down sex with his boyfriend for a party. Castiel peered down at the phone in Dean's hands and as soon as the message was sent, Dean found himself dragged by the hand out of the club and into a taxi speeding home.


	12. Words Misspoken

Castiel was done. He was emotionally distraught at the fact in two weeks' time Dean would be gone on a three month tour leaving him with no one. He didn't have friends in LA other than Dean and his band. Sure he had Jo and Jess but he knew Jess was going back and stay with her parents for a bit while Sam was gone and Jo was going on the tour to help Crowley with management of the band. Castiel would have no one other than his shop employees. He was twenty-nine years old and dependent on his twenty-four year old boyfriend for everything. If it wasn't for Dean he'd still be sat on his brother's couch completely miserable.

One of Castiel's new employees, an incredibly charming man by the name of Balthazar, had grown rather close to Castiel and he considered him to be more of a friend than an employee. They would talk to each other often about the drama in their lives and would try and help each other out. Balthazar is a womanizer and tends to have completely different drama to what Castiel does but somehow, their friendship works. Balthazar knows everything about Castiel and his past which is a strange concept to Castiel as the only people he's ever felt comfortable confiding in has been Dean and his mother.

Castiel entered the store to find Balthazar in his normal position behind the counter; he knew he had to talk about it with him. He needed advice and he was the only person who didn't know Dean. Castiel sighed as he approached the counter. He rested his hands down and looked at them while he spoke.

"Can I talk to you about something?" He asked with an innocent tone as he slowly raised his head so he could look at the man before him

Balthazar looked up to Castiel with a warm smile his British accent thick as he spoke "Sure you can, my boy. What is it?"

"I uh... I need some advice" He stuttered "It's about Dean"

"Ahh, trouble in paradise?" Balthazar asked knowingly. It's as if he could read Castiel even if he hadn't spoken a word he could tell what was wrong.

Castiel sighed again. It was hard for him to talk about because as much as he'd like to think everything was fine. It wasn't. They'd hardly spoken to each other in months about anything but meaningless things and whenever Dean tried to bring the discussion of the tour up, Castiel would subtly avoid the subject which forced Dean to forget. He hated doing it to Dean but he just couldn't bear the thought of being told that Dean was going and he was staying by himself.

"Dean's leaving in two weeks and we still haven't talked about it and I'm scared he's going to leave me here by myself. I don't know anyone here outside of Dean other than my employees here. I don't think I can last three months without him" Castiel was defeated as he spoke. His shoulders were slumped as realisation sunk in. He was alone. He thought he had friends, he thought he was happy but in reality he was more alone than ever. At least back in South Dakota he had his brother to fall back on. Here he had no one but Dean and Dean's friends.

Before Castiel knew what happened, warm arms wrapped around him and brought him in close to the other's chest. He recognised the scent of Balthazar's cologne as he began to sob into the warm chest. There were kind words and shushing noises breathed into his ear which sent a comforting warmth through his body. He felt safe in these arms even though they weren't those of Dean's he still felt safe. Maybe he did have a friend outside of Dean.

"Shush now Cassie" Balthazar comforted "It's going to be fine. You just need to talk to this man of yours. I'm sure he'll understand; if he loves you as much as you love him then there's nothing to worry about."

Castiel nodded into the now damp shirt that Balthazar wore as doubt filled his mind. He tried to push it away but he just couldn't.

"What if…" Castiel chocked out "What if he doesn't want me to go with him and he leaves me here? What do I do then? I can't be without him that long. I just can't." He knew he sounded needy but he needed Dean with him. He can't be alone; he didn't do well on his own.

Balthazar gripped Castiel's shoulders and forced him backwards so they could look each other in the eye. Balthazar's facial expression was frim but Castiel could see the warmth in his eyes that Balthazar tried to help him.

"Now you listen to me Cassie" Balthazar's voice was firm and left no room for Castiel to argue "You are going to talk to Dean about all of this. He knows everything about you. He won't leave you alone. Not ever. So stop worrying and march your little butt home and go talk to him" As Castiel was about to protest, Balthazar shushed him again "No. No excuses, you are going home and you are going to do it now. If you don't I will march you over there myself and lock you both in your fancy apartment while you talk this through."

Castiel did nothing but nod and obey his friend. He gave Balthazar a hug and muttered a thank you into his ear before he turned on his heel leaving his store in capable hands. As he walked in the direction of his apartment the sinking feeling of dread pooled in his stomach which left him worried as to how this conversation was going to pan out.

-  
It was two weeks out from the start of their tour when everything started to fall apart. Cas had closed himself off. He refused to talk about the tour, not to Dean anyway, apparently he'd found someone else to confide in and it angered Dean to no end. Why couldn't Cas talk to him about it? It wasn't like he was going and never coming back. Cas could even join him on the tour for a bit seeing he had people working at the store now. But apparently Cas would rather not talk about it and in the months leading to the tour, Dean went with it. He didn't bring it up once until enough was enough and they _needed _to talk about it.

As soon as Dean heard Cas' key in the door, he stood up from where he was sat on the couch and faced the door. Cas knew something was up straight away and by the look he gave Dean, he knew exactly what this was about. He looked tired; he had bags under his eyes, his shoulders were sagged and the glint that was usually in those blue eyes was missing. The faster this was resolved and they talked it through, the faster Dean could take that look from Cas and bring back the Cas he fell in love with.

"Cas, we need to talk" He started with a subtle pleading to his tone. Dean needed to talk this through. He couldn't leave in two weeks' time without having talked to Cas about what was going to happen. He couldn't do that to himself nor to Cas.

Cas said nothing in reply just released a sigh and nodded his head as he shrugged off his trench coat. Even in the heat of Summer Cas wore that damn coat that Dean bought for him. It was a little big for his frame and hid the muscled tone of his body but it made Dean happy to see that Cas loved the gift that he'd given him. His lover moved across the room and took a seat on the couch as he looked up at Dean with pleading eyes which showed he did not want to talk this through. It took all of Dean's strength to not just gather the man up in his arms and tell him everything's fine we don't need to talk about this we'll just talk later but Dean knew if he did that, they wouldn't talk about it and the time would come where Dean left and they had no plan in place as to what was going to happen. Instead, Dean took a seat on the other end of the couch which placed a distance between them so he wasn't tempted to abandon the topic and just have sex like they had every other time they were about to talk about it.

Dean let out a shaky breath and looked down at the floor with his elbows braced on his knees. This was harder than he thought it would be.

"Cas, what's going on with you man? Are you not happy for me? Ever since the announcement of the tour I feel like you've drifted away from me and the only time we talk is when you want to know what I want for dinner and when I try to bring something else up you shut me down or just seduce me. It's just frustrating me that we can't talk this through. I'm leaving in two weeks and we haven't talked about the tour once"

He didn't answer right away which let what Dean had said hang in the air. The silence filled the room and yet it felt deafening. When Cas still didn't answer, Dean lifted his head to see Cas looking straight ahead as if he hadn't even listened to the words Dean said.

"Are you even listening to me man? What the fuck is going on? Why aren't you talking to me?" Dean was getting angry at Cas' lack of interest in the conversation. "Oh yeah that's right, you talk to someone else now don't you? That new employee of yours. What's his name again? Balthy something?" The anger in Dean's toned attracted Cas' attention now but Dean thought it was more that the mention of Cas' new friend.

"Balthazar," Cas muttered barely audible.

"Yeah him," Dean replied "Why is that you can talk to him about it but yet you can't come to me, the man you love, and tell me what you're thinking? I'm not a mind-reader Cas. As much as I like to think I know everything about you, I don't know your thoughts and if you're not going to talk to me and shut down when I try talk to you what am I going to think?"

Once again Cas refused to speak. Dean got unbelievably frustrated at Cas' lack of dialogue in the conversation that would dictate how they spent the next three months of their lives and by the way Cas acted, he didn't want to be part of it. So that was it then? Cas didn't want to be part of the most important thing is Dean's life. Was it because his life was finally going somewhere and Cas' wasn't?

"Fucking hell Cas, are you seriously not going to fucking talk to me?" Dean stood now and paced in front of the couch while he rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair.

"What do you want me to say Dean?" Cas' tone was angry and it surprised Dean. What right did he have to be angry at Dean? He was the one ignoring the issue. "That I don't want you to go? Because I don't. I don't want you to leave me here by myself why you go and play gigs across the country for three months while I'm stuck here with nothing except my store"

"So that's it then." Dean snarled "You're jealous that I have my life-long dream within my grasp while all you have is your crappy bookstore" as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them but it was too late, the words were out there and they had immediate effect on Castiel. Cas visibly winced and his face crumpled, shoulders slumped even further as tears welled up in his eyes. Dean knew he was wrong, he knew that Cas was nothing but supportive of Dean's band but the way Cas said everything, it was hard to see it as anything but Cas being jealous. Dean was going to go off on a three month tour of his dreams and Cas was staying in LA and running a bookstore.

"I think I should go" Cas whispered his voice shaky as he tried to hold back the tears that were about to drop at any moment now. Before Dean could react, Cas was up from the couch and grabbed his duffle bag from the hall closet. Dean quickly followed as Cas started to pack some clothes into the bag in their bedroom.

"What so now you're just going to walk out on me?" Dean asked with an accusatory tone. He was beyond pissed now.

"It's for the best Dean. You can go and do your tour, while I run my _crappy _bookstore." The way Cas used Dean's words against him in that stoic tone of his caused Dean to wince. He hadn't wanted this. Not at all. He wanted them to talk this through and come to the conclusion that Cas would join him on tour. Not this; anything but this.

As Dean was trapped in his thoughts, Cas had finished packing and headed for the door. He pulled Cas back by the arm as he was about to reach the door just like he had that night before the party except this time it was completely different. Cas was pissed for real this time and as he turned to face Dean, Dean saw nothing but anger and pain in those eyes that usually were filled with nothing but innocence and love and Dean knew. He knew this was it. He'd fucked up big time.

"Cas, wait. I'm so-"

"Save it Dean." Cas interrupted "I'll pick up the rest of my stuff when you leave for your tour. By the time you're back it'll be like I was never here. You'll never have to see me and my _jealousy_ again"

Dean winced again. He definitely did not want that but apparently his mouth wasn't connected to the logical part of his brain because the words that came out shocked him more than Cas.

"You've been waiting for this haven't you? Waited for me to bring it up just so you could walk out and run off with that fucking Balthazar dick"

The harsh slap to his cheek that the words were greeted with shook Dean to his core. The blood rushed to his face where the handprint had already formed.

"You have no right, NO RIGHT, to accuse me of that Dean!" Cas shouted at him, his eyes were filled with nothing but hatred as he yelled. "I have done nothing but support you since we've been together and now you're accusing me of being jealous and cheating on you! What the hell is wrong with you, Dean? When you finally get your head out of your ass and realise your mistake then maybe you can find me but I'm not sticking around while you figure it out. Good luck on your tour, Dean" and with that, Cas was out the door shutting it behind him leaving Dean stood there with a stinging cheek and regret deep within his gut.

Dean sunk to the floor and rested his back against the nearby wall as a single tear dropped from his eye. Cas was gone and it was all his own fault. So he did the only thing he could, he picked up his guitar and started to write.

-  
Castiel left the apartment with tears in his eyes barely able to see in front of him as his vision blurred. He walked aimlessly with no definite heading. His thoughts were scrambled. How could Dean think that he was cheating on him? Sure he'd been distant but he'd been nothing but loving to Dean. He hadn't once thought about being with anyone else. Dean was it for him. How could Dean be so blind and not see that? It tore Castiel's heart to hear the words come from Dean's mouth. The insult to his store and then the accusation of cheating was something he never thought he'd hear from his lover.

Before he knew it, he was stood outside Balthazar's apartment. It took everything in him to not just turn and leave and find another place to stay. He raised a shaky fist to the door knocking lightly and hoped it was loud enough for Balthazar to hear it. When there was no answer after what had seemed like ages, Castiel dropped to the floor and leant against the door while he grasped his duffle bag to his chest as the tears streamed down his face. Footsteps echoed through the hallway and startled Castiel out of his state. He looked up through blurred vision to the familiar sight of his friend.

"Balthazar?" Castiel choked out. His voice was horse from crying and his friend's name came out but nothing as a whimper.

"Castiel? What's happened?" His friend worried. Balthazar stooped down and picked Castiel up and brought him into a hug similar to the one from that morning. Castiel did nothing but let the man embrace him. He was too tired and emotionally wrecked to do anything but slump against the other man. "Come on, Cassie. Come inside. I'll set up the couch for you and you can rest there"

Castiel nodded and sniffed while he tried to stop the tears. Castiel felt himself being taken inside the apartment with his eyes closed to try to keep the tears at bay. He was placed onto the couch and laid down. His shoes were taken off and a pillow placed under his head. Before he knew it, he was dozing off tired from all the tears that were shed. He hoped that tomorrow everything would be fine and today had been nothing but a dream.


	13. The Decision

The next twenty-four hours were a blur to Castiel. He did nothing but let silent tears stream down his face the entire night after their break-up and once he was all out of tears, he slept. He didn't talk to Balthazar other than a murmur of thanks when a cup of tea was dropped in front of him and Balthazar, the understanding man that he is, didn't complain once or pry Castiel for answers. He just looked after his friend and was a shoulder to cry on when he needed to. Castiel was eternally grateful for his friend's patience and didn't know how he was ever going to repay him. His phone had stayed silent surprisingly with no phone calls from Dean but if he had rang or sent a message, Castiel knew he wouldn't answer or reply. He was hurting too much to deal with him but it hurt even more that Dean wasn't willing to fight for him, for them and that thought just made him cry harder.

By the second evening, Castiel knew he owed Balthazar an explanation. When he stepped through the door after closing up the shop he would tell him what happened no matter how hard it would be. Balthazar had taken upon looking after the shop while Castiel was indisposed without even having to be asked which proved he was owed an explanation.

"Balthazar," Castiel called out his voice hoarse from crying and lack of use. Balthazar was immediately at Castiel's side asking what he needed causing a small smile to play across Castiel's lips at the fact that his friend was always there for him but as soon as it was there, it was gone again. Once he waved off his friend's flustering, he sat him down next to him on the couch and told him everything that happened with Dean.

"That bastard" Balthazar yelled out angrily once Castiel had finished. He had stayed silent the whole story but could barely control his anger once he retold how Dean had accused Castiel of cheating on him. "I'm gonna kill him"

"Balthazar, please" Castiel pleaded as he tried to calm his friend down. "He's just confused"

"Confused?" Balthazar protested "Cassie, he accused you of _cheating _all because you talk to me about your problems. Sounds to me like he's an insecure, possessive bastard who is definitely not good enough for you"

"He's not possessive" Castiel quickly defended Dean. "He's just protective of me. He knows what I've been through and he doesn't what it to happen again" He fidgeted with the blanket that was draped over his legs as he spoke. He would defend Dean till he died even though the man had hurt him, Castiel still loved him and that wasn't going to change any time soon which made it so much harder to not think about him.

"And look what he's done, Cassie. He's hurt you. He didn't give two shits about your feelings when he said what he said. He insulted you profession; your pride and joy is that store and he just went and trod all over your dream like it didn't matter. If you ask me Cassie, I think you're best off without him. But alas, it's not my decision to make. It's yours and I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do and as your friend I will stick by your decision whatever it is."

Castiel let a small smile spread across his lips before he reached across and hugged his friend. "Thank you, Balthazar. I have no idea how I'm going to repay you for the kindness you have shown me but I will somehow"

"Cassie," Balthazar started as he pulled back slightly so he could look him in the eye "I'm your friend; you don't need to feel like you owe me something. I'm doing this because I know if it happened to me, you would be the first one to help me."

Castiel smiled and nodded while he hugged his friend again tighter this time to show how grateful he was and for the first time in the past two days, he felt a little happy even if it was only for a brief moment before he realised he wouldn't be sleeping in his bed with Dean and his heart ached to be with his lover again.

-  
Dean Winchester did what Dean Winchester does when he's faced with heart ache. He shuts himself away from the world with his guitar and a note pad and he writes until he escapes from the reality of his life and gets lost in the melody of a new song that is itching to get out. When he does come up for air, he masks his emotions from the world. He seals away his heart and acts as if nothing is wrong and it works on just about everyone except, of course, his brother.

Dean hadn't slept properly in the two days since Cas had left. He just couldn't bring himself to lie in their bed without Cas by his side. It just didn't feel right. He was tired, emotionally and physically exhausted and he knew he had no right to feel this way because it was his fault that Cas left and wasn't coming back. But he didn't think about that too much because that would mean facing what he'd done and Dean definitely wasn't ready to head down that road.

Unfortunately, Sam seems to have an intuition that tells him when something is wrong with Dean and he's gone into his shell. Without Dean telling him, Sam turned up at his apartment the next morning to car pool to band practice where he found Dean locked away in his music room.

"Dean," Sam said with a sympathetic tone "What's happened? Did you and Cas have a fight?"

Dean refused to answer because that would mean facing the truth. Instead, he turned his back on his brother and kept going with the song he was writing. He didn't know what he was writing down and when he would look back on it later he knew it was going to be depressing but for now he didn't care. Music was his escape and Sam and his questions were reality which he would rather ignore for now.

"Dean," Sam said again somewhat more persistent this time "Talk to me. What's going on?"

Dean didn't have to look at Sam to know he was being given Sam's you-need-to-talk-about-this look. He let out a loud sigh before he stopped his strumming.

"Cas left." That's all Dean was prepared to say and that's all he was going to say but of course Sam being Sam still persisted

"What? Why?" Sam asked his voice thick with confusion but today was not the day that Dean was going to answer those questions. Instead, he packed up his guitar into his case and with guitar in hand he headed for the door.

"Are we going to practice or what?" Dean demanded more than asked. He didn't want to talk about it and he wasn't going to be forced into speaking even if his brother's damn puppy eyes were incredibly hard to not give into.

His brother let out a deep sigh before he moved to follow Dean out the door and off to practice. Dean knew the conversation was long from over and that Sam was only going to pry it out of him sooner or later but right now, Sam wasn't talking and that made Dean just a little happy.

-  
"I need to go over there and pick up some stuff" Castiel announced to Balthazar the following morning. He'd had another restless night sleeping on the couch dreaming of being wrapped in Dean's arms but was forced back into reality when he opened his eyes. Seeing he had left in such a hurry, he soon realised how much stuff he needed that he didn't have.

"Would you like me to go with you?" Balthazar replied from where he was seated at the table while he read his morning paper and enjoyed a cup of tea.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. They will be at band practice seeing they leave…" Castiel trailed off at the end not wanting to think how close Dean was to leaving for their tour. He definitely didn't want to run into Dean at the apartment because he knew he wouldn't be able to leave if Dean was there. As much as the words Dean had spoken hurt, Castiel still loved Dean and he didn't trust himself to see it through if Dean did show up. But of course, that wouldn't happen because Dean would be at band practice preparing for their tour.

Balthazar had made his way over to Castiel and took a seat next to him. The sudden movement in the cushions and the gentle hand on his shoulder snapped Castiel out of his thoughts.

"Are you sure?" Balthazar asked calmly

Castiel nodded in reply "Yes, I'm sure. He will be at practice until late tonight so I will have time to collect a few things without him being there."

Balthazar nodded before he spoke again "Cassie, not to force you into making any decisions, but have you thought about what you're going to do now? I mean it's not like I don't like having you here and I'm not kicking you out, but have you thought of where you might stay? You're more than welcome to stay here it's just I don't think the couch is that comfortable" Balthazar rambled

Castiel had thought about it and he knew what he was going to do. The only option he had was to return back to Gabriel. He didn't want to put his friend out and he knew by staying here he was interfering with Balthazar's life more than he wanted to. The only thing was he didn't know what to do with the store. He didn't want to close down his only source of income while he sorted his life out but he didn't want to stay in LA where he knew next to no one. At least back with Gabriel he had his brother and the few friends he had made before he moved out to LA.

"I'm going back home to stay with my brother" he said defiantly "I just don't know what to do with the store. I don't want to close it while I'm gone but I can't run it from South Dakota." Castiel looked to Balthazar, the friend he had trusted enough in the past few months to look after the store while he had spent time looking for new books to collect and other errands on the business side. "I know it's a lot to ask" He said eventually "But would you like to run the store for a while, just till I figure out what I'm going to do. I'll still work the business side of everything, all you need to handle is rosters and closing and opening the store every day and of course checking the stock"

"Say no more" Balthazar interrupted "I'm more than happy to do that for you for as long as you need me to"

"Thank you Balthazar. You really are a great friend. I'll be sure to give you a raise" Castiel said with a smile which earned a small chuckle from his friend

"Why thank you, Cassie. Have you thought about when you will leave? Are you going to tell Dean?"

Castiel paused for a moment. He hadn't even thought about telling Dean he was going to leave. In his opinion, he had said everything he had wanted to say and until Dean came and apologised after he figured out why Castiel was so upset, then he wasn't going to speak to him. He had nothing left to say to Dean and apparently Dean had nothing to say seeing the lack of phone calls.

"No," Castiel decided "I'm not going to tell Dean. I don't see any reason why I should. As for when I'm leaving, I will leave first thing Friday morning"

Balthazar nodded again "And if Dean comes to the store looking for you?"

"I trust you to be civil. Please don't do anything to hurt him. I know he doesn't deserve it but –"

"You still love him." Balthazar finished for him "Yeah I get it." Balthazar sighed and stood from the couch "I guess I will head to the store and open up then. If you need me for anything just call alright?"

"Of course." Castiel smiled "But I won't need you. Thank you again for everything Balthazar"

"For the love of God, will you stop saying thank you!" Balthazar fake shouted at his friend clearly annoyed that he was forever being thanked.

Castiel laughed "I'm sorry. I will see you later then"

"Yes, later. Don't forget to call if you run into any issues"

"Yes, yes I will. Now get out of here. Time is money" Castiel shooed his friend out the door before he picked up his phone to arrange to stay with Gabriel. He decided to tell him what was going on and after a good two hours on the phone, Gabriel wanted to fly out and punch Dean's lights out but Castiel managed to calm him down and told him it wasn't worth the trouble. Once the details were sorted, Castiel hung up and grabbed his keys to walk over to the apartment. He just hoped he was right in thinking Dean would be gone for the afternoon.

-  
"Dean, have you even called him?" Sam nagged. Dean was seriously sick of Sam's questions. It had been non-stop since they had got into the Impala that morning. Sam had stayed quiet most of the previous day but today, he demanded answers. Ash had taken the route of ignorance and just practiced his drumming while Jo had arrived after lunch and quickly pounced upon Dean and demanded answers along with Sam.

"Dammit, Sammy, what part of 'I'm fine' don't you get?"

"We're just worried about you, Dean" Jo chimed in "We know how much Cas means to you and if you two are fighting then you need to sort it out fast because if you go on tour like this we're going to be sick of you inside a week."

Dean groaned. He knew they were right, of course they were right but once again that meant he had to admit he was wrong. He just didn't want to do that right now. Dean wiped his hand through his hair and over his face before he sighed in defeat "Fine, I'll ring him. But I know he won't pick up so it's a waste of time"

Dean padded down his pockets to search for his phone before he realised he didn't have it with him. "Obviously," Dean announced matter-of-factly "That this is a sign that I shouldn't ring him" His announcement was greeted with a trio of bitch faces from his band and Jo.

"No asshole" Jo said as she shoved Dean's shoulder which forced him off his stool into a standing position "It's a sign you need to march your ass back to your apartment and ring Cas. If you're not going to talk to us about it then you need to talk to him because I for one am _not _going to last on tour with you guys if you're moping around because you didn't have the nerve to talk to him before you left."

Dean looked to Ash who he hoped would be on his side but found no reprieve. Ash at least had the decency to look a little sheepish at the fact that he didn't have his friend's back. Dean let out another groan as he marched to the door dragging his feet like a child being told he wasn't allowed a biscuit before dinner.

"Fine asshats I'm going. I'll text you later." And with that as his final note, he left the studio and headed back to his apartment dreading the fact that he was actually going to face what he'd done and confront Cas. But one thing was for certain, he didn't want to give this up. Not yet, not ever. If it took forever to win Cas back then forever it was. He wasn't going to let Cas be the one that got away.

-  
It was early afternoon when Castiel made his way down the familiar corridor that lead to their apartment with a gnawing feeling in his gut that he was wrong and Dean was going to be there when he entered. Once he reached the door, he listened intently but failed to hear any movement behind the door but soon realised that if Dean was there, he wouldn't be able to hear him anyway due to the intense soundproofing of the apartment so that when Dean was practicing, there wasn't any disturbance to the other residents.

Taking a deep breath, Castiel withdrew his key from his pocket and unlocked the door. He warily entered the apartment and released his breath when he saw that it was empty. He was correct in thinking Dean would be at practice then. He looked around the apartment and saw not much had changed since he had left other than the fact there were a fair few empty beer bottles and a half empty bottle of whisky on the coffee table. Dean was obviously drinking himself into oblivion each night and Castiel's heart sunk that he was the reason Dean was drinking so heavily. He tried to turn it around and stop blaming himself, saying to himself that it was Dean's fault he left, Dean's words that had driven him out but he couldn't help the guilt that settled in.

Castiel made quick work of gathering up his things. He decided to just grab the essentials and would come back later to collect the rest of his stuff when he knew Dean would have left for their tour. His heart sunk even further at the thought of Dean leaving. He still couldn't think about it too long before tears started to well up in his eyes. Were they seriously going to throw everything they had together away over something so small? Castiel was scared of being alone for three months but with the way that things were heading, he was going to be away from Dean for a lot longer.

Before Castiel knew what had happened, he had broken down again and sobbed at the end of their bed with his suitcase half filled with clothing. He didn't want this to be over. He wanted Dean to come back and tell him he's sorry, tell him that he was wrong and to hold him tight never letting him go. If Dean would just realise he wasn't jealous that he was scared to be alone then everything would be fine and they could go back to being them again.

"Fuck" he yelled out into the empty room as the tears dried on his face "Please, please just let him realise" He didn't know who he was asking but it comforted him to think that someone was listening and he hoped that he was being heard.

As Castiel gathered himself off the floor, he heard a key in the door and footsteps entering the apartment. Before Castiel could react, he was face to face with Dean whose face showed the exact emotions that Castiel felt himself and no doubt showed.

"Cas?" Dean whispered

It took everything Castiel possessed inside him to not just give in and cross the room and fall into Dean's arms but he knew what he had to do and he needed to get it off his chest before it was too late.


	14. Stepping Back

To say Dean was surprised to see Cas stood in their bedroom would be an understatement. He stood mouth gaped at his (ex?) boyfriend whose eyes were red rimmed as if he'd just been crying and for the first time Dean saw the damage he had done and it made bile rise in his throat. The man before him looked utterly wrecked with bags under his eyes, his hair in disarray more so than usual but the worst was the hurt and pain that his blue eyes projected as they looked at Dean.

"Cas, I-" He began but he cut himself off. What would he say? I'm sorry? Somehow he didn't think that was going to cut it. He'd taken this man who was broken when he found him and put him back together only to tear apart his heart and beat him while he was down. There were no words that would repair the damage he had caused and the realisation made his stomach churn as if he was going to be physically sick. He swallowed hard which sent the bile back down still not knowing what to say but he stepped forward towards Cas anyway. The man took a step back, his fists were clenched at his side and that hurt like a tonne of bricks.

"Dean," Cas began it was barely above a whisper "I didn't think you would be here"

It was then that Dean noticed the suitcase. Cas wasn't staying.

"Where" Dean began but his mouth was dry and his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again "Where are you going?"

Cas let out a long breath before he squeaked out a reply "Back with Gabriel"

Dean was physically weak, his knees buckled and he had to press his hand into the door jamb where he stood just to remain upright. Cas was leaving. He was going back to South Dakota. He was moving out and leaving Dean behind. Of all the questions he wanted to ask the only thing that blurted out was "When?"

"Friday"

"So what? You're just going to leave me here?" Dean was angry even though he had no right to be. He was the one that pushed Cas away and now he had to deal with the consequences but that didn't mean he wanted him to go. Dean cursed himself for his inability to just talk things through like a normal person would. Instead he pushed further. "You know what, I don't care anymore. Do what you want Cas. You run along back to Balthazar and Gabriel"

"Leave _you _here?" Cas yelled "Are you fucking kidding me, Dean?" Cas took a step towards Dean before he obviously thought better of it and returned to his suitcase and packed the final things he wanted. "Actually, you know what Dean? I'm over this," Cas sighed and was silent for a few moments. Dean was fuming and he knew he was going regret everything straight after Cas left but right now he didn't care. Cas was leaving him behind and no matter how much it would hurt, it was best for him to drive Cas away than see him stay and visibly break. "If you're too fucking blind to see what's right in front of you then-" Cas cut himself off and turned to face Dean with more anger in his eyes than Dean had seen before "You know what, fuck you Dean. I don't have to explain myself to you. _You _were the one that hurt me and made me leave so I don't owe you an anything. I thought this was my fault but really it's yours. So fuck you, Dean. Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on. I'm done and I'm leaving."

Dean stood gobsmacked at how angry Cas was. If it wasn't for the fact that Cas was leaving, Dean would be incredibly turned on right now. What he said hit Dean hard but it's not like Dean didn't know it already. He knew Cas was leaving because of him, because of what his stupid mouth had said in the heat of the moment before he could take it back and he hated himself for it.

He had nothing to say. Nothing that would help the situation so for once in his life, Dean shut his mouth and watched as Cas zipped his suitcase closed. Tears dropped down Cas' face and down onto the duvet cover which left wet spots and Dean's heart wrenched. This perfect man before him cried because of him and he did nothing but make the situation worse. He wanted Cas, there's no doubt about that but for some reason, seeing the hurt in his eyes, Dean knew the best thing to do would be to let this flawless man go. He would do nothing but hurt him further and Cas didn't deserve that. Not at all.

Cas placed the suitcase onto the floor, pushed the button for the handle to extend and wheeled it over to the doorway where Dean was still stood. Cas looked Dean in the eye with a piercing gaze that didn't relent until Dean moved to the side and let Cas pass him by who noticeably avoided making contact. Dean watched as Cas made his way to the front door before he finally gained some courage and spoke up.

"Cas, wait" he made his way over to where Cas had stopped, hand still on the handle facing the door. "I'm sorry"

Dean heard Cas let out a shaky breath as more tears fell from his face. Dean felt his own eyes well up as he watched the love of his life in so much pain all because of him. Cas let out a laugh but it wasn't the one that made Dean want to laugh too; his eyes didn't crinkle at the edges, no this was hollow and empty.

"I've waited so long for you to say that." Cas huffed out "I thought that if you just apologised we could put it all behind us but you don't even know what you're apologising for do you, Dean? You have no idea why I was so upset the other day before you accused me of cheating and that's what hurts the most. Over a year together and you still have no idea why I was upset" Cas shook his head while Dean stood dumfounded as to what Cas was talking about. Cas had left because he had insulted his store. Wasn't it? "I love you, Dean. Please don't take too long to figure it out." Cas finally looked up then and planted his lips onto Dean in a sensual kiss that was like nothing Dean had experienced before. It was a goodbye. They broke apart and Cas opened the door saving one last glance at Dean. "Goodbye, Dean"

With that, Cas was gone leaving Dean confused and pondering what the hell he was talking about.

-  
Castiel arrived at the airport Friday morning hurting even more. He didn't think the confrontation with Dean would have gone _that _bad. Dean was so ignorant that it pained Castiel to not just tell him why he was upset but Castiel had thought better. If there was any hope they could have a functional relationship, Dean would have to figure it out on his own. He knew he wouldn't be able to let Dean go. He loved him and that was never going to change. He just hoped that Dean wouldn't take long to figure it out. He needed Dean like he needed the air in his lungs. His body yearned to be with him but his brain told him he needed this space. This break would either make or break them.

Castiel made his way to the baggage claim and spotted his suitcase rather quickly on the conveyer belt. He collected his bag with a sigh and made his way to the exit where he hoped to spot Gabriel among the crowd. He was unbelievably tired. He hadn't slept since he had talk with Dean and it took a toll on his body. His skin was pale and the bags under his eyes had grown bigger and bigger. He needed his brother before things got out of control.

When Castiel finally made it to the exit, he squinted at the early morning light before he spotted his brother's car in the pick-up and drop off bay. He wheeled his suitcase along behind him which caused the sound of the plastic scraped on the concrete path to echo slightly against the glass partitions along the walkway.

Gabriel had seen him coming and had popped the trunk on the navy sedan for Castiel to put his suitcase in. His brother emerged from the car meeting Castiel and opened his arms pulled him into a hug. The two brothers embraced on the path before Gabriel pulled back and eyed his brother.

"You look like shit, bro" his brother commented

"Thanks, Gabriel. Way to cheer me up" Castiel replied his voice dripped with sarcasm

"Come on bro," Gabriel said as he placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder and guided him to the front of the car "Let's get you home and some sleep and then we will begin out plot to ruin Dean's life"

Castiel stopped then "Gabriel" He began but he was cut off again

"I know, I know, but he hurt you baby bro. He deserves to suffer"

"He already is" Castiel mumbled before he climbed into the car. He knew Dean would be suffering if his face when Castiel kissed him goodbye was anything to go by. Dean was confused. He didn't know why Castiel was hurting and he was pained to find out what it was. He knew Dean would close in on himself and turn into a hermit going into his music shell and just write and play music. There was no getting through to him when he was in that state. All Castiel could do was hope that Sam would find a way through to him and make him see sense. One thing was for sure, Castiel was not going to be the one to tell him.

They drove in silence as Castiel stared out the window at the houses and trees which passed by never really taking notice of what he actually looked at. When the housing and buildings grew familiar he knew they were close to Gabriel's apartment. He let out a sigh as they turned into the parking block and waited for Gabriel to turn of the car before he unbuckled his seatbelt and removed himself from the car without a word.

He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with Dean but with the ignorant asshole was not where he needed to be right now. Right now he needed to be with his brother while Dean figured out his shit and tried to win Castiel back. Castiel just hoped he wasn't wrong in thinking Dean still wanted him.

After he collected his bag, Castiel made his way up the familiar stairs that he didn't think he would be climbing again in the same state he had the first time he arrived here. When he had first arrived he was depressed and alone. Now he was heartbroken and hurt but at least now, he had some friends to fall back on. He held back the tears that rose as he didn't want to break down in the middle of the stairwell. He gathered himself again and Castiel made his way over to the apartment door and waited for Gabriel to catch up.

"Cassie," Gabriel began once they were inside the apartment. His voice was soft and comforting which was very unlike his brother but Castiel was grateful for it anyway "I'm going to be staying with Kali while you're here so you can stay in my room instead of on that ratty old couch"

Castiel looked at his brother with what he hoped was a grateful expression but with his exhaustion he couldn't be sure.

"Thank you. I hope I'm not putting you or Kali out or anything by staying here." Castiel added somewhat worried he pushed his brother's relationship into the more serious stages. He knew that Gabriel and Kali had their issues hence why Gabriel still had his own apartment and wasn't living with her permanently.

"No of course not" Gabriel reassured "We have been discussing it for a while so you being here just gave us a chance to give it a go again. Hopefully it doesn't turn out last time"

Last time had been a disaster. Kali had moved in with Gabriel and within a month, they were at each other's throats accusing one another of cheating and that they were both bored in the relationship. All the accusations were false but they had decided to take a break from each other and Kali moved back into her own apartment. Within three months, they were back together again unable to stay away from each other much longer.

"I'm sure it won't." Castiel comforted "If you don't mind I'm just going to have a shower and sleep. Thank you again, Gabriel"

"Of course not little bro. I'll catch you later. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything alright? Beer, food, a voodoo doll of Dean…" Castiel just stared at his brother "Too soon?" Castiel just continued to stare. His brother means well but he can be a real dick. "Alright, fine but seriously if you need anything just call. I'm here for you okay?" Castiel nodded in answer before he made his way down the hall to the bedroom to place his suitcase in Gabriel's room.

Castiel swallowed hard when he looked over at the bed which reminded him of the night he had broken down and told Dean everything that had happened in his past. He swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened more tears to fall as he gathered a clean set of clothes and made his way to the bathroom for a hot shower. He needed to try and take his mind off things and a shower before bed sounded like a good idea. It may still be morning but he knew if he could just get to sleep then he would be out of it for a while.

His assumption proved correct as soon as he hits the pillow he was out like a light. The exhaustion took over and his thoughts of Dean removed from his mind even just for the briefest of moments as he fell into a dreamless slumber.

-  
"You are a complete fucking idiot. I can't believe you, Dean." Sam yelled as he paced in front of Dean as he sat on the couch.

Dean had plucked up the courage to ring his brother the Friday Cas had supposedly left. He had moped around the apartment refusing to see anyone until he couldn't take it any longer and had rung Sam. As soon as Sam had arrived, Dean told him everything about what had happened with Cas in both confrontations.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" he continued as one of his giant hands wiped his face and pushed through his long hair. "I actually can't believe you said all that shit to Cas. You've gone and fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to you" Dean went to protest about to say the band is the best thing but he was silenced by Sam's bitch face and knew he was wrong. Cas was the best thing that happened to him and now he's gone.

Dean placed his head in his hands as he didn't want to show his brother the tears that had welled up in his eyes. He had never cried in front of his brother and he wasn't about to start now. He composed himself again as he subtly wiped his eyes before he looked up to his giant of a brother.

"I know Sammy. I know I fucked up. I just don't know _what _I did. I know he was upset before and I just made it worse but I just don't know why he was upset and it's fucking killing me trying to figure it out."

Sam let out a loud sigh before he plonked himself down on the couch next to Dean. "Dean, you need to figure this out otherwise you're going to lose him for good and I know that neither of you are going to survive without each other. Not really. So hurry the fuck up and figure it out."

Dean just nodded unable to reply. After a few moments of silence he picked himself up off the couch and picked up the empty bottles of beer and liquor off the coffee table and took them through to the kitchen to put into the recycling. He opened the fridge, he picked out two more beers and made his way back out to the living room. He popped the cap on one and passed it over to his brother before he did the same with his own and sat himself down again.

He flicked on the television putting on the football game and relaxed himself into the couch. They watched in silence with Dean not really paying attention to the game. Not really anyway. He was too busy thinking over every conversation he had had with Cas in the past few months leading up to it and seeing if there was any underlining theme that he had over looked. The only thing he could come up with was that Cas didn't want Dean going on tour. That much was evident. What had him stumped was as to why Cas didn't want him to go.

At half-time, Sam said his goodbyes saying he had to head home to see Jess seeing there wasn't much time before they were headed on tour so they wanted to spend as much time together as possible. Dean hugged his brother tightly and thanked him for coming over. His brother might be a stubborn pain in the ass but he was right. Dean needed to figure this out and he needed to do it fast if he wanted to keep Cas around.


	15. Seeing The Light

It was a month after Dean had left for his tour and Castiel had still not heard from. It had got harder and harder for Castiel to keep his hopes up that Dean would realise his mistake but with the lack of communication it was excruciating to hold onto the hope that Dean would return.

Not that Castiel would like to admit it to anyone or himself, but he would check the gossip websites every day to see the new gossip on Dean and his band to see what they were up to. He was thankful that there were no rumours so far about Dean having relations with anyone so far in his search. He didn't know what he would do if one day when he checked there were photos or a leaked story of Dean being with someone. If anything, Castiel was a little worried about Dean's lack of appearance on the websites. He knew that they were only a small band but they had quite a decent sized fan base and was surprised to not see more photos of them out and about in public. Castiel feared that Dean had suddenly become a shut-in that only ventured out of whatever motel room they were in if he had to.

He'd even created himself a Twitter account under an alias to follow the band's page and check in on what happened and how their concerts went. There were a few photos from each of the concerts mostly of the band at the front of the stage with the camera faced out to get a photo of the crowd. The crowds had grown huge if the photos were anything to go by. Castiel couldn't help but smile at how happy the band looked and how at home they were on the stage.

Castiel struggled to stay silent towards Dean. It took every ounce of energy he possessed to not just pick up his cell and ring him tell him he's sorry and they can forget about it. But that wasn't the way forward for them and he knew that this was for the best. He just wished it wasn't so damn hard.

Once Castiel was settled in at Gabriel's, he sort out to look for a part time job around the area just for something to do so he wasn't sat around moping all day every day. Balthazar had been in contact with him every day and updated him on the store which Castiel was extremely grateful for his support but he wished that his friend would stop babying him. However it was nice to know that someone out there cared to ring him.

When Castiel ventured, somewhat unwillingly, into The Roadhouse one afternoon, he was greeted by a slap to the face from none other than Ellen Harvelle.

"What you never heard of a phone?" the woman greeted

Castiel raised a hand to his reddened cheek as he glanced at the woman with guilt. The woman had been close with Dean and he knew Dean saw her as a mother. When he and Castiel had started dating, Ellen had been so kind to Castiel and accepted him as if he was one of her own. "I'm sorry Ellen. I know I should have called but I was-"

"If you say you've been busy so help me God I won't hesitate to slap you again, boy. Even Dean rang me every couple of weeks but you, I didn't hear a thing" Ellen interrupted.

Castiel shut his trap then instead he opted to wrap Ellen into a hug who willingly returned the embrace.

"Cas, I'm sorry about what's going on with you and Dean" Ellen whispered into his ear. Castiel pulled back from the embrace as he willed himself not to cry but could feel the tears about to well up. He didn't want to think about it. He wanted to just see Ellen and then leave but he knew it was going to come up.

Castiel nodded slightly in thanks "I'm guessing Jo told you?"

Ellen nodded before she spoke again "That boy will figure it all out soon. He's a stupid son of a bitch but he's not an idiot. He'll come back to you. Don't lose hope on him" She swiped his cheek with her finger before she moved away to step behind the bar again. "Now I'm guessing you're not just here to see little old me so what can I do you for?"

Castiel stepped towards the bar and took a seat in one of the stools in front of Ellen. "Uhm I was actually wondering if you needed any help around here? I need something to do with my time and didn't want to find a job that wouldn't allow me to leave when I wanted to"

"Well," Ellen said with a sigh "I can always use extra hands behind the bar but I won't be able to pay you much"

Castiel was quick to clarify what he meant "I wasn't expecting to be paid much, whatever you can afford is more than adequate, I just need to occupy myself instead of sitting around the apartment all day."

The bar owner nodded in understanding obviously she knew that Castiel would have been moping around and needed a distraction. "Alright, if you're sure?" At Castiel's nod she continued "Well then, welcome aboard. Why don't you come in at four and I'll show you the ropes"

"Thank you, Ellen."

"Don't sweat it, honey. Anything else I can do, you just let me know alright?" Ellen comforted.

Castiel nodded before he confirmed he would be back at four and turned to leave the bar. That had gone a lot better than he had expected. He knew Ellen would be understanding of the situation and would help him out anyway she could. It just pained him to think that she would soon enough tell Jo that he was working there and he knew she would tell Dean but it was unavoidable. Dean would find out soon enough and if Castiel checked in on Dean then maybe it was only fair that he knew what Castiel was up to too.

-  
Dean was roused from his alcohol driven slumber by a conversation in whispers. "Yeah he's working at The Roadhouse now" Dean heard Jo tell Ash and Sam in the living area of the hotel suite they were staying in. "Should we tell him?" She continued. Dean didn't have to ask to know who they were talking about. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. Dean was just sick of all the pussyfooting around him like Cas' name was taboo. Sure he was depressed by where things were at with them at the moment but that didn't mean it was never going to get better between them. Dean just had to figure out what the fuck was going on and then they will be fine. Well at least he thought they would be fine.

"It's up to you Jo," he heard Sam say. Sam had been on his side since the beginning trying to help Dean out. Dean had the sneaking suspicion that Sam knew exactly why Cas had acted out but was just tormenting him and wanted to make Dean think for himself. Dean groaned as he pulled the white sheet up above his head while he lay in bed while he nursed yet another hangover.

They were about halfway through the tour and were hitting up New York next. The fact that Cas had always wanted to go to New York nagged in the back of Dean's mind. He wanted so badly for Cas to be with him right now that he physically ached and the only thing that helped to numb the pain was getting trashed every night. Of course it was always after their gig. He was a professional and he didn't want to ruin their first tour by being a drunken idiot on stage.

He had tried to stay away from the paparazzi as much as possible because he knew that if he was seen doing something stupid, management would come down on him like a tonne of bricks. He also didn't want to upset Cas. He knew if he got into trouble Cas would be extremely disappointed in him. Cas always wanted the best for Dean and if Dean screwed it up then he knew Cas would tell him straight how much of an idiot he is once they got back together.

"We really need to get him sorted. He's drowning himself in a bottle every night and it's not good for him or the band" Sam continued always the responsible one.

"I can hear you!" Dean yelled out to which he promptly got a reply from his brother

"Exactly! So sort out your shit and stop drinking yourself sick every night and fucking ring Cas"

Dean rolled over again and pushed the sheet down so he could climb out of bed. He swung his legs around over the side and placed them on the warm carpet. He rubbed his eyes of sleep before he glanced at the clock. It was a little after one. They hadn't made it back to the suite until well after 3am and Dean had stayed up with Ash for a bit drinking while they wrote a song which they had recently finished and thought about playing it at their next gig.

"I'm not ringing him until I figure this out!" Dean yelled back at his brother.

"God he's such an idiot" Sam grumbled.

Dean heard him before he saw him. The loud thud of footsteps that approached his room was none other than Sam's. The man really didn't have much stealth.

"Dean," Sam began exasperated "You're _never _going to figure this out by yourself especially with the way you're running yourself ragged every night. Just ring him and invite him out to New York for the gig so you can talk this through face to face. There's no other way you two are going to figure it out"

Dean was about to protest but was hastily greeted with a bitch face to match all bitch faces. His brother was right. They weren't going to figure this out when they were over 1500 miles apart. Dean let out a heavy sigh before he swiped his face again with his hand.

"Fine," he announced "Pass me my cell and I'll call him"

Sam disappeared for a few moments before he returned with cell in hand and threw it over to Dean. Dean glared down at his phone before he lifted his eyes back to the door where Sam is still loomed.

"Do you mind?" Dean growled out. Sam lifted his hands in defence before he retreated back to the living room no doubt to tell Ash and Jo about his progress. Once he's sure Sam is out of earshot, Dean got to his feet and padded across to close the door so he could at least have some privacy. He knew the rooms are sound proofed well seeing they haven't had any late night complaints about their music practice. When the door was closed, he looked down at his phone again. He let out a deep sigh before he unlocked it and pulled up Cas' number. Before he can doubt himself, he took a deep breath and dialled.

After the sixth ring Cas finally answered with that low growl of a voice that never failed to turn Dean on. The man had obviously been woken up by Dean ringing him and the images that flood his mind at the thought made him groan internally. Damn he was sexy just after he woke up.

"Cas?" Dean greeted. He knew it was Cas he didn't know why he asked but he was flustered at the sound of Cas' voice after so long

"Dean?" Cas answered with surprise and disbelief

"Yeah, Sweetheart it's me" he answered voice shaky with the anticipation of Cas' reaction. When there was nothing but silence on the other end, Dean was worried Cas is going to hang up. If it wasn't for the soft noise of breathing in his ear he would have thought Cas had hung up. Dean thought about small talk but they'd never been good at that. Instead he got straight to the point before he became too chicken shit "Cas, we need to talk face to face. We've got a gig in New York this weekend and I know how you always wanted to go there so I'm going to fly you out here and we can talk after the gig"

Cas lets out a shaky breath down the line and Dean holds his own at the thought Cas was going to deny him. Dean doesn't know what he will do other than beg for Cas to come.

"Okay" the answer is so quiet Dean struggled to hear it but once he realised Cas agreed the grin on his face brought warmth to his body that he hadn't felt in so long.

"Thank you, thank you" Dean repeated over and over "I miss you so much Sweetheart and we're going to sort all this out okay?"

"Dean," Cas breathed out "Please, don't. I- I can't get my hopes up. Please j-just understand?" he stuttered as if he was holding back tears and it broke Dean's heart to hear it.

"Of course, Cas, please just – fuck. I know Cas, I know. But we're going to sort this out okay? Just promise me you'll come? I love you so much, Cas and I'm never giving you up. We're going to sort this out and we're going to have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. Okay Baby?" Dean had tears well up in his eyes as he heard Cas let go down the phone. The sobs he heard escape Cas make him yearn to be with him and he hated himself for doing this to him. Hates himself for leaving Cas behind and then realisation hits him like a freight train.

Cas didn't want to be left alone. Cas wanted to be with Dean. Hell the man up and left the only family he cared for to move halfway across the country just because Dean was moving and then Dean dropped the bombshell. Telling him they were leaving for a three month tour and Dean hadn't told him he planned on taking Cas with him. Dean hadn't told him because he thought it was implied. Cas was Dean's world as much as Cas depended on Dean it was completely mutual. Dean hated being away from Cas. He hated not being able to spend more time with him while they worked on the album and he _thought _Cas knew that. He thought that Cas knew he was coming with Dean. But of course Cas isn't a mind reader just as Dean isn't. They actually need to tell each other. They're just too idiots that fail to communicate.

"Cas, Baby" Dean whispers "I know now. Fuck. I'm such a fucking idiot. I know why you were upset and Sweetheart, please believe me when I say I _never _wanted to leave you behind and I was _never _going to. You were going to come with me and I'm so fucking sorry I didn't tell you. I just thought that you knew that already and I'm such a fucking idiot for not telling you that" Dean choked back his own tears as he heard Cas cry harder down the phone.

"Fuck Dean. Put me on the next flight out. I need to see you. I can't do this over the phone"

Dean nodded dumbly before he remembered Cas can't see him. He quickly told him he's going to get Jo to organise it all as soon as he's hung up. He told Cas to pack his gear and he'll call him back as soon as it's finalised. With a heartfelt goodbye, he hung up his phone and goes to tell the group the good news.

-  
Castiel hung up his phone with shaky hands and placed it on the bed beside him. He was in a daze. Did Dean really just ring him and tell him everything he had wanted to hear for almost two months? Surely he was still sleeping and he was going to wake up any minute and once again feel the pain of disappointment as he was dragged back into reality. But as he wiped away the tears from his eyes, he knew it was real. He flopped back down onto his bed and buried himself in the excessive amount of pillows that Gabriel had on the bed and giggled himself into frenzy where he had to control himself so he was able to breathe again.

"It's real" He breathed into the empty room before he resumed into a fit of giggles. Sure, they still had a lot of things to talk through and Castiel was under no illusions that it was going to be a hard few weeks, even months, before they were going to be back to how they were. But the feeling that Castiel had finally got what he had pined for outweighed the rocky road he was about to travel down because he was going to be with Dean and right now, that's all that mattered.

When he finally calmed himself down, he stood up from the bed and began to pack his suitcase again before he wandered around the house to collect all his laundry to pack. He had a massive grin on his face the entire time unable to wipe it off. He kept his phone on him as he awaited Dean's call. He would ring everyone he needed to inform of his departure as soon as Dean had rung with the details.

He was folding his laundry into his suitcase when his phone finally rang again. Knowing it would be Dean, he answered without hesitation.

"I'm almost finished packing, when am I leaving?" he asked in lieu of a greeting.

"God it's so good to hear your voice" Dean breathed into the phone which caused Castiel to bite his lip in order to stop himself from breaking out in giggles once more. "Jo's sorted out everything. You need to be at the airport at 5. Your flight is at 6.30 and you'll be landing half an hour after us so we'll wait for you at the airport and take you to the hotel with us in the van" Dean told Castiel. He always wanted to get the plan out of the way before anything else.

"Sounds great, Dean. I'll just have to sort out a few bits and pieces but I'll be there. I can't wait to see you" Castiel couldn't wait any longer. He bounced on the balls off his feet in excitement of seeing Dean again after so long. He needed to be with him now.

"Me neither, Sweetheart. I've missed you so much. Just a few more hours and we'll get everything back on track. Okay Baby?" Dean's voice was so sincere and loving that it made Castiel positively glow with happiness.

"Yes Dean. I've missed you too. I love you so much, Dean. I can't wait to just put all this behind us and move on with our life together"

"I love you too, Sweetheart. I'll let you do whatever it is you need to do. Let me know that you get on your flight okay, alright?" Dean was so genuine that Castiel ached to think that he had been alone without this man for so long.

"Yes Dean. I promise I'll let you know. Goodbye for now, Babe." Castiel didn't really want to say goodbye but he knew if he didn't get off the phone now he never would.

"Goodbye Cas. I'll see you real soon"

They quickly ended their call and Castiel immediately dialled Gabriel to let him know the news. His brother was somewhat hesitant saying that Castiel was rushing into this but Castiel wasn't having a bar of it. He knew where he needed to be and that was with Dean. Gabriel had always been overprotective of him and he wasn't letting up now. He just wished that he would back off sometimes and let Castiel live his life. He was grateful for Gabriel's concern but right now it wasn't what he wanted.

He ended his conversation once Gabriel had finally shut up and said he hoped it all went well in New York. Castiel smiled at the fact that he had been able to twist his brother's arm on the matter which he knew didn't happen very often.

After Gabriel, Castiel called Ellen and told her what had happened. She was over the moon that they had finally sorted out their issues and were going to talk them through. Castiel had never told her what it was that had actually happened but he suspected she knew enough about the situation from Jo.

Lastly, Castiel called Balthazar. The man was a lot along the same lines as Gabriel with his reaction. Castiel had called Balthazar every day since he had left to talk shop but also just to have someone to talk to as they had done when Castiel was still in LA. He missed his friend but it was great that they were still able to talk freely over the phone. Balthazar knew how much Dean meant to Castiel and was soon to congratulate Castiel on his progress with his boyfriend.

Castiel was so grateful for his support group over the past couple of months and he was constantly thanking them. He knew he was annoying them but the kindness and care they had offered him had left him in their debt and he just needed to tell them that even if they didn't want to hear it anymore.

Once everything was said and done, Castiel had a quick meal before he made his way to the airport. His nerves caused him to shake with excitement as he made his way to board the plane. In just a few hours he would be reunited with Dean and nothing, not even the screaming baby that he had to sit next to on the flight, could wipe the smile from his face.


	16. The Talk

"Dean, would you quit your pacing. You're making me want to hit you" Sam somewhat yelled at Dean who was currently unable to stay still for longer than two seconds. He had drunk at least 3 cups of coffee in the short twenty minutes they had been waiting so far for Cas' flight to land. "People are starting to look at us weird, man"

"Let 'em look" Ash interjected "We aint doin' nothin' wrong" he added

"I think it's sweet how worried little wittle Deany is" Jo condescended

Dean stopped and stared at her in objection before resuming his pacing. He _was _worried there was no denying that but he had every right to be. He didn't trust a massive metal tube flying in the air. If humans were meant to fly they would have the natural ability to fly. However, humans don't have that ability and therefore should keep their feet firmly planted on the ground where they belong.

He was also worried about what kind of reaction he would be greeted with. Sure, they had somewhat sorted things out but they still needed to talk things through. Would Cas let him touch and kiss or would he deny Dean? Because if he did deny him, he didn't think he would be able to take it. He hadn't been able to touch him in two months and that in itself is too long let alone the circumstances of which had forced him away.

He's shaken out of his worry when he glances at the flight arrival screen and sees that Cas' flight has landed safely and is currently disembarking. Dean bounces on his heels as he glances at the arrival gate. He knows Cas won't have packed much and would just have a carry on meaning he would be out of the gate as soon as they're allowed off the plane.

Dean takes a few hesitant steps towards the gate glancing over the heads of the people gathered to try and spot the familiar mop of black hair. He glances at every head of black hair he sees not seeing the unruly hair that he desperately wants to see and it causes another wave of worry to surge through him. What if Cas changed his mind and never boarded the plane and just told Dean he had to get back at him for what he'd done to their relationship? Surely Cas wouldn't be that cruel?

Finally, after what feels far too long, he spots a head of hair that's in complete disarray that could only belong to one person. When he glances down at the face he's wanted to lay eyes on ever since it walked out his door, he sees the worry that he feels reflected back and he realises that Cas is feeling exactly the same as he is. As soon as they lock eyes, Dean is rushing forward without hesitation; seeing Cas' eyes light up with relief and joy as he in turn rushes towards Dean. When they meet in the middle it's nothing but messy and wet open mouth kisses. Desperate and longing mixing into love and apology as they invade one another's mouth after so long apart.

When the burning in Dean's lungs forces him to pull back and suck in the air he so desperately needs, he sees nothing but the light in Cas' eyes that he so dearly missed return as they rake their eyes over each other's features. They don't notice the stares of the other people around them all that matters is the fact that they're in one another's arms with Dean's hands rested on Cas' hips rubbing circles into the bare skin under the blue dress shirt that brings out his eyes. He wonders if Cas still has that trench coat or if he'd thrown it out because of the memory it brought him.

"I'm so sorry, Cas" Dean whispers before leaning in to pull him into a tight embrace nuzzling into Cas' neck and breathing in the smell that is so undeniably _Cas_.

"I'm sorry too, Dean" Cas murmurs before pulling Dean in tighter and Dean wonders if Cas it doing the same to him as what he is currently doing. The need to inhale each other's scent and remember what they used to have.

The clearing of a throat snaps them out of their own little world and back into reality. Dean realises they're still standing in the middle of the arrival gate with Cas' shoulder bag on the floor nearby where it fell unceremoniously when they embraced. Dean looks around not taking his hands off of Cas as he looks to who interrupted them. Of course, it was none other than Sam.

"Not that this isn't relieving or anything, but can we get to the hotel now, it's late and I'm tired as shit and we need to be up early tomorrow for sound check"

"One minute, Samsquatch" Dean teases over his shoulder before kissing Cas deeply again. He pulls back dragging Cas' bottom lip with him before sliding his hand down to give Cas' ass a slap earning a small yelp in surprise. "Let's go, Sweetheart. We got a lot to talk about"

Cas bites his bottom lip in worry but nods his head anyway before bending down and picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. Dean hangs out his hand hoping Cas will take it. When he does, Dean beams at him and it is mirrored back at him all gummy and cute.

"If you two are done, can we _please _leave" Sam complains

"Oh come on," Ash replies "Let's not get in the way of their love because I've sure had enough of Dean's mopin'"

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly not wanting this topic to carry on any further "Alright, alright, let's get out of here. We got a big day tomorrow and Cas and I still have to talk things though."

"Yeah, talk" Jo mumbled under her breath sarcastically. It was just loud enough that Dean still heard what she said but he didn't call her up on it. There was no point in trying to defend himself. Dean was not going to do anything with Cas until they talked this through and everything was laid bare. He didn't want to ruin things again. They had both been hurt enough by lack of communication and there was no way Dean was going to let that happen again.

They crammed themselves into the minivan with one of their crew, Tiny, driving. His name was a bit ironic given the sheer size of the man. He made the minivan look like a sedan when he sat behind the wheel. He acted as their bodyguard when they were getting to and from venues too. With the band's ever growing popularity, the need for trained bodyguards was getting to be a necessity. They didn't bring many crew with them most were just the venue crew that they would hire for the couple of days they were there but some were necessary such as someone to get them out of their hotel and to the venue. They also had their own lighting and sound technicians that toured with them so they didn't have to repeat the same instructions every time. It saved time and money and the guys they had were great so it worked out well.

Jo and Ash were in the front most seat behind the driver with Sam in the front next to the driver while Cas and Dean were as far away as they could get sitting in the back seat so they could just spend time close to each other.

They were content to just lean on each other and feel each other's warmth that they had missed so dearly. Dean had wrapped his arm around Cas' waist and pulling him close while Cas snuggled into Dean's side one hand lazily resting on Dean's chest while the other was wrapped around his back. It took everything within Dean to not just abandon the idea of talking things through but he knew better than that. If they didn't talk it through now it was going to come back and bite them in the ass later. And Dean didn't think they could go through that again. It hurt enough the first time losing Cas and now that he had him back, he was not going to lose him again.

-  
Castiel was content. He was exactly where he wanted to be. He had been worried as soon as he landed as to what reaction he would receive from Dean but when he had all but run forward towards him the worry slipped away only to be filled with excitement and relief. Now that they were on their way to the hotel, there was another wave of anxiety washing over him. Dean either consciously or sub-consciously knew because he pulled him into his side a little more and started soothing circles with his thumb into Castiel's hip. With that small gesture, Castiel knew they were going to be okay. They were going to be fine.

Before Castiel knew it, they were at the hotel and checking into their suite. Apparently they were given nothing but the best while they were on tour. Crowley had really looked after them judging by the class of the hotel. Castiel stayed near Dean's side the entire time fingers looped together.

When they were finally checked in and given their swipe cards, they made their way to the elevator. They hadn't spoken since the airport with anticipation of the conversation that was to come; there wasn't anything that needed to be said until they had the dreaded conversation to get rid of the black cloud that was looming over their relationship.

They finally arrived at their suite with Sam unlocking the door first and immediately dashing to one of the rooms and closing the door behind him. He was either really tired or he just wanted to get some alone time to call Jess. Castiel thinks it's more than likely the latter. Castiel took a moment to take in the size of the living area they were standing in. It seemed to be larger than the entire size of Gabriel's apartment and the huge windows to the far side had an amazing view into the nightlife of New York City.

Ash and Jo hung around a bit telling Castiel how great it is to have him back with Dean again. They once again commented on how Dean had been so depressing without Castiel around and he couldn't help but smile a little at Dean's consequential blush at the comment. He wasn't glad per say that Dean had been moping but it was a bit of a relief that Dean had been as miserable as Castiel had been.

When Ash finally said something about leaving the love birds to sort out their issues, Jo finally took the cue to leave to their own room. "Just don't have loud vigorous sex or night please. I know these rooms are somewhat soundproof to the other rooms but they're not so much internally soundproof." She commented over her shoulder as they closed the door to their own room behind them.

Blushing, Castiel followed Dean as they snuck through into the master bedroom – which apparently Dean had first dips on, being the oldest – closing the door behind them. Once they had placed their bags at the foot of the bed, Dean finally broke the silence.

"Cas," he began taking Castiel's hands and seating him on the bed while he stood in front of him with his hands together in front of his mouth as if struggling to find the words to speak. Castiel was about to speak when Dean continued "I know I screwed up. I know I hurt you and I have been regretting what I said every minute of every day since I said it and I know nothing I can say can possibly make you just forget it was ever said but you have to know how fucking sorry I am. I _never _thought for a second that you were cheating on me and I have no idea why I fucking said that and the fact that I insulted your store makes my gut hurt." As he spoke he looked Castiel dead in the eye and Castiel knew how sorry he was just from the sorrow and regret that was shining from his green eyes.

"That store, is yours. It's your baby and I just stood on it as if it meant nothing and I can't believe I actually thought I was better than you at that moment because I know how long you had worked to make that store perfect. How you value your customers so much that your remember their names and try and find books that would be perfect for them even if it means an extra night trying to track it down. I can never tell you how sorry I am that I actually spoke those words and left you with the only option of leaving. God," he paused running his hands through his hair before licking his lips and speaking again "I'm such a fucking idiot for letting you walk out the door in the first place. I wish I could go back and pull you back in and talk this through so we didn't have to through these past few months without each other because I fucking love you so fucking much and I just, I just can't live without you Cas. I _need_ you. I need you here with me. You're my inspiration, my rock and without you, I'm nothing Cas."

Castiel's eyes were wet and tears were streaming down his face at Dean's words. He knew he was acting like a wuss but Dean was telling him everything he had wanted to hear. Everything he had dreamed of Dean telling him for the past two months and now that it was being said, he didn't know what to reply. Instead, Castiel stood up cupping Dean's face and kissing him hoping he could show what he wanted with his mouth.

When he stepped back again, he had somewhat of an idea what he was going to say. "Thank you, Dean." He let out a shaky breath before continuing. He lifted his head and kept eye contact just as Dean had done to him. "I can't put into words how much you hurt me with those words and to hear you now apologising for it all is just so relieving. I never wanted to be without you Dean, never wanted you to leave. I never wanted to leave but with what you said, it hurt Dean. It hurt so much. And I just, I needed to get away. It felt like my world was crashing down because you are my rock too, Dean. You were there when I was at my lowest and you helped me through it and then, well you drove me away."

Dean visibly winced at Castiel's words so Castiel was quick to continue. "But it's over now Dean. We can move on. I'm not saying that I've completely forgiven you for what you've said. But I don't want to be without you Dean and I can see the regret in your eyes. I know you're sorry. I know that you want to fix this and I'm willing to be here while we do fix this. Because it's something we need to do _together_."

Dean was crying now; the one perfect tear dripping down his face before he wiped it away. He nodded as Castiel spoke and once he was done. He pulled Castiel towards him and wrapped him in a hug holding him tight to his chest. Castiel felt safe. He felt at home once again and he once again felt as if everything was finally going to be normal again. They weren't there yet but they were finally on the way to getting there.

"Cas," Dean croaked out after a few moments of just embracing each other "Cas, just promise me, from now on that you talk to me. I'm always here for you. I'm not a mind reader Cas, I like to think I know what's going on with you but I don't always do. So please, if something is wrong, if something is bothering you, talk to me. _Please_ because I can't go through this again. I just need you to talk to me anytime, anywhere, I'll be there. Okay, Sweetheart?"

Castiel could only nodded into Dean's shirt as he sobbed feeling the dampness as he rubbed his face into Dean's chest.

"I need to hear you say it, Sweetheart. Promise me, Cas. Promise me you'll just talk to me"

Castiel pushed himself off Dean's chest so he could look him in the eyes. "I promise Dean. But you promise me too. You promise me that you talk to me. You tell me stuff I need to hear. You know how insecure I am. So I _need _you to tell me things."

Dean cradled Castiel's head back into his chest and Castiel gripped Dean just a little bit tighter round his waist. "Of course Cas, of course I promise. I've ruined this once I'm not going to do it again. I promise."

After what seemed like hours of just standing in each other's arms, they broke apart.

"Come on, it's been a long day and we've got a big day tomorrow. Let's get some sleep" Dean spoke

Castiel just nodded in reply before moving to pick up his bag. He rummaged through before he found what he was looking for and pulled it out handing it to Dean.

"What's this?" Dean asked with confusion looking down at the fabric in his hands. He carefully unfolded it to reveal the Led Zeppelin shirt that Castiel had taken when he had packed up his gear at the apartment. "Is this my shirt?"

Castiel nodded again before speaking "I took it. It smelled like you and I used to sleep with it because I couldn't sleep without the smell of you with me. But after a while it faded and I couldn't smell you anymore. Can you wear it again so it smells like you? I've grown rather fond of it"

Dean smirked at Castiel before stripping off his multiple layers of shirts that he _always _wears before slipping the tee over his head. Castiel smiled at him before moving forward and hugging him again.

"You're so weird, Cas" he spoke.

Castiel snorted before nodding again "Yeah but you love it"

"Fuck yeah I do. I love you so much Cas"

"I love you too, Dean"

They soon stripped down and into their pyjamas before snuggling under the thick duvet of the queen sized bed. They didn't actually need such a huge bed with the proximity they were to one another. Their limbs entwined and noses pressed together. They shared slow lazy kisses until the fatigue of the emotional day had become too much to keep it up any longer. Castiel's eyes slowly closed under the exhaustion as he snuggled into Dean's chest while Dean's arms tightened around him.

"G'night Cas" Dean whispered into Castiel's hair pressing another kiss to the top of his head.

"Goodnight Dean" Castiel whispered through a yawn before submitting to exhaustion and finally getting the best night sleep he'd had in two months.

* * *

**A/N First off thanks so much for all the reviews for the last chapter. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it :) Hope this chapter is okay and I know it all seems very final but there's definitely more planned for these guys :P**


	17. Sound Check

The phone ringing at an unearthly hour awoke Dean out of his slumber that had been the most perfect sleep he'd had since Cas had left. The man was currently sprawled half across his chest which trapped his left arm underneath his body with his head tucked under Dean's chin. The ringing was not loud enough to wake Cas but the man stirred only to snuggle impossibly closer into Dean's chest and wrapped his arms tighter around his torso which pulled the Zeppelin shirt tight.

God, Dean loved this man.

Dean gently freed his hand from under Cas who thankfully didn't seem to notice before he reached over to the bedside table to answer the damn phone.

"What?" Dean growled out, his voice husky with sleep.

"Good morning, Mr. Winchester. This Tiffany from the concierge desk calling for your 6am wakeup call" the soft female voice spoke

"Ugh" Dean groaned. Was it really time to get up already? "Thanks" he spoke before he hung up.

Now that he was somewhat awake, the burning sensation to pee made itself known but Cas slept like an octopus and every time he made a move to pry him away he just sucked himself harder into Dean's flesh. He couldn't really blame the man. They had been without each other for so long and now that they were finally back together he didn't want to have to be apart from him. Unfortunately, however, their lives had to go on and Dean had to get up and ready so they could leave for their sound check and practice a few songs while they're at the venue.

As he saw no other option, Dean gently shook Cas' shoulder and tried to wake him up. When the man made no response, Dean shook him a little harder which earned a groan of annoyance. A hand made its way up to push Dean's face away before it slumped back down on the mattress. Dean couldn't help but chuckle. Cas was incredibly cute in the morning with his messed up hair and inability to get up before ten.

He wiggled himself down and managed to line his mouth up with Cas' ear so he could whisper into the shell to wake the man.

"Caaaaas" Dean drawled out "Cas, Sweetheart, I got to get up"

Finally, finally Dean got an actual response from the man

"Five more minutes" Cas' gravelly voice growled out.

"I don't think my bladder will last another five minutes" Dean chuckled. He was only kind of joking. He really did need to pee.

"Fine" Cas growled and moved himself off Dean and onto the mattress. Dean finally took the opportunity to make his way off the bed and into the joining ensuite to relieve himself.

When he returned, he found Cas sound asleep once again curled around a pillow burrowed under the comforter with just the tip of his black hair and the pillow poking out.

For a brief moment, Dean hated himself. Hated how he almost let this go. Almost broke it beyond repair. But now that he had it back, now that his bed was once again shared with the one he loved, he was never letting it go. He would do everything he could and more just to ensure that the man in his bed remained there.

Instead of waking the man, he decided to let him sleep. He knew Cas wouldn't have been sleeping well just like Dean hadn't so he gave the man some time to catch up on some sleep. They had a long day today and Dean needed to get moving so he quickly dressed into his jeans and a new shirt before he quietly made his way out of the room and into the main living area. He was surprised to find that he was the only one awake and came to the conclusion that the others must not have received the call.

He quickly made his way to both rooms and woke his friends and brother before taking a seat in the living room and checking his phone for emails and messages. There wasn't much in there other than a few emails from Crowley which confirmed dates and locations for their upcoming gigs along with the details of the upcoming soundcheck. He checked the band's Twitter account and sent a tweet informing his followers that they were excited for the show tonight. He replied to a few fans taking his time to read as many tweets as he could. He did like interacting with their fans. They were the reason they were where they were and he knew to appreciate them and if he could make their day by just sending them a tweet then he'd gladly do it.

_New Yorkers, we have a surprise for you tonight at the show! Can't wait ;) D._

With that final tweet, Dean closed out of the app just as Sam made his way into the living area.

"Mornin'" Dean greeted his brother with a winning grin.

"Since when are you the first one up?" Sam asked with a smirk as he stepped into the room more and joined Dean on the couch to wait for Jo and Ash to appear

"Since my boyfriend ensured I got a goodnight's sleep" Dean replied without missing a beat. It's true he would normally of late be the last out of bed and the last to go to sleep but now that Cas was back in his life he had a new sense of energy that made him want to get out of bed and start the day. Sure he was more than happy to spend the entire day getting reacquainted with Cas but that would have to wait for another day because right now, they had breakfast to order and eat before they headed off for sound check and practice.

"So I'm guessing you got everything sorted out then?" Sam asked with a smile on his face

Dean cleared his throat before he replied "Yeah we did. Thanks for giving me a kick up the ass when I needed it, Sammy. I don't know where I'd be right now if you hadn't"

"Dean," Sam began "You're my brother; of course I'm going to look out for you and kick you when you need it. And I'm sure if I need it you'd do exactly the same thing so you don't need to thank me"

"Damn right I will, Sammy" Dean replied with a slap to Sam's shoulder before he stood. The moment had gotten to be too much of a chick-flick for Dean's liking so he made his leave and stepped up off the couch "I'm gonna go wake up Cas" he said as he left the room.

When he opened the door Dean found Cas exactly the same as he left him. He really, really didn't want to wake him up but he had to and he would deal with the crankiness that was bound to appear as soon as Dean woke him. Dean closed the door behind him before he made his way across to the bed where he jumped onto the lump that was Cas. He grabbed his wrists and pinned them above Cas' head and dug his thighs into his waist which ensured he wouldn't be able to move away. Cas awoke with a start and wriggled and writhed underneath Dean as he tried to get free of the grasp Dean had on him.

"What the _fuck _are you doing?" Cas yelled at Dean which caused Dean to tip his head back and laugh.

"Waking you up" he replied before he leant down and nuzzled into Cas' neck and pressed soft kisses along the skin.

His lover barred his throat for Dean to continue his ministrations. He felt the vibrations in his lips when he sucked at Cas' Adam's apple as he started to talk.

"Don't you think shaking me awake would have been better than jumping and scaring me half to death?"

Dean paused for a moment before he leant back so Cas could see his face. "Hmm" he pondered for a moment out loud "Nah" he teased as he moved down and claimed Cas' lips with his own and forced his tongue into his lover's mouth in apology. After a long moment of exploring each other's mouths, he pulled back. "Come on, you need to get up. We're going down to breakfast and then we have our sound check." As he pulled himself out of Cas' embrace, Dean sat up and heaved himself off the bed ignoring Cas' whimpers of protest.

"Five more minutes" Cas whined as he made grabby hands towards Dean like a child wanting his mother to pick him up.

Dean chuckled again "You said that an hour ago" But Dean could never resist this man not with the puppy-dog look that those blue eyes possessed. Dean was irresistible to Cas' charm and he was never going to deny it even if he tried. Dean made his way back to Cas and resumed his position on top of the man with his legs either side of Cas' hips and hands next to Cas' head to keep his weight off the smaller man.

Their tongues danced and lips explored capturing each other's gasps and moans in the other's mouth for a lot longer than the five minutes Cas had asked for. But before things got out of hand and it went a lot further than Dean would allow, Dean pulled back and away. Cas once again whined in protest and tried to pull Dean back but he wasn't having it. They needed to leave soon and he wasn't going to get the band in trouble because he couldn't keep his hands off his boyfriend. The only reason Cas was allowed to join them was because Dean had promised Crowley and the rest of the management team he wouldn't be distracted with him there and he would still be on time and 100% committed to the cause.

"As much as I want to continue, and I do, really I do, we can't. We have to go, Cas. So hurry up and get your ass out of bed" Dean said as he left the room to wash his face and teeth in the ensuite.

He heard Cas grumble and whine but he soon heard the patter of feet near him and turned to find Cas waiting at the door for Dean to finish so he could do the same. The man frowned at him but he still looked irresistibly cute with his unruly hair and pouty red lips swollen from their make-out session.

With a grin, Dean stepped back from the sink and made his way to the door where he planted a chaste kiss onto Cas' lips before he patted him on the butt and left the man to it. Dean had the day planned for them and he wanted it to start sooner rather than later.

-  
Castiel was quite annoyed at Dean for the rude awakening to say the least but he found it hard to stay mad at him due to the fact he had the best sleep he'd had since they'd been apart. Also the make-out session more than made up for it even if it had been cut short. But they were in New York for a reason and that was for Dean's band to play a gig and that came first. Castiel knew that and he was happy to just be there to go along for the ride and whatever time with Dean he got he was going to cherish.

Castiel made his way out of the bathroom refreshed and ready to go after changing into a clean set of clothes. He made his way out to the living room with his shoes in hand to find the others all waiting for him.

"Sorry, it was a long day yesterday" Castiel muttered as he blushed slightly under their scrutiny. He knew they weren't judging him or anything but he just didn't like the heat of the gazes.

"No worries, Cas" Ash spoke with a clasp onto his shoulder. "Let's go get some grub I'm starvin'"

Castiel nodded slightly before he looked up as a hand snaked his way around his waist. He leaned into the touch as he missed the heat of Dean's body against his and the small gestures of intimacy they shared. He really couldn't believe he had almost lost this. He knew from now on he was always going to voice his worries and doubts because the lack of communication had nearly killed them last time and he did not want that to happen ever again. Dean was his and he was Dean's he never wanted that to change. Ever.

They walked with each other's hands on the other's waist all the way down to the restaurant where they sat side by side and ate breakfast. There was little talk at the table with everyone still somewhat half asleep due to the fact it was barely 8am but one look over at Dean and Castiel could tell he buzzed with excitement. He was always liked this the day of the gig with a huge smile on his face and eager to start the day just so the time of the gig would come along faster. Castiel couldn't help but beam at him when Dean turned to face him still smiling. The man's smile was so contagious with the way his green eyes shone bright with joy and his small dimples at the side of his lips. Castiel couldn't resist any longer so he closed the gap and kissed him just because he could.

"So what am I doing today seeing you're busy with your sound check?" he asked when they were almost done with their meal.

Dean placed his knife and fork down on his empty plate and pushed it towards the centre of the table before he replied "Well, you can hang out with Tiny till we're done if you like? It shouldn't take much longer than a couple of hours. The sound and lighting guys are getting pretty good at it now so we don't actually have to be around for very long" Castiel's face fell a little at the fact he wasn't going to get to stick around for the sound check. Sure he thought it might be a little boring to watch them but he liked being able to watch Dean in his element. Dean must have noticed Castiel's disappointment because he was quick to continue "Or, you can just stick around at the sound check till we're done and then I'm going to take you out for a bit. Just you and me until we need to get back to get ready for the show. What do you want to do?"

Castiel didn't hesitate for a second before he replied "Second one. I like watching you play even if it's just a sound check" he added a cheeky wink and laughed when Dean blushed slightly

"Alright then but no complaining if you get bored" said Dean with a finger pointing into Castiel's face

"I could never get bored watching you" Castiel whispered before he leant in and claimed Dean's lips again.

God, he loved this man.

"Ah, guys?" Sam's voice interrupted their moment "Still here."

Dean and Castiel turned to face their friends and with a grin on his face Dean replied "Got a problem, Sammy?"

"Yeah, Sam you got a problem? I'd rather see this than his damn mopin'" Ash chimed in

"No, he doesn't have a problem. He's just jealous because Jess isn't here." Jo teased

Sam scowled at his friends as they laughed at his expense. Castiel looked around the table taking in the looks on their faces. He had missed these guys; missed their jokes and their teasing; missed their friendship. He was so glad that he and Dean had sorted everything out because he really did love these guys and he didn't know if he would have been able to go on if he wasn't able to keep these guys in his life. But he didn't have to worry about that because he was with Dean and that's all the mattered.

Eventually, everyone finished their meals and they made their leave. Tiny was already waiting for them in the lobby when they emerged ready to leave. They piled into the van where they resumed the same positions that they had taken last night except this time Castiel's face was pressed to the window as he took in the sights of the city of New York.

Ever since he was a boy he had wanted to go to New York. He never knew what the exact attraction was, but he knew he always wanted to go. He guessed it was the pull of the big city life and the popularity that the city had. As they drove around, he took in the huge skyscrapers and the apartment buildings with awe at how much of the skyline they dominated.

He felt Dean's heat radiate against his back before he felt the man's chest pressed up behind him and a kiss on his cheek. He smiled in content as Dean's hands wrapped around him.

"We'll go exploring. I promise" he whispered into Castiel's ear.

Castiel nodded before he leant back into Dean's touch content to just spend the day in Dean's arms. Unfortunately, shortly after, they pulled up in front of the venue. They pulled apart to disembark the van only to link hands again and pull in close to each other's side. Castiel craved the closeness of Dean after being so long without it. He just wanted to touch and hold him all the time never wanting to let go.

They walked into the venue and Castiel was taken away by the sheer size of it. The place was huge. There was a stage down the far end with a massive floor space that could easily fit a few thousand people. There was even more space with the tiers above them with seating for those who didn't want to stand. Castiel looked over at Dean with what he thinks is amazement all over his face.

"This place is huge" Castiel whispered as he didn't want to be too loud in the empty space

Dean chuckled over at Castiel before he replied "Sure is. And guess what?" When Castiel raised his eyebrows in question, Dean continued "It's sold out"

Castiel's jaw dropped "Are you serious?" he asked with disbelief thick in his voice

Dean just nodded in reply before he pulled Castiel in close and kissed him deep. Castiel smiled into the kiss before he put his hands onto Dean's chest and pushed him back slightly so he can look Dean in the eyes.

"I'm so happy for you, Dean. You guys deserve this" Castiel says before he pulled Dean back towards him and showed his excitement for Dean with his tongue. He felt Dean smile against his lips and he wanted to progress this further but they're in public and Dean had a sound check to do. Castiel pulled back and Dean whined in protest. Castiel smirked at Dean as he spoke "Pay back for this morning" He earned a grunt from Dean but the disappointment is soon wiped from his face as a man approaches them who Castiel assumed was the venue director.

"Morning gentleman, and lady" He greeted "Ready to get started?"

"Sure are" Dean said as he beamed with excitement. Sam, Ash and, Jo quickly turned and followed the director while Dean stayed to talk to Castiel for just a moment longer. "You stay with Tiny. He'll look after you okay? Sooner we get this done sooner we can leave" Castiel just nodded at Dean who kissed Castiel chastely "Love you, Cas"

"Love you too, Dean" he replied as he watched as Dean left with the rest of the band to get their gear onto the stage.

Castiel is snapped out of his daze by Tiny talking to him "Come on, Cas. We need to get some chairs so we don't have to stand the whole time. These things can take a while and I don't know about you but I'd rather find a chair than sit on the ground or stand the whole time"

Castiel smiled at the man "Chairs sound good. Lead the way"

A short while later, they're seated about half way back from the stage and watched as the band set themselves up and Jo rush around seeing that everything is in place and barked orders at the stage crew.

Castiel watched in awe as Dean sets up his guitar and adjusts the microphone before he turned round to the Sam and Ash to choose the song they're going to play first. They run through a few songs that Castiel and Tiny knew quite well and they sang along together with Dean. Tiny seemed like a great guy and he was glad that this man looked after his lover and his friends. The man looked like a huge brute but really he's just a kind man although Castiel is sure he would have dealt with anyone that came to close to anyone in the band or the people associated with them which Castiel is grateful for.

When a tune that neither Castiel nor Tiny recognise was played, they looked up to the band and wondered what's going on. Had they really had time to write a whole new song in the time they had been on tour let alone practice it? Castiel watched as Dean steps back from the microphone still singing but he's far enough back that the mic that he can't pick up the lyrics. Castiel is beyond confused as to what's going on but soon enough, the song they played is over and Dean smiled at Ash and Sam while he nodded at whatever they spoke about. When they were done talking, Dean turned to Castiel with a smile on his face.

He watched as Dean placed his guitar down and jumped of the stage before he ran out to where Castiel and Tiny were seated.

"We're all done" Dean announced before he turned to Tiny and patted him on the shoulder "Cheers for taking care of him, man"

"I'm just glad we don't have to deal with you moping anymore" Tiny chuckled

"Will you guys quit saying that? I wasn't moping" Dean yelled at Tiny's back who walked off muttering something about having to talk with the venue security.

Castiel reached forward to rest his hand on Dean's face and pulled Dean's cheek to face him. "It's okay Dean. I was moping too" he comforted before he leant forward and brushed their lips together. "What was that last song by the way?" Castiel asked changing the subject "We didn't recognise it"

Dean pulled back with a mischievous smirk on his face before he spoke "That's because it's new and I'm not saying anymore because it's a surprise. You will just have to wait for tonight like everybody else"

Castiel whined in protest "Why won't you tell me? Don't I get special privileges seeing as the lead singer is my boyfriend?"

"Nope" Dean says with a pop to the p. "But you do get to spend the afternoon with me so I guess that's privilege enough"

"Fine" Castiel sighed "But it better be a good surprise"

Dean nodded "It is" and leant in to kiss Castiel again. "Missed you"

"I was sitting right here Dean" Castiel laughed as Dean continued to kiss his jaw before he moved lower and sucked on his neck "Dean," Castiel panted "Dean stop. We're in public"

"So?" Dean hummed into Castiel's skin while Castiel tried to push Dean away with hands on his chest.

"So, if you don't stop I'm going to be embarrassingly hard any second and I don't want to have to deal with that here" Dean immediately stopped what he was doing and looked up at Castiel

"Yeah you're right. Come on, let's get out of here and explore. Jo said she called us a cab so I'm sure it'll be here soon" Dean stepped away from Castiel and held out his hand which Castiel quickly took and followed his lover outside where a cab is ready to take them.

Castiel quickly jumped into the cab followed by Dean. He was willing to go wherever Dean wants to go as long as it meant he gets to be with Dean. Now, he was just as excited as Dean is for the gig. He wanted to know what the song was and the only way he was going to find out is when they play it tonight. Castiel willed the clock to move faster but at the same time he's excited to spend the afternoon alone with Dean. He needs it; they need it and nothing is going to get in the way.


	18. You Belong Here

To say the afternoon went perfect was an understatement. Cas' face was lit up with excitement and joy the entire time which meant Dean's face lit up with the same enthusiasm. It was hard not to be enthused with the man grinning as he was. They had spent the day exploring the city and wandering around with no true destination. Sure, Dean had a plan but he was in no position to deny Cas anything and therefore went along with anything Cas suggested.

They first went out to Liberty Island where they caught the first fairy they could to visit the Statue of Liberty because, to quote Cas, "It was a special moment in history, Dean, it represents so much. We _need_ to see it in person" and of course Dean didn't object. Once they arrived, they became the traditional tourist as they blended in with the crowd and fell into the ways of the travellers as they took photos of everything and anything as well as asking people to take photos of them in front of the statue. At one point, Cas had pretended to be from Russia and not being able to speak any English just to make Dean laugh and to confuse some of the other tourists. Surprisingly, Cas did a great Russian accent.

Once they (mostly Cas) were done with patriotic motifs, they ended up at Times Square where they checked out what all the hoopla was about. Before long, they grew bored and annoyed at all the pushing and shoving and ended up requiring a change of location.

They decided to pay their respects to those who had lost their lives in the terrible terrorist attacks at ground zero. They took the time to send a prayer to those who had lost their loved ones in the attack and also to those currently fighting for freedom in the wars that followed. If Dean shed a tear seeing all the names of the thousands of people that died, Cas didn't say anything just pulled him closer into his side and gave him a peck on the cheek.

As they took a stroll, they found a small secluded diner to get some lunch. It was a little after three when they made it to the diner which left them a solid four hours until they needed to be at the hotel. The great thing about New York was whenever they needed a cab, there was one not far away which gave them heaps of time to actually explore the places they were visiting and not just take a photo and leave.

They sat down in a booth near the back where Dean slid in first and expected Cas to sit on the other side opposite him but the man slid in next to Dean and lifted Dean's arm and placed it round his shoulders so he could snuggle into Dean's side. The memory it bought back had a smile playing on Dean's lips.

"This is just like the morning after our first night together" Dean whispered into Cas' ear and watched as the man squirmed from the warm air that tickled his ear.

"I know" Cas replied once he stopped wriggling "That's why I sat here." He glanced up at Dean as he spoke a small smile on his lips all for Dean. Dean smiled back before he leant down and placed a soft kiss onto his lips.

"You're gorgeous, Cas" Dean whispered while he looked into Cas' deep blue eyes and saw nothing but love reflected back. Seeing his eyes filled with cheerful emotions slowly erased the nightmares that had haunted him of seeing the hurt, pain, and anger that was there when he had left. He never wanted to see that ever again and if by just cuddling in a diner it made the man happy then Dean was going to cuddle with him in a diner.

Cas blushed at Dean's words and it never failed to amaze him that even after so long together, the man still reacted as he did to Dean's words of praise. Dean couldn't resist any longer and leant down placed another kiss onto Cas' lips.

They were forced apart by a throat being cleared. They both quickly turned their heads to see the interruption was from the waitress. She greeted them with a warm smile and told them how cute they were together. This time it was Dean's turn to blush. Dean Winchester was not _cute_.

After they ordered themselves some burgers, they resumed their position content to sit in silence in one another's arms before Cas broke the silence.

"So, what's happening tonight?" He asked as he picked up the glass of water in front of him and took a gulp.

"Well," Dean began "We need to be back at the hotel at 7 to get ready and leave by 8. We don't go on till 10 so you can hang out with us back stage if you like until about 9.30 when you can decide whether you want to be in the crowd or side of stage. It's up to you" he shrugged

Cas seemed to think it over for a moment "Where do you want me to be?" he asked

Dean shrugged again. "Doesn't really matter. I guess if you want the full concert experience, the crowd is the place to be" It didn't matter where Cas was tonight. The surprise was still going to be the same from wherever he viewed the show.

"Hmm" Cas pondered out loud "I guess it'd be nice to experience the crowd especially seeing it's a sell-out."

"Alright then. That's settled then" Dean smiled down at Cas just as the waitress appeared with their orders.

Once they were finished, they made their way outside and hailed down another cab to take them to Central Park. Cas was dying to go for a stroll through the park even though it was hitting late November and it was freaking freezing outside but Cas wouldn't take no for an answer and barked at the cab driver to take them to the park. Dean was just glad he bought a coat today as Cas dragged him all over the city as he wanted to see everything they could fit in.

Dean glanced at his watch when they stepped out of the cab and saw that they had a couple of hours until they needed to be back at the hotel. Dean pulled his black woollen button down coat around him a little tighter and put his hands into the coat pockets as he waited for Cas to hurry up and get out of the cab. On the way over, he had struck up a conversation and asked the man what it was like to live in the city and where the best places to visit are as he tried to get a residents point of view on where to go.

When Cas finally joined him and wrapped himself up in his own jacket similar to Dean's but grey, Dean linked their arms together and dragged Cas along into the park more. It was freezing and he just wanted to get moving. He said as much to Cas who just laughed and told him to nut up because apparently "it's not that cold".

They took a short stroll and ended up coming across a small mountain of rocks. With a grin at Dean, Cas unlinked their arms and scampered up the rocks with a "Race you to the top" thrown over his shoulder. Dean quickly followed as he tried to catch up to Cas who had an unfair advantage of starting earlier but Dean didn't mind. This way he had a pretty decent view of Cas' perfect ass.

When they reached the top Dean was short of breath and Cas was there with a smirk on his face directed at him. His breath not at all laboured. "You getting unfit there, Dean?" he teased.

Dean pouted in reply before he spoke "Well it's kind of hard with our schedule to just go work out, Cas"

"Uh huh" Cas replied not believing Dean even for a second "Or maybe you were just too busy moping?"

With that, Dean leapt forward and took Cas up in his arms before he threw him over his shoulder and moved towards the edge of the rocks. It wasn't a far drop but if they did fall they wouldn't come away without injury.

"Dean!" Cas protested "Put me down!"

Dean chuckled as he bounced Cas up and down on his shoulder for a bit. "Not until you apologise and tell me I have the body of a god"

"I didn't insult your body, Dean. Only your fitness" Cas snorted

"Well then," Dean started as he stepped just a little closer to the edge and turned his back to it while he slid Cas down his back a little more so he was more or less dangled over the edge. "I guess you really do want to fall"

"Fall? You're threatening to _throw _me over. There is no falling involved Dean" Cas reasoned

"Oh but there is, Cas. You see, when the cops ask me questions, I'm going to feign innocence and say you _fell _over the edge"

When Dean felt a hand slide into his jeans and squeeze his ass along with a mumble of "I love your ass" he knew that it was over. Cas was distracted and there was no way Dean was going to keep it up much longer. He started to chuckle as Cas' other hand joined and squeezed the other cheek perfectly content where he was positioned apparently not noticing that he was still slung over Dean's shoulder.

Once they were safely away from the edge, Dean heaved Cas back over his shoulder and placed his feet back on the ground. His face was red from the blood rush and his hair stuck up more than usual but he grinned like an idiot as he slid his hands around Dean's waist and back into Dean's jeans.

"Your ass is nice and warm and my hands are cold" Cas claimed. Dean was just glad he wore boxer briefs today because Cas' hands _were _cold and didn't think he'd be able to survive if it was skin on skin.

"You're so fucking weird" Dean snorted

"Yeah but you love it" Cas replied without missing a beat as he imitated their conversation from the night before.

Dean smiled in reply before he leant in and claimed Cas' lips. Cas' hands squeezed Dean's butt cheeks as they bit at each other's lips. Dean smiled into the kiss and felt Cas' do the same. The sound of a child giggling pulled them out of their kiss and forced Cas to quickly remove his hands from Dean's jeans and turn his head around to find the source.

Dean's gaze landed on a small girl no older than 5 who looked at them with a huge grin on her face. "Are you two in love?" the girl asked as she still looked at them with a grin.

Cas started to giggle as he hid his face in Dean's jacket so Dean took it upon himself to reply. "Yeah kid. We are"

"You two are so cute" she said before she climbed back down the rocks. Dean groaned as Cas continued to giggle into his shirt.

"That's twice today we've been called cute" Dean growled out. "I refused to be called cute"

Cas finally managed to control his giggle and pushed himself back to look Dean in the eye "I think it's sweet. Just shows we're meant to be together"

"Why can't they just say that instead of calling us cute then? We're two dudes. Dudes are not supposed to be cute" Dean argued

Cas just shrugged as he went to sit on the ledge of the rocks that looked out to the city skyline. Dean followed and sat himself behind Cas and wrapped his arms over Cas' shoulders and pulled the man into his chest. Cas moved his arms up and crossed them over his chest to hold onto Dean's arms. They sat in silence as they watched the people walk around the park below content to just enjoy being with each other as they had the rest of the afternoon. They had to be back soon even though he really just wanted more time to be with Cas, he was ecstatic with the fact that soon he was going to surprise Cas with his new song. He was nervous but equally excited for Cas' reaction.

Dean turned his arm over and pulled back the sleeve of his jacket to check his watch. "We should probably get going. We got to be back soon" he nuzzled into Cas' neck and smelt the man's scent.

"Mmm" Cas hummed as he leant back a little more into Dean's chest "Five more minutes"

Dean chuckled against Cas' neck "That's the third time you've said that today" but he made no movement to get up. He wanted the five more minutes before he had to head back to the chaos of the upcoming gig.

As he pressed a couple of lazy kisses into Cas' neck, Dean picked himself up of the rocks before he brushed his jeans to get rid of the dirt and threw a hand out to help Cas up. Once Cas had done the same, they climbed back down the rocks and linked their hands together once they reached the bottom.

"Can we get the train back? I want to check out the Grand Central Terminal and that whispering thing" Cas asked

Dean just nodded and pulled Cas in closer and kissed him on the cheek "Anything you want, Sweetheart as long as we're back on time."

Cas grinned in reply and pulled Dean along a bit faster so they could find a cab to get them to the terminal. They could easily walk it but they were pressed for time so decided it would just be faster to catch a cab.

They checked the timetable once they arrived seeing there was a train that went to the station near their hotel departing in 20 minutes. Cas grinned that they had quite a bit of time before they needed to be at the platform which meant they had more time at the whispering dome.

When they arrived, there weren't many people about and Cas suddenly abandoned Dean's hand and ran to the other side of the dome and took a place in the corner while he waited for Dean to make his move to the other one. Dean was somewhat reluctant to do this. It seemed rather childish but Cas was all giddy and smiling and Dean didn't want to disappoint him by telling him so. Instead, Dean moved to the corner and waited for Cas to speak.

"Hello Dean" Cas whispered

"Hey Cas" Dean replied as he heard Cas giggle from across the room and he turned around only to see Cas still faced towards the corner. He noticed Cas do a little head check before he leant forward to whisper again.

"I want to suck your cock" Dean froze and then blushed before he too looked around to see if anyone had overheard but the people that were around paid them no mind and carried on their way as Cas continued to talk "I missed it so much, Dean. I want to put it in my mouth and suck you dry"

"Cas" Dean hissed "Stop it" but apparently Cas wanted to keep going

"Mmm Dean, I'm getting hard just thinking about it. I want to fuck you so bad, Dean"

Dean could do nothing to stop the man apparently because he just kept whispering obscene things until Dean was achingly hard and couldn't take it anymore. He left his corner marching up to Cas and spun him around and pressed him into the corner while he claimed his lips in a hungry kiss.

"Little shit" Dean growled as he pulled back from Cas' lips. "Think you're so funny don't you, Cas?"

Cas only laughed in reply before he pushed Dean off him and ran off towards their platform. As he glanced down at his watch again he saw they only had 5 minutes before their train was supposed to arrive so Dean quickly followed after Cas while he tried to will his erection away.

Finally, he caught up with the man again only to see him disappear onto the train. Dean ran to catch up and jumped on the same carriage as Cas and took a seat next to the man.

"Seriously dude, stop with the running" Dean panted. Cas grinned at him and placed a kiss on his lips before he moved into Dean's side and rested his head on Dean's shoulder as the train started to move.

Today had been perfect. Dean just couldn't wait for tonight.

-  
Castiel couldn't believe how perfect the day had been so far. It was as if he and Dean had never had any issues and were just back to normal again. Castiel had dragged Dean all over New York as he wanted to see this and that and the man had come mostly without persuasion and had apparently enjoyed every minute of it except of course when he had teased Dean to no end at Grand Central Terminal only to run off for their train. Castiel would just have to make it up to him after the show.

Castiel was stood about halfway back from the stage in a mix the crowd in complete awe of everything that had happened so far on stage. They were about halfway through their set and they were nailing it. Castiel thinks it's probably due to the fact that they were over halfway through their tour now and were used to playing in front of large crowds but still their stage presence was amazing. Dean placed the microphone down into the crowd and got them to sing the songs along with some awesome solos from Sam and Ash put the crowd into a frenzy.

The crowd had sung along with every single song and Castiel had joined in too. He had particularly enjoyed the ones that Dean had sung to him when he needed to hear them. He may have teared up a little during "Never Let You Go" with the memories that it brought back.

Castiel glanced down at his watch and saw they had about another 20 minutes to play which meant they'd get another four or so songs plus the two for their encore. Dean hadn't let him look at the set list as he said it was a surprise and that he'd just have to wait and see. He worked through the songs they had already played and tried to guess which songs they would play next. He was just eager for them to start the new song that he hadn't recognised at the sound check so Castiel could finally find out this big surprise.

When the end of the current song came, Dean stepped up to the microphone while he panted a little from the big note at the end. Castiel couldn't help but be aroused at the state of Dean. He was completely drenched in sweat from being under the lights and rocking out on stage. His black tee shirt was soaked and stuck to his body leaving nothing to the imagination.

"So," Dean began once he had caught his breath "When we started this tour, I wasn't in the greatest of places…" Castiel's breath caught what was Dean doing? "My boyfriend and I just had a huge argument and we were heading off on tour and we went on a break which completely broke both of us" the audience gave a sympathetic 'aww' as Dean spoke and Castiel couldn't help but let a small smile cross his lips. His fans really cared about his will being. "We uh, we didn't talk until two days ago when I finally woke up and smelled the roses" Dean let out a snort amused at his own stupidity apparently.

"But those two months were some of the hardest of my life" he continued "I was in a really dark place and I don't think I've been that way for a long time" Castiel felt a pang of sympathy in his gut that Dean compared this to when he had left his father behind and moved in with Bobby. He didn't have to voice that for Castiel to know what he meant. "We," Dean gestured to the band "Wrote this brand new song together while I was trying to cope and I uh, I guess this is just a song to show how much I love this man and how much I wanted him to come back. So uh Cas," Dean looked out at the crowd then searched for Castiel and he knew Dean wouldn't be able to find him with the lights shone at him but Dean knew the general direction Castiel was stood in and just addressed towards that way "I'm sorry, and this is for you. It's called 'You Belong Here'"

Dean stepped back from the microphone then and started to strum his guitar. Castiel could feel his heart beat faster and faster and started to think that everyone around him knew exactly who he was when in reality no one in the crowd gave him a second glance. That didn't stop him from feeling like everyone's eyes were on him but his gaze was solely focused on the man on the stage that had slowly stepped up to the microphone again and started to sing.

His voice was soft and delicate as he sang the intro

"_You belong here.  
You were meant for me.  
You belong here.  
You were meant to be with me._"

The band joined in now with the stage lighting up and Castiel was just blown away caught up in the excitement of the crowd. Everyone cheered before they quietened down again for the first verse

"_You've got the better part of me  
Always have and always will  
You've got the better part of me, oh  
And you know that I'm right  
And I know I'm asking too much  
And I know I'm taking control  
But, a heart that's not worth breaking isn't worth much, not at all.  
Isn't worth much at all_"

Castiel's heart beat faster. Dean wrote this song for him. He'd never written a song especially for Castiel before and let Castiel hear it but now here he was listening to a song that was about him; about how Dean wanted him with him. How he had missed him and longed for Castiel to be by his side just as Castiel wanted to be with him. Suddenly the chorus broke out and Castiel found himself smiling like an idiot

_"You belong here  
You were meant for me  
You belong here  
You belong here with me  
You were meant to be with me"_

Castiel was lost in the song as he watched Dean's reaction as he played while he searched the crowd looking to see if he could spot Castiel. Castiel knew it was useless due to how far back he was but at least Dean tried. The second verse kicked in and Castiel didn't realise he could love this man any more than he already did but he was proved wrong as Dean continued to sing

"_You are the better part you'll see  
Always have and always will  
You'll be the better part of me, oh, for the rest of my life  
And I know I'm asking too much  
And I know I'm all control  
But, I'll give you all I have  
It isn't much, much at all  
I'm not much at all"_

He was surprised to see how much of Dean's own emotions came through in his songs. He hardly ever spoke of his feelings to Castiel but when his pen hit paper, Dean just let it all out and Castiel was just glad to be along for the ride.

_"You belong here  
You were meant for me  
You belong here  
You belong here with me  
You were meant to be with me"_

The crowd was fully cheering now completely caught up in the song and they loved it. Dean had them eating from the palm of his hand. They were already singing along with the chorus and Dean smiled as they sang. The band quietened down again for the bridge and Dean sang again

"_But, I'll give you all I have  
It isn't much, not much at all  
But, a heart that's not worth breaking isn't worth much, not at all_"

The chorus was sung again before the song died out and the crowd went absolutely insane it was deafening. Castiel had teared up halfway through the first chorus and the tears ran down his cheeks as the band rounded out the song. He quickly wiped them away before he joined in with the cheering of the song with the crowd. He really just wanted to run up and be with Dean right then but there was still another three songs to go so he would just have to wait it out and be with him after.

One thing was for sure though; they were not hanging around for very long before they headed to the hotel.

* * *

**A/N The song is 'You Belong Here' by Anberlin**


	19. Reacquainted

To say Castiel was a bit antsy after the show would be the understatement of the year. Ever since the end of the new song, Castiel just wanted to be with Dean but unfortunately he had to wait another 15 minutes before their set ended. He was restless and itched where he stood through their last few songs and he began to wonder why Dean had sung the song so far from the end of the set as he knew what it would do to Castiel.

He was going to make Dean pay for that.

Finally, the set had ended and Castiel fought his way through the crowd and spotted Tiny near the back-stage entrance who ushered him through the rest of the crowd and through the door to where Dean would soon be. He stood in the corridor while he waited for Dean to show up and when he finally did, Castiel felt his face turn into the biggest grin he had shown in ages even bigger than when he first saw Dean at the airport. The returning grin made Castiel's heart melt.

Dean's eyes had been unsure to start with but once he had seen Castiel his eyes lit up with joy and his lips turned up into a smile which showed his pearly whites and Castiel had to hold himself back from running and tackling the man and humping him into the ground. As they were still in public, Castiel held onto the little self-control he still possessed. He did however move closer to Dean wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and claimed his lips into a heated kiss that was all tongue and teeth biting at lips. He sucked Dean's tongue into his own mouth, sucked on it for a little and teased it with his own before he pulled back and nuzzled his face into Dean's neck not caring that the man reeked after being on stage all night because if Castiel was being honest with himself, the smell just made him more aroused. It was undeniably Dean's smell and the reason it was there was because Dean was doing the thing he loved to do.

Dean chuckled as he caught his breath which made Castiel smile and nuzzle further into Dean's neck. "I guess you liked the song then huh?" Dean said as his hands rubbed up and down Castiel's back before he wrapped around his waist and pulled him in tight.

Castiel pressed opened mouth kisses into Dean's neck which lead up to his ear before he licked into the shell. He felt Dean tense around him as he whispered into his ear "I'd like to show you how much I liked it but I'm not an exhibitionist" Castiel leant back so he could look Dean in the eyes which were blown wide with lust. Castiel bit his lip to bite back a chuckle as he leant in to claim Dean's lips in another heated kiss which ventured as far as Castiel would let it in such a public area.

Castiel pulled himself back from Dean as he heard distance voices of Sam, Ash and Jo venture closer. With one last peck on the lips, Castiel pulled himself out of Dean's grip and moved towards the rest of the band. He congratulated them on such a great show and told them all his favourite parts of which one was Ash's drum solo which Ash appreciated. He felt Dean press up behind him and wrap his arms around Castiel's waist as he spoke. He leant back into the touch and just wished they could leave right away but no, they had a few things to do before they were able to be alone.

"Come on," Dean announced as the conversation seemed to come to a close "Let's go interact with the fans that will be waiting so we can get out of here. I have a libido to deal with"

Sam visibly winced at the statement "Gross, Dean. You do realise we're all sharing the same suite right?"

"Not my problem, Sammy" Dean chuckled as Castiel squirmed as he tried to get out Dean's grip so he could turn and smack him one for being so crude. He managed to get a light blow to the shoulder and told Dean to watch what he says or his libido will have to go without for longer. There was no threat behind it though due to the fact that Castiel himself was unable to go much longer without having Dean alone. He knew Dean can see the empty threat but it was enough to get an "oooh" from their friends which caused Castiel to smile smugly at Dean.

Dean's face turned into a scowl and calked them all a bunch of asshats as he stormed off into the dressing room to get his gear. Castiel chuckled for a moment as he found the scene absolutely adorable before he followed Dean into the room. Castiel came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist just as Dean had done to him moments ago.

"I'm only teasing, Babe. You know I can't go much longer without you" Castiel whispered between kisses into Dean's neck.

"I know you are" Dean sighed as he craned his neck to give Castiel more access which he happily took advantage of. "But," Dean said as he moved away and ruffled through his duffle for another shirt. "I don't like being threatened"

Castiel watched mouth agape as Dean removed his sweat soaked shirt which revealed the skin that Castiel so desperately wanted to ravish and make his own once again. Dean smirked and left his shirt off for a moment and stepped forward so Castiel could touch. Castiel ran his hands over Dean's torso feeling the warmth radiate through into his hands. Castiel got himself worked up again and he could feel his cock react to the touches but they couldn't do anything. Not yet anyhow. He composed himself and pushed Dean away softly.

"Hurry the fuck up and go interact with your fans so we can go and fuck because seriously I don't think I'm going to last much longer" Dean chuckled as he moved away while Castiel added "But put a shirt on first" Dean obliged and laughed the whole time causing Castiel to join in too.

When they finally emerged from the back entrance, Castiel was taken back with how many people were waiting to see the band. He knew that they were ever growing in popularity but the amount of people that had waited around for a good couple of hours as the band showered and packed up their gear before they left was phenomenal. It was going to be a while longer before Castiel would finally have Dean alone but it was worth it to see Dean interact with the fans. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy being able to talk with them and to hear what they think his songs were about. Castiel knew Dean would never actually tell people what songs were about due to the simple fact that he'd like them to just apply the song how they see fitting and just go with it. If he put a meaning to a song then a fan may not see the song as they used to and Dean just didn't want that to happen. Castiel found it all rather endearing that Dean cared so much.

Castiel watched with Jo from a small distance as all three members were surrounded and were asked to sign various items as well as pose for a few photos. Castiel internally rejoiced at the fact that Dean had not been asked to sign any body parts other than an arm. He didn't think he'd be able to stop his possessive nature if Dean was asked to sign something a bit more private.

As the crowd started to dwindle and the night grew late to the point when it started to become early morning, Tiny called it quits. He gathered the band and hauled Castiel and Jo in tow as he marshalled them to the van. Castiel sat in the back where he and Dean always sat and waited. Once Dean appeared he couldn't help but smile at the man. He was in such awe at how wonderful this man was.

"What?" Dean asked as he sat down next to Castiel.

"Nothing" Castiel replied as he placed a peck to Dean's check before he pulled the man into his side "You're just so caring and thoughtful to your fans. I mean not many bands would wait for an hour just signing things and talking to fans after playing for 2 hours"

Castiel felt him shrug and nestle closer into his side "Well ya know" Dean spoke "They're the reason we're successful. I gotta acknowledge them otherwise we wouldn't be where we are today"

Castiel just nodded in complete understanding willing Tiny to drive faster so they could get back to the hotel. Castiel just wanted to show Dean how much he loved him.

-  
To say he was eager to get back to the hotel would be the understatement of the year. He longed to be with Cas and he silently willed Tiny to drive that little bit faster so they could get back to the hotel. Dean was pretty comfortable where he was nestled into Castiel's side but he was amped after the show they had just had.

The crowd had been amazing. They had sung along with all the songs and had cheered so loud it was deafening when Dean announced they had a new song for them. He had been so nervous about performing it but as soon as he started he was in the zone and there was no backing out. He had searched for Cas in the crowd but with the bright lights shining down on his face along with the amount of people out there, there was no way he was going to find him. In the end, he just looked in the general direction he knew Cas was stood and hoped Cas enjoyed it. The kiss he received when they were reunited told him everything he needed to know. Thinking about that kiss now, just made him want more.

Dean pulled himself away from Cas' side and reached his hand behind Cas' head to twine his fingers through the strands of hair and pulled Cas towards him. Their lips met in the middle where it started off sweet and loving but quickly dissolved into want and need. It was wet and sloppy but it was exactly what Dean wanted and he craved more. He moved himself over Cas' lap and sat himself down on the man's thighs while his own pushed into the side of his lover.

He felt Cas' hands run up and down his back before they rested on his ass where they kneaded the muscle. Dean had to fight back a moan as he remembered they were still in a van with his brother, his best-friend and his self-appointed sister. Dean was just glad they were either too tired or just playing ignorant to say anything. Dean pulled back with a gasp for some much needed air as he rested his forehead against Cas' while he stared into the lust blown eyes that he had missed for so long. His hands were still entwined in Cas' hair as they panted trying to regain their breath and gave it that dishevelled look that he loved.

"I need you" Dean whispered just loud enough for Cas to hear. He didn't want the rest of the van hearing his declarations. His words were for Cas' ears and Cas' ears only. Before Cas could reply, he dove back in for the taste of Cas he so desperately desired.

They were so caught up in each other they almost didn't notice that they pulled up to their hotel. But Cas the ever aware man that he is, realised and gently pushed Dean away with a whisper that they need to move this upstairs sooner rather than later and Dean whole heartedly agreed. He pushed himself off Cas and stood as best as he could in the van while it still moved. He chuckled as he noticed Cas' erection tented in the man's jeans and loved the effect their make-out session had on the man. Cas lifted his right hand and gestured for Dean to lean in so he could whisper into Dean's ear. He did so and braced himself on Cas' broad shoulders as the man spoke.

"If we weren't in a van with your brother, sister and, best-friend, I'd blow you right now"

If Dean was in his right of mind right now, he would have been ashamed of the groan he just let out but as it was he was thinking with his dick and that didn't give two shits about modesty right now. Dean was just glad that that was the moment the van stopped. He stumbled slightly and fell into Cas which caused them to fall into a fit of laughter.

They composed themselves quickly as they realised that the stoppage meant that they were finally at the hotel and without a beat to spare, Dean was out of the van with Cas in tow and pulled them towards the entrance without a second glance back. The rest of the band had their own room keys so they can deal with themselves and if he knew his friends, they were probably going to just stay at the hotel bar while he and Cas got reacquainted.

It was hard (no pun intended) to keep their hands to themselves through the lobby and in the elevator as they made their way to the suite. It was almost unbearable after so long apart to just not ravish each other on the spot. They stood as close as ethically possible while in the elevator with hands on the other's hips as they stared into the other's eyes longingly. There were others in there with them but they didn't notice, all the mattered was that they were finally, finally back together.

When they did make it to the suite, they quickly made their way to their room and closed the door behind them. Dean was suddenly attacked by a wild Castiel as he was pushed against the closed door and kissed absolutely breathless before clothes started to disappear. Their shirts were the first to go as they struggled to keep their lips together. As soon as the shirts were gone, Dean watched as Cas dropped to his knees and unbuckled Dean's jeans where he slid them free along with his boxer-briefs. There was a brief moment as cool rush of air rushed across his now exposed cock before it was engulfed a tight warm heat that was Cas' mouth. Dean's head fell back against the door with a dull thud and his hand knotted itself in Cas' hair as Cas did that thing with his tongue that made Dean cry out his name.

"Fuck" he cursed as he chanced a glance down just to see Cas' blues looking straight up at him. The sight of his dick sliding between Cas' lips was enough for Dean to let out another groan. "Fuck" he groaned again "God, Cas, you look so fucking gorgeous on your knees for me" He knew Cas liked dirty talk and if the moan around his cock was anything to go by, he still did.

But as soon as the heat had arrived, it was gone again and Cas was back on his feet and spun Dean around before he pushed him towards the bed. Dean felt the back of his knees hit the bed and with a final push, he laid flat on his back where he stared at the ceiling.

"Where's the lube?" Cas' voice growled out raspy from Dean's cock in his throat.

Dean lifted his head to look over at his lover who still wore his jeans and searched through Dean's duffle. Dean didn't have to answer because Cas found what he was looking for and made his way back over to the bed. Dean was grateful he didn't let his head fall back because the sight of Cas as he stripped off his jeans and briefs was a sight he was glad he didn't miss. The man did it with such grace and provocativeness that it was hard for Dean to not just stand and jump the guy where he stood but before Dean made a move, Cas moved towards the bed, lube in hand, and crawled to where Dean was.

Cas hovered over Dean so close he could feel Cas' breath skid across his lips but just before they made contact, Cas stopped. His face was covered in worry and anxiety that Dean was scared something was wrong. Dean reached one of his hands up and placed it on Cas' cheek and stroked the skin with his thumb as he tried to sooth his lover.

"Cas, what's wrong?" Dean asked weary of the answer. He tried to sound soothing but he didn't think it worked with the way Cas' frown deepened.

Cas leant into Dean's touch just for a moment before he spoke "Was there… Was there anyone… else?" Dean looked at him in confusion. Was Cas seriously asking him this? Before he could answer Cas continued "I'm not going to be angry if there was but I just… I just need to know. Was there?"

Dean surged up and kissed Cas with what he hopes will remove all doubt from the man's mind. He pulled back when they were both desperate for air. As he panted he answered Cas' question "No Cas. No, there was no one else. I could barely leave whatever hotel room we were shacked up in because I was so… you know? I wanted _you_, Cas. I _want you_. No one else." It must have been the right thing to say because Cas was back on him in a flash with everything he had.

"I love you, Dean" he spoke between kisses

"I love you too, Cas" he whispered back as Cas resumed his kisses this time to his throat where he sucked a mark Dean knew he'd have tomorrow.

Cas continued his ministrations south and sucked marks all along Dean's chest. He stopped at Dean's nipples where he pulled them each into his mouth until they were red and sensitive before he moved down. Dean was a mess. He hated this teasing after so long of being without Cas. He just wanted Cas. _Now_.

"Cas" he whined "_Please_"

He felt Cas smirk against his skin as he continued to take his time kissing his naval. Then Cas was gone but before Dean could wonder where, he heard the click of the lube bottle and he let out a sigh of relief. He lifted his head to see where Cas was and parted his legs to accommodate him more between them. Cas looked at him with a look of awe on his face and Dean blushed under the scrutiny.

"Don't be embarrassed, Dean. You're beautiful" Dean didn't know what to say in reply so instead, he just spread his legs a little wider and invited Cas in. Cas groaned and leant down again to kiss Dean. Their hips grinded and it got harder and harder for Dean to hold back his orgasm until he felt a cool, slick finger that slid along his cleft and then around his entrance where it teased the muscle.

He gasped as the finger played and groaned into Cas' open mouth who captured it in a kiss as it slipped inside where it gently worked the muscle. Dean's hands moved to grip at Cas' back and scraped his nails down knowing he caused angry red marks to form but the groan Cas let out as he did it let Dean know he liked it.

Dean rocked back onto Cas' finger now and it was quickly joined by another which earned another low groan from Dean. He had missed this so much and now here it was and he was not going to miss a moment. Their groins slid along each other the pre-cum made the movement smooth and effortless as their bodies grew hot and sweaty. Dean knew this wasn't going to last but that was alright because they have nowhere to be tomorrow; there's plenty of time for another round.

Cas crooked his fingers and struck Dean's prostate before he pulled back and resumed his stretching which caused Dean to buck down on the fingers and forced them deeper. "Cas" he groaned "Fuck… Now _please_, Cas." He was ready. He knew Cas was only at two but he wanted it now and Dean relished in the pain he knew was going to consequence.

"I don't want to hurt you" Cas ground out. He was close. Dean knew that face.

"_Now_ Cas" Dean persisted "Or so help me…" Dean wasn't sure where that was going to go but he got his way, because the fingers were gone and next thing he knew, Cas lined himself up and then his cock breached his entrance and Dean keened at the familiar feeling.

There was pain. There was always going to be pain but the pleasure of having Cas inside him after _so _long was enough for Dean to ignore it. Cas was here. Cas was his and he was going to relish in the feeling for the rest of his life with Cas. Dean relaxed at the familiar feeling of having Cas inside of him and after an antagonising slow slide, Cas was buried in Dean's heat and Dean can never get over the sensation of being so full.

Dean locked his ankles behind Cas' back and wrapped his arms over his shoulders while Cas' hands were on the bed beside Dean's head which braced him above. They panted into each other's mouths more than anything as they tried to not give into the ecstasy. They both wanted this to last but knew it was going to for very long.

"Dean," Cas growled "_Fuck_, let me move for the love of God"

Dean just nodded in confirmation and allowed the man to start his slow shallow thrusts inside Dean before he pushed harder and harder until they both gasped for air.

"_Fuck, _Cas" Dean panted "Harder, baby. Fuck me hard"

Cas grinned down at Dean and that was all the warning Dean got before Cas thrust as hard as he could which made Dean slide up the bed and into the pillows more. The snap of Cas' thrusts made Dean gasp unable to form words to speak and then as if Dean couldn't feel any more pleasure, Cas hit that spot and Dean was a mess.

"Fuck, Cas. Fuck. Harder Cas. Come on baby, harder. Right there, Cas. Don't fucking stop baby" Dean all but screamed at Cas.

"Fuck, Dean. So fucking tight. Ngh, so close babe. So fucking close" Cas gasped as his hips snapped in a merciless rhythm that had the bed rocking. They weren't going to last much longer and as Cas' rhythm stuttered, Dean knew Cas was going to come.

Dean opened his eyes unsure when he had closed them just in time to see Cas' face as he tumbled into ecstasy as he pumped his hips and milked his orgasm as he came inside Dean. His mouth was stuck in an 'o' formation and his body shuddered before he came back down and slipped a hand between their bodies to pump Dean's own erection.

Dean rocked up into Cas' fist and back down onto Cas' softening cock as he searched his own release. Cas leant down and showered Dean's neck with kisses as Dean's hips rolled into Cas' hand. When Cas' kisses reached his ear and he whispered "Come for me, Dean" it was all over. Cum was shot between them and covered their stomachs where it mixed with the sweat from their bodies and Dean was done. His body was spent and boneless as he came down from his high to see Cas collapsed on top of him not caring about the mess between them.

"Fucking hell, Cas" Dean spoke once he caught his breath

"Mhm" Cas mumbled in reply apparently unable to find any words

After a moment, Cas pushed himself up and slid himself out of Dean which caused them both to wince slightly. Cas made a move to stand up but Dean caught his hand and pulled him back into his side.

Cas cringed but lay himself onto Dean's chest anyway "Dean, you're covered in cum. Can I at least get a cloth?"

"Why?" Dean chuckled "We're just going to get messy again"

Cas chuckled "You're insatiable"

"Cas, I haven't gotten off since we last saw each other two months ago and I'm pretty sure you're the same so let's be honest, we aint done here" Dean reasoned

Cas placed one hand on Dean's chest and pushed himself up to look him in the eye "You might be right"

Dean laughed "Of course I'm right-"

"But this time you're doing the work" Cas interrupted

"Yeah, we'll see" Dean teased


	20. Call Interrupted

Castiel, for the first time in a while, awoke rather early and couldn't get back to sleep. He felt a pleasant thrum course through his body as he remembered the events of last night. They had been at it for hours relearning each other's sweet spots and blemishes as they made up for lost time. They had stopped after the second round only to order from the twenty-four hour room service and managed to keep off each other long enough to get their fill of food before they fell into each other again. Sometimes it was slow and loving before it turned rough and they fucked hard into the mattress as they changed their positions multiple times before they were too chaffed, boneless, and exhausted to carry on. They collapsed onto the bed after they'd done a lazy job to clean themselves up before they fell into a slumber wrapped in one another's arms.

Castiel looked down at his lover who was splayed across his chest with his head tucked under Castiel's chin with a smile. He observed Dean's features and how relaxed his face was the tiredness that had plagued him when Castiel had first arrived seeped away as the man slept and Castiel couldn't bring himself to wake the man up. Carefully, he removed himself from Dean's grip and slid out of the bed to trot over to his duffle. He dug through his bag where he searched for his book he had brought with as he knew there would be down time with no Dean.

Paperback firmly in hand as he felt the chill of the early morning air creep across his naked skin, he crept his way back to the bed and slid back under the covers as best he could without disturbing Dean. The mission is a success as Castiel propped himself up on the headboard with a pillow behind his back without waking Dean. Castiel smiled as the man just snuggled back into Castiel's side and draped his hand over his waist possessively. Castiel's left hand idly carded through Dean's hair as he supported his book open with the other. He only ever stopped so he could turn the page when need be. He had only been reading for half an hour or so when he felt Dean stir. He chanced a glance down at his lover to see him lazily rub the sleep from his eyes and card a hand through his hair ruffling it which caused Castiel to smile at him affectionately.

"Morning gorgeous" Dean mumbled before he kissed Castiel's stomach before he snuggled back into his side "Time 'sit?" he asked against Castiel's skin

"Still early" Castiel replied "Get some more sleep, Dean. I'll wake you up later" There was a muffled reply against Castiel's side which he assumed was Dean mumbling his agreement before he sighed and fell back asleep. Castiel couldn't help but chuckle softly at how endearing his lover was. Dean had this tough, macho man exterior but when you saw him away from the outside world, he was like an adorable puppy who loves to cuddle and be given attention while being fiercely loyal to his family and those he cares for.

He resumed reading his book and continued to push his hand through Dean's hair mindlessly. He had made quite a bit of progress through his book and had gotten up to the exciting parts when his phone that had been positioned on the bedside table began to vibrate loudly across the wooden surface. Dean stirred against his side and slowly began to wake as Castiel dog-eared the page he was on, closed the book and leant over the side of the bed to pick up his phone.

"Who is it?" Dean asked as Castiel picked up his phone.

Castiel glanced down at the lit up screen seeing the gratuitous picture of his friend that was vainly put there when he had stolen his phone within hours of meeting each other and sighed.

"Balthazar" Castiel replied

"Ugh, what does he want?" Dean asked with a hint of resentment to his tone

Castiel glowered at Dean's reaction. He thought they had cleared everything up with their talk but apparently Dean still held ill feelings towards the man whom he hadn't even met. He put it down to Dean's possessive nature and jealousy and chose to ignore it "I don't know, Dean. I'd have to answer to find out"

Dean rolled his eyes in reply and collapsed onto Castiel's chest when he rolled back onto his back with his phone in hand. Castiel grunted under the weight but didn't protest as he answered the phone before he lifted it to his ear and greeted his friend.

"Balthazar, what can I do for you?"

"Geeze Cassie, nice to talk to you too" the man replied playfully which caused to Castiel to chuckle

"I'm sorry, Balthazar. Would you like me to start over?"

It was then that Dean decided he was bored and started to kiss his way down Castiel's chest and sucked on his skin. Castiel's breath hitched as Dean pulled one of his nipples into his mouth and worried it between his teeth. Castiel put one of his hands into Dean's hair and tried to push him off him but Dean just bit down onto his nipple painfully in reply which let Castiel know Dean wasn't going to stop.

Balthazar of course noticed the hitch in Castiel's breath and addressed it. "Cassie, am I interrupting something? Would you like me to ring back later?"

Just as Castiel was about to reply, Dean moved his mouth lower where he licked and bit his way down to Castiel's navel and swirled his tongue around which left a damp trail as he went. Castiel shook his head before he realised Balthazar wouldn't have seen the notion "No," he gasped as he tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke "Dean is just being, intolerable" He glared down at Dean just as Dean looked up and smirked before he disappeared under the cover that was draped over his head.

"Okay…" Balthazar dragged out not believing Castiel for a second but continued anyway "The reason I rang is about the store"

Castiel's breath hitched once again as he felt Dean's lips press against his inner thigh dangerously close to his hardened erection. He got himself under control as Dean continued his feather light kisses along each of his thighs while he tried his best to continue the conversation.

"Mmph. What about the store? Is something wrong?" he asked his voice surprisingly steady for the rate his heartbeat was going. He held back a whine as Dean continued to avoid his now aching cock in favour of gentle bites. He thrust his hips up and hoped Dean would just get on with it. He knew it was wrong as he was on the phone with his friend but his brain began to give into his arousal and seek pleasure.

"Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to ask you-" the rest of Balthazar's sentence was lost to Castiel's ears as Dean decided that now was the time to suck down Castiel's dick. He didn't even stop to tease the head as the tight warm heat engulfed Castiel's dick as far as Dean's mouth would let him before he slid further and into his throat.

"Ngh" Castiel let out before he could stop himself "I think…" he panted as he thrust his hips up as much as Dean allowed him to "I think you should call back later" whatever Balthazar replied it fell on deaf ears as Castiel used the last of his self-control to hang up his phone and threw it to the other side of the bed. He quickly used his now free hands to throw back the covers which allowed him to see his cock as it disappeared into Dean's mouth as he bobbed.

The sight caused a loud groan to escape his lips as Dean looked up and smirked, yes fucking smirked, around his mouthful. "You're going to pay for that" Castiel growled out as he let his hands drop to Dean's head and hold him in place as he slowly thrust his hips. They had only done this a few times and every time it had been extremely arousing for both of them at the trust they had put in each other to allow them to do this.

"Oh fuck, Dean" Castiel moaned as he still watched where his dick disappeared "So fucking hot" he emphasised with a thrust into Dean's throat as he felt the man swallow around him "Such a whore for it. Won't even let me finish my conversation without my dick in you" He didn't know where it came from he never did with they were doing this but Dean moaned around his dick as he spoke which lead Castiel to mindlessly continue his obscenities. "Look at your pretty lips wrapped around my cock. You like it don't you? Like me fucking your face as you swallow down my cock. You want my cum in you?" Dean moaned around his cock something that Castiel didn't understand but knew it was Dean agreeing to the idea of Castiel coming down his throat. "I don't think you deserve it"

Castiel felt himself get close and he knew with the way Dean swallowed he wasn't going to last much longer. Dean's hands gripped at his thighs as he continued his thrusts up enough to leave marks as his eyes watered from the sensation. As the heat pooled in his loins, Castiel pulled Dean off his cock and came over his lover's face. Cum was everywhere. It clung to his eyelashes and some dripped from his chin. Castiel opened his eyes just in time to see Dean lick his face free of the cum his tongue could reach which caused Castiel's dick to give a valiant twitch.

"You're going to kill me" Castiel growled out as he pulled Dean's face up to kiss him raw before he licked his face clean of tears and cum. When he was satisfied, he claimed Dean's lips in a hungry kiss letting his lover taste the cum from Castiel's mouth.

"Cas," Dean grunted against Castiel's lips while he restlessly humped his hip "Please"

Castiel didn't waste any time before he snaked a hand between them and gripped Dean's dick to jack him off. Dean didn't last long before he coated their chests in strips of white.

"Seriously insatiable" Castiel panted

Dean chuckled against Castiel's neck where he had collapsed "Yeah but you love it"

"Mmm" Castiel hummed "You might be right"

-  
After a much needed shower to get rid of the sweat and stink from their skin, they got themselves dressed and made their way out of their bedroom. As he looked around, Dean noticed they were alone. Dean walked over to the coffee table in the middle of the lounge and found a note from his band mates

**Headed out for a day trip around the city to give you guys some _time alone_. Meet you in lobby at 6 to head to airport**

Dean discarded the note and turned to Cas who was still stood near their bedroom door. "Looks like they got sick of us and headed out" Dean chanced a glance down at his watch and saw it was only a little after twelve. "We have like six hours till we have to be back. What you want to do today?" Dean watched as Cas just shrugged and made his way over to Dean.

"We did what I wanted to do yesterday so why don't we do what you want to do today?" he said as he wrapped his arms around Dean's waist.

Dean thought it over for a moment before he nodded "Alright sounds good. Let's go to the Empire State Building"

Cas smiled up at him and gave him a peck on the lips before he stepped back again "Sounds good but coffee first. Let me just get my camera" Cas stepped away from him and made his way back to the bedroom.

Dean trailed after him before he stopped in the doorway and watched Cas ruffle through his duffle. "As much as I love standing here doing nothing, Sweetheart, can we get moving? I want to see this place"

Cas just scowled at him which caused a chuckle from Dean. Cas was adorable when he was angry with his nose or scrunched up. Cas moved towards him after he finally found his camera and went to push past into the main room but Dean stopped him with hands on his hips where he kissed the scowl away. Cas was reluctant at first but gave in with a sigh before he pulled away.

"I thought you wanted to get going?"

Dean grinned at his lover before he slapped him on the butt and moved to the door and grabbed his favourite leather jacket in favour of the coat he wore yesterday and headed out the door. Cas followed wearing his coat from yesterday and wrapped it tight around him in preparation for the cold weather they were about to head out into.

Twenty minutes later, coffee in hand, they were in the queue to head up the tower. There were quite a few tourists around which meant it was going to be a while until they were allowed to go up much to Dean's dismay but he didn't mind and he definitely wasn't forking out another $40 each just so they didn't have to wait. It gave him a chance to talk to Cas a bit more about the show as they hadn't done much talking the night before.

"So you liked the song then? I was pretty nervous about it seeing I wrote it when we were on a break. I had a few goes at it but they were depressing as fuck"

"Dean!" Cas protested "There are kids around stop swearing" he hit Dean on the arm playfully as Dean chuckled. Trust Cas to get all mother hen again. "But yes I love the song. There are no words how honoured I feel that you wrote a song for me even if the circumstances weren't exactly the most romantic but I still love it"

The words made Dean's heart beat faster. He was over the moon that Cas had actually loved the song. He already had another song in mind and had been writing down lyrics upon lyrics as he tried to get it right and now that Cas was back, words ran around in his head and he couldn't wait till he could just sit down and write. He'd have a talk to Ash and Sam on the flight tonight and bounce ideas off them. Dean leant in and gave Cas a loving kiss on his lips in appreciation.

"I actually have an idea for another. So I'll have a talk with Ash and Sam tonight on the plane and we can get writing it. It'll be a good distraction." When Cas looked at him in confusion he continued "You know I hate flying" Cas grinned a teasing grin at him but before he could say anything Dean continued "Shut up. I've survived this long so I deserve a little credit."

"Of course, Dean. I'm so proud of you." His eyes were lit with mischief but before it could get any further, they were at the front of the line to head to the top.

They crammed into the elevator with as many as there were allowed and were soon stepping out onto the Observation Deck. Hand in hand they walked around the deck taking in the sight of the city. Dean was taken aback by the sheer size of the skyline and wished they had thought to come at night. The city lit up would be breath taking. He said as much to Cas who agreed.

They asked a random tourist to take photos of them together. Cas at the last minute gripped Dean's cheek and forced him into a kiss. His cheeks red with a blush, Dean walked up to the stranger to check the photo was a good one. She handed it back with a smile saying the photo was adorable. They both thanked the stranger and moved to the edge and looked out. Cas stood against the barrier with Dean stood behind arms wrapped around his waist and head rested on Cas' shoulder.

"I love this city" Cas said after a few moments of silence "But I don't think I could live here"

Dean nuzzled his nose into Cas' neck and smelt the man's cologne. Dean hummed in agreement as he pressed a small kiss to Cas' cheek before he leant back. "I agree. I couldn't live here. It's hard enough driving Baby in LA let alone here. Parking would be a bitch. Man I miss driving her. As soon as we get back we are going to go for a big drive to the beach just to give her some attention"

Cas chuckled as he turned in Dean's arms to face him. He grinned and Dean couldn't help but grin back.

"I love you, Dean"

"Love you too, Cas" They sealed it with a kiss before they pulled apart again.

"Dean?" Cas asked tentatively. Dean hummed which indicated he was listening and wanted Cas to continue "When we get back to LA can we get a cat?"

Dean didn't know what he was expecting Cas to say but it definitely wasn't that. Dean was about to tell Cas they couldn't but when he noticed the hopeful glint in Cas' eyes he had to say yes. "I'm allergic, Cas." Cas' face fell but Dean was quick to lift his chin back up "But I'll get some medication or something. We'll sort it out okay? We'll get you your cat" The grin Dean got in reply made his heart warm and the kiss he was given made his dick twitch in his pants. Cas really wanted this cat. Dean pulled back as he chuckled "Okay, okay Cas. That's enough. As soon as we're back we'll stop by the pound and find you a cat. Sound good?"

Cas nodded excitedly as he kissed Dean again. They were interrupted by a loud growl from Dean's stomach. "Time for food?" Dean nodded the affirmative and they made their way to the elevator. On their way down Cas suddenly blurted out "Shit I forgot to call Balthazar back"

Dean smirked over at Cas when the lady with a young child turned around and glared. Dean leant over to whisper in Cas' ear "Now who's swearing in front of kids?" Cas just scowled in return which caused Dean to laugh more.

They exited the elevator and made their way to the exit while Cas pulled out his phone and dialled Balthazar. They talked for ten minutes about some book that a customer was after and Cas told him he'd have a look for it when he got back to the hotel. Dean felt a little excluded from the conversation but couldn't help but let his mind wander back to how he had interrupted their last phone call.

Finally, Cas had finished his call and they made their way to a walk-in restaurant for lunch. After they had eaten, they made their way back to the hotel even though it was only a little after three and decided to just rest for a while which would give Cas a chance to look for the book. Hand in hand, they made their way back to their hotel as they chose to walk it this time and see the city as it wasn't too far. Dean looked over at his boyfriend and saw the happy smile that had been on his lips since their first day together in New York and couldn't wait to spend the rest of their lives together making sure that grin never left.


	21. Touching Base

Two weeks and ten shows later, they were back in South Dakota playing a show. Castiel loved every minute of being with Dean on tour. He loved being able to crawl into bed with Dean every night after having a few beers with their friends after another amazing show or even just having a great night of talking about random topics and taking a trip down memory lane. He had learned so much about Dean from these three people and everything they told him just made him love the man more.

Each show seemed to get better and better. Castiel had watched in awe as the band played show after show and the crowds grew bigger and bigger. Some nights he would join the crowd but most nights he would find himself side of stage just because the fans had started to recognise him. It wouldn't have been an issue except Sam had annoyingly posted a photo on Twitter of the two of them curled up in bed together asleep with the tweet "_Aren't they just adorable_" attached.

Luckily, they had cleaned themselves off after their shenanigans and both had been covered with the comforter. Dean hadn't been happy about it to say the least as he yelled at Sam about abusing their privacy but Castiel didn't exactly mind. Dean had told all the fans that they were an item and it wasn't exactly a revealing photo so Castiel brushed it off as a prank and laughed which calmed Dean down enough to not kill his brother. Dean did admit he did love the photo though he would never tell that to Sam.

Castiel just sat back and enjoyed the ride. He had absorbed everything that had happened while they were on the road like sponge and every night Dean would surprise him with something new whether it was just a simple gesture towards a fan or just something he would say while he performed. With every motion, Castiel just slipped more and more in love with Dean that he didn't think he'd ever be able to be apart from him again. Not ever.

When they had first arrived back in town, they had approached The Roadhouse with Castiel going in first to be greeted by Ellen in a huge bear hug before she stepped over towards Dean and slapped him hard across the cheek. Castiel had to bite his lip to stop from laughing as she ripped into Dean about what he had done to Castiel and if he ever did it again she was going to drive to wherever the hell he was and beat his ass. Dean had just nodded dumbly in agreement before he promised he would never hurt Castiel like that again.

Dean had wrapped Castiel in his arms after that and vowed to Castiel the exactly the same thing he had just promised Ellen which lead Castiel to just kiss him deeply as he accepted the apology for what it was as he knew deep down Dean wouldn't go back to how he was.

They had all gathered around for lunch quickly after that as Jo filled her mother in with all the details of the tour and Sam and Dean did the same with Bobby. Jess had turned up shortly after they arrived and Sam and she had disappeared quite soon after that with a quick goodbye to the rest of the group. Castiel really didn't know how Sam had survived so long without Jess. She had flown out for the odd show but had never stuck around for long due to the call of her work needing her back as soon as possible and according to Dean, Sam would just close up for a bit before he threw himself into practice and the technical side of things with Jo. Castiel had a chuckle to himself at how alike the brothers were.

They were at The Roadhouse for drinks after another great show with Castiel sat on a stool next to Dean with his arm draped over Dean's shoulder while he trailed his hand through Dean's hair affectionately. As much as they would have liked to do their set at The Roadhouse, it just wasn't viably possible and was relocated to a bigger venue that could hold the thousands of fans that wanted to turn out. As a consolation, they had agreed to have their first and only after-party of the tour at The Roadhouse. Most of the time they had been too tired after interacting with their fans to do anything other than crawl into their hotel suite and sleep or they had to be at the airport as soon as they were done but tonight with the added excitement of performing in their home town, they were amped and wanted to have a few drinks with their support crew that had been there from the start.

Castiel wasn't really listening to the current conversation. He had been tired all day with the amount of travelling they had done in the past two weeks. He wasn't able to sleep on the plane most of the time due to Dean and his freak outs. Castiel had ended up having to look after Dean on all their flights and made sure that he was calm and distracted during take-off and landing or he would freak. It was a tedious task as he tried to keep him unfocused and soothed but soon enough Castiel learned a trick or two and found Dean would be most relaxed if he was exhausted just before take-off. He was surprised they hadn't been kicked off any flights yet. He really didn't know how the band had coped with this for so long. Castiel didn't need to perform every night like the band did and he still didn't have much energy at the end of the night. He guessed that they were just used to the long hours and travel time.

Castiel was snapped out of his thoughts by Dean speaking to him "You in?" he asked

"In what?" Castiel replied

Dean chuckled before he spoke "Drinking game. Russian Roulette. It was Jo's idea. Bobby and Ellen are out apparently they're too old for this. You want to play?"

Castiel just nodded. He'd never played it before but when Dean explained the rules it seemed fun enough. He just hoped he didn't get the shot with vodka in it because he knew he'd already had enough tonight which was a feat in itself as he had such a high tolerance but he would get sloppy if he didn't stop soon. He voiced this much to Dean who just told him to suck it up and was then lifted by his hips and sat atop the bar.

"Dean what are you doing?" Castiel asked as he looked around the bar to see if anyone paid them any mind. They weren't, but he still felt vulnerable. Dean soothed his worry with a kiss from where he was stood between Castiel's legs and Castiel sunk into it as he let Dean explore his mouth. He tasted of beer and liquor but Castiel could still taste the lingering flavour of Dean through it all.

"Alright" Jo announced which forced Dean and Castiel to break their kiss "Everyone clear on the rules? One shot has vodka, the rest have water. Whoever gets the vodka shot has to perform a dare decided by everyone else. Happy?" When everyone nodded their agreement, Jo poured the shots and had Sam mix them all up so no one knew which was which.

Once they had all thrown their shots back, everyone looked around at each other to see who had taken the vodka shot. If the look on Dean's face didn't give it away, the coughing certainly did.

"Geeze Jo, how strong is this stuff?" Dean said once he had regained his composure. Castiel giggled behind his hand at Dean's reaction but soon stopped at the glare he received.

"That's for me to know and you to feel drunk by" Jo teased "So boys and girls, what's the dare going to be?"

"Make him take his shirt off" Castiel whined. The alcohol had affected him more than he realised and he had always been a bit of a sexual drunk. Castiel didn't really wait for anyone to answer him instead he leaned down and slid his hands under Dean's shirt and explored the toned skin as best he could.

"Cas," Sam said with amusement in his tone "That's only going to benefit you"

"Exactly" Castiel declared happily with a grin. Dean just rolled his eyes at Castiel but he let Castiel's roaming hands continue.

"Oh just let him" Jess cooed. Castiel looked over to her with a grin. He knew he liked her for a reason. He must have said that out loud because Jess just laughed and said he's welcome.

"Fine" Jo sighed "Dean take off your shirt" Castiel was into action straight away as he grabbed the hem of Dean's navy blue Henley and lifted it over his head. He tossed the shirt aside unworried of where the shirt landed while his hands roamed the newly exposed skin. Dean was like a furnace under Castiel's hands and he couldn't help himself as he leant into Dean's torso and absorbed the warmth.

"If you get the vodka, I'm definitely returning the favour" Dean joked while Castiel just giggled.

Castiel was soon distracted while they poured the next round of shots and looked around the bar to see how many patrons were around to see them get sloppy in their drinking game. He observed Ellen and Bobby in a conversation near the other end of the bar to them before he turned his attention to the pub door only to see a tall man with short, dark brown hair that had been shaped to the side. He had a short beard and his hair seemed to be greyed slightly with age but still seemed rather young. He had broad shoulders and looked like he could definitely hold himself in a fight. Castiel didn't pay him too much notice as he knew first hand that people passed through here all the time from when he had worked here for the short amount of time.

He ignored the man and Castiel returned his attention to the group as they started the next round. Castiel once again didn't get the vodka shot which he was extremely grateful for. This time, Ash was the one who received it and was ordered to stand on the stage and sing 'I'm a Little Teapot' in his underwear.

As everyone laughed, Castiel turned slightly on the bar and spied the man who had recently arrived sat in a booth nursing a glass of water someone must have bought over to him which struck Castiel as odd. Who comes to a bar and orders water? He stared over at Dean and Sam as if he had wanted to come over but Castiel had no idea why the man just didn't come over. They weren't exactly unapproachable.

Dean must have noticed Castiel's unease because he turned to him and spoke softly in his ear.

"You alright, Sweetheart?" Dean's voice snapped his gaze away from the strange gentleman in the corner and back to Dean. Castiel smiled softly at Dean's concern before he leant down and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Yeah" he spoke as he leant back again "I'm fine. It's just there's this guy over there that keeps looking over here. I think he might be a fan but too scared to approach or something. I don't know though"

Dean turned his head in the direction that Castiel was looking and froze. He went stock still under Castiel's touch and Castiel began to worry.

"Dean?" he tried to shake him but Dean didn't react "Dean? What's wrong?" It was then that Castiel noticed Dean's face. His eyes were welled up with tears and his face was hard with his fists clenched on his thighs as he stared over at the man Castiel had spoke about.

-  
Dean never thought that having Cas on tour would be this amazing. He was just so much fun to have around and so understanding when Dean needed time with the band. If that was the case, Cas would just kiss Dean goodbye, tell him to have fun and head off to do his own thing which was normally reading a book or doing something online. Dean didn't know what Cas actually did online but he knew he looked at the tabloids and some social media sites seeing what they thought of the band. Sometimes Cas would give them feedback and tell them what the fans were saying about them. Most of it was good, however, sometimes it wasn't and Cas would have to just get away for a while as he was so worked up. Dean had told him multiple times to not look but apparently Cas didn't get the message.

The tour was gradually taking its toll on everyone. They had done ten shows in two weeks and Dean started to feel the strain along with Sam and Ash but spirits were high and they weren't at each other's throats. Dean put it down to the fact that they had been together so long and with Dean and Sam being brothers and living together for so long, it wasn't much of a difference being on tour. They got along like they always had and knew when to take a step back and give each other some space.

The best part about Cas being there though would have to be the long flights. Dean hated flying, he always had and more than likely always will but with Cas there to help him, the flights became a little more bearable. Cas knew just how to get him to calm down before the flight with a session in the departure lounge restrooms and sometimes if he was lucky, Cas would order whiskey on the flight and pretend it was his before he handed it over to Dean when he had been cut off. Cas was great like that.

Spirits were high as they arrived in South Dakota. It was like a reprieve from the pressure of the tour to return to their home town and play for their support crew from the start. Dean had caught up with friends that he had not really spoken to since he had left for LA and it was great. He had kind of missed them and it was good to hear what they had been doing as well as letting them know how great it had been in LA. He skipped over the part about he and Cas breaking up as they probably knew a lot about that already with how Cas had returned and worked at The Roadhouse.

Returning to The Roadhouse had been interesting to say the least. Ellen had greeted him the way he deserved slapping him in the face. He still felt the sting a while after it had happened but all was forgiven and it was great to catch up with his makeshift family face to face after so long.

Lunch had gone smoothly with the usual banter going back and forth between the boys and Bobby telling him he better hurry up and take Ellen on another decent vacation before his arthritis kicks in and Bobby retorting with his usual taunts about how they better be nice seeing he had bought them their first instruments and all. Dean was grateful for Bobby taking them in. If he hadn't, who knows where he and Sam would be right now.

The show had been, in Dean's opinion, fantastic. He believed it had been by far the best show they had done to date and Sam, Ash, Jo, and Cas had agreed. They were amped when they were backstage getting ready and the vibe just carried with them onto the stage and throughout the performance. Their spirits had been high and they were so proud of themselves that they had put on such a great show for their home town.

With the after party now in full flight, Dean really couldn't believe how handsy Cas had got. He knew Cas had a high tolerance for alcohol and Dean hadn't seen him totalled but by the feel of things, Cas was definitely on his way. They had sat on separate stools but Cas' had slowly made its way closer and closer until there was barely any space between them and Cas was all over Dean. Dean definitely didn't mind though. He loved Cas and he loved that he was all over him.

When Jo suggested a drinking game, Dean was excited. They hadn't played too many on the tour due to the fact that they usually needed to be up and to the airport first thing but they didn't need to be anywhere tomorrow so Dean was up for getting trashed. Cas seemed to have zoned out for a bit so Dean had to explain what was going on and decided he wanted Cas to sit on the bar so Dean could keep a better eye on him.

Of course, Dean had to get the first vodka shot in the game and had to take a dare first. He soon changed his mind however when Cas just wanted him to remove his shirt. He had done a lot worse in this bar so he didn't mind too much. With Cas' hands roaming on his body the way they were, Dean really didn't mind at all. He did want Cas to get the next shot just so they were on level ground and he knew if Dean dared him to remove his shirt, Cas would blush and damn did he love that blush.

Unfortunately, Ash ended up with the shot and Jo came up with the ingenious idea of stripping him to his underwear and made him sing a nursery rhyme on stage. Sadly, as like Dean, that is not the worst Ash had done in the bar either. They really had had an exciting few years when they were just getting started. The bar was in hysterics by the end of Ash's performance but Dean was distracted by Cas who seemed to be focussed on something else. When Dean asked what was up, he turned to see who Cas was talking about.

As he stared over at the figure, Dean felt a wave of emotions flood over him. He felt the anger and the hurt rush through his veins along with elation and confusion. His hands clenched, knuckles white by his side as the tears started to well up in his eyes as the person he had wanted to see and have answers from for so long stood before him.

"Dad?" He croaked out and as he spoke, everyone that was gathered around, Cas, Sam, Jess, Ellen, Jo, Ash and, Bobby spun their heads around to where he was looking only to have their mouths gape in shock. Dean paid them no mind as he only looked over to Sam who seemed to look exactly how Dean felt. Dean turned his head back over to where his father was tucked away in the corner and eyed nervously as he slowly stood and made his way over to the bar where they were situated.

His Dad's lips turned up into a small smile as he looked over at Dean and then to Sam before he spoke "Hey boys"


	22. Angst

"_Hey boys_?" Sam yells which startled Dean out of his gaze to look over at his brother who visibly steamed. He looked as though he was about to throw a punch at their dad but only just held himself back "Seriously? After _seventeen years _all you have to say is '_hey boys_'?"

"Sam-" Dean began only to be cut off again by Sam's excessive yelling.

"No, Dean. He needs to hear this" Sam said as he looked at Dean before he returned his attention to John. Sam raised a finger and pointed it at John defiantly. His hand noticeably shook with what Dean guessed to be the same anger that coursed through his own veins. "Do you seriously expect us to just let you waltz in here and for us to forgive you just like that?"

The two boys stared over at their father as they waited for a reply. The man looked down at his boots as he obviously felt the guilt and shame wash over him.

"I don't expect you to forgive me right now" John said barely audible even with the bar dead quite as everyone looked at the scene and wondered what the hell was going on. "But I hoped" their father said as he lifted his eyes to look at both his boys "We could at least talk this through?"

Before Dean could answer, Sam yelled again "Talk this through? What is there to talk about!? You were too drunk to look after your own sons! Yes, I understand you just lost the love of your life but you know what? We lost our mother. So maybe I was only a baby, but Dean wasn't. Did you see how it affected him? How it still affects him?" Dean winced as Sam spoke for him but he knew he wasn't going to be able to stop his brother from speaking his mind. "You left us to ourselves while you got shitfaced every night. What kind of father are you?"

Dean watched as his father's face crumbled but he didn't break down. He held himself but it was his eyes that gave it away. The slight shine of hope had faded and regret and guilt flooded through. Dean felt sorry for the man stood in front of him. Everything Sam had said was true but there was no denying that this man was their father and he deserved to have his side of the story heard. But Sam didn't see it that way.

"And one more thing" Sam continued. He spoke softer now as he took a step towards the man before he continued "I'm glad Bobby took us in. He was a better father to us than you could ever have hoped to be and I want nothing, I repeat _nothing_, to do with you, _ever_." The last word hung in the air for so long that the silence became deafening.

Dean watched as John just nodded and took a step backward from the boys before he walked out of the bar. Dean couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling in his gut as the man walked away. He had wanted so long for his father to return only to have Sam yell at him. He was confused not knowing where his thoughts were or how he felt about his Dad being back. He agreed with some of what Sam had said but not all of it. One thing was for sure, Dean wanted to have his Dad back. Dean was snapped out of his daze while he still stared over at the door that his father had just walked out of as a careful hand landed on his shoulder.

He turned to find Cas look at him with sympathy in his eyes and Dean couldn't take it. He didn't want Cas' sympathy. He didn't want anyone's sympathy. He shook Cas' hand off his shoulder and made his way over to the pub door, swung it open and made his way outside. The cool November air sent a cool shiver down his spine as he suddenly remembered that he didn't have a shirt on but he didn't care. He searched the car park for a car that could belong to his father and found none that matched the description. He took a few careful steps out further into the dim light and made his way over to the footpath where he looked down the quiet street to see a figure sat against a wooden fence underneath a lamppost some twenty metres away with his face in his hands. Even from the distance and the dim light, Dean knew it was his father and made his way over to the lonely figure.

As Dean made the last few steps towards his father he could hear the man's sobs as they filled the air. The man looked up from where he was currently seated on the sidewalk as Dean croaked out "Dad?" for the second time that evening. He still had no idea what he was going to say but he knew he couldn't just let his father walk out of his life with no way of being able to contact him when he finally did collect his thoughts.

"Dean?" John replied as he wiped the tears from his eyes and stood up again. Dean waited as John brushed himself off and waited for John to look him in the eye before Dean told him what he came to say.

When the man finally looked Dean in the eye, Dean told him exactly what was on his mind. "I'm not going to lie to you, Dad. I'm pissed. Like really, really angry at what happened back then and some of the stuff Sam said needed to be said but some of it was out of line."

"Dean-" John began but Dean cut him off with a flat palm raised

"Please, just let me have my say" When John nodded, Dean continued "I'm not going to welcome you back with open arms. Not yet anyway. You need to prove yourself. You need to show me that you have changed and you need to explain yourself." When John went to speak, Dean cut him off again as he continued his train of thought "But not tonight. I need to have some time to just think about all of this and get my thoughts together and right now, isn't a good time to talk this through"

John nodded "I understand" he spoke his voice defeated but somewhat hopeful.

"Alright then. You give me a way to contact you and when I've got my thoughts together and I'm ready to talk then we'll do this"

John was quick to oblige as he pulled out a piece of paper and pen where he jotted down his number and handed it over to Dean. Dean took the paper and folded it carefully and put it into the pocket of his jeans. When the paper was put away, Dean looked up again and nodded at his father.

"Thank you, Dean" John said. Dean nodded again before he turned and headed back to the bar. He shivered now as the cold became unbearable he smacked himself one for not thinking to grab his shirt before he walked out after his father.

The warm air of the bar was a welcome sensation to his cold skin as he walked back into the bar. The patrons had gone back to their conversations and drinks and didn't notice Dean as he re-entered the bar or simply figured it was none of their business. Dean looked over at his family and saw Jess trying to calm a very angry Sam down with a hand rubbing his back and a worried Cas watching the door. As soon as he saw Dean he stood himself up and made his way over where he wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders and kissed his temple. Dean let himself be embraced before he returned the hug and let himself be held for just a few moments. He loved how Cas was so understanding not pushing Dean to talk about anything and knowing that right now Dean just needed to be left alone.

Cas pushed himself back and looked Dean straight in the eyes and he spoke "When you're ready, I'm here"

Dean nodded and leant forward and placed a soft kiss to Cas' lips before he pulled back and took his shirt from Cas' hands that he offered. He lifted it over his head and brushed off the dust that lingered from being on the floor.

"Do you want to leave?" Cas asked hesitantly

"Yeah in a minute I'm just going to talk to Sam." Dean replied as he stared over at Sam who was still being consoled by Jess.

Dean forced himself over to where Sam sat noticing Cas had decided not to follow and silently thanked him for knowing to let the brothers talk privately. Jess looked up when Dean approached and whispered something in Sam's ear before she stood up and left the brothers alone.

"What did he say" Sam asked not turning around from where he was seated looking over the bar.

Dean sighed as he took a seat next to Sam "He didn't say anything. I told him that I need time to think things over and I'll contact him when I've sorted my head out"

Sam scoffed "You're actually giving the man a chance?"

"Of course I am. He's our father whether you like it or not. He deserves a chance to explain himself and after your outburst I'm surprised I managed to track him down. I know he's a lot of things Sam but he didn't deserve that"

Sam finally turned and faced Dean as he replied "Are you serious, Dean? He left us to fend for ourselves. You were looking after me since you were six, Dean. Six! If Bobby hadn't of come when he did, who knows where we would be"

Dean nodded in agreement. He did agree with everything Sam said but he wanted to give his Dad a chance.

"I understand Sam, I really do but I just," He stopped himself as he tried to figure out what he was trying to say "I just need to figure out my thoughts. I've wanted him to come back for so long and now he's here I don't know what to think"

Sam clasped Dean on the shoulder and patted him twice "I get it, Dean. But I'm not like you. I just can't forgive him for that so I want nothing to do with him"

Dean nodded once dejected that his brother couldn't see past the bullshit and just see that their father was at least trying to fix things.

"I'll see you later, Sammy"

"Yeah" Sam replied as Dean turned and spied Cas sat at the end of the bar with the rest of their group. As soon as Dean moved towards them, Jess stood and made her way back over to Sam. Dean took a deep breath as he edged closer. He knew Bobby and Ellen would have lots of questions but he just couldn't deal with them right now. He wanted to go home and just sleep. For the first time, he wished they weren't on tour.

Surprisingly as he moved to the group, they didn't ask anything. He guessed Cas must have told them to leave it alone or that they just knew from the past that Dean talked about things when he was good and ready and forcing him to open up just resulted in a heated argument. Dean nodded at them in silent thanks before he motioned to Cas to stand.

"Let's go, Cas" Dean mumbled.

Cas reacted straight away and stood to his feet before he moved to Dean's side. Dean slid his arm around Cas' waist and pulled him close into his side. Dean leant across and placed a small kiss onto Cas' temple and breathed into his ear "Thank you"

-  
Castiel had no idea what to do. He stood by and watched as Sam ripped into his Dad but his focus was more on Dean because Castiel knew Dean didn't have the same view. Dean wanted his Dad back, Castiel knew that much but with the way Dean just shut up and let Sam have his say led Castiel to believe Dean had changed his mind. Did Dean not want his Dad back anymore?

When John left, Castiel thought that was it, the brothers weren't going to have their father in their lives anymore but just as Castiel placed a hand on Dean's shoulder in comfort, the hand was shrugged off and Dean followed John out the door and onto the street shirtless and all. Castiel stood back and let the man leave to have his say to his father.

"You right, son?" the gruff voice to his right startled Castiel out of his daze staring off at where Dean had just left.

Castiel nodded dumbly before he shook his head of his thoughts and spoke "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I'm just shocked. I didn't think he'd come back"

"I'm not the surprised" Bobby admitted which caused Castiel to turn and squint his eyes at the man "Don't look at me like that" Bobby protested "I had nothing to do with _when _he turned up I just knew he _would _turn up"

Castiel still didn't quite believe that was the whole truth but he let it slide and nodded. He was too worried about what was happening with Dean to argue with Bobby. Castiel moved himself back over to the bar and sat on the empty stool next to Bobby but he was careful to make sure he had a clear view of the door so he could go to Dean when he got back.

Ellen slid over a glass of whiskey which Castiel quickly gulped down. He had sobered up dramatically as the events unfolded and he was in sure need of drink when the shouting had finished. Castiel stared down the bottom of the glass and saw Dean's shirt laid on the ground at his feet. Castiel stooped on his stool and leant down to pick up the shirt before he dusted it off and placed it in his lap and returned his attention to the door.

"He'll be fine" Ellen's voice comforted "He'll come back and he'll talk it through when he's ready. It's how Dean's always dealt with things and more than likely will. He will more than likely want to clear his head and then he'll talk. It's a pity you're on tour seeing as his usual outlet is the Impala"

Castiel nodded in agreement "He mentioned while we were in New York how much he missed her. At least there's only two weeks left and we can finally head home"

Ellen smiled at Castiel "I'm really glad you boys sorted everything out even if I do miss you round here"

Castiel smiled in return and heard the pub door reopen. Castiel observed as Dean stood at the door and looked around the bar while his skin shivered from the cold. Castiel quickly made his way over to Dean and wrapped his arms around him. Dean was frozen for a second and Castiel worried he had overstepped but Dean finally leant into the touch and returned the hug.

Castiel didn't want to push for answers. Not right now when Dean was so vulnerable. Instead he told Dean he was there for him when he was ready and gave him his shirt back. Some of Castiel's worry slipped away as Dean leant forward and kissed him softly on the lips but Castiel wasn't sure if Dean still needed space or not. He bit his lip before he asked if Dean would like to leave but once Dean confirmed he would as soon as he had talked to Sam, Castiel wasn't worried anymore. Dean wasn't going to shut him out and the relief that washed over Castiel had forced him to hold back a grin. Now was not the time to grin.

As Dean made his way over to his brother, Castiel hung back to give the brothers some much needed time to talk. Once Jess had stood and left Sam, Castiel made his way back over to where the rest of the group was seated. Jess soon joined them and sat down in the stool next to Castiel with a sigh.

"There's no changing his mind" she said sadly "He's really pissed at John and I don't think that's ever going to change"

Castiel simply nodded and looked around the rest of the group who all had the same look on their faces; worry and confusion.

"I just don't understand why he chose now to come back" Jo chimed in. She was sat on Ash's lap on the stool next to Bobby who thankfully had redressed into his clothes after his nursery rhyme dare.

Castiel really didn't want to get involved with starting anything right now. He wasn't going to form and opinion until he had heard both sides of the story and especially not until he had had a chance to talk to Dean. It wouldn't be fair to start accusing John of anything until they knew the facts. So instead of adding to the conversation he shut his mouth and waited until Dean was done talking.

When Dean was finally finished talking, Castiel watched as Dean made his way over. The man looked defeated. Obviously the conversation with Sam hadn't gone as well as Dean had hoped. He chanced a glance over to where Sam was sitting and saw the man refill his glass with another shot of whiskey straight from the bottle. It was going to be a long night.

Dean motioned at Castiel to follow and he immediately obliged and moved to Dean's side where he leant into his side. Castiel smiled as Dean kissed his temple and the whisper of a thank you. He didn't know why Dean was thanking him but he's glad that he did something right and that Dean appreciated it.

They collected their coats from the stools they had sat on earlier and made their way out the pub door after they wrapped themselves up. Castiel was glad that they stayed only a short walk away from The Roadhouse because the night was cold. As they walked in step down the footpath, their breath visible as they walked in silence, Castiel couldn't help but let his thoughts stray and wondered what Dean was thinking about. He really did want to know what Dean was thinking and what had been said to both his father and to Sam. He knew that Dean would need a little push before he opened up if he did at all and Castiel was ready to do that as soon as they made it back to their accommodation.

Once they were behind the safety of closed doors, Castiel shucked off his coat and hung it on the coat rack by the entrance and sat himself down on the bed and waited for Dean to do the same. Castiel sensed Dean knew what was coming as the man let out a deep sigh and laid down on his back on the bed with his legs hung off the bed and onto the floor next to Castiel's.

Castiel turned himself and lay down on his side next to Dean and watched as Dean placed his hands over his face defeated. He slipped his right hand under Dean's shirt and onto Dean's stomach the other arm propped under his head so he could see Dean's face clearly and rubbed soothing circles hoping that he was calming him down and that Dean knew it was alright to talk to him. He hoped he knew Castiel wouldn't pass any judgement and just wanted to know what was going through his head.

"Talk to me, Dean" Castiel murmured not wanting to startle Dean by speaking too loud

Dean sighed and let his hands fall from his face onto the bed by his sides "I don't know what you want me to say, Cas. I really don't know what to think right now"

"I understand. I really do, Dean. I just want to help you through this" Castiel laid himself down and let his arm fall so he could nestle into Dean's side. He left his right hand where it was still rubbing soothing circles as he let his head fall to Dean's shoulder and pressed soft kisses to his fabric clad shoulder. "Talk to me, Dean" he repeats "Please"


	23. Reformation

Dean sighed as he lay down on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He really did not want to talk but the gentle touches Cas graced him with calmed him down enough that he was willing to just spill everything. He wanted it all out in the open so the thoughts would just stop rushing around his head and give him a moments rest. Hopefully by talking to Cas and telling him everything, the confusion would stop.

Dean shivered a little at the hand on his stomach. Cas' hand was cold where it was sat but it was helping him to calm down and he really didn't want it to leave. "You're hand's cold" Dean whispered. He regretted it immediately as Cas' hand stilled and began to slide out from under his shirt "No," Dean protested as he turned his head to look at Cas "I like it. It's helping" he smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile at Cas who smiled back and resumed his gentle touch. Dean turned his head again to look up to the blank white ceiling for a few minutes and just let Cas' touches relax him to a state that he was ready to talk. When he felt that he was ready, he repositioned them both so he was tucked into Cas' side with his head placed under Cas' chin.

Cas went with the movement and allowed Dean to reposition him so that they were both comfortable. Dean felt safe as Cas' arms wrapped around him and held him tight against his chest. It was as if they were in their own world with no one but them. They were free of the outside world of all the drama and all that mattered was each other. Of course, the reality was, Dean had a huge dilemma to deal with and Cas was just waiting for him to talk. He was once again happy that the man hadn't pushed because if he had pushed, Dean knew he would lash out and that was the last thing either of them needed.

"You know how I feel about my Dad" Dean began. Cas' hold tightened a fraction when he spoke in surprise Dean guessed. The room had been silent only their steady breathing had filled the room until Dean spoke his voice steady and loud in the quiet room. "You know how badly I wanted him to come back. How I _still_ wanthim to come back" Dean paused for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts "But I don't know what it is now. What Sam said was harsh but it was true but I felt like I just needed to talk to him. Let him know I don't feel the same as what Sam said"

Dean allowed himself to recite the earlier events between both him and John and the later conversation with Sam. Cas was silent through it all as he let Dean speak at his own pace and never said a word. The only way Dean knew that Cas was indeed listening and hadn't fallen asleep was the soft touch of a hand that rubbed up and down his back as he spoke.

When he was done, they resumed their silence. Cas' hand continued to rub up and down his back as Dean's breath evened out. He had got a little worked up as he recalled the events and tried his hardest not to get angry at either John or Sam. Sam was entitled to his own opinion and John must have his reasons for why he decided now was the time to turn up after seventeen years of absence. Once his breathing finally evened out, Cas spoke.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Cas asked tentatively. It was obvious to Dean Cas was treading carefully. The man was being cautious as he tried not to set Dean off but Dean wasn't going to get angry at Cas. His lover was trying to help him. The question was going to help him open up which was something they had failed to do in the past and had almost cost them each other.

To let Cas know he didn't need to tread so carefully, Dean took a deep breath and answered straight away "I don't know, Cas. I really don't. What I do know is that I need to hear Dad's side of the story but not yet"

"Why not yet?" Cas asked

Dean pushed himself up and braced a hand on Cas' chest so that he could look him in the eye "Because I need Sam to be there. I don't care if Sam wants nothing to do with him. He needs to hear Dad's side of the story just like I do and if after that Sam still doesn't want to have anything to do with him then fine he can do what he likes but I'm not letting Sam ruin this opportunity and regret it later"

Cas nodded as Dean finished as he obviously let what Dean had said sink in as he thought out what to reply. "That seems fair. I assume you're going to finish the tour first?"

Dean let himself sink back down onto Cas' chest as Cas spoke. Dean thought it over before he replied "Yeah I think that's for the best. We really don't need the distraction right now. I think Sam and I will be fine if we just don't talk about it. We're usually quite good at ignoring it so I think it is best that we do that at least until the end of the tour. It wouldn't be fair to the fans if we went to shit"

Dean felt Cas nod "I think that's for the best. It will give both of you time to think over what you truly want too. Who knows, maybe Sam will come around on his own"

Dean chuckled into Cas' chest "Yeah, fat chance Cas."

The silence took over again and Dean let himself fall into the warmth that was Cas' body. There were too many layers between them but the tire of the day washed over Dean and his eyes fell shut too tired to even climb under the covers. Cas' hand still moved up and down his spine which let Dean cling to the touch and allowed him to keep himself awake but let his body rest. He was startled out of his stupor as Cas shifted him around. Cas soon moved out from under him but before Dean could whine in protest, Cas removed his boots and jeans, before he did the same with his own, and threw back the covers so they could curl together in the warmth of the bed. They finally settled with Dean back with his head against Cas' chest with their limbs entangled. Dean sighed in content as Cas pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head and let his arms tighten their hold.

"Thank you, Dean" Cas breathed out. Dean really had no idea why Cas was thanking him. It should be the other way around with Cas being so understanding of it all and just let Dean unload it all to him. Dean realised then with a start that Cas was thanking him _because _he had unloaded. That he trusted Cas enough to let him in and tell him everything without lashing out in anger.

With the last bit of energy his body possessed, Dean lifted himself up and hovered over Cas' face who opened his tired eyes and looked up at Dean. Dean smiled down at him before he leant in and planted his lips to the other man's and filled the kiss with as much love and thanks that he could muster in his tired state. He pulled back when he was satisfied that Cas got the message that he didn't need to thank Dean. That from now on this was going to be a regular occurrence and they were going to open up to each other without pushing.

"Goodnight Cas" Dean whispered as he snuggled back into Cas' chest before he got fed up with the lack of skin on skin contact and sat back up and removed his own shirt before he did the same to Cas. Finally, he nestled himself on the bare skin content with the warmth and smell that was all Cas. Dean placed a small, feather light kiss to Cas' naked torso and let out a content sigh as he let the exhaustion wash over him. He didn't hear Cas say goodnight or feel the kiss that he pressed into Dean's head because he didn't need to. He could feel and hear Cas' heartbeat and the tight grasp of his arms around his body and that was all he needed.

-  
Sometime in the night, they shifted positions and Castiel awoke spooned behind Dean with his arms wrapped tightly around his waist with Dean's hands in his. He was still groggy from the night before which was the first time in a very long time that he had drunk too much. Even though he had sobered up somewhat with John showing up out of the blue, it wasn't enough for him to avoid a hangover.

His head was buried in the nape of Dean's neck and the hairs were tickling his nose which caused him to crinkle his nose in order to stop the sneeze that was about to escape. Instead he pressed his head further into Dean's nape and rubbed his nose against the thin hair and breathed in the smell of Dean. Dean stirred a little as he moved his head forward slightly before he moved back into the touch and the warmth of Castiel's body.

It was one of the things Castiel loved about the weather getting colder. They would always sought each other out and curl around the other to get the warmth they wanted. It had been different when they had been in LA seeing as the weather was no way near as cold as it was in South Dakota but they would still cling to one another as if it was their only lifeline. Castiel couldn't help himself and pulled Dean closer which closed the impossibly small gap between them and nuzzled into the side of Dean's neck where he placed a small kiss to the skin.

"Morning Dean" Castiel spoke softly. He knew Dean had been awake ever since he leant into Castiel's touch to his nape.

Dean groaned softly in content before he replied "Mornin' Cas" Dean quickly turned in Castiel's embrace so they were face to face with their chests pressed against one another. Castiel smiled as Dean's eyes locked on his. He looked a lot more peaceful than he had last night. Castiel wasn't sure if that was because Dean had temporarily forgotten the reality of the events in his sleepy morning state or because he was simply a lot less confused after talking it through with him. Castiel hoped it was the later. He hoped that Dean felt better when he confided in Castiel and finally trusted him to talk to him straight away and not after he had worked himself into a frenzy.

As Dean had spoken last night, Castiel had listened and just let Dean let everything out. It was a first for Dean to just talk things through with him. Other than the time Dean had finally told Castiel about his past, Dean usually kept things to himself and bottled them up until he lashed out in anger which was exactly what had happened when they had temporarily broken up. He couldn't help but be overwhelmed that Dean had actually changed. That he had realised the issue and corrected himself so that their relationship could actually work. Castiel internally chuckled at the fact that their roles had changed.

At the start of their relationship, it had always been Dean that looked after Castiel. He helped him through the dark patch of his life and helped him to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sure there were still days when the reality of never seeing his family again would hit him and he would be somewhat disheartened for the day but those days became few and far between as he realised he had a new family here with Dean and he still had Gabriel which he was eternally grateful for. Now though, their relationship had inverted. Dean was going through a hard patch in his life and Castiel needed to be there for him. It may not be Dean losing his family, but the impact was more or less the same. His emotions were all over the place and he needed someone to be his constant that was there to listen and give support when he needed it. Castiel was more than happy to be that person for Dean for as long as he needed it.

"What you thinking about?" Dean asked which brought Castiel back to the present.

Castiel smiled at Dean and leant forward and placed a sweet kiss to Dean's lips while he remembered the kiss from the night before as he did so. Dean had told him with that kiss that Castiel didn't need to thank him. That this was going to happen more and be a regular occurrence. The thought caused Castiel to smile even more into the kiss and place more of the sweetness he felt in his body into the kiss so Dean knew everything was fine.

Castiel pulled back from Dean after a long moment before he opened his eyes after they had slid closed to see the look on Dean's face that was completely relaxed. He looked a lot younger than his age in that moment and Castiel couldn't help but smile even more. Dean's eyes slid open and looked at Castiel and broke into a grin seeing Castiel smile at him.

"I was thinking about you, about us, and what happened last night" Castiel replied after a breath "I'm just glad we've both realised that we need to talk things through even if they're difficult to talk about" Dean nodded slowly once Castiel finished apparently thinking over what Castiel had said. "Do you feel better for talking it through? You do look a lot less troubled"

Dean nodded once again "Yeah I do" he replied with a small smile "I'm not going to say I'm not worried about it all because I am but now that you have an idea what's going through my head it helps"

"I'm glad" Castiel replied before he leant forward again and placed his lips over Dean's this time his tongue slipped passed Dean's lips and explored his mouth. They had long passed the worry of morning breath very early on in their relationship. Neither he nor Dean had ever been embarrassed by it in the morning. They were usually too caught up in one another to worry. Castiel let his tongue explore and swipe the roof of Dean's mouth which earned a small groan from the other man. Castiel smirked in success as he pulled back as Dean tried to follow. "What are we doing today?" Castiel asked as he placed a hand to Dean's chest when the man tried to lean in again.

Dean groaned in protest as Castiel moved his head away which caused a light chuckle from Castiel. "Well I was hoping that kiss would have a happy ending with the way you were going at it but apparently you have better things to do" Dean ended with a pout.

"I thought," Castiel began as he looked Dean in the eyes with a serious expression so he understood that Castiel wasn't joking around "You would rather go and talk to Sam about what we talked about last night?" Dean grumbled in complaint turning away from Castiel and lay on his back. Castiel slinked into his side and raised himself onto his elbow much like he had the night before. "It would be best to get it out of the way sooner rather than later. You were both heavily intoxicated last night and it might be good to clear the air when your judgements aren't so clouded"

"Why do you always have to be so clear headed?" Dean teased which caused Castiel to chuckle.

"I thought it was one of my better traits?" Castiel replied as he bit his lip to hold back more laughter.

"Oh it is" Dean said while he rolled to his side and mirrored Castiel's position "Just not when I would rather be taking advantage of your _other _traits" Dean retorted innuendo thick in his voice.

Castiel squeaked in surprise when Dean launched onto him and forced Castiel onto his back as Dean attacked his mouth. Castiel let go of all resistance and just melted into Dean's ministrations. There was no doubt that Dean wasn't going to give up now that Castiel was underneath him.

"I think it's about time I show you how much I appreciate last night" Dean whispered against Castiel's lips.

"Oh really?" Castiel replied still a little breathless from Dean's kiss "Then how about you get that mouth busy then?"

"Hmm" Dean hummed "Pushy are we? Maybe I should tease you just a little more?"

Castiel was fed up with the teasing now. He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and shifted his weight rolling them so he straddled Dean's thighs. "You're an asshole" Castiel teased with a grin on his face.

"Yeah but you love me" Dean countered

"That I do" Castiel replied with sincerity. Castiel leant down and placed light kisses and nibbles along Dean's jaw. He moved to his neck which elicited moans from the man beneath him. The moans only added to his arousal and made it difficult to ignore.

Without further hesitation, Castiel slid his boxer-briefs down over his ass and freed his cock and quickly did the same with Dean's. As soon as they were both free, Castiel bucked his hips down and pushed their groins together. They both groaned at the contact needing more.

Castiel leant down again and smashed their mouths together while he took both of them in hand using the pre-cum as lubricant to stroke. Their hips moved in rhythm as they each searched their own release while they panted more than kissed against each other's mouths. Dean's hand snaked its way between their bodies and moved over Castiel's which added that much more pressure. Castiel wasn't going to last long and by the feel of it, neither was Dean. The sound of their pants and moans filled the room along with the stench of their sweat slicked skin.

"Close" Castiel panted as his hips lost their rhythm and sped up as he searched his release. Dean just moaned in reply which let Castiel know that Dean was the same. A few more strokes was all it took and Castiel buried his face in Dean's neck as he screamed his release into the sweat damp skin. His hand moved furiously as he tried to pump himself and Dean for all they were worth. Dean followed just after Castiel had released and coated their torsos in warm cum as he groaned Castiel's name.

"Fuck" Dean panted as he came down from his high while Castiel chuckled against Dean's neck "You're the best, Cas"

"Mmm I know" Castiel hummed


	24. Moving Forward

Dean chanced one last look at Cas but only received a glare in return that read 'get your ass up there and talk to him or so help me'. He had put it off for a few days now and Cas had threatened to withhold sex if he didn't talk to him. Dean knew it was a somewhat empty threat however given how Cas loved sex just as much as Dean. However, Dean knew the conversation needed to happen and it needed to happen before they landed in Washington State.

There was only a week left of their tour which meant they only had 3 shows left; one in Washington, one in Oregon and the last in California. That also meant that they would be back in LA in a week and Dean had still not talked to Sam about meeting with their father after they were back home. When Dean told Cas they had a knack for ignoring the important subjects, he hadn't been lying. He and Sam went back to normal as if nothing had happened. There was the obvious elephant in the room whenever they were alone in the same room together but it was soon pushed out whenever someone else walked in. But Cas had grown sick of Dean telling him every night that Sam hadn't bought it up so he wouldn't either. Cas gave Dean an ultimatum and told him he will either talk to Sam on the plane or there will be no sex until he had.

They were mid-flight now and Dean didn't have _as much _of an issue now that they were in the air. He didn't like to keep walking around the plane unless he really needed to choosing instead to stay seated firmly buckled in. Dean reluctantly removed his seatbelt and took a huge breath not knowing if it was more for the fact that he was going to get up and walk around on the plane or for the conversation he was about to have.

Once he stood, Dean looked down at Cas who looked up at him with a reassuring smile. Dean leant down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips and smiled when Cas whispered "Good luck".

"Back soon" Dean mumbled back before he turned and made his way over to where Sam was seated.

Crowley had forked out for business class for all their flights which was a comforting surprise. Apparently with all the success the band had, it was best for them to have business class seats. Either way, the band was happy with the decision. More leg room really did make the difference.

Dean made his way down the aisle towards Sam's seat. With the size of his brother, it wasn't hard to find what seat he was in. They usually were quite close on their flights but this particular flight was quite packed and the band found themselves separated. Seeing Jess had decided to fly back to California, Sam lucked out and had to sit by himself near the front. Fortunately for him, he didn't have anyone next to him.

When he finally made it to Sam's row, Dean looked over the back of the seat and saw Sam reading the newspaper. Dean rolled his eyes at his brother's typical behaviour. To ease the tension that was no doubt about to arise, Dean cleared his throat and lead with a joke.

"Is this seat taken?" he said as seriously he could muster.

Sam looked up from his newspaper and rolled his eyes. Sam folded the newspaper closed and Dean took the signal to take a seat.

"I'm guessing," Sam began as Dean seated himself down and buckled the seat belt safely over his waist and pulled it tight "this is going to be about Dad?"

Dean slowly nodded and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He really didn't know where to start with this. Sam was always so hard headed that it was hard to change his mind once he had made it up. He hoped that Sam would at least hear the man out before he shut him out of his life forever, if not for himself then for Dean. Ever since they had taken up residence at Bobby's, all Dean had ever wanted was for his family to be back together again with a sober father this time.

Sam sighed and let out a deep breath while he brushed his hair out of his eyes. The man really needed a haircut. "Look Dean, I know you want this whole happy family thing to happen but it's not going to. I can't forgive him for what he did to us"

Dean swallowed the lump of anxiety in his throat before he finally just let it out "I'm not asking you to, Sammy. All I was going to tell you was that I've been talking this through with Cas and I think it would be best if we actually heard his side of the story. Both of us. I know what he did was wrong but he deserves a chance to explain himself and to prove he's changed. I know you don't feel the same about family as I do but please," he begged "Please just hear him out. For me, please Sammy."

Sam seemed to be thinking it over for a while before he finally let up his bitch face and let out a deep sigh. "Fine, but please stop calling me Sammy. It's Sam for the love of all that is holy"

Dean grinned at the accomplishment. It had been so much easier than he expected. He thought he'd have to beg for a few days at least but for some reason, Sam gave up on it easily. He thinks that Jess must have had words with him and told him what he should do. He would have to send her a message when they landed in thanks. Without any further hesitation, he leant over and hugged his brother as best he could within the constriction of the safety belt. He pulled back from the hug ruffled his brother's long hair and smiled.

"Not a chance, Sammy" he laughed. He dodged the punch Sam went to make to his arm.

They fell into easy conversation about this, that and the other quite easily. The tension had left and they were just talking like they always do. They discussed a few ideas they both had for songs for their next album. The band had agreed that they would take a month off once they got back and just have time to themselves only meeting up once a week for practice and discussion about what they would do for their next album. After that month was over, they would pick up on practice and make their way back into the studio to record another album.

Dean gave his brother one last hug as their conversation ended.

"Thanks for understanding Sammy" Dean spoke into Sam's shoulder.

"Stop with the Sammy!" Sam yelled as Dean unbuckled his belt and stood from the seat. He laughed the whole way back to his seat. When he was finally back to his row, he still had a grin plastered on his face that only got wider as he saw Cas.

Apparently, Cas was tired because Dean was sure he had only been gone a matter of thirty minutes at the most but once he got back, Cas was fast asleep with his head lolled to the side towards Dean's seat. There was even a small bit of drool that dripped down his chin. The man was adorable when he slept. As he didn't want to stay standing for too much longer, Dean quickly but efficiently seated himself down without waking Cas. Dean smirked in success as Cas' head moved to rest on Dean's shoulder. Dean didn't mind the drool as long as Cas was comfortable, he was fine with a bit of slobber on his shirt.

Dean pulled out the car magazine he had been reading earlier from the back of the seat in front of him and flicked through it lazily. It wasn't very long after that Cas roused from his nap.

"Afternoon sleepy" Dean greeted with a smile.

Cas rubbed his eyes sleepily and smiled back. Dean looked in awe at how cute he looked with his hair all mussed and eyes droopy from sleep.

"How long was I out?" Cas asked as he looked down at his watch.

"Well," Dean began as he looked down at the patch of drool "Looking at my shirt, a good twenty minutes. We'll probably be landing soon"

Cas looked in horror at the blemish before he apologised profusely. Cas wiped at his face to get rid of the excess drool.

"Dude, it's fine. I don't care." Dean reassured he didn't know why Cas kept apologising it wasn't like it mattered. Cas finally stopped apologising enough to remember that Dean had talked to Sam.

"How did it go with your brother?" He asked and Dean proceeded to tell him everything that happened. How it had been a lot easier than he had expected for him to get Sam to agree. Cas had smiled the whole time Dean spoke and listened intently. It was something that Dean loved about Cas. How the man would hang onto every word Dean said even if he had heard it all before.

"I'm glad you sorted things out" Cas said once Dean had finished.

"Yeah me too, Cas" Dean smiled as he leant his head over onto Cas' shoulder where he promised that he wouldn't drool on Cas' shirt which earned a scowl from the other man.

-  
Castiel was pretty excited for the final week of the tour. He had loved every minute but he was eager to get home back to LA and work in his store again. They had left South Dakota on somewhat bittersweet terms. They were quite sad to be leaving behind their family and friends but it was another step closer to getting back to their home. Castiel knew Dean was quite eager to get back to his baby and Castiel was quite the same to get home so they could find themselves a cat. He still couldn't quite believe Dean had agreed but he was excited all the same.

The only thing Castiel regretted was not being able to see his brother while they were in South Dakota. Gabriel had been out of the country on business and wouldn't be back till after the tour had finished which meant he wouldn't see the band play on their first tour. Castiel figured it may have been somewhat of a lucky escape for Dean because he wouldn't have been greeted with just a slap to the face like he had with Ellen. He knew Dean would be able to handle himself against Gabriel but he still didn't want there to be any bad blood between them. Gabriel would have had time to cool down while he was away and hopefully would have gotten over the whole protective big brother attitude while he was gone.

Seattle was the next stop on the tour and Castiel was quite excited to see the city. They wouldn't have any time to explore but he hoped that they would at least get to see some of the sights even if it was just in passing. He was excited for the show as always but he was beginning to get sick of the constant travelling and the hotel beds. He really just wanted to curl up in their memory foam mattress with Dean by his side in their apartment.

Dean had finally, finally let himself go and talk to his brother. Castiel had grown sick of the constant tense atmosphere that was always there between the two of them that was always broken by someone else walking in. He was sick to death of having to nag Dean to talk to him and now, he had finally got the courage to talk to him.

Castiel didn't realise how fatigued he was until Dean had left. Slowly sleep overcame him and he fell into a light nap while he listened to the gentle roar of the engines. He was glad they were in business class as the extra leg room meant his long legs didn't get too cramped on the flights. When he woke up again, he had drooled all over Dean's shoulder and had completely forgotten for those few moments that Dean was going to talk to his brother.

When Dean had told him how the conversation had gone, Castiel was quite relieved and delighted for Dean. Although Sam had made it clear he wasn't in any way going to forgive John, the fact that he was going to actually hear the man out was enough. Castiel was glad Dean had a chance to rekindle his family that he had so desperately wanted for so long.

The landing went a lot smoother than Castiel had expected, for once he didn't need to comfort Dean like he normally did but his hand did still feel like the all bones had been crushed when Dean finally released it. Castiel didn't complain though. It was a small thing he could do for Dean and if he was honest, it was pretty adorable how scared he got.

Seattle was wet when they arrived. Apparently it had rained for five days straight and didn't seem to be easing up any time soon. They drove to the hotel in silence everyone tired from the past couple of weeks of non-stop travelling. They hadn't spent more than 48 hours in one place since New York and it had started to take its toll on them all.

As the arrived at the hotel, the all vacated the van sluggishly taking their baggage with them. They had decided that after they put their bags to their rooms they would head to the hotel restaurant together and enjoy a meal before an early night. They would play their concert tomorrow night and then head to the airport straight after. The schedule was gruelling but the finish line was in sight.

"So what are all your plans for the month off?" Jo asked when they sat down for dinner. They had managed to find themselves a round table big enough to fit them all on. Castiel sat between Sam and Dean with Ash to Dean's left and Jo between Sam and Ash. It was a comfortable atmosphere and Castiel felt he had become so much closer with the four people in front of him than he ever thought he would have in these past few weeks.

"Well," Dean started first "I'm definitely taking baby out for a drive as soon as we get back. She needs some love after three months of not being used" Everyone at the table rolled their eyes. Dean had been non-stop talking about his Impala for the past two weeks and everyone was over it.

"Yeah, yeah we know, Dean" Jo groaned

"We're going to buy a cat" Castiel added excitedly

"Aw that's so cute" Ash cooed "You got Dean-o to settle down" he continued to tease and pinched Dean's cheeks.

Dean blushed and pushed Ash's hands away from his face "Get off me" Dean growled "It's a cat not a damn baby"

They all chuckled at Dean's expense but when the man pouted towards Castiel he couldn't help but lean over and remove it with a loving kiss. Castiel was surprised that Dean bought up the subject of babies and couldn't help but let his mind wander to what it might be like to have a child with Dean. Would they adopt or would they have a surrogate so that their child could have the bright green eyes Dean had or the dusting of freckles across their skin. They had never discussed the subject and Castiel didn't know what Dean thought of the idea but Castiel knew one thing was certain that he definitely wanted to have kids with Dean. He may not want them right away seeing Dean's career was on the rise, but he would want them eventually. The topic seared in the back of his mind for the rest of the evening as he made his way through his meal.

"Hey Dean?" Castiel said later that evening when they were back in their room. Dean was already under the covers shirtless and Castiel quickly stripped off and joined him.

"Yeah Sweetheart?" Dean asked once Castiel was settled against his side. Castiel pressed his hand to Dean's stomach and rested his head on his shoulder while Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulder.

"Do you want kids?" Castiel asked hesitantly. He kept his head low not looking at Dean's face for a reaction because if it was negative, Castiel didn't think he'd be able to handle it.

After a moment silence that was too long for Castiel's liking, Dean replied "I haven't really thought about it" Castiel let out a small breath of relief that Dean hadn't outright rejected the idea "Do you?" Dean asked.

This time, Castiel wanted to see Dean's reaction. He turned himself so he could look Dean in the eye as he spoke "I do. I want a family one day and I know I want a family with you. Of course, not right now as your career is only just taking off and our relationship is still kind of new but yes, one day I do want a family"

Dean smiled back at Castiel with a grin that showed his perfect white teeth "I think I like that idea of having kids with you"

"Really?" Castiel asked in disbelief

"Hell yes. Imagine a little you running around with huge blue eyes and black hair. They'd be the cutest baby ever."

Castiel smiled and settled back against Dean's side as Dean went off in his own little world of describing what their child would be like with Castiel and Dean for their dads. He really did like the idea of what Dean described but they both knew it wouldn't be for a while yet.

"What bought this up?" Dean asked once he had finished describing their perfect home.

Castiel shrugged "Just what you said at dinner when I said about getting a cat" Dean didn't seem convinced he obviously thought that Castiel had been thinking about it for a while but he could honestly say that before that comment the idea of having a family with Dean had never crossed his mind. He had known he wanted to spend forever with Dean but he had never thought about having kids. If Dean had any doubts however, he didn't voice them. They let the subject drop and decided instead that now was a better time than ever for a heavy make out session.

Before it got too heated however, they parted and made sure they were comfortable. Castiel curled up with Dean pressed against his back with his arm draped over Castiel's waist their hands joined and fingers entwined. Castiel smiled as Dean's warmth enclosed around him as his thoughts drifted to what Dean had described earlier. One day, he knew he really wanted a family with Dean.


	25. San Francisco

It was the moment Dean had waited on for a while now; the end of the tour. He loved being on tour with the boys but three months on the road with non-stop travelling and back to back shows had taken its toll. He hoped that if they did more tours, then they would be a bit longer giving the band breaks in between. One thing was for sure though he definitely still wanted to go on tours.

The fans had been amazing. They had been amazing throughout the whole tour commenting on their band page and sending tweets of encouragement and praise about how much they had loved the show. Reading them all gave the band uplift in their mood and excitement for the next show making sure they did their best every time.

Dean's muse had been hard at work for the past month and after a few days he had found it extremely difficult to ignore it and had to put pen to paper. Cas had been inspiring him left, right, and centre to write more songs about him and whenever Dean could, he would sneak off and write some things down and pass them along to the band. They had cut down on the amount of practice they had done solely due to the fact that they were now completely comfortable with the songs they would sing and how it would go. They would do a sound check at the venue before each gig but that was as far as it went.

The time they didn't spend at practice gave them a lot more time to just relax and have some time away from each other. As much as Dean loved spending time with his friends and Cas, sometimes he just wanted some time alone. At times he craved to just get back on the open road behind the wheel of his beloved Impala and just drive until his heart content before he turned around and headed back. Sometimes in his fantasy he'd be alone but more often than not, Cas would be right by his side in the passenger seat. As each day past, Dean found that Cas was in his dreams and fantasies more and more. There was no denying it, Cas was his for life.

He'd thought about that fact for a while now but he wasn't ready to do anything about it. The timing wasn't right. They had been on the road for three months and half of that they had been apart. Dean wanted time to plan it out and make it perfect. Being on tour, he didn't have time to plan especially with Cas with him for almost every waking moment. Once they were back in LA, they would have more time to themselves and Dean would be able to derive a fool proof proposal; one that Cas deserved and would get.

"Dean?" Cas' voice snapped Dean out of his thoughts. Cas had been sat against the headboard on the bed quietly reading his book while Dean had been lost in his daze. Ash and Jo had gone out to explore the city of San Francisco for a bit as they had never been whereas Cas and Dean had both been in the city before. Jess had joined them for the last few days of the tour which Sam was ecstatic about and they were given some much needed time alone. Thankfully, this time they had been given separate rooms.

Dean rolled onto his side and looked up at his lover with a soft smile on his face "hm?" He hummed in question.

"I asked if you wanted to go get something to eat. I'm feeling a little hungry" Cas said with his brow furrowed in confusion as to why Dean hadn't heard him the first time.

As if on cue, Dean's stomach rumbled "I could eat" Dean chuckled

Cas chuckled too before he dog eared his book and placed it on the bedside table before he turned back over to face Dean. He pushed Dean by the shoulder with enough force to have him laid on his back. Cas quickly took advantage and moved over to straddle Dean's hips. Dean reacted and placed his hands on Cas' hips while the man leaned down and ran his hands through Dean's hair which mussed it up.

"What were you thinking about?" Cas asked as he looked Dean straight in the eye.

"You" Dean answered honestly

Cas rewarded Dean with a tender kiss to his lips before he pulled back again far enough that he could speak but close enough that his lips brushed Dean's as they moved "And what about me were you thinking about?" his tone was teasing and laced with innuendo.

"You, me, the Impala on the open road" Dean admitted. He knew Cas was sick of Dean's fantasies involving the Impala but he wasn't about to admit what he was really thinking about.

Cas let out a snort "You and your fucking car. Seriously, I'm thinking you love her more than me" Cas pouted before he claimed Dean's lips once more this time with a lot more tongue.

"Never" Dean whispered around the kisses.

As it got more heated, Cas' hips started to roll which earned a low groan from Dean. Dean moved his hands under Cas' shirt and rode it up to his armpits so he could shift it off. The kiss was broken reluctantly to remove the dreaded piece of clothing which allowed Dean to run his hands over the exposed expanse of skin he loved to touch.

His hands settled low on Cas' back while Cas made work of Dean's own shirt. He pushed the fabric up and forced Dean to sit so the shirt could be removed and flung across the room to lie forgotten. The kisses were sloppy and wet but still just as heated as if they hadn't seen each other in years and couldn't get enough of the other.

Cas pulled back from the kiss breathless. Dean stared up at the man in awe. He was perfect with his perfectly mussed hair and his swollen red lips. His azure eyes were blown wide with lust and there was a flush creeping up his chest from arousal.

"Let me ride you" Cas breathed. Dean groaned at the thought.

"Fuck yes" Dean moaned as he rocked his hips up to meet Cas'.

As fast as Cas' weight was there, it was gone. Dean looked around to see Cas stood on the floor as he quickly removed his jeans and underwear with a smirk on his face. Dean hurriedly did the same and lifted his hips as he shucked his remaining clothing. When they were down to his feet, he freed one foot and flung the other leg which caused the garments to fly across the room.

Cas let out a chuckle at the sight "Eager are we?"

"You have no idea" Dean replied

Before he could make a motion towards him, he had a lap full of Cas and a tongue in his mouth that teased his own. Dean's hands made their way to Cas' hips as they rolled which brought that much needed pressure to his groin as they slid together. After what didn't feel long enough, Cas pulled back. Dean let out a whimper at the loss earning a low chuckle from Cas.

"Lie back, Dean" Cas said with a low growl his voice thick with arousal which just turned Dean on even more if that was even possible.

Dean was quick to oblige. He lay down on the bed with his hands still on Cas' hips and head buried on the pillows as he stared up at his lover. The man was gorgeous. The flush that had slowly grown earlier was now spread right across his chest. He looked down at Dean with hungry eyes as if he wanted to devour him right there.

"You're gorgeous, Sweetheart" Dean whispered as he rubbed soothing circles into Cas' hips as they slowly rocked together. Cas blushed in reply and Dean still couldn't believe he had such an effect on the man. They had been together for so long and had seen each other at their most vulnerable yet Cas still blushed when Dean complimented him while they were aroused.

Dean didn't get a chance to comment on it as Cas had already leant across to the bedside table to retrieve the lube they had placed there earlier. The pair had gotten into the habit of placing the bottle of lube on hand simply due to situations like their current one. Dean went to grab the lube from Cas' hands only to have Cas move his hands out of reach.

"No" Cas murmured with a shake of his head "I want to"

Dean keened low in his throat "Jesus Cas, do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"

Cas smirked down at him as he popped the cap of the lube. "I have an idea" he growled as he leant down and kissed Dean again wet and sloppy. Cas pulled himself back and Dean opened his eyes and watched the string of saliva snap as it was stretched too far.

Without further hesitation, Cas coated his fingers liberally with the lube before he threw the tube aside and reached behind himself. Cas raised himself to his knees as his finger teased his hole as the other hand braced himself on the headboard. Dean guessed Cas breached his entrance by the sound Cas let out. It took everything in Dean not to flip positions and do it himself but Cas wanted to do it this way and Dean could never deny the man anything.

"Mmm" Cas hummed "So good, Dean. Can't wait to ride your cock"

Dean let one of his hands slide off Cas' hip and take hold of the man's erection where he pulled with slow teasing strokes that had the man above him throw his head back and buck into Dean's hand. Dean's dick throbbed at the sight.

"So fucking gorgeous, Sweetheart. You have no idea how beautiful you are" Dean praised. His words were lost on Cas however as the man forced another slicked up finger into his stretched hole. Cas winced a little at the sensation but was soon back to enjoying the feeling and revelled in Dean's small innocent touches that did nothing but tease the man as he rocked back on his fingers.

"I'm ready" Cas moaned as he slipped his fingers out and reached for the lube that had been discarded earlier.

Dean looked up at Cas with a shocked expression on his face. He knew he couldn't see Cas' fingers as they disappeared into his body but he knew that Cas had only stretched enough for two and that was definitely not enough for Dean's girth.

"Sweetheart I don't want to hurt you. You got to stretch a bit more" Dean tried to reason but the protest fell on deaf ears as Cas opened the lube once again and slicked up Dean's cock giving it a few teasing strokes. Dean let out an unearthly moan and threw his head back with closed eyes at the sensation on his ignored erection before Cas' hand was gone.

He quickly lifted his head and opened his eyes just in time to see Cas rise up to his knees again and take hold of Dean's cock to guide it behind him the other hand firmly placed back on the headboard. Cas shuffled forward slightly to get the right angle before he gently sunk down. As Dean's head breached the rim, Cas' hand moved to the headboard to brace himself as he slowly sheathed himself. It was tight and hot and Dean had no idea Cas could feel this good. They let out equally loud moans as the sensations became too much to stay quiet.

It took all of Dean's might not to pull Cas down by his hips onto his cock but this was Cas' game and Cas was going to do it his way. Dean knew he hadn't prepped himself enough so there was no way that Dean was going to force Cas to do something he wasn't ready for and cause the man more pain.

Once Cas was fully seated, Cas' hands moved to brace himself on Dean's chest while he panted to calm himself. Their eyes were locked and Dean wanted nothing more than to sit up and kiss Cas' lips but Cas held him down. Dean moved his hands up and down Cas' flanks while he whispered soothing words at Cas as he tried to calm him through the pain he was undoubtedly feeling.

"So gorgeous Sweetheart. Love you so much" Dean whispered as his hands roamed. They came to rest on Cas' hips as they gently started to rock.

"I'm ready, Dean" Cas spoke with lidded eyes

Dean let out a small chuckle "Then ride me gorgeous"

Caution was thrown to the wind as Cas lifted himself up almost all the way up before he slammed back down.

"Fuck" Dean yelled as Cas let out a huge groan before he rose onto his knees again. He sunk down with just as much force and increased his speed each time.

As the pace increased, Dean raised his hips to meet each of Cas' thrusts which earned low groans from the man. Cas' head was thrown back in ecstasy and his back arched as he bounced on Dean's cock.

"Fuck Cas," Dean panted "So fucking gorgeous on my cock. That's it Sweetheart. So hot"

"Dean" Cas keened as he sheathed himself again. Cas was a mess above him. His skin was flushed red with arousal and coated with sweat that only increased with the rhythm he had set. "Touch me, Dean" Cas begged.

Dean didn't wait. He quickly moved his hand to strip Cas' cock just the way he knew the man liked. He rubbed his thumb over the head where it was leaking precum profusely and dripped onto Dean's torso. The sensations caused Cas to cry Dean's name like a prayer over and over as he rocked back onto Dean's cock and then into his hand.

Cas was close. Dean knew he was by the way he clenched as he rose himself back up and tried to force Dean's orgasm from him. Dean wasn't going to cum though. Not until Cas got off. He increased his speed of is hand and bucked his hips up harsher to meet Cas as he sank down trying to pin his lover's prostate every time. Cas shook with pleasure and before long, he cried out his release all over Dean's hand and torso. With two more hard thrusts, Dean followed and pumped his seed into his lover.

Cas collapsed onto Dean's torso when his hands gave out and Dean didn't hesitate to lift Cas' head and seal their lips together. He had craved the man's tongue on his ever since Cas had pushed him down and now he was going to get what he wanted. Cas obliged and let Dean explore his mouth too fucked out to kiss back like he usually did. Dean didn't mind though. He was glad his lover was a sated mess in his arms.

Dean pushed a hand through Cas' sweat damp hair and brushed it from where it had stuck to his forehead to he could see Cas' eyes.

"You're fucking perfect" Dean said in awe

Cas let out a breathless chuckle "I'm fucking tired"

Dean couldn't help but laugh at Cas "It was your idea Sweetheart"

"I know" Cas replied "Just… Just let me rest for a bit then we'll eat"

Dean pressed a kiss into Cas' hair before he slowly pulled the man up and let himself slide free. There was a wince from Cas and Dean was quick to ask if he was hurt.

"No Dean, I'm fine" Cas reassured "I liked it. More than liked it" Cas reiterated his statement by pushing himself up and pressed a loving, tender kiss to Dean's lips before he slid to the side and nestled into Dean's flank. "Now let me sleep"

-  
Castiel woke up half an hour after their latest exploits with a dull burn all over. He loved it. He knew he would feel the pain in his rear for a day or so just due to the fact that he didn't stretch himself like he normally would but he didn't mind at all. He wanted the reminder of how good it felt to be filled and riding Dean's cock. They had only done the position a few times and it had been a while. Castiel had craved it and he knew Dean loved it.

Castiel rolled to his back and surprisingly found that he didn't have any sticky cum on him. He turned his head in the direction of his lover to find Dean, phone in hand, playing some game. Castiel found it hard to believe that Dean had so much energy seeing they just had mind-blowing sex even if Castiel had done all the work.

His lover must have sensed his gaze as Dean paused his game and looked at Castiel with a toothy grin.

"Hello sunshine" Dean teased

"You cleaned me up?" Castiel asked as he looked down at himself.

Dean put his phone down and moved over to Cas and leant over him. Their noses brushed as Dean moved closer.

"Yeah," Dean stated "You were out to it and I didn't want you to wake up uncomfortable"

Castiel closed the gap and pressed his lips lightly to Dean's in thanks before he let himself fall back to the bed. He couldn't believe how much he loved this man. It was just the little things that he did like cleaning him up after sex that told Castiel that he wanted to be with Dean for the rest of his life but he didn't know how to do it.

He had wanted to ask ever since they had left New York but he really didn't want to do it on tour. He wanted the moment to be perfect and he wanted to plan it out. He had ran ideas through his head for a while and none of them seemed adequate enough. He knew Dean wasn't huge on declarations of love but Castiel wanted the moment that he asked to be something special and the perfect memory. When they got back to LA, he would have to run some ideas past Balthazar.

"You okay?" Dean asked which startled Castiel out of his thoughts.

Castiel nodded before he smiled up at Dean "Yes Dean. Let's go eat before it's too late and you need to get ready for the show" Castiel soothed Dean's worried glance with a quick kiss before he wiggled out from under Dean to find his scattered clothes.

Once dressed, they walked hand in hand down to the hotel restaurant with a small grin on Castiel's face as he felt the dull ache with every step he took.


	26. What I'd Give Up

Dean wanted this final show to be the best one yet and Sam and Ash agreed. They wanted to go out with a bang and therefore had constantly tweeted the fans and asked what they wanted to see and what songs they wanted to hear. They took everything the fans had said and sorted out the best ideas and the most requested songs and wrote it all down to look over. Once they were happy, they sorted out a set list and a plan for the show. In theory it was going to be their best one yet.

At dinner, everyone vibrated with excitement. Conversation was light as everyone wolfed down their food desperate to get to the show. It wasn't just the show that had them motivated however. They were ecstatic to be finally going home especially Dean. He and Cas had left the apartment on bad terms and Dean knew he wanted to rectify that more than likely as soon as they entered but they had to get through the show first.

Dean picked up his beer and took a large swallow and saw Cas side-glance him out of the corner of his eye. As he placed that bottle back on the table, he slid his free hand over to Cas' leg and rubbed his thigh affectionately. Cas smiled over at Dean and moved his own hand down and entwined their fingers together.

Lately, they had hardly been able to keep their hands off each other. They were never apart for longer than a few hours and when they were apart there was usually a constant flow of messages back and forth. Dean really didn't know what it was but suddenly he just really didn't want to be away from Cas. He thinks that it might have something to do with the fact they were apart for two months and the time has just finally caught up with him but he's not totally convinced. He thinks it might be more about the fact he wants to propose and he wants to keep Cas close so he doesn't leave again.

He was weary of suffocating Cas. He doesn't want to be the clingy, over-protective boyfriend who doesn't let their partner do what they want without clearing it with him first. The messages they share are generally more about what kind of cat they want to get and the name they want to give it. They argue more often than not about names but eventually they decided that they would know the name once they found the cat. Surprisingly however, it's usually Cas who sends the first message and when they are together, it's Cas who initiates contact. Cas would slide his hand into Dean's or into Dean's back pocket as they walked. Sometimes he'd just place a kiss onto Dean's check and then not move away from the contact.

It was weird but it wasn't a bad weird.

"Can you guys stop with the eye fucking for one night, seriously?" Sam hissed across the table "We've been putting up with this constant groping and lubby dubby crap for almost a week now. We get it. You're in love just stop with the shit" he ended with a huff and a general wave in their direction.

Dean turned his head away from Cas with a frown in Sam's direction "Oh please, Sammy. You have no reason to talk. You've been the same with Jess every time she joins us on tour. You're just jealous because Cas is here fulltime" Dean smirked over at Sam and earned a scowl in reply and a giggle from Jess.

"Are you kidding?" Jo chimed in "Sam and Jess are held back compared to you two. At least they save their groping for closed doors where as you two don't give two hoots who's around"

Dean glanced over at Cas who had blushed and looked down at his lap. Dean could see the tips of his ears burned red.

Okay so maybe they hadn't exactly been discreet with their latest affections but did it really matter? It's not like they were doing anything sexual in public they still saved that for closed doors. Well, most of the time anyway. There was that time when they were on the pier in Portland but they were alone then and no one but them knew.

"Seriously," Jo continued which brought Dean back to the conversation and out of his current memory of the pier. It was probably for the best he started listening or they would just get even more annoyed because Dean wouldn't be able to hold back "It's sickening how much you guys touch each other. I thought it was just the whole getting back together thing but lately you guys have been inseparable. Have we missed something? Did something happen and you haven't told us?"

Dean quickly realised where Jo was headed with her questions and interrupted her before she started to ask her next question "Of course not. We're just happy to be around each other is all" Dean looked over to Cas who finally looked up from his lap and over at Dean. He had a shy smile on his face and looked at Dean with loving eyes. Dean loved how innocent Cas looked when they were together in public. He gave off the whole shy image but once they were alone, Cas was insatiable. Dean returned his attention back to the table "Alright, alright duly noted. We'll tone it down but it's not like you're going to have to be round us all the time anyway. We're finally going to be home tomorrow" The comment earned a few relieved smiles from everyone around the table and Cas gave Dean's hand a reassuring squeeze.

It wasn't long before they needed to leave to head to the venue so they quickly finished their drinks and made their way back up to their rooms to clear out. As soon as the show was over and they had interacted with the fans, they were going to the airport to make the final flight back to LA. The tiniest amount of dread slipped into the back of Dean's mind at the thought. Going back to LA would mean facing reality. He and Sam could no longer ignore the subject of their father and were going to sooner or later interact with him and Dean wanted it to be the former. He wanted to speak to his father and he wanted to have a relationship with him. He already knew that whatever his father said when they met wouldn't change his mind. He had longed for his father for so long and now it was a reality. He just hoped beyond all that Sam would come around and they could attempt to repair the broken pieces of their relationship.

As Dean packed the final article of clothing into his duffle, he felt Cas' arms wrap around his waist and the tickle of his breath along his nape. Dean zipped his duffle up before he turned in the embrace to look at his lover. He was greeted by a tender kiss to his lips.

"Mmm" Cas hummed across Dean's lips "I'm going to miss this"

"Miss what?" Dean asked as he pulled back slightly so he could look into Cas' eyes. He was confused. What was Cas going to miss? Moments like this or the tour?

"This" Cas gestured with his head between them "When we get back to LA it's going to be all work and don't try to deny it because you know it's true. You're going to be working on songs non-stop and I'm going to be at the store. Which actually brings me to my next point"

Dean wanted to deny what Cas said but he did know it was true. He knew one thing for sure though he wasn't going to let it get back to how things were before. He pulled Cas closer again as he ignored the later part of his small speech to address the issue at hand "I'm not going to do what I did last time Cas. I'll make time for you. I've realised my mistake. You know that" He sealed it with a kiss which Cas eagerly returned. When the kiss ended, Dean remembered Cas was going to tell him something "What was your other bit of information you wanted to tell me?"

Cas paused for a moment as if he'd forgotten what he was talking about and Dean couldn't help but smirk and that fact that he had done that. Made Cas lose his train of thought with just a kiss. But Cas soon found what he was going to say and told Dean.

"I want to open another store" Cas confessed. Dean was somewhat taken back by the confession. He knew Cas' store was doing well even with Balthazar looking after it but he didn't realise it was doing _that _well.

"Really?" Dean asked and by the hurt that came across Cas' face and the way the grip on his hips slacked, Cas had taken Dean's comment as an unsupportive remark where Dean meant the polar opposite. "No, no Sweetheart don't look at me like that. That's not what I meant" Dean quickly explained "I'm so happy you want to open a store I just didn't realise the store was doing so well. You never really tell me about how well it's doing" The hurt expression quickly faded and Dean let out a small breath of relief he really didn't need to deal with an angry and upset Cas just hours before their final show.

"Oh" Cas said as he realised his mistake "Yeah, it's doing well and I think I could open another one I'm just not sure where yet but I'm going to sort that out when we get back to LA with Balthazar"

The mention of Balthazar still made Dean tense. He knew that Cas and him were just friends but Dean couldn't help but feel the small pang of jealousy creep in. Balthazar had been the one Cas had gone to when he was upset and not Dean. It hurt that Cas couldn't talk to him but that was in the past and they were okay now.

"Sounds good" Dean said as he ignored the jealousy. He had nothing to be jealous of. Cas was his not Balthazar's and the sooner he acknowledged that the happier he'd be. "Come on," Dean slapped Cas' rear as he spoke "We got to get moving or we're going to be late and they're going to assume we're having sex again"

"We could be" Cas said with a sly smirk

Dean groaned. This man was going to kill him but instead he pushed Cas away "No, Novak. We are going to do this show and then we are going to go home where we can have as much sex as we like because I have an entire month off. Now get" Dean quickly turned Cas around patted his butt again and pushed him towards the door.

He heard Cas grumble something about being a tease which made Dean chuckle. They made their way out of the room with Dean carrying both their bags to meet the others in the lobby. The nerves bubbled in Dean. He couldn't wait.

-  
Castiel was going to miss this. He was going to miss seeing Dean on stage performing and singing for their fans. The passion and fire that coursed through Dean's veins as he performed had Castiel awed and extremely aroused which always transferred to the bedroom after the show. Lately, the sex was always amazing after a gig and Castiel was definitely going to miss that part of it. After a show, if they were headed back to the hotel, they would be all over each other and when they reached their room, Castiel would get pounded into the mattress. It was rough, hard and exhilarating just like Dean's performance on stage. If they were headed to the airport, they usually had a heated make-out session in the back seat of the van before they pried away from each other and tried to calm themselves for the flight. If Dean was lucky, Castiel would help him out in the bathroom stalls.

It was mystery to Castiel where the constant need to be with Dean had come from. Ever since they left South Dakota, Castiel had found he was unable to keep himself off Dean. He constantly wanted to be close to him with some part of their body touching and when they were apart, Castiel would send messages about random things that he had thought of for when they're back in LA. He thinks it might have something to do with the fact that they're finally going to go home and resume their life together with new and improved circumstances. Dean had changed there was no denying that, he just hoped that when they were back at their apartment, Dean wouldn't relapse back into his shell and ignore Castiel. He had to admit that thought had him weary.

That thought was part of the reason why he had wrapped his hands around Dean's waist and told him he was going to miss this. Because he was but then Dean had promised him they wouldn't go back to how it was before and Castiel believes him. He saw it in Dean's eyes when he spoke. Dean was genuine and it made Castiel forget his doubts and believe that this time will be different.

Thoughts had ran around Castiel's mind for a while now about opening a new store and he was in talks with Balthazar all the time talking financials and whether or not it would be a smart idea to go through with his plan. When Dean had just looked at him like he was making a huge mistake when he announced his new proposal, Castiel couldn't help but feel hurt. He thought Dean would be supportive and would be proud that Castiel was doing so well that he was in a position to open a new store. When Dean clarified why he had asked, Castiel did feel a little guilty.

He had never really spoken to Dean about the store in detail just told him basic information in passing. He didn't think that Dean would have been interested in the store because Dean was never a big reader. Dean did in fact read; Castiel knew that much because sometimes he would find books that Dean liked and gave them to him to read and every time Dean would read it without fail. When he finished, Dean would tell him what he thought of the book and nine times out of ten, Dean liked it and would compliment Castiel on his ability to find books he would enjoy. Castiel told himself he would make more of an effort and tell Dean more about his store even if he thought that Dean wouldn't care because apparently Dean did care.

Arms in the air as he danced with Jo and Jess in the wings, Castiel loved this final performance from the band. They had really stepped up their performance which Castiel for one didn't think was possible. They were amazing. The crowd was another sell out and Castiel could hear them all singing along with the lyrics almost over the actual band. When the band died down and Dean showed the microphone to the crowd, the crowd singing was deafening even with his decibel reducing ear plugs that had been regulation when they were at the gigs. But the smiles on the band's faces were enough to make Castiel ignore that fact and sing just as loud as the crowd.

Watching his boyfriend perform on stage was torture. Dean knew how good he looked on stage and would look over every so often and Castiel wouldn't hesitate to show him how much he enjoyed the show and would throw in a seductive lure just to see Dean's reaction in retaliation. More often than not, Dean would just send a wink his way and return to work the crowd which left Castiel needy and sexually frustrated. Dean would pay for that later.

"Alright," Dean started breathless after the last song. Castiel watched as Dean stopped to pick up his water bottle and took a few quick gulps before throwing the half full bottle into the crowd much to the excitement of several screaming females. Dean wiped his forehead of the sweat with the back of his hand and took a few steps towards the every front of the stage "So as you know, we've been on tour for the past three months and it's our last show tonight" the crowd all collectively let out an 'aww' in disappointment which just made Castiel smile "But we're doing our best to go out with a bang which most of you probably know already. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end though so here's our last song of the night.

"The band and I have agreed that this one is probably the best one to end with. It goes out to our partners who have been with us through this and have put up with a lot of our shit. We probably spend more time with each other than we do with them so here's to you" Dean looked over as he finished towards where Jess, Jo, and Castiel were stood and sent a grin and a wink to Castiel.

Music flooded the venue again and Castiel instantly recognised the song. It was one of his favourites from the album and he was glad that they decided to finish on this one and dedicate it to their partners in apology for not being able to spend as much time together.

"_Woke up in a hotel  
Three hours of sleep last night  
Only thing real to me is a thirteen-hour drive_"

Dean sang the lyrics so beautifully as usual and Castiel couldn't help but stop singing just so he could hear Dean. His voice never failed to calm Castiel.

"_I lost my convictions  
I have risked my life  
I've seen the face of God through miles of black ice_"

Dean had closed his eyes now and Castiel watched in awe as the man sang out the lyrics as if it was the last song he was ever going to sing.

"_Oh, I just wanted you to know  
What I'd give up to give myself to you_"

Dean belted out the chorus singing the lyrics twice over with so much passion Castiel was once again humbled by the man's stage presence.

"_I had my foundations  
But I threw them away  
Only thing real to me was moving  
The rest was fake  
But I've got new direction  
I feel winds of change_"

Dean turned the microphone out to the crowd for them to sing out the final line before the chorus. The sound was ear-splitting "_Still I've got my good reasons to stay the same_" they sang out which caused a huge tooth shining grin to split across Dean's face and nodded his head in the rhythm of the band before he turned the mic back to himself to sing out the chorus again.

Castiel watched as the man moved around the stage and leant down to shake hands with the fans that leant over the barrier. Castiel was surprised they hadn't tried to pull him down and touch him more because if that had been Castiel he probably would have and got himself kicked out. He's glad their fans had more self-control than he did.

Dean moved himself back into the stage and turned his head looking straight over at Castiel as he sang out the next lyrics. Castiel could feel his heart beat in his chest and was sure it was going to explode with the rate it pounded.

"_No I don't need it anymore  
The hotel floors the stage the lights the road  
All I want to do is build a home  
You've got my heart and my soul_"

Castiel was left in a daze as he stared out at the stage and watched Dean dance around the stage as he sang the chorus and finished the song to much applause from the crowd. It took a small nudge to his ribs from Jo to drive Castiel out of his stupor. As he came back to himself, he saw Dean smile at him with a huge grin which Castiel couldn't help but return. The man was irresistible and he knew it.

* * *

**A/N The song is 'What I'd Give Up' by The Classic Crime**


	27. Facing Reality

It was two weeks since they had arrived back from tour and Castiel still didn't have his cat and Dean still hadn't rung his Dad. The first week they had been distracted by getting resettled in the apartment which meant they made new memories on every surface. Castiel isn't going to lie to anyone it was amazing and it was a great way to settle back into life in LA but he wants Dean to face his problems with his Dad. The cat can be postponed for now just as long as Dean gets his act together and contacts his father.

After the first week, Dean became distracted and vacant. He'd obviously been thinking a lot about the situation but he didn't get his ass into gear and do something about it. Castiel has no doubt that Dean is afraid and nervous not knowing where to start but the first thing he needs to do is contact his father and start the process of sorting it out. They aren't exactly short on money and if need be, Dean can just pay for his father to fly out to LA and put him in a hotel from the weekend or however long it takes for them to sort it out. One thing is for sure though, it needs to happen soon or Dean is never going to do it.

Castiel himself has been somewhat idle in their relationship for the past week. He's been back and forth between the store and the bank as he tried to make a deal in order to open his new store. With Balthazar's assistance, they found the perfect place about an hour drive from their current store. It was just up to the bank now to approve the loan and they could open it.

Of course, he had told Dean everything that was happening. Over dinner, which Dean usually cooked as he would be home most of the day and actually enjoyed cooking, Castiel would tell Dean everything that had happened which usually consisted of complaints about the bank were being idiots. Dean would sooth his worries and stress away with a relaxing massage that more often than not had a happy ending.

The thing that had annoyed him the most was Dean wouldn't open up. Dean had promised he would talk with Castiel about everything and they wouldn't fall back into the routine of just fucking mindlessly to avoid the conversations that they needed to have. Fortunately, Dean hadn't quite fallen into that routine. He would talk to Castiel just not a lot. He would tell Castiel he was still thinking it over and then fall silent. Castiel got the feeling that Dean did want to open up but he was just confused as to what his thoughts were. It was an improvement but Castiel couldn't help but feel the need to push Dean further. During his lunch hour at work, he decided that tonight was tonight he was going to force Dean into talking this through and making a decision because enough was enough.

As soon as he arrived home, Castiel shrugged off his trench which he had taken to wearing again now they were back in LA and hung it on the coat rack. His keys were placed in the bowl and he removed his shoes as he preferred to walk around in just his socks after a long day of standing on his feet. Dean was nowhere to be seen so Castiel guessed by the delicious smell that flooded his nostrils that he was currently cooking dinner.

Castiel followed his nose as he wandered down the hall and into the kitchen to find Dean slaving over the stove with the radio playing classic rock softly. Castiel stood in the doorway for a moment and leant against the frame and watched his lover. Dean was at such ease in the kitchen. His movements were fluid just as they were on stage and Castiel felt his heart flutter at the sight. Finally, Dean turned around to head to the fridge and jumped when he saw Castiel stood in the doorway.

"Jesus Christ, Cas. You freaked the shit out of me" Dean yelled

Castiel burst into laughter at Dean's shocked expression as he tried to calm his breathing. Once he controlled himself, he made his way over to Dean and hugged him before he claimed his lips in apology.

"I'm sorry, Dean" Castiel breathed across Dean's lips before Dean pushed the back of Castiel's head and forced their lips together again. Castiel laughed into the kiss before Dean deepened the kiss and let his tongue tangle with Castiel's.

"Mmm we need to get you a bell" Dean hummed "Then you can't sneak up on me"

Castiel placed his hand on Dean's chest and pushed himself back just enough to look Dean in the eye "You know what else has bells? Cats"

Dean rolled his eyes and groaned. He stepped away from Castiel and moved towards the fridge and retrieved the mayonnaise "Yes Cas, we will get you your damn cat. Just let me deal with my Dad first alright?"

Castiel saw the opportunity and pounced as Dean moved back to the stove to take the burger patties off the heat. "Speaking of your father, when are you going to call him?" Castiel saw Dean's shoulders tense from behind and was quick to continue "I just think you should ring him before the holidays. Sort it all out as soon as you can"

Dean was silent for a bit as he put together the burgers. Dean made the best burgers Castiel had ever eaten and was excited to eat dinner tonight but he really wanted to talk this through and get Dean to take action. When Dean didn't reply, Castiel continued. "I know you're scared and nervous as hell but the sooner you call him the sooner that will all go away. Just call him, Dean" Castiel made his way over to Dean and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and smiled into Dean's neck as Dean leant back into the touch. "I hate seeing you so conflicted. It's not a good look for you" Castiel teased and kissed Dean's neck.

"I… I don't… I don't know what to say to him" Dean stuttered

Castiel smiled. He knew Dean was having trouble but now that he was _finally _opening up he couldn't help the relief that washed over him. He could finally help Dean through this "You just need to tell him that you and Sam want to hear his side of the story. Tell him you will fly him out and put him up in a hotel for however long and then go from there. Just take small steps Dean. That's all you need to do" Castiel soothed Dean by moving his hand up and down Dean's stomach. It seemed to work as Dean's breathing became even again.

Dean nodded before he answered "Alright. I'll call him after dinner and arrange it then"

Castiel planted a kiss to Dean's temple "Great. Come on let's eat those burgers they look delicious"

-  
Dread ran through Dean's mind the whole second week of being home. The first week had been fantastic. The very first thing they had done once they had unpacked their gear and done their laundry was take out the Impala for a drive. It was just like his fantasy. Cas sat in the passenger seat and gazed out the window while Dean drove, and drove, and drove until his heart's content.

Baby pulled up into the car park of an abandoned beach and the two men climbed out and moved around to the front of the car to sit on the hood. The metal was warm under their butts as they curled into each other's side and gazed out at the ocean and watched the waves roll in. It was late evening and the sun was starting to set. They didn't talk but they didn't need to. It was perfect. Cas was perfect. They were content to just sit back and watch the sun set. With Cas at his side, his mind was clear and he really couldn't think of anywhere else he wanted to be.

When Cas went back to work after that first week, Dean was at a loss. He had so much time to himself that his mind ran wild with thoughts. He debated with himself more often than not and he really just couldn't get himself together. He knew he needed to call his father and sort it out or it would continue to plague him but he just didn't know how to. When Cas came home from work, his thoughts cleared and he'd be focused solely on Cas. He'd listen to his stories about his day over dinner and just get caught up in the world of Cas.

Questions would constantly flow from Cas as he asked what Dean thought about the current situation and every time Dean would freeze unsure how to answer because his thoughts were a mess. He had no clue what he thought and when he responded that he was still mulling it over, Cas would be disappointed. Dean knew that Cas thought he was falling back into old habits and not letting Cas in but in truth, Dean didn't know where to start. As soon as he sorted out his thoughts he would blurt it all out to Cas he would never fall back to their old routine. Ever.

Cooking was where Dean was in his element. When Cas wasn't home, cooking allowed his thoughts to clear. It was either that or work on Baby but there was only so much work that needed to be done on his Impala before he was just wasting money. Dean would focus on the meal for that evening and that would be it. He was an active relaxer. By doing such a simple thing as cooking a meal for Cas and him, he was able to let his mind at ease and just focus on the task at hand. He loved cooking for Cas and Cas seemed to enjoy his meals too. His face would light up in a huge grin after the first bite and compliment Dean on his latest creation which caused Dean's heart to flutter with warmth. He loved to please Cas and as the saying goes, the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Burgers was Dean's speciality. He had made note that Cas _loved_ burgers. Love might even be an understatement if the way Cas would wolf down a burger was anything to go by. As an apology, he decided to cook Cas' favourite meal for him and just sit him down and tell him that his thoughts were a mess and he didn't know what to do.

Luckily for Dean, he and Cas were on the same page and somehow Cas just knew how to push Dean's buttons and get him to open up. Cas said all the right things. He didn't push too hard he just told Dean what he was thinking and what he thought Dean should do and of course Cas was right. He was always right. From there it just flowed out. Cas told him what to tell his father and by the time they had finished their meal, he was ready to call.

With one look, Cas got up from the table and collected their dishes to take through to the kitchen and wash up. Dean sent him a thankful smile. Cas kissed him on the lips chastely with a murmured "good luck" and he was gone from the room.

The paper that his father had written his number on was like a dead weight in his pocket ever since they had come home. Dean had made a habit of carrying it around with him in case he suddenly knew what to say and could just pick up his phone and dial. Obviously, that hadn't happened. His hands shook with nerves as he typed the number into his phone. After he triple checked that the number he had entered was correct, he took a deep breath and pressed dial.

As the phone rang, his hands still shook and he still held his breath.

_Ring_.

His heart pounded in his chest as it threatened to burst out.

_Ring_.

He can't do this. Nope it's going to be a disaster.

_Ring_.

He's about to hang up. His hand slowly moved away from his ear about to bring it down and hang it up.

"Hello?" Came a gruff voice. Dean's breath hitched as his father's voice flooded his ear. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

Dean quickly cleared his throat and spoke "Dad? It's Dean"

"Dean" John repeated through the line. Dean was frozen on the spot. He didn't know what to say. His mind reeled as he tried to remember what Cas told him to say.

"I'm ready to talk this through" Dean said his tone surprisingly steady. "Where are you?"

John was silent for a few seconds before he replied "I'm still in South Dakota"

"Alright then. I'll pay for a flight for you to come out here for the weekend and put you up in a hotel and we will sort this out" Dean waited for a few moments and it sounded like his father was holding back tears.

"Thank you, Dean." John sniffed

Dean could feel the emotions well up inside of him. His father was desperate for this but he just couldn't help but feel the anger that it had taken so long for his father to find them and come to him.

"Don't thank me yet, Dad. You have a lot of explaining to do to both me and Sam. I'm not promising anything all we are offering is a chance for you to explain yourself and then we will go from there."

"I understand" John replied still sniffing.

Dean tried to keep his emotions in check and not break down as his father audibly shed tears as he listened to Dean. "Good. I'll sort everything out tomorrow and send you through the details. Goodbye Dad"

"Goodbye, son" John replied. Dean hung up the phone as a tear dropped from his eye and down his cheek.

As if Cas had sensed the conversation was over, he was behind Dean in a flash and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist just as he had earlier. Dean leant back into the touch and let his lover embrace him. Cas didn't say anything just led him over to their spacious couch and lay down as he brought Dean with him. Dean settled between Cas' spread legs and rested his head under Cas' chin as they were pressed chest to chest.

Careful fingers raked through Dean's hair and small kisses were pressed into his temple. Dean didn't understand why he was so upset. His feelings overwhelmed him as Cas took care of him. He pressed his face further into Cas' chest as he succumbed to his emotions and let it all out. Seventeen years of not having his father with him and now he finally had a chance to hear him out and maybe start a relationship. It proved to be too much emotion for Dean as he drained himself against Cas.

"It's okay, Dean. Just let it out" Cas soothed.

Dean didn't know how long he lay there in Cas' arms but he didn't care. When he had eventually calmed himself enough, he wiped his nose with the back of his hand and let out a dry laugh.

"I think I'm growing a vagina" he joked which earned a chuckle from Cas.

"Don't be an idiot, Dean. You've had a hard time with this and you've just overwhelmed yourself" Cas replied ever the soother.

Dean told Cas what happened on the phone and told him he'd ring and tell Sam in the morning. He couldn't deal with Sam right now. He knew Sam had agreed to meet with John but Dean couldn't help but feel Sam would still argue with him when he told Sam he'd arranged it all. He just didn't want to deal with that tonight. All he wanted to do was stay in Cas' arms and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist.

"Hey Cas," Dean said after a while of peace and quiet. Cas' hand still ran through Dean's hair absentmindedly and Dean knew Cas was about to drift off to sleep. When Dean got a soft hum in reply, he continued "How 'bout in your lunch break tomorrow we go find ourselves a cat?" Cas' hand stilled in Dean's hair and Dean took the notion to shift his head so he could look up at Cas' face. There was a huge grin that beamed down at Dean which caused Dean to break out in a grin too. "I'll take that as a yes?" Dean asked even though he already knew the answer.

Cas quickly nodded and moved his head down to latch his lips onto Dean's in a loving tender kiss. Their tongues tangled and explored one another's mouths as Cas' hand resumed its movement through Dean's hair. It didn't get heated or rushed as neither of them wanted to take the moment further. They were content to kiss each other and show their love and affection with their teeth, lips and tongues.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Cas asked when they parted for air.

Dean pouted his lips in fake thought "Hmm don't think so" he teased which earned a playful pull to his hair.

True to his word, Dean met Cas at the store to take him to the local pound to find themselves a kitten. Dean had already gone to the doctor that morning to get a prescription for his allergy. His doctor did tell him he didn't recommend adopting a cat simply because Dean was allergic but the worst that happened was that Dean sneezed. It wasn't life threatening so Dean just told him he had no option and the doctor wrote the prescription.

After a quick ten minute drive, Dean and Cas pulled up outside the pound. Cas visibly vibrated with excitement and Dean couldn't help but grin at the man. He was adorable when he was excited. He had fidgeted in his seat the whole way over and thanked Dean over and over as they drove. He told Dean of all the things they would need to buy and how they absolutely _needed _to buy one of those fun cat tower's for the kitten to play with. Dean just shook his head and chuckled. There was definitely going to be a dent in his bank account after this adventure.

Hand in hand, they walked into the pound and were immediately greeted by a friendly woman who guided them to the cat section. Cas was immediately going up to all the cages and peering inside to find one that he liked. He cooed and awwed at so many different kittens but eventually he came across one and stopped in his tracks. He looked over at Dean wide eyed and simply said "This one".

Dean walked over to Cas and peered inside the cage to find a tiny fluffy black kitten peering back at him with wide green eyes. He looked so small and innocent and he could tell straight away why Cas wanted this one. The kitten moved cautiously to the front of the cage when Cas put his fingers against the bars. The kitten smelt the scent of the intruder before rubbing his head into Cas' hand. Cas giggled as the kitten started to purr.

"Alright Cas, we'll get this one" Dean agreed knowing he had no choice in the matter.

One hour and a hefty dent in Dean's credit card later, they walked out of the building with a new kitten and _a lot_ of supplies. Dean knew this wasn't going to be the end of it either. Cas was going to go on a shopping spree for the new kitten as soon as he had some time. Dean just knew it.

"What you going to name him?" Dean asked once they were back in the Impala. The kitten still in his cage on Cas' lap.

Cas didn't look up from where he gazed into the cage as he spoke "I don't know yet. Give it a few days maybe he'll tell us his name"

Dean just shook his head and laughed at his lover's absurdity. He just shrugged his shoulders and started the engine and drove them back to their apartment to welcome home their new housemate.

* * *

**A/N There is a link on my profile to the kitten I imagined them buying  
**


	28. A Father's Words

Dean stood at the door with his body shook with nerves. He couldn't believe how fast the week had gone. It was Tuesday when he had rung his Dad to organise him to fly out and he had paid for everything and sent the details through to John on Wednesday. When it was all organised, he rang Sam who, as predicted, blew his nut and told Dean that their father didn't deserve a second chance and once again reiterated that he was _not _going to forgive him and the only reason he agreed to this was to support Dean. Dean had sighed through the phone and cursed his brother's stubbornness but told him that he was not going to force Sam to do anything he just thought it was best that Sam heard John's side of the story as well.

But now, it was Saturday and the brothers were due to meet their father in half an hour at the restaurant in the hotel that Dean had put him up in. Dean was nervous to say the least. He hadn't been able to sleep all night tossing and turning unable to close his eyes for even a moment without repositioning himself. Cas had grown fed up with Dean's restlessness and had done his best to soothe him but it wasn't enough and ended up kicking Dean out of their bed to sleep on the couch so at least one of them could get a good night's sleep. Dean did feel marginally guilty for keeping Cas awake after such a long week sorting out the new store location, dealing with the bank, and of course tending to their new housemate.

Dean had embraced the new addition to their apartment wearily after going so long avoiding the animal like the plague, it was a sudden change to be now having one for a pet. The hesitation soon fell through as Dean realised that the medication he had been given did indeed work and started to play with the little guy. He would never say it out loud but the little kitten had definitely grown on him. He had been weary of how they would cope with having an animal with them and if the thing would like him or not but the feline took to his new dads straight away as if he had never known anyone else. Dean knows it's way too early to tell but the little guy favours him more than Cas even if Cas refuses to admit it, he knows it's true.

With the exciting first week under his belt though, it's back to reality for Dean with the prospect of meeting his father. He raises his fist to the door and knocks three times in quick succession. The door was opened soon after to reveal a smiling Jess.

"Hey Jess" Dean greeted and returned Jess' smile even if his nerves were running wild "Is Sammy ready or is he too busy styling his hair?"

"Ha, ha" Sam's voice boomed from behind the small woman in front of him "Very funny" he sighed "Come on, let's get this over and done with" Dean watched the exchange between his brother and his girlfriend with a small smile across his face. He was happy that Sammy was happy. There was nothing more important that Sam being happy. Even if Sam had pissed him off beyond repair, Dean would never jeopardise Sam's happiness. If it meant that Dean had to be miserable for the rest of his life, Dean would do it as long as Sam was happy. Dean didn't quite catch what Jess said to Sam but guessed it was something along the lines of "keep an open mind" which just caused Sam to roll his eyes but nod in agreement anyway.

"Let's go, Sammy. Time to get the show on the road" Dean announced as he wanted to urge his brother along so they could get this over and done with. Cas had told him all week to psych himself up for it and prepare so that when the time came, he wouldn't be so nervous. He had listened to Cas and had tried his damndest to prepare but all that flew out the window that morning when he realised today was the day.

The car ride was tense. They didn't speak much other than to talk about little things that had happened in the lives such as Dean telling Sam all about their new kitten and Sam telling Dean about Jess' new job which she had started just the day previous. She had been offered a new job when they were on their final week of their tour and had left everyone but Sam in the dark about it. She had been planning to leave her current job for one that aloud her some time away without the demand for her to be in the office all the time. The new position allowed her to work from home and only have to head into the office once every two weeks. It means that if they were to head on another tour, she would have the lenience to have a bit more time with Sam on the road. Dean secretly believes there's more to it than that but isn't going to assume anything until Sam tells him otherwise.

All too soon, the car ride is over and Dean is stood on the footpath outside the hotel with Sam by his side. Dean sucked in a deep breath, puffed his chest out and as he exhaled he grunted "Let's do this" and strode toward the front entrance. As he reached the door, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He wanted a distraction so Dean removed the device from his jeans and smiled as he saw Cas' name on the screen.

**Cas: Good luck Dean. We'll be waiting for you when you get home xx **

Attached was picture of Cas and their kitten. Cas was sitting down on the couch looking at the camera with a huge grin on his face as the small feline sat on his shoulder tucked into his neck with his head looking towards the camera as well. Dean couldn't stop the grin that formed across his face even if he wanted to. They were adorable. He did wonder however how Cas got the cat to look at the camera. He guessed the device's shutter sound may have caught his attention. Little things like that always made the animal stop what he was doing and investigate. Without replying, Dean closed the picture and tucked his phone back in his pocket. Cas' message definitely calmed him down somewhat but there was no way he was going to be able to get through this if Sam hadn't come along.

When they reached the restaurant, they told the waitress they were looking for John Winchester and were ushered to the table. Dean followed directly behind her with Sam at his back. Dean's stomach was doing backflips and he found it extremely difficult to stay in step and not fall back. He knew if he slowed down, Sam would plough straight into his back and he did _not _want that to happen. As the waitress slowed, Dean let out a long exhale and looked towards the table that she gestured to and saw his Dad seated there. John looked up as they approached and stood to his feet. He held out his hand for Dean to shake which Dean quickly took hold of and relished in the contact with his father even if it was a brief moment. If John's face was anything to go by, Dean wasn't the only one that enjoyed the contact. When their hands broke apart, John moved across to hold his hand out for Sam while Dean took a seat. There was a brief moment when Dean was sure Sam was just going to move past and sit down but Sam eventually shook his father's hand if somewhat reluctantly and took a seat next to Dean.

They were all seated when the waitress spoke again asking if she could get them anything to drink while they looked over the menus. Dean was about to ask for a whiskey but internally winced at the thought as his father was a recovering alcoholic. He opted instead for a coke covering up the notion with the comment that he was driving. Sam told the waitress he was fine with water and John said the same. The table fell into an uneasy silence as the waitress left. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Dean chanced a glance over at Sam only to find him glaring down at the menu.

Dean cleared his throat which gained the attention of his father "So what's good here?" he asked

"I had the beef last night it was pretty good but I hear their chicken is quite nice too so I might have that instead" John replied. It was awkward and everyone at the table knew it but no one was willing to take the first step and address the gigantic elephant in the room.

Instead, Dean made small talk with John asking him how his flight was from South Dakota and if he had caught up with Ellen and Bobby recently which he had and filled in the two boys with what they were up to and how they were going. Sam on the other hand stayed quiet the entire time they were at the table. John noticed, obviously, and Dean felt awkward as hell that John was trying to be the bigger man and keep silent when it so plainly pained the man to have his sons so close yet so far away.

They made small talk all the way though their meals but once they had finished and had apparently run out of small talk, Sam finally spoke but after what he had to say Dean really wished he hadn't.

"I'm really sorry, Dean" Sam began as he looked at Dean with sincerity in his voice before he turned to John "But I'm not here to play happy families with you, John" Dean watched as John recoiled at the use of his name coming from his own son's mouth "I am only here because Dean didn't, no _couldn't_, do this alone. I meant what I said when you first came back. I'm here for moral support for Dean and only Dean. So if you wouldn't mind, would you care to explain where the fuck you've been for the past seventeen years so we can get out of here?"

Dean sat mouth agape at Sam's rant. They had been beat around the bush for a while now but to have it put so blunt, it left Dean lost for words. Dean twisted his head to look at his father to see the reaction and surprisingly, the man nodded.

"I understand, Sam. I do. It's just" His father paused as he tried to find the words to speak "It is hard for me to start. I have no idea where to begin"

"How 'bout you start with the fire?" Sam asked his voice went low and sincere as he spoke to John which surprised Dean. Sam said he didn't care for the man yet he still spoke of the event that changed their lives with delicacy knowing how much it had hurt the man. Dean knew as well the effect it had had. His life had taken the course it had because of it. He was glad Sam took care when he said it because if he had said it angrily, he didn't know if he'd be able to hold back from hitting Sam.

John swallowed hard before he nodded slightly. He fiddled with the napkin that was sitting on the table his eyes downcast looking at where his hands moved.

"Yeah, I guess I could" John said after a moment. "She was my everything, you know?" John spoke quietly barely audible over the busy lunch hour "And God," he paused and smiled slightly as he remembered "She was so beautiful" his eyes started to well up at that and Dean found his own eyes lidded with tears which he quickly wiped away. "You know, her parents _hated _me when we first met. They didn't think I was good enough for her and to be honest I wasn't. She was just…" he trailed off shook his head and moved his hand to wipe the stray tears that had fallen "She was too perfect for me"

Dean and Sam were both silent as they watched their father break down. It took everything inside Dean to hold himself back and not just tell John that it's okay, they don't need to do this, but Dean knew that wasn't true. If there was going to be any kind of relationship between them, they needed to have this conversation, they _needed _to dig down and lay themselves out completely and leave their emotions bare. It was going to hurt like hell but it had to be done.

"But then the fire happened. I knew I should've had the wiring checked when we moved in but the realtor had told me it had been done and I foolishly believed them. It's my fault. My entire fault that she's gone and I've hated myself every day since it happened." He looked up at his boys then. John looked each of his boys in the eye in turn and Dean could see the hurt and the truth in his eyes. The man before him was desperate and lonely. He needed his sons in his life and the regret and self-hatred was eating him alive. "I couldn't bear to live in that house anymore; not after what had happened. I swore I would never go back there and I haven't. It's why I dragged you boys out of there but once we were gone, I had nowhere to go; nowhere to stay.

"I started picking up loose jobs just here and there trying to get money together so we could get by. I distracted myself to looking after you boys and getting what you needed. I used the savings we had saved up for most of life together to get us by. It wasn't until Dean hit seven that I couldn't take it any longer. I cracked and the only option for me was to turn to the drink. I know I shouldn't have done it that I should have stayed sober for you boys but I just…" he paused again and wiped more tears from his face. Dean took the opportunity to look over at his brother and saw that he too had tears running down his cheeks. Dean didn't know if that was due to the fact that he never had the chance to meet his mother or the fact that he only just realised that his father had lost the love of his life and now was sympathetic to that fact now that he had Jess.

"I needed a break. I needed to get away from it all and the drink was there and it was an easy solution but of course, it wasn't the right one and I'm so, so sorry for what I put you through. Especially you Dean" His father turned to look Dean straight in the eye as he spoke "I put you through so much and I've probably fucked you up so bad and I'm truly am sorry for that. I forced you to grow up so fast and you didn't deserve that. You deserved to be a kid and worry about stupid things like getting picked first in gym class not wondering if you and Sam would get a meal that night."

Dean's hands shook as he listened to his Dad. He really couldn't believe what his father was saying and it took everything in Dean to not just break down in the middle of the restaurant. He stayed silent though and listened as his father continued. This time he turned to Sam as he spoke.

"I know you aren't going to forgive me, Sam. It obvious how much you care for your brother and I put him through hell and I know you probably don't remember much of what it was truly like but it doesn't change the fact that it happened and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am, to both of you, that you never had a childhood with me. That it took so long for me to get my shit together and find you but I was scared shitless about how you would react and I knew, I just knew, somehow that you would be like that Sam. You probably don't want to hear it, but you're just like me because that is exactly how I would have reacted. Hot headed and letting the person know exactly how I felt without holding back. And I don't blame you one little bit for that.

"I just hope, that one day, not now, but one day, you will see passed it and let me be a part of your life. Because I know I wasn't there at the start but I _want _to be there now." John turned from where he was locked eyes with Sam to turn to Dean. "For both of you" he continued. He switched his eye level between both his sons "But only if you'll let me"

Dean was stunned. He really didn't know what to say. He turned to Sam who looked exactly how Dean felt. Dumbfounded, Sam turned to Dean and they exchanged a look that said it all. Sam was still dead set on his belief that John didn't deserve to be forgiven but that look that he was holding right at that moment said that there was hope in the future. It may be a long way off but it was definitely there.

Dean was glad that they had finished their meals in the awkward tension because there was no way they were going to both stay there after they had heard all of that. It was a lot to take in and he just didn't know what to do with it all. He decided to voice as much.

"Uh…" he began as he searched for the words to speak "We're going to need some time yeah? To think it all over? It's just… It's a lot to take in all at once" before Dean could continue blabbing, John interrupted

"I understand, Dean. I know it's not an instant thing and I'm willing to wait as long as you boys need. Just thank you for hearing me out" he said with a small smile to both his boys.

Sam and Dean both stood then. Their father reacted as well and stood to his feet. Dean didn't think twice as he stepped round the table and embraced his father. He knew he still had a lot to think over but he just needed to let his Dad know that he appreciated the fact that he had opened up. As the two men embraced, John whispered a small 'thank you' to Dean which Dean responded to by giving the man's back a small pat.

Once he was done, Dean stepped back from his father who looked to Sam. There was no expectancy for Sam to do as Dean had but Sam stepped forward anyway and embraced his father. It wasn't nearly as intimate as what Dean had shared with him but it was enough for Dean to see that Sam was trying. Dean smiled at his father and brother's quick embrace before they both said their goodbyes with Dean telling John that he would ring when they were ready.

Again, the car ride was quiet but this time it wasn't out of nerves and the atmosphere wasn't tense, it was calm and thoughtful as both the men contemplated their future with their father. Dean was under no illusions, it was going to be a long road before they were going to be friends but it was one Dean was willing to take.

-  
Castiel spent the day in constant worry as to how the meet was going. He was worried how Dean was reacting to it all. Dean had been so nervous he hadn't got a wink of sleep the night before and even with Castiel's best efforts, which included a mind blowing blowjob, Dean still couldn't get any sleep. As a result, Castiel didn't sleep either and regrettably kicked Dean out of the bed so at least he could get some sleep. He felt rather guilty that Dean was under so much stress that he couldn't sleep and all he did was just kick him out of bed so he could selfishly get some shut-eye. But Dean knew that Castiel loved him and there was no denying it.

When their kitten, which Castiel had named Squeak simply because at the moment, that's all he did, had crawled onto his shoulder while they were playing, he quickly pulled out his phone and snapped a photo. He took a look at the image and smiled before he sent it to Dean with a quick message of good luck. He didn't expect a reply and wasn't surprised when he didn't get one. He just hoped it had done its job and calmed Dean's nerves a little.

It was stressful for Castiel not knowing how it was all going. He suspected that Jess was more than likely in the same state but thought better than to call her because if she wasn't, then Castiel would look like an idiot. So instead, Castiel made himself busy by doing housework. He cleaned every room in the house and emptied all the rubbish bins in their apartment and took them to the trash chute.

After a good couple of hours of cleaning, Dean still wasn't home and Castiel was bored. He played with Squeak for a bit but he soon tired out and fell asleep on his play tower which Castiel had purchased. To occupy himself, Castiel sat down and read a book only to find he had to read the same page multiple times simply because he couldn't keep his mind off Dean. Instead, Castiel found that television managed to distract him enough that he didn't think solely of Dean but it was mindless enough that if his thoughts did stray, then he didn't miss anything important.

Finally, after what felt like days when really it had only been three hours, Dean showed up at their apartment a complete mess but it wasn't a bad mess. Castiel could tell by the look in his eyes that the conversation had been successful and Dean was just reacting to all the emotions that were rushing through him. Castiel was quick to react. He turned the television off before he made his way over to his lover and shed Dean's jacket from his shoulders and hung it on the coat rack. When the jacket was dealt with he grabbed Dean's wrist and dragged him to the sofa where he lay him face down in the comfy cushions.

Castiel slid onto the back of Dean's thighs with his knees either side of Dean's hips and slowly began to massage the man's back. They didn't need to speak. Dean would speak when he was ready and Castiel would be there for him. For now, Dean needed to know Castiel was there and Castiel was more than happy to oblige with his careful touches to his lover's shoulders and back. If the small groans of relief were anything to go by, Castiel was doing a great job.

"I love you, Sweetheart" Dean whispered into the quiet room. Whenever Dean called him that, Castiel's heart never failed to flutter. He just loved the pet name Dean had given him and had never found one that slipped off his tongue nice enough to return the gesture. One day he would find one and he would never cease to use it but for now, his name would suffice.

"I love you too, Dean" Castiel replied his fingers still delicately working the knots from Dean's shoulders wishing that his fingers could heal so much more but for now, it was enough.


	29. It's In My DNA

Castiel didn't really know what they were doing back here in South Dakota in August. Sure he loved coming back here but in the August heat, LA was just so much better. He and Dean could be relaxing on the beach exchanging lazy hand-jobs covered by a towel so they didn't get arrested for indecency before they moved to the sea where they could rut against each other without a care in the world and releasing inside the board shorts as they panted into each other's mouths. Yes; Castiel would much rather be in LA right now. But instead, he found himself swinging on a bar stool entertaining himself while Dean set up the amps and gear for an impromptu show for an up and coming band at The Roadhouse.

Dean had surprised Castiel earlier in the month saying they were going to head back to his home town for their two year anniversary. They had silently agreed that they would count the two months they were apart as part of their relationship as even though they were both heart broken, they hadn't so much looked at another person because they both knew in the long run, they were going to get back together.

Although Castiel had been somewhat reluctant to leave LA in the warm sun for the colder(ish) north especially leaving behind Squeak, he still found that he enjoyed heading back. It was nice to see Dean's family again which he had come to call his own. They had spent Christmas with them but it was only a short visit as Castiel had wanted to head home and sort out his store before the New Year.

New Year's Eve had been amazing. Dean had taken Castiel out to dinner at one of LA's finest restaurants and then surprised him by taking him on a drive to the Santa Monica Pier. They had spent most of the evening enjoying the rides and stalls. When the time came close to midnight, Dean had lead Castiel away from the crowd of people on the pier and down the boardwalk where it was a lot more secluded. They ended up tangled together on the sand rutting together like horny teenagers as they heard the roars of the crowd counting down the New Year. Castiel was exactly where he wanted to be at the turn of the New Year; in Dean's arms.

Castiel didn't quite meat the deadline he wanted with his new store but his second baby was opened a week into the New Year. He had hired new staff members who seemed to be just as passionate about books as he was and his business was definitely on the rise. The opening day was busy as ever and Dean was right there beside him helping out when Castiel needed him to. Dean had been Castiel's first customer at the store purchasing a leather bound book of Vonnegut's work. Little did Dean know that Castiel had actually ordered that in special just for the precise moment but what Dean didn't know didn't hurt him.

As for the idea of proposing to Dean, Castiel had been so busy with his stores that he had little to no time to plan anything out. He had wanted to ask for months but he was such a perfectionist when it came to something like this that he didn't want to make it a spur of the moment thing. He had however, been out to a store and bought a platinum ring that had an infinity band wound endlessly around the ring. Alternating inside each loop was an emerald or a sapphire gem. Castiel had been searching for something to engrave on the inside but had come up short with ideas. He would wait until he had found the perfect saying to engrave before he proposed to Dean. Seven months after he purchased the band, he was still stuck as to what to engrave. Just as all hope was lost, Dean inspired him.

-  
Tonight was the night it was going to happen. Dean was going to propose to Cas. He had dragged Cas all the way to South Dakota just so he could something so unbelievably sappy and romantic that it almost had him thinking he'd actually grown a vagina. Of course, he knew he hadn't but still, he couldn't believe how much he had changed solely because the man in his life deserved it all. With much pleading and begging, Dean had managed to convince Cas that going back home was a great idea for their second anniversary. He knew Cas would much rather spend his Summer at the beach but there were lakes they could visit for the week they were there if Cas really needed to go for a swim. Dean thinks it's more the pull to lying on the beach like they had on New Year's Eve that Cas wants to be at the beach for but there's plenty of time for that when they get back. They're only going to be there for a week after all.

Currently, Dean was setting up the band's gear on the stage at The Roadhouse. He had decided that this was how he met Cas so this was how he was going to propose even if it was the cheesiest thing he had done in his life. He had a hard time keeping his hidden agenda hidden as Cas was forever prying as to why Dean wanted to go back for their anniversary instead of spending it how they did last time which consisted of a simple dinner at a fancy restaurant and hot sex all night. But Dean wanted this proposal to be special; something they could remember for the rest of their lives together. Of course, he couldn't tell Cas that so instead he just told him he wanted to spend it where they got together and even though he got a sceptical look from Cas, the man agreed and they flew back home.

Everyone was in on the plan. Sam, Dean, and Ash had all been secretly practicing the song Dean wanted to sing for the past couple of months perfecting it. About a month ago, they had got it perfect and Dean was ecstatic with excitement. Jo had taken Dean out shopping for a ring in preparation for tonight and after much consideration and a hefty dent in his bank account, he walked out of the store with a smile on his face because he had found the perfect ring. It was a simple platinum band with a small channel in the middle on one curve of the band that had sapphire and emerald gems alternating along the groove. It was simple but elegant and he just hoped Cas liked it as much as Dean did. He had decided to engrave it with a personal quote that wouldn't make any sense to Cas until after the song. When he had pocketed the ring, he had been giddy with nerves and excitement which still hadn't subsided two months after he had bought it.

Once Dean finished setting up the gear and made his way back over to Cas who was swinging his legs like a child on a bar stool. Dean couldn't help but grin at his lover. Even something so simple made the man utterly adorable. As he approached, Cas' legs stopped swinging and parted slightly to accommodate Dean between them which Dean did happily. As soon as he was set between them, Dean raised his right hand to cup the back of Cas' neck with his fingers gently scrapping through the threads of hair that were there and pulled his head towards him so Dean could capture his lips. Their tongues tangled for a few moments and Dean grinned into the kiss as Cas lightly keened. Before it got too heated, Dean pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against Cas'. Cas' eyes finally opened and Dean couldn't help but smile seeing those pearly blues looking at him with such devotion.

"Hi" Dean whispered into the small space between them

"Hey" Castiel replied just as quiet with a small smile playing across his lips.

"Should we get some dinner before we need to be back here?" Dean suggested. He tried to play down the situation because his nerves were getting the better of him. He really wanted this to be perfect and he was worried he was going to screw it up so the best thing he could do right now was to take Cas out for dinner and take his mind off the show for now. Cas didn't know they were performing a song at the end of the new band's set so he had to make sure he told Cas that he had promised the teenage band that he would check them out just so he had a cover as to why they needed to be at the bar that night.

Cas just nodded in the affirmative and they left the bar hand in hand to make their way to the car they had rented for the week. Dean had so desperately wanted to drive up but he knew it was a long way to go and they didn't want to spend that much time on the road so instead they flew and rented a car.

Reservations had been made at the restaurant that Dean had taken Cas on their first date and Dean quickly drove to make the booking. When they pulled up outside, Cas looked at Dean with a knowing grin.

"What?" Dean looked over at Cas with mock annoyance "A guy can't be romantic once in a while?"

Cas just laughed and pulled Dean over for a small kiss before he removed himself from the vehicle and stood on the footpath to wait for Dean. Once the car was locked, Dean grabbed Cas' hand and dragged him over to the entrance. Being the sap that he is, Dean even managed to have the same table, they had on their first date, booked.

"Seriously, Dean" Cas said as they were seated "You didn't need to do all this. I would have been fine with bacon and eggs as long as I get to spend it with you."

Dean leant over the small, intimate table and pressed a small, chaste kiss to Cas' cheek before he moved further so he could whisper into Cas' ear. "I know," he breathed "but I wanted to this for you. You deserve it" Cas seemed to shiver under the small touch to his ear and Dean smirked as he pulled back. "Now," Dean said as he sat back properly in his chair "What would you like?"

-  
Castiel was blown away by the effort Dean had put in for their dinner. He had been totally surprised to find that Dean had pulled up outside the restaurant they had spent their first date at and even more surprised that Dean had managed to book the exact same table. He didn't know why Dean was putting in so much effort for something as simple as a two year anniversary but was definitely not about to complain.

All through dinner, they had constantly touched each other much like they had for the last few weeks of the tour. They shared their dinners and desserts with the other and were exchanging small kisses all evening. When the time came for them to head back to the bar, Castiel didn't want to go.

"Can't we just go back to the hotel and fuck? The band plays tomorrow too you can check them out then" Castiel complained uselessly. He knew there was no changing Dean's mind even with the prospect of sex. He knew that if Dean made a commitment, he was going to keep it and not bail out unless there was something extremely important that he had to miss it and unfortunately for Castiel, sex wasn't it.

"Sweetheart, you know we can't. I promise as soon as the set is done, we can go back and fuck for the entire night and I'll let you do whatever you want" Dean replied. His voice was low and gravelly towards the end and it made Castiel shiver and send his blood pumping south.

"I'm holding you to that, Beautiful" Castiel replied with a wink. He had found the pet name by accident one day when he had complimented Dean during the heat of the moment. It had rolled off his tongue so perfectly and the way Dean had reacted when he used it made Castiel want to whisper it over and over. Dean's face had flushed red with embarrassment when Castiel had said it and he had hid his face in the pillows but Castiel had forced him to turn back. He whispered it again and again until Dean believed the word Castiel was whispering. Even now, the name still caused Dean to blush slightly but Castiel wasn't going to give up. It was the perfect name for Dean.

They climbed back into their rental and made their way back to the bar to find the place reasonably full. It wasn't nearly as packed as when Dean's band had played there but it was still a moderate crowd. Dean tugged Castiel's hand and guided him to a table half-way back from the stage that had Sam, Jess, Ash, and Jo all piled around.

"Just in time" Jo greeted with a smile and a wink to Dean. Castiel was confused as to what that wink meant and looked to Dean who merely glared at Jo before shrugging it off as Jo playing games. Castiel thinks there's more behind it that Dean's not saying but he let it go as he didn't want to risk an argument on their anniversary.

When they were seated, Castiel glanced around the bar only to see John sitting with Bobby at the bar talking with Ellen. Castiel was a little confused as to why John had the interest in the band but just passed it as John catching up with Bobby.

The relationship between Dean and his father had steadily grown stronger over the past few months and even Sam had let the man in a little. They were no way near as connected as the two brothers were to Bobby but they weren't too far off.

They sipped their drinks and made idle conversation through the set of the band. Castiel had noticed that Dean's leg had been jittering up and down since they had arrived and couldn't help but wonder why. The gesture was only ever present when Dean was nervous and Castiel had no clue as to what Dean was nervous about. He had asked but Dean had simply said it was nothing and Castiel didn't ask again. He just hoped it wasn't anything bad.

As the band on stage neared the end of their set, Dean stood and motioned to Ash and Sam to follow. Castiel looked up to Dean confused as to where he was going. His lover stooped down and placed a kiss to his lips before whispering they were going to talk with the band and give them some feedback. He claimed he wouldn't be long. Castiel simply nodded electing not to protest as he didn't want to cause a scene. He just hoped he wouldn't be gone long.

Jo and Jess had been whispering and casting Castiel looks all night and he had soon had enough of it once the boys had left.

"What are you talking about?" he asked "And why do you keep looking over at me and giggling?"

The girls just erupted into further giggles before Jo laid a reassuring hand over Castiel's "You'll see soon" she replied with a small smirk

Castiel was utterly confused at the words and had no idea what Jo could possibly mean. He tried to pry further but as he was about to ask, a familiar voice flowed from the speakers.

"Hey guys, long time no see" Castiel's head whipped around to look at the stage only to see exactly whom he had expected; Dean. "I know that you guys had no idea we were doing this other than a select few but this is important so we'll just get to it, yeah?"

The crowd replied with an excited cheer and Castiel sat dazed and confused at the events that unravelled before him. Before Castiel was aware, the band started and then Dean was singing looking straight over at Castiel.

"_If I could take some time and throw it in the air  
I have a feeling it would land and you'd be there  
I wanna see you just as much as I don't wanna let you go  
´coz the days get longer and I ride 'em back to the days we took it slow_"

Castiel was shocked to say the least. He didn't know this song at all. It was brand new and if Dean's look was anything to go by, it was about him. Obviously.

"_No money- that's ok babe  
I know you're still my baby  
It'll take much more than that to make me lose the faith now  
You got me so excited  
I'd love you unrequited  
You'll see, you'll see - I'm gonna take my story to you now_"

With that, Dean started singing the chorus, and Castiel's jaw fell.

"_It's in my D.N.A. to want you  
It's in my blood and mind and self  
It's in my D.N.A. to want you  
It's fundamental, it's fundamental_"

Castiel really didn't know what to do. He was a little embarrassed as a lot of the patrons had followed Dean's gaze to where Castiel was sat. He glanced over at Jo and Jess who were smiling ear to ear.

"_Don't wanna be personal, but you got reality  
And that incredible knack which makes me wild and free  
And you're so beautiful that word is redefined  
In the dictionary there's a picture of you and it now means one of a kind_"

Castiel eventually ignored everyone and just focused solely on Dean and the lyrics to the song. It was so corny but he absolutely loved every second. Dean had put so much effort into this that Castiel couldn't help but hang off every word Dean was saying.

"_You don't need clothes or makeup  
I never wanna break up  
This is a snapshot of the place we lay beside each other  
We don't need laws abiding  
I see your troubles hiding  
You'll see, you'll see - I'm gonna take my story to you now_"

Dean smiled the whole way through the song as he returned to the chorus again. Castiel couldn't help but grin back. He had never been able to resist Dean's smile and he wasn't about to start now.

All too soon, the song was over and Castiel was left gobsmacked as the crowd cheered and whistled but Dean wasn't moving off the stage and he wasn't looking at the crowd. His gaze was still set on Castiel and then the microphone was being raised to his lips again and Castiel's heart fluttered in excitement and anticipation.

"Castiel Novak, would you do me the pleasure of joining me on stage?" Dean asked.

Castiel sat dumbfounded for a moment, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he was lead to believe the entire bar would be able to hear it. He looked over to the girls who still had grins plastered on their face and had now stood to their feet and forced Castiel to do the same. They pushed him in the back towards the stage and Castiel found his body moved towards the stage before his mind had caught up to what was actually happening.

Suddenly, he arrived at the stage and Dean was holding out a hand for Castiel to take hold so he could help him onto the raised platform. Castiel looked at Dean with a confused expression as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on but Dean was giving nothing away.

They were now stood facing each other on the stage with the crowd dead silent. Dean still hadn't let Castiel's hand go and he couldn't help but notice how sweaty his hand was. The microphone was raised to Dean's lips again and he looked Castiel straight in the eye as he spoke.

"Cas, you're perfect. I never thought that I would ever be lucky enough to find someone so undeniably perfect that would put up with my shit for as long as you have. Today marks two years together and we've definitely had our rough patches but I'm so happy that we managed to get through it all and we somehow are better for it. You've been there through all the shit that's been thrown at me recently and I'm so grateful to have you by my side through it all. I certainly don't deserve you but I'm willing to live the rest of my life to make sure you know exactly how much I appreciate you."

Castiel had tears in his eyes as Dean spoke. He had forgotten they were in a pub full of people until everyone, including Castiel, gasped as Dean lowered to one knee.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is," Dean spoke still looking Castiel in the eye with a hopeful expression "Will you marry me?"

Castiel had no idea how to react. He was so overwhelmed with emotions that it took him all but two seconds to grab Dean by the shoulders and haul him to his feet and bring him into a heated kiss that showed just how willing Castiel was to marry Dean.

When they parted, they were both grinning ear to ear and unable to look away from one another. The microphone had been unceremoniously dropped to the floor during their exchange and soon Sam was standing next to them holding the device.

"I'm assuming that's a yes everybody!" Sam announced to the crowd but it was hardly registered by Castiel as he was so caught up in Dean that the world around them had no meaning to him.

Suddenly, Dean's hold on Castiel was broken and Castiel was about to protest and pull him back but noticed Dean fumbling with his pockets. He pulled out a small black velvet box and Castiel knew exactly what it was. Dean opened the box with shaky hands revealing the band to him. Castiel grinned down at the ring noticing how Dean had had similar ideas when they came to ring taste.

Dean grabbed hold of Castiel's left hand and removed the ring from his box. Before placing it on his finger however, Dean held the ring up for Castiel to look at. On the inside was an engraving.

_"It's In My DNA_" Castiel mouthed with a small grin.

The band was hastily placed onto his finger and once again they pulled together for another heated kiss that had the crowd cheering and wolf whistling all over again.

"You, Dean Winchester, are sappy as fuck" Castiel laughed staring down at the ring on his finger before he looked back up at Dean again who shrugged.

"You like it?" he asked as he bit his bottom lip. Castiel leant forward and captured Dean's lips again for another kiss that was all tongue and teeth.

"I love it" he panted when they parted "But can we get out of here now? There's a mattress with our names on it" Castiel asked as he worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

Dean grinned in reply "Fuck yes" he chuckled and pulled Castiel by the hand and off the stage.

They made their way through the crowd receiving pats on the back and words of congratulations but they didn't stop until they made it to the bar where John, Bobby, and Ellen were situated. Castiel felt someone come up behind him and tap him on the shoulder and was surprised to find his brother, Gabriel, standing there. His mouth opened in shock before he was brought into a bone crushing hug.

"Congrats little bro" Gabriel said into his ear.

"Thank you Gabriel" Castiel replied. As they parted from the hug, Castiel glanced at him in confusion "I thought you were out of the country again?"

Gabriel shook his head "Nah I came back early when Dean told me what he was planning. Decided I couldn't miss his grand gesture and flew home" He smiled at Castiel before he pulled him into another quick hug. "I'm happy for you, Cassie" Castiel would normal scowl and protest the nickname but he was too happy to care at the moment. "Love you little bro. Now go have fun with Dean" he said with a smirk.

Castiel did scowl then but instead said a quick goodbye to his brother and turned back to find Dean in conversation with his family. Before Castiel could join the conversation however, Dean pulled him by the hand again with a goodbye thrown over at his shoulder and headed for the door.

The drive back to the hotel was taking way too long but they were certainly not going to start anything in the rental simply due to the fact that they didn't want to have to pay extra for stains they were more than likely going to cause. Instead, Castiel kept his hands reluctantly to himself the entire ten minute drive that seemed to take an eternity.

Finally, they were back to the hotel groping and kissing each other like they had been without each other for years. They didn't care that they were still in the lobby; all that mattered was each other. When one of the hotel staff told them to clear out, they reluctantly pulled apart and giggled.

"He proposed" Castiel said through his giggles.

The woman looked unamused but offered her congratulations and still forced them to vacate the lobby and make their way to their room. Their hands wandered the entire ride in the elevator unable to stay further than a few inches away from each other. Castiel was so deliriously happy that he didn't realise that they were sharing the elevator with other people.

Once the elevator reached their floor, Dean once again pulled Castiel by the hand towards their room. He fumbled with the key card as Castiel ran his hands all over Dean's backside and kissed the back of his neck unwilling to detach himself so Dean could open the door. Even through the distraction, Dean was able to open the door and they fell through it. Castiel only had a second to close the door before he was pinned up against it with Dean's mouth attached to his neck.

He moaned at the sensation unable to do anything but fall pliant to Dean's touches allowing the man to do whatever he wished even though Dean had told him it would be the other way around. With the change of events, Castiel didn't care all he wanted was Dean and he was going to get it.

"Dean," he panted as said man was unbuttoning his shirt and kissing down the newly revealed skin. Dean hummed against Castiel's skin indicating he was listening "Fuck me"

Dean stopped kissing and looked up at Castiel with a smirk on his face "Soon Sweetheart" before he dived back into Castiel's chest and resumed his ministrations. When Dean reached the waistband of Castiel's jeans he stopped and stood much to Castiel's disappointment. However, he was pleased to find that Dean was only stopping so they could relocate to the bed. His shirt was slid off his shoulders and Castiel did the same to Dean's as they moved across the room before he was pushed backwards onto the bed.

Castiel looked up at his lover – now fiancé – with wide eyes and spread his legs invitingly even if he was still wearing his jeans. Dean made quick work to remove Castiel's shoes and socks before quickly doing the same with his own. Dean moved onto the bed once he was done and his calloused fingers made work with Castiel's jeans and underwear.

Suddenly, Castiel found himself naked and under the hungry gaze of his fiancé. The word still made Castiel giggle inwardly.

"So gorgeous, Sweetheart" Dean whispered into Castiel's thigh as he nibbled into the muscle; no doubt leaving bruises.

"Dean, please" Castiel begged. He had been achingly hard ever since the car ride and now it was incredibly hard to ignore. He needed friction and Dean wasn't giving it to him. But then suddenly he was.

Dean's tongue licked at the head of Castiel's dick and Castiel let out an inhuman groan. Finally, Dean was sinking down bobbing and licking at Castiel's cock like it was the only thing left in the world. Castiel's hands flew down to Dean's hair tangling as best they could in the short hairs and not for the first time, Castiel wished Dean had longer hair so he had something to grip onto. Castiel's legs moved to wrap around Dean's head trapping him where he was.

Dean's mouth was heaven and all coherent thoughts flew out the window as Dean bobbed up and down. He sucked and swallowed and made sounds worthy of a porn star and it took everything inside Castiel to try and make this last. He knew he was close but there was no way he was going to let this end so soon.

In order to make Dean stop, Castiel uncurled his legs and pulled Dean's hair so the man was forced to let the cock fall from his mouth. Castiel hissed as the cool air breezed over his spit slick erection but was soon groaning again as he pulled Dean up and forced his mouth on his. Their tongues met and Dean allowed Castiel to explore his mouth. Castiel keened as he tasted the pre-cum on Dean's tongue.

Their hips were rolling and with Dean still wearing his jeans, the friction against Castiel's dick was unreal but he still wanted Dean to be as naked as him. He wound one hand between their bodies to reach the zipper of Dean's pants to speedily remove them. Dean caught onto what Castiel was trying to achieve and pulled away in order to remove them as fast as possible. Once they were gone, Castiel made grabby hands at Dean who chuckled at him before he returned and covered Castiel's body with his own.

Once again, Castiel was eternally grateful for the trick they had picked up on tour of always having the lube easily accessible because there was no way he was going to stop this so they could find it. Castiel reached across to where he knew the lube was placed and took it in his hand and pushed it into Dean's. Dean pulled back from the kiss and kneeled between Castiel's spread legs and looked at Castiel with huge lust blown eyes. The click of the bottle had Castiel vibrating with anticipation and he watched eagerly as Dean coated his fingers liberally.

"Fuck, Dean. Hurry up" Castiel pleaded. Dean was taking too long and Castiel needed Dean like yesterday. Castiel raised his hips in invitation and pulled his legs up to spread them wide for Dean. The reaction he got from Dean was worth it. Dean groaned and leant down to inspect Castiel's entrance.

A gasp filled the room as Dean let one of his slick fingers glided over his hole and along the cleft of his ass.

"So gorgeous, Sweetheart" Dean said again "So good for me"

Castiel let out another loud groan as Dean's finger finally breached his entrance stretching him. A second was added soon after scissoring and widening him further and by the time there were three inside him, Castiel was a whimpering, writhing mess completely pliant to all of Dean's touches. Castiel could barely keep his eyes open to watch Dean's face as he rocked back onto the fingers that were inside him. Dean was entirely focused on where his fingers were disappearing as if he'd never done it before.

"_Dean_" Castiel keened as Dean hit the spot inside him that had him arching off the bed. "I'm ready" he barely gritted out "_Fuck me" _he groaned.

This was the point Dean usually teased him, made Castiel beg further but if Dean's flush and red tip of his erection was anything to go by, Dean wasn't going to last much longer either. Instead, the fingers were gone and Castiel felt his hole clench around the emptiness needing something to fill him up.

Through half lidded eyes, Castiel watched as Dean slicked himself up. He licked his lips as he watched Dean give himself a few more strokes than necessary and groaned when he looked up at Dean's face to see his gaze set straight at him.

"You like that, Sweetheart?" Dean asked his voice low and teasing

"_Dean_" Castiel keened unable to find any other words. He got a chuckle in reply before they were both groaning as Castiel felt the head of Dean's cock against his hole. He couldn't wait any longer and thrust his hips down impaling himself onto Dean's thick dick.

"_Fuck_" They groaned together as they were once again together in every sense of the word. Castiel didn't need time to adjust and started to roll his hips. Dean took the hint and pulled nearly all the way out before slamming back in sending Castiel a few inches up the mattress.

"Harder" Castiel panted as Dean thrust back in.

"Jesus, Cas" Dean panted between thrusts "So… Fucking… Tight." He reiterated each word with a thrust that had Castiel's head pounding into the headboard but Castiel didn't care. All he wanted was Dean fucking him hard and fast so he would feel it for days and whenever he looked back on the time Dean proposed to him he would get a hard-on remembering the sex they had.

Apparently, Dean did care about Castiel's head because there was magically a pillow between his head and the headboard cushioning the blow against the wood but that didn't stop the sound against the wall. Castiel hoped they would get complaints because that would be hot as fuck.

"Cas," Dean panted "Look at me Sweetheart"

Castiel fought his body to open his eyes so he could obey Dean's wish and look up at him. When he did, he almost came on the spot. Dean was looking down at him with such awe on his face as if he couldn't believe Castiel was actually there with him. His hands were braced both sides of Castiel's head and their faces were inches away from each other's so they were panting into one another's mouth but his thrusts still continued to send Castiel sliding up the bed spread.

"Marry me" Dean panted. Castiel nodded unable to find the words that Dean wanted him to speak which earned a growl from Dean "Say it". Dean pounded harder than ever hitting Castiel's sweet spot over and over without any relent.

Castiel wasn't sure he was able to find words as the sensations overpowered him but finally, the words came to his mouth and he yelled them out "Fuck yes. Fuck yes. Fuck yes" he screamed.

One more hit into his prostate, and Castiel was gone. He came untouched between them and coated their torsos in semen; some even splashed onto the underside of his chin. His toes curled and his hands found their way to Dean's hair pulling his head down so Dean's face was nestled between the junction of his neck and shoulder.

The bite that Dean pressed into his skin pulled Castiel out of his bliss just in time to feel Dean come inside him. Dean collapsed completely boneless onto Castiel and rolled his hips to ride out his orgasm.

Castiel's hand ran mindlessly through Dean's hair as he came down from his high. They were both completely breathless and utterly fucked out unable to speak until sometime later.

"Dean?" Castiel asked once his breathing had grown steady. Dean just hummed in reply and Castiel continued "I actually have a ring for you too"

Dean was quick to react and pulled himself up onto his hands so he was hovering over Castiel. He gently pulled himself out which lead them both to let out a wince and Castiel could feel the cum trickle out of him. Castiel bit his lip under the gaze Dean was gracing him with.

"You serious?" Dean asked

Castiel simply nodded in reply "I had been thinking about doing it myself but didn't have any time to plan it. I also wanted to have the ring engraved but couldn't find anything appropriate but I think after what you've done, I want to get the same engraving on yours."

Dean worried his bottom lip between his teeth and looked down at Castiel while he spoke. Once Castiel had finished, he broke out into a huge grin and leant down to give Castiel a tender, lazy kiss that lacked the urgency all their previous kisses they had shared that night but still full of the love they shared.

"Sounds good to me" Dean breathed as they parted.

Castiel grinned in reply before pushing Dean's shoulder and forced the man to lie on his back so he could snuggle into his side. Castiel rested his head on Dean's chest and rubbed his hand down Dean's torso admiring the ring that was on his finger.

"I'll give it to you once I've had it engraved." Castiel said as his hand continued its movement.

After a few moments of silence as they tried to regain at least some energy, Dean wiggled out from under Castiel.

"Come on, Sweetheart. Let's get cleaned up. Maybe we can fuck in the shower if we can get it up" Dean insinuated with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Castiel just rolled his eyes and reached his hand out to take hold of Deans. He followed obediently to the shower where of course they did have sex in the shower because they both had raging libidos that were never sated after just one round of sex.

**Three Weeks Later**

"Dean?" Castiel called out once he got home. He shrugged off his jacket and placed it on the hook before he put his keys into the bowl.

"In here, Sweetheart" Dean called out from his music room.

Castiel slipped out of his shoes and made his way down the hallway to where Dean was. When he got there, he saw Dean just as he pictured; guitar in hand, pencil in his mouth and a notepad with the page covered in words in front of him.

Dean looked up as Castiel entered the room grinning as best he could around the pencil in his mouth. Once Castiel got close, Dean placed his guitar down onto the floor out of the way and removed the pencil from his mouth. Castiel took the invitation for what it was and slid into Dean's lap. Dean's hands rested on Castiel's hips as their lips met in a loving, welcome home kiss that had Castiel wanting more but he had something to do first.

"I have something for you" Castiel whispered across Dean's lips. He didn't wait for Dean to reply he just reached down and pulled the box out of his pocket. He held it between their chests with their foreheads rested against each other's as they looked down at it. Dean's hands rose up from Castiel's hips to meet Castiel's where they were shaking holding the little velvet box. He didn't know why he was nervous seeing as they were already engaged. He just hoped Dean likes the ring as much as he does.

Castiel opened the box with hesitant hands and raised his eyes not moving his head so he could gage Dean's reaction. The look he got made his face light up in joy. Castiel returned his gaze to where their hands were still holding the box and watched as Dean picked up the ring and inspected it.

"Cas" Dean breathed out "I love it" he whispered before planting another kiss to Castiel's lips. They stayed connected for a lot longer than Castiel thought they would but he wasn't about to complain.

When they finally parted, Dean placed the ring back in Castiel's hands and held out his left hand for Castiel to slide on. Castiel hurriedly obliged and they were soon wrapped up in one another again with Castiel's legs wrapped around Dean's waist where they still sat on the small wooden stool. Dean's hands ran up and down his back and Castiel couldn't help but smile into the kiss because this is exactly what he wanted; someone to love and to hold but someone who in turn needed him to do the same.

It was perfect. It was in their DNA.

_Fin_

* * *

**A/N That's all folks. First of all thank you so much to everyone who's been leaving reviews it never ceases to amaze me that people actually read what I write and apparently _like _what I've written so kudos to you for sticking with me to the end. When I first started this fic I didn't expect it to go on this long.**

**Second of all the rings that they each bought are on my profile because I tried really hard to get the link here but it didn't want to work. grr damn you ff**

**Third of all I know this is the end and all but of course this story can live on in the snapshots so if you want something written don't be afraid to ask because I'm more than willing to write something just don't ask for a wedding one because it will suck shit :L**

**Fourthly the song is 'DNA' by Thirsty Merc**

**Last but not least I will be back with another fic. I don't know when but I will. I might take a short break and actually read some of the books I have piling up that I need to read but don't worry I will be back with more. I have a couple planned out and 2 one-shots already half finished so they might be up later on who knows.**

**Thank you once again to everyone who's read this fic new or old and if you are reading this ages after I finished it don't hesitate to leave a review because I do cherish every one of them.**


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